And why the Good times? Well of course, College Football is back.
The Pac will once again be the premier conference, and my alma mater will be conference champs! :) Good times!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Most Wonderful Time of the Year
So I thought I would celebrate it by doing a little dancing. I met a friend of mine out last night and I finally made my way on to the dance floor. And you know what, I had a great time. It’s also amazing the image you exude, and how much more attractive you become when you are actually having fun and enjoying yourself. :) Good times!
And why the Good times? Well of course, College Football is back.
The Pac will once again be the premier conference, and my alma mater will be conference champs! :) Good times!
And why the Good times? Well of course, College Football is back.
The Pac will once again be the premier conference, and my alma mater will be conference champs! :) Good times!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Why "Marriage" is Important
When I was a boy I grew up with the hopes and dreams that one day I would find love and be able to recognize that love like everybody else through “Marriage.” At that time, I clearly had the image that my love would be based upon what I had known, who I had seen, and what I wanted to be. My marriage, so I thought and had hoped, would be between myself and a woman. Unfortunately G-d did not create me in the image that I thought I would be. G-d created me in a different image. An image, like you, that of himself. Is that image not good enough? Is that image not equal?
Our communities, our States, and our Country are made up of a myriad of citizen images of his/her likeness. And when those images fall in love and want to honor their relationships they do that through “Marriage.” A “Marriage” where the two who are in love invite their friends and family to share in on the joy of their commitment. It is an event where the vows are made, the blessings fulfilled, and the union recognized in front of a welcoming and loving community, State, and Country. America would be a wonderful place if that were only true for all of her citizen’s images.
The image I have is of an America where equality, fairness, and shared opportunities exist for all. Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist today. Without question tremendous progress has been made on the fairness front, but can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and believe that equality and shared opportunities do exist? Do you really believe that “Domestic Partnerships” equate to “Marriage”?
They don’t, and by the mere fact of acknowledging “Domestic Partnerships” and “Marriage” in the same sentence I may be permitting the use of such as a viable option. “Domestic Partnership” and “Marriage” are not equal. Domestic Partnerships don’t provide the same security as marriage. We all know what it means to hear two lovers say, “we’re married!” Well when gay and lesbian people are not allowed to get married, the message that our society is telling us is that our relationships aren’t as important as yours. Do you really believe that? There are family planning differences, there are health care decision making differences, and there are financial planning and distribution differences, just to name a few. Do I not have the right to have an equally loving and recognized relationship within our community as you? I believe I DO, I believe YOU BELIEVE I do, and that’s why “Marriage” is so important. And what’s important to me is that you vote NO when propositions come up in your States that would write inequality and unfair treatment into their Constitutions. For many of you, that opportunity awaits you in November.
When I moved to California in July I knew I would get involved in something, I just didn’t no what. To be honest, I never thought it would be with an organization fighting for the right to marry. Getting married was the furthest thing from my mind. But as I’ve learned through my experience in finally being real and living my life honestly, I’ve realized something. IMAGES MAY CHANGE BUT MY BEING YOUR EQUAL SHOULDN’T. Let us all work together to ensure that the boys and girls growing up today, regardless of how G-d created them, who dream of finding love and recognizing their relationship through “Marriage” truly have that right!
Our communities, our States, and our Country are made up of a myriad of citizen images of his/her likeness. And when those images fall in love and want to honor their relationships they do that through “Marriage.” A “Marriage” where the two who are in love invite their friends and family to share in on the joy of their commitment. It is an event where the vows are made, the blessings fulfilled, and the union recognized in front of a welcoming and loving community, State, and Country. America would be a wonderful place if that were only true for all of her citizen’s images.
The image I have is of an America where equality, fairness, and shared opportunities exist for all. Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist today. Without question tremendous progress has been made on the fairness front, but can you honestly look at yourself in the mirror and believe that equality and shared opportunities do exist? Do you really believe that “Domestic Partnerships” equate to “Marriage”?
They don’t, and by the mere fact of acknowledging “Domestic Partnerships” and “Marriage” in the same sentence I may be permitting the use of such as a viable option. “Domestic Partnership” and “Marriage” are not equal. Domestic Partnerships don’t provide the same security as marriage. We all know what it means to hear two lovers say, “we’re married!” Well when gay and lesbian people are not allowed to get married, the message that our society is telling us is that our relationships aren’t as important as yours. Do you really believe that? There are family planning differences, there are health care decision making differences, and there are financial planning and distribution differences, just to name a few. Do I not have the right to have an equally loving and recognized relationship within our community as you? I believe I DO, I believe YOU BELIEVE I do, and that’s why “Marriage” is so important. And what’s important to me is that you vote NO when propositions come up in your States that would write inequality and unfair treatment into their Constitutions. For many of you, that opportunity awaits you in November.
Arizona Proposition 102, known by its supporters as the Marriage Protection Amendment, is a proposed amendment to the Arizona Constitution that defines marriage as between one man and one woman. It will appear on the November 4, 2008 ballot in Arizona.
State law already prohibits same-sex marriage, and Arizona courts have upheld that ban. However, ban supporters contend it also needs to be in the Constitution in order to prevent future court rulings in favor of same-sex marriage.
California proposition 8 will appear on the November 4, 2008 ballot in California. It is variously known as the Protect Marriage Act, the Same-Sex Marriage Ban or the Limit on Marriage Amendment. If it passes, it will add a new constitutional amendment to the California Constitution that will have exactly the following text: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.
When I moved to California in July I knew I would get involved in something, I just didn’t no what. To be honest, I never thought it would be with an organization fighting for the right to marry. Getting married was the furthest thing from my mind. But as I’ve learned through my experience in finally being real and living my life honestly, I’ve realized something. IMAGES MAY CHANGE BUT MY BEING YOUR EQUAL SHOULDN’T. Let us all work together to ensure that the boys and girls growing up today, regardless of how G-d created them, who dream of finding love and recognizing their relationship through “Marriage” truly have that right!
Monday, August 25, 2008
lions, and tigers, and BEARS! OH MY!
It’s a jungle out there! And for this baby gay it can still be a very scary and intimidating place.
I was extremely optimistic as the weekend began, because I thought that I had made some serious progress over the last few weeks. I was hopeful that the progress made would translate into a different fortune. So in some respects I was extremely disappointed in myself and my continued lack of action.
Friday night I had to play it simple because I had to be up early the next morning. There was a nice crowd at the bar, I talked to a few guys, and a guy bought me a drink. (which was a first without reciprocity) Beyond that the night was ho-hum and I left early and disappointed. You see there was this one guy, who resembled one of my good friends, that I thought was cute. He was talking with one of his buddies at the bar and we made eye contact. We sustained it for a few seconds and let go. I moved towards the patio to observe from a different vantage point, his backside of course. I was formulating how I was going to make my move and what I was going to say. So as soon as I finished my beer, I made my move to the bar. No sooner than the completion of my first step, cute guy and his friend left the bar for the upstairs. ARGH! I ordered my beer and then went upstairs to look for them. I found them, only to see them talking with another two guys.
On Saturday morning I awoke early to make my way to the Sunset Junction Street Festival in Silver Lake. There is an organization out here that I learned about through a friend that I have begun to participate with in an effort to help defeat Proposition 8 here in California. (for more details please see A Mile High and Equally Distant post) This organization had a booth at Sunset Junction and I helped work it throughout the morning. And by work it I mean initiate conversation with festival goers about Prop 8, ask them for their vote in defeating it, and illicit their involvement through volunteerism. It was a great experience where I learned some new things, met some nice people, and overall had a good time. When my shift was over I walked the festival where I ran into a booth being run by the LA Dept. of Health. They were providing free hepatitis shots. So after about five minutes of deliberation and assurances by the nurses that it was safe to receive a shot at a street festival, I took the plunge and got my first hepatitis A & B vaccine shot. (so for those who have suggested this to me over the past few weeks, I do actually listen and take your advice to heart)
After having such a great time at Suede a number of weeks ago, I was really excited to check it out again and see if I truly was a changed man. On Saturday night they were having a special event where Suede was being combined with, their sister and much larger club, Factory. (they are both in the same building) Well I left a little later this time, based on my past visit, and arrived at Suede at about 10:45PM. There was a huge line and it took me a half hour to get in. (major buzz kill) The reason for the line, as I learned when I was standing in it, was that Lady Gaga was going to be performing that night. I believe her one big song, and big may be a bit generous, is Just Dance. It was a neat, cultural experience to view the spectacle of a live performance in a gay dance club. Everyone was packed together like sardines. It may be very un-gay of me to say this, but I just didn’t get all the excitement. After the long line, the packed house, and the slow service at the bars, Lady Gaga only played 3 songs. Three freaking songs! After her winded set, I almost felt like gagaing. I spoke with a few guys, I didn’t dance, and once again I went home alone.
On the way home I began to feel really sad because I began to wonder what the hell was wrong with me? I got my shot, I’ve come out, I’m getting involved, I’m going out, I’m smiling, I’m meeting new people, and yet the results are the same. I have no more excuses. ARGGGGGHHHH
But you know what, the sun still came up on Sunday. In the early afternoon I was invited by a friend of mine to go check out the Sunset Junction Street Festival. I told him that I was there the day before, to which he replied, “Sunday is the day when all the gay boys go.” So who am I to say no to that. :) We take two cars, as I need to be back for a resident get-together at my apartment complex by 7:30PM, and meet at his friend’s apartment in Silver Lake. I get there and the smell of pot permeates the apartment. As I began to shit in my pants, all I could think about was what the hell did I get myself into. (fwiw, I’ve never smoked pot but I’m sure you all could have guessed that by now) SL (friend of my friend) and SL’s friend were smoking a bit before we got there and a bit while I was there. SL was a hottie, eclectic, and a bit spirited. He made us some drinks and we drank for about 45 minutes before heading down to the festival.
All I can say is that my friend and I have two very different definitions for “gay boys.” I define “gay boys” as clean cut, pretty, trendy, and somewhere between the ages of 18-25. From my experience yesterday, it appears my friend defines “gay boys” as leather daddies, bears, and those that love them over the age of 40. lol
So we arrive and our first stop is to one of the regular retail stores that fell within the closed off portion of the street leading to the festival. No this was no regular retail store, it was a toy store for the leather daddies and bears among us. And I’m sure you could guess what type of toys they were selling in there. So after two free drinks with eyes wide open, we left and made our way to the festival area. SL was certainly the eye candy to the “gay boys” at the Sunset Junction crowd. We walked around, mingled, and checked out this private party room of dancing Bears (who knew Bears danced) As the sun was setting, I knew it was time for me to go. If Fubar was so not my type of establishment on Thursday, the Sunset Junction Street Festival was sooooooooo not my type of festival. But you know what, I’m better for it in having had the experience to learn a little bit more. And what an eye opening experience it was.
I get back to my complex a half hour late for the event, but just in time to grab some dinner that they provided for the residents. I also would like to point out that I left my “No on Prop 8” sticker on that I received at the Festival. I did that for two reasons. Obviously to promote the “No on Prop 8” campaign, but also selfishly to promote myself as a mo, or at a minimum mo leaning, to the other mos that may be living at my complex.
After about 15 minutes I ran into my new neighbor. I was dead on about his reaction when I saw him out at Fubar on Thursday. He was completely shocked to see me there. We talked for a little bit at the mixer and I’m amazed at how much we have in common. (although he is quite a bit younger he was totally indifferent to the whole age thing) Anyway, we both decided to head to Here for the night. It was great to get to know him better on the long walk to the bar. And on that walk we experienced the delight of some more intelligent a-holes. We’re halfway there and this four door Mercedes slows down by us, two guys in front yelling insults and making BJ gestures. They then quickly drove off. So for me that's twice now in the five weeks that I’ve been here. If only my odds were that good in hooking up with some cute guys.
We get to the bar and it was awesome. We had a great time, had a lot of fun, and I met some new guys. (and go figure I was wearing a t-shirt, Levi knee length plaid shorts, flip flops, and my hair was casual with no product in it.) I was under dressed compared to most of the guys there, and for me that’s a new experience. :) I also ran into a whole host of guys whom I had met the night before, met on Thursday, and I’m beginning to realize that the WeHo bar/club scene is pretty small. It is also becoming apparent that guys travel in the same cliques whenever they go out. (IE, you’ll see the same guys who went out together the night before were together again) Midway through our time at Here, Neighbor’s friend showed up with his friend so then we all talked for a bit. Then I fell in love. Well not really, but let me at least pretend. He was about 6’1”, short black hair, clear white skin, with a great smile, and had an athletic physique. (as opposed to a muscler’s physique which is so common out here) He was wearing designer jeans and a tight, but not too tight, dark t-shirt with the sleeves coming to the point where the shoulder meets the tricep. He was with four other friends, all of whom were really good looking, so they appeared to be a pretty intimidating bunch. Nonetheless, we did make eye contact a few times but I had a difficult time sustaining it. I was going to say something to him. But what do you know, the same thing that happened on Friday happened again. As I’m on my way back from the bar rounding my way to their location on the patio, they’re on their way out. There is a way for me to try and find out who he is and I’m going to work on that. We’ll see what happens.
So in the span of 24 hours in the jungle of WeHo my emotions once again went for a ride. It would be nice though for something beyond my emotions to go for a ride. Then all of the tourists that visit LA, and ride around on the buses below and those that are similar, who are on their own star studded safari will really have something to watch. Adam from Stand Straight finally getting some. Now wouldn't that be a sight to see!
GNR-"Welcome to the Jungle"
I was extremely optimistic as the weekend began, because I thought that I had made some serious progress over the last few weeks. I was hopeful that the progress made would translate into a different fortune. So in some respects I was extremely disappointed in myself and my continued lack of action.
Friday night I had to play it simple because I had to be up early the next morning. There was a nice crowd at the bar, I talked to a few guys, and a guy bought me a drink. (which was a first without reciprocity) Beyond that the night was ho-hum and I left early and disappointed. You see there was this one guy, who resembled one of my good friends, that I thought was cute. He was talking with one of his buddies at the bar and we made eye contact. We sustained it for a few seconds and let go. I moved towards the patio to observe from a different vantage point, his backside of course. I was formulating how I was going to make my move and what I was going to say. So as soon as I finished my beer, I made my move to the bar. No sooner than the completion of my first step, cute guy and his friend left the bar for the upstairs. ARGH! I ordered my beer and then went upstairs to look for them. I found them, only to see them talking with another two guys.
On Saturday morning I awoke early to make my way to the Sunset Junction Street Festival in Silver Lake. There is an organization out here that I learned about through a friend that I have begun to participate with in an effort to help defeat Proposition 8 here in California. (for more details please see A Mile High and Equally Distant post) This organization had a booth at Sunset Junction and I helped work it throughout the morning. And by work it I mean initiate conversation with festival goers about Prop 8, ask them for their vote in defeating it, and illicit their involvement through volunteerism. It was a great experience where I learned some new things, met some nice people, and overall had a good time. When my shift was over I walked the festival where I ran into a booth being run by the LA Dept. of Health. They were providing free hepatitis shots. So after about five minutes of deliberation and assurances by the nurses that it was safe to receive a shot at a street festival, I took the plunge and got my first hepatitis A & B vaccine shot. (so for those who have suggested this to me over the past few weeks, I do actually listen and take your advice to heart)
After having such a great time at Suede a number of weeks ago, I was really excited to check it out again and see if I truly was a changed man. On Saturday night they were having a special event where Suede was being combined with, their sister and much larger club, Factory. (they are both in the same building) Well I left a little later this time, based on my past visit, and arrived at Suede at about 10:45PM. There was a huge line and it took me a half hour to get in. (major buzz kill) The reason for the line, as I learned when I was standing in it, was that Lady Gaga was going to be performing that night. I believe her one big song, and big may be a bit generous, is Just Dance. It was a neat, cultural experience to view the spectacle of a live performance in a gay dance club. Everyone was packed together like sardines. It may be very un-gay of me to say this, but I just didn’t get all the excitement. After the long line, the packed house, and the slow service at the bars, Lady Gaga only played 3 songs. Three freaking songs! After her winded set, I almost felt like gagaing. I spoke with a few guys, I didn’t dance, and once again I went home alone.
On the way home I began to feel really sad because I began to wonder what the hell was wrong with me? I got my shot, I’ve come out, I’m getting involved, I’m going out, I’m smiling, I’m meeting new people, and yet the results are the same. I have no more excuses. ARGGGGGHHHH
But you know what, the sun still came up on Sunday. In the early afternoon I was invited by a friend of mine to go check out the Sunset Junction Street Festival. I told him that I was there the day before, to which he replied, “Sunday is the day when all the gay boys go.” So who am I to say no to that. :) We take two cars, as I need to be back for a resident get-together at my apartment complex by 7:30PM, and meet at his friend’s apartment in Silver Lake. I get there and the smell of pot permeates the apartment. As I began to shit in my pants, all I could think about was what the hell did I get myself into. (fwiw, I’ve never smoked pot but I’m sure you all could have guessed that by now) SL (friend of my friend) and SL’s friend were smoking a bit before we got there and a bit while I was there. SL was a hottie, eclectic, and a bit spirited. He made us some drinks and we drank for about 45 minutes before heading down to the festival.
All I can say is that my friend and I have two very different definitions for “gay boys.” I define “gay boys” as clean cut, pretty, trendy, and somewhere between the ages of 18-25. From my experience yesterday, it appears my friend defines “gay boys” as leather daddies, bears, and those that love them over the age of 40. lol
So we arrive and our first stop is to one of the regular retail stores that fell within the closed off portion of the street leading to the festival. No this was no regular retail store, it was a toy store for the leather daddies and bears among us. And I’m sure you could guess what type of toys they were selling in there. So after two free drinks with eyes wide open, we left and made our way to the festival area. SL was certainly the eye candy to the “gay boys” at the Sunset Junction crowd. We walked around, mingled, and checked out this private party room of dancing Bears (who knew Bears danced) As the sun was setting, I knew it was time for me to go. If Fubar was so not my type of establishment on Thursday, the Sunset Junction Street Festival was sooooooooo not my type of festival. But you know what, I’m better for it in having had the experience to learn a little bit more. And what an eye opening experience it was.
I get back to my complex a half hour late for the event, but just in time to grab some dinner that they provided for the residents. I also would like to point out that I left my “No on Prop 8” sticker on that I received at the Festival. I did that for two reasons. Obviously to promote the “No on Prop 8” campaign, but also selfishly to promote myself as a mo, or at a minimum mo leaning, to the other mos that may be living at my complex.
After about 15 minutes I ran into my new neighbor. I was dead on about his reaction when I saw him out at Fubar on Thursday. He was completely shocked to see me there. We talked for a little bit at the mixer and I’m amazed at how much we have in common. (although he is quite a bit younger he was totally indifferent to the whole age thing) Anyway, we both decided to head to Here for the night. It was great to get to know him better on the long walk to the bar. And on that walk we experienced the delight of some more intelligent a-holes. We’re halfway there and this four door Mercedes slows down by us, two guys in front yelling insults and making BJ gestures. They then quickly drove off. So for me that's twice now in the five weeks that I’ve been here. If only my odds were that good in hooking up with some cute guys.
We get to the bar and it was awesome. We had a great time, had a lot of fun, and I met some new guys. (and go figure I was wearing a t-shirt, Levi knee length plaid shorts, flip flops, and my hair was casual with no product in it.) I was under dressed compared to most of the guys there, and for me that’s a new experience. :) I also ran into a whole host of guys whom I had met the night before, met on Thursday, and I’m beginning to realize that the WeHo bar/club scene is pretty small. It is also becoming apparent that guys travel in the same cliques whenever they go out. (IE, you’ll see the same guys who went out together the night before were together again) Midway through our time at Here, Neighbor’s friend showed up with his friend so then we all talked for a bit. Then I fell in love. Well not really, but let me at least pretend. He was about 6’1”, short black hair, clear white skin, with a great smile, and had an athletic physique. (as opposed to a muscler’s physique which is so common out here) He was wearing designer jeans and a tight, but not too tight, dark t-shirt with the sleeves coming to the point where the shoulder meets the tricep. He was with four other friends, all of whom were really good looking, so they appeared to be a pretty intimidating bunch. Nonetheless, we did make eye contact a few times but I had a difficult time sustaining it. I was going to say something to him. But what do you know, the same thing that happened on Friday happened again. As I’m on my way back from the bar rounding my way to their location on the patio, they’re on their way out. There is a way for me to try and find out who he is and I’m going to work on that. We’ll see what happens.
So in the span of 24 hours in the jungle of WeHo my emotions once again went for a ride. It would be nice though for something beyond my emotions to go for a ride. Then all of the tourists that visit LA, and ride around on the buses below and those that are similar, who are on their own star studded safari will really have something to watch. Adam from Stand Straight finally getting some. Now wouldn't that be a sight to see!
GNR-"Welcome to the Jungle"
Friday, August 22, 2008
It's Nice to be Back
So on Wednesday night I was invited by a new friend to a Comedy show that his friend directed and performed in. We first met for dinner at a cool place in my neighborhood called the boulevard lounge. It was really nice to be able to talk with him and discuss how my last few weeks had gone. Coming out and all. I also brought up with him the column from THEADVOCATE that I wrote about in my last post. It was pretty interesting to get his take on it since he has been pretty active and out since he was in his teens. After dinner we were off to the show.
The show was actually pretty cool and funny. Did I also mention that it was free, had free food and free drinks. More importantly the show was an ensemble Comedy show and it had a two night run. The show was comprised of 13 different scenes, performed by a total of 26 different actors. Each scene was performed by 2 or 3 actors. As I learned later at the post party, the actors contribute to the production, ie pay for it, and then invite their “Industry” guests to the performance in the hopes of being discovered, offered jobs, or even to obtain representation. I thought it was awesome to hear that, and it was just another example of learning from others of the importance to continually invest in yourself and to follow your dreams.
Last night I met up with a guy, who I had met at the pool party I attended before I went home to Phoenix, out for drinks. It was the first time that I had gone out and met up with a guy for drinks in which I didn’t start the night out alone. :-) Unfortunately for him the night started off a bit rocky. At the first bar we met at, a place called Mark’s, a waiter knocked into him spilling a red cocktail on his white button down shirt. If that wasn’t bad enough, when we sat down and began to chat, he knocked his drink over. (boy it feels good not to be the one who is nervous...haha) Mark's was empty so we only stayed for one drink.
After the first drink we made our way down the west end of Santa Monica Blvd. where we found it to be pretty quiet. So we hoofed it back to the east side of Santa Monica Blvd. where we spent the rest of the night. After 5 weeks in WeHo, I can say with conviction that on Thursday nights, there are only two places that go off in WeHo. They are O Bar and Fubar. And last night we hit both of them.
O Bar had a great crowd. My ass was grabbed a few times and a guy thought I resembled a Kennedy and kept calling me Kennedy. (why I have no idea) The cool thing about going to a bar with a wingman, especially a very open and flirty one is this; I told him that I thought this guy was cute. So as I’m talking with another guy at the bar, out of the corner of my eye I see him go up to the cute guy. (cute guy was talking with his friends) So when my friend rejoined us at the bar I had to ask him what he was talking about with cute guy. He said he went up to cute guy and said, “my cute friend over there thinks your cute.” :) Unfortunately it was not meant to be as cute guy did not share my friends sentiment. :( As the crowd at O Bar lightened up we then went to check out Fubar.
Fubar was also packed, but it was so not my type of establishment. The only thing that happened at Fubar was that I ran into the guy who just moved into the apartment next door. I first met him and his parents before I left for Phoenix. (When we first met I thought we shared something) He moved in while I was away. When I returned on Sunday, I checked in with him to make sure that his move went okay and to ask him if there was anything that I could help him with. I also invited him to dinner sometime so we can better get to know each other. (as neighbors) So to see him out at a bar was a hoot. Suffice it to say I don’t believe he thought I was gay. If you could have seen the look on his face and his laughter that ensued when we ran into each other at Fubar.......way too funny.
The show was actually pretty cool and funny. Did I also mention that it was free, had free food and free drinks. More importantly the show was an ensemble Comedy show and it had a two night run. The show was comprised of 13 different scenes, performed by a total of 26 different actors. Each scene was performed by 2 or 3 actors. As I learned later at the post party, the actors contribute to the production, ie pay for it, and then invite their “Industry” guests to the performance in the hopes of being discovered, offered jobs, or even to obtain representation. I thought it was awesome to hear that, and it was just another example of learning from others of the importance to continually invest in yourself and to follow your dreams.
Last night I met up with a guy, who I had met at the pool party I attended before I went home to Phoenix, out for drinks. It was the first time that I had gone out and met up with a guy for drinks in which I didn’t start the night out alone. :-) Unfortunately for him the night started off a bit rocky. At the first bar we met at, a place called Mark’s, a waiter knocked into him spilling a red cocktail on his white button down shirt. If that wasn’t bad enough, when we sat down and began to chat, he knocked his drink over. (boy it feels good not to be the one who is nervous...haha) Mark's was empty so we only stayed for one drink.
After the first drink we made our way down the west end of Santa Monica Blvd. where we found it to be pretty quiet. So we hoofed it back to the east side of Santa Monica Blvd. where we spent the rest of the night. After 5 weeks in WeHo, I can say with conviction that on Thursday nights, there are only two places that go off in WeHo. They are O Bar and Fubar. And last night we hit both of them.
O Bar had a great crowd. My ass was grabbed a few times and a guy thought I resembled a Kennedy and kept calling me Kennedy. (why I have no idea) The cool thing about going to a bar with a wingman, especially a very open and flirty one is this; I told him that I thought this guy was cute. So as I’m talking with another guy at the bar, out of the corner of my eye I see him go up to the cute guy. (cute guy was talking with his friends) So when my friend rejoined us at the bar I had to ask him what he was talking about with cute guy. He said he went up to cute guy and said, “my cute friend over there thinks your cute.” :) Unfortunately it was not meant to be as cute guy did not share my friends sentiment. :( As the crowd at O Bar lightened up we then went to check out Fubar.
Fubar was also packed, but it was so not my type of establishment. The only thing that happened at Fubar was that I ran into the guy who just moved into the apartment next door. I first met him and his parents before I left for Phoenix. (When we first met I thought we shared something) He moved in while I was away. When I returned on Sunday, I checked in with him to make sure that his move went okay and to ask him if there was anything that I could help him with. I also invited him to dinner sometime so we can better get to know each other. (as neighbors) So to see him out at a bar was a hoot. Suffice it to say I don’t believe he thought I was gay. If you could have seen the look on his face and his laughter that ensued when we ran into each other at Fubar.......way too funny.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
With or Without Plastic?
So I return to my apartment and one of the first things I did was went through my two weeks worth of mail. And what did I find? My first THEADVOCATE magazine was delivered! It came in a plastic covering so Mr./Mrs. Mailperson may not have known it was THEADVOCATE. (for reference please see Comings-and-Goings post) Anyway, of all of the magazines that I had waiting for me to peruse, THEADVOCATE was numero uno.
The issue that arrived was the one with Matthew Mitcham on the cover.
I know, not another one of those Olympic posts, and you’re right. The column that fascinated me was Get Out of the Rabbit Hole-As the Internet continues to suck us into a virtual reality, gay culture in the real world is slipping away by Christopher Rice. (Coastal Disturbances column) My initial reaction was great, I’m a day late and a dollar short in moving to West Hollywood. For those who don’t subscribe to THEADVOCATE, in Christopher’s first paragraph he asks,
He initially cites the demise of the gay bookstore, like those of other bookstores, to the rise of book shopping online. The difference being that the gay bookstore has been more of an integral part of the gay community than community bookstores have been to their community as a whole. He says,
So that parallel, cause/effect of the technology, then transcends into,
So what is a newly out, in a new community guy to do? I’m conflicted. For the most part I agree in theory with Christopher. However, I don’t know if he is correct in practice because I have never experienced the gay dating sites. In my old life, I never got too involved in the online dating/personal sites. I always preferred speed dating events. I did have experience with eHarmony and JDate and both those, well.........................On the social networking side of things, I never got involved or set up profiles on MySpace, Facebook, or whatever other sites may have come before them. Part of me thought that I was too old for them and the other part of me thought that it would be such a waste of time because I wouldn’t be able to trust what a profile contained. You see I’m a here and now type of guy. Having had a successful sales career, I have always preferred to meet people in person. Do business face to face. Take that extra flight or drive that extra mile because an email or phone call were just not good enough. Deep down, I am a people person and I want to get involved and participate in things where I believe I can meet other people in the flesh. I would prefer not to meet someone through a picture of their smooth, toned, and tanned chest no matter how exciting my little one got. That, and I’m an honest guy. I do what I say and say what I do. Honesty and integrity are two traits that are at the core of who I am. (yeah yeah I know, I wasn’t honest about who I was for all of those years. I get it. I was with every other part of my life and now that I’m out, I’m completely honest!) So it would seem that I don’t fit with the sites in how Christopher describes them. And that’s the dilemma. Over the last few days I was thinking about joining some gay dating/social networking sites. Now I’m not so sure. In your opinion and from your own experiences, does Christopher accurately describe what it is like on the gay dating/social networking sites or is he just grumpy from his own experiences?
More broadly speaking Christopher then adds,
I can relate to what Christopher cites as the positive aspects, as the internet was invaluable in helping me change my life. If it weren’t for the internet, I would not have had the opportunity to learn from so many others that it was okay for me to be what I am. If it weren’t for the internet, I don’t know if I ever would have reached out to a community that I thought I never really fit into. If it weren’t for the internet, I would not be posting this post tonight. So for me, the internet inspired me to action. But I’ve also begun to wonder about this rabbit hole. I look back on my first 4 weeks in WeHo at some of the events and functions I’ve been to and wonder how few certain generations of people were at these events. So beyond the bars, the clubs, and the computer, where are these generations spending their time? I surely hope not in isolation in their rabbit hole because I for one would like the opportunity to meet them.
Overall, I thought Christopher Rice’s column was very thought provoking. I would definitely recommend that you check out the column at advocate.com. I certainly have a lot to learn about the community, and after reading Christopher’s column I surely hope that it is not too late to learn from real life, gay people in the flesh.
........and of course I did get in touch with THEADVOCATE and OUT and made sure that they save the plastic trees. I want my magazines delivered in their own flesh, naked for all the world to see!
The issue that arrived was the one with Matthew Mitcham on the cover.
I know, not another one of those Olympic posts, and you’re right. The column that fascinated me was Get Out of the Rabbit Hole-As the Internet continues to suck us into a virtual reality, gay culture in the real world is slipping away by Christopher Rice. (Coastal Disturbances column) My initial reaction was great, I’m a day late and a dollar short in moving to West Hollywood. For those who don’t subscribe to THEADVOCATE, in Christopher’s first paragraph he asks, ”AM I THE ONLY GAY MAN on the planet who doesn’t believe the Internet will provide a solution to all the problems in the LGBT community?”
He initially cites the demise of the gay bookstore, like those of other bookstores, to the rise of book shopping online. The difference being that the gay bookstore has been more of an integral part of the gay community than community bookstores have been to their community as a whole. He says,
“Gay bookstores are not just retailers. They are the secular temples for a community that is understandably averse to organized religion. They are places where knowledge and spiritual experience are exchanged in an environment that isn’t driven primarily by the pursuit of sex. “
So that parallel, cause/effect of the technology, then transcends into,
”Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with the technology. (I have over 400 Facebook friends, only 20 of whom I have actually dined with.) But I have a problem with the incredibly limited way in which most people use the resources they find online. While notorious hookup sites for gay men are often associated with drug-fueled, unsafe sex, the sad reality is that most of their members aren’t interested in meeting anyone at all. (Yes, I was once a member of one. My tenure was brief and unsuccessful.) Sure, users of these sites devote hours to taking strategically lit self-portraits, which range from suggestive to the explicit. But the majority of member profiles contain denunciations of flakes and time-wasters, suggesting the presence of a large group of men who are all talk and no play. Need proof? Take a look at the amount of time most of these men spend online. They never log off long enough to have sex with anyone. The real thrill for these men is engaging in a form of detached exhibitionism while carrying on prolonged Internet chats with people they’ll never meet, men they turn into a fantasy based solely on the superficial attributes each person has listed (and often lied about) in his profile.”
So what is a newly out, in a new community guy to do? I’m conflicted. For the most part I agree in theory with Christopher. However, I don’t know if he is correct in practice because I have never experienced the gay dating sites. In my old life, I never got too involved in the online dating/personal sites. I always preferred speed dating events. I did have experience with eHarmony and JDate and both those, well.........................On the social networking side of things, I never got involved or set up profiles on MySpace, Facebook, or whatever other sites may have come before them. Part of me thought that I was too old for them and the other part of me thought that it would be such a waste of time because I wouldn’t be able to trust what a profile contained. You see I’m a here and now type of guy. Having had a successful sales career, I have always preferred to meet people in person. Do business face to face. Take that extra flight or drive that extra mile because an email or phone call were just not good enough. Deep down, I am a people person and I want to get involved and participate in things where I believe I can meet other people in the flesh. I would prefer not to meet someone through a picture of their smooth, toned, and tanned chest no matter how exciting my little one got. That, and I’m an honest guy. I do what I say and say what I do. Honesty and integrity are two traits that are at the core of who I am. (yeah yeah I know, I wasn’t honest about who I was for all of those years. I get it. I was with every other part of my life and now that I’m out, I’m completely honest!) So it would seem that I don’t fit with the sites in how Christopher describes them. And that’s the dilemma. Over the last few days I was thinking about joining some gay dating/social networking sites. Now I’m not so sure. In your opinion and from your own experiences, does Christopher accurately describe what it is like on the gay dating/social networking sites or is he just grumpy from his own experiences?
More broadly speaking Christopher then adds,
“Gay people are first adopters, a demographic that is usually the first to consume and spread new technologies. As such, we’ve tended to overvalue the positive aspects of online communities. These are wonderful things when they inspire people to go out into the real world and do actual things--such as come out of the closet or campaign for a favorite candidate. But for the most part, the Internet is taking users down a rabbit hole where their behaviors are defined by a noxious blend of arrogance and self-deception bred by isolation.”
I can relate to what Christopher cites as the positive aspects, as the internet was invaluable in helping me change my life. If it weren’t for the internet, I would not have had the opportunity to learn from so many others that it was okay for me to be what I am. If it weren’t for the internet, I don’t know if I ever would have reached out to a community that I thought I never really fit into. If it weren’t for the internet, I would not be posting this post tonight. So for me, the internet inspired me to action. But I’ve also begun to wonder about this rabbit hole. I look back on my first 4 weeks in WeHo at some of the events and functions I’ve been to and wonder how few certain generations of people were at these events. So beyond the bars, the clubs, and the computer, where are these generations spending their time? I surely hope not in isolation in their rabbit hole because I for one would like the opportunity to meet them.
Overall, I thought Christopher Rice’s column was very thought provoking. I would definitely recommend that you check out the column at advocate.com. I certainly have a lot to learn about the community, and after reading Christopher’s column I surely hope that it is not too late to learn from real life, gay people in the flesh.
........and of course I did get in touch with THEADVOCATE and OUT and made sure that they save the plastic trees. I want my magazines delivered in their own flesh, naked for all the world to see!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
THANKS!
I’m not sure how many of you actually play and enjoy the music when I've added it to a post, but for this post I ask that you please do and listen loud. (and for those who are new and don't understand why I sometimes include a music video please see my Loose Ends post)
This Song is for Me
This Song is for You
This Song is for US
These past two weeks have been incredible. To characterize them as transformative would be a gross understatement. As I head back to WeHo today I have a feeling inside that I’ve never had before in my life. (and no I’m not sitting on another guy as I drive) The love and acceptance expressed by those closest to me in my life, for the real and honest me, is an unbelievable feeling. I know many of you already enjoy this feeling, and I hope that for those whose journey is about to unfold, you too will be able to share this experience. An experience of a loving family and endearing friends who accept us, respect us, and love us for who G-d created each of us to be. Since I only recently accepted myself and am new to the community, I know I don't have much experience about what it means to live real, nor have I earned the right or respect to educate others through my blog, but I do appreciate you allowing me the time to share my story.
So I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for reading Stand Straight and learning a little bit about my life experience. And to those who took the time to comment here on the blog and send direct emails, I’m extremely grateful. I am not one to ask for help, so all of the advice, encouragement, and support that you’ve expressed was definitely read and taken to heart. I’ve learned a great deal through this experience, not only here at Stand Straight but at so many other blogs and through so many of their reader’s comments, that I truly believe I’m a much better person for having learned from so many others.
So Thanks and (()):**,
Adam
And btw, I guess one could argue that the last 52 posts would conclude the Standing Straight portion of my blog. Truly Stepping Forward is about to begin......................
This Song is for Me
This Song is for You
This Song is for US
These past two weeks have been incredible. To characterize them as transformative would be a gross understatement. As I head back to WeHo today I have a feeling inside that I’ve never had before in my life. (and no I’m not sitting on another guy as I drive) The love and acceptance expressed by those closest to me in my life, for the real and honest me, is an unbelievable feeling. I know many of you already enjoy this feeling, and I hope that for those whose journey is about to unfold, you too will be able to share this experience. An experience of a loving family and endearing friends who accept us, respect us, and love us for who G-d created each of us to be. Since I only recently accepted myself and am new to the community, I know I don't have much experience about what it means to live real, nor have I earned the right or respect to educate others through my blog, but I do appreciate you allowing me the time to share my story.
So I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for reading Stand Straight and learning a little bit about my life experience. And to those who took the time to comment here on the blog and send direct emails, I’m extremely grateful. I am not one to ask for help, so all of the advice, encouragement, and support that you’ve expressed was definitely read and taken to heart. I’ve learned a great deal through this experience, not only here at Stand Straight but at so many other blogs and through so many of their reader’s comments, that I truly believe I’m a much better person for having learned from so many others.
So Thanks and (()):**,
Adam
And btw, I guess one could argue that the last 52 posts would conclude the Standing Straight portion of my blog. Truly Stepping Forward is about to begin......................
Friday, August 15, 2008
Why Stop Now
So on Tuesday evening at 7:00pm I called Runner, from A Mile High & Equally Distant post, to see if he was home. He was, so I told him that there was something that I wanted to talk to him about so I would be over in about 20 minutes.
I arrived around 7:30pm and Runner, Runner’s Wife (who is the real runner in the family and who got Runner and I started running many, many years ago), and Baby Runner (who is an adorable soon to be 2 year old with an infectious smile) were all home. I walk in the door and I had a big smile on my face. The first few minutes were spent with the greetings and some playful time with Baby Runner. As I played with Baby Runner, Runner’s Wife tried to instill in Baby Runner that Uncle Adam was here. (from what I could remember, she has done that each time I’ve been with Baby Runner) Although I haven’t seen Baby Runner that often, I have seen him enough over the last few months where I do believe he does recognize who I am. (or at least I am going to humor myself and think that he does) So we were standing up by the kitchen island and I ask that we go sit down in their living room. Runner’s Wife stayed in the kitchen, so when Runner and I sat down I began:
We then talked for about an hour and it was a very healthy and therapeutic conversation. A lot of what I said was what I have told the others that I have come out to so I won’t repeat it all here. But I did emphasize to them:
Ultimately, both Runner and Runner’s wife were happy for me and made a point to say that they were happy that I was happy.
Now with all of that being said I had to ask him about the question he asked me on Friday. “Is there anything else you want to tell us?” From what I was told, and I believe him, he did not ask it thinking that I was gay. He asked it relative to whether I had found a job or anything else that may have been going on in my externally apparent, leisurely life. (which in many respects I believe has been anything but leisurely) Like everyone else they were surprised that I was gay.
As I was leaving, Runner’s Wife made sure Baby Runner blew kisses to Uncle Adam and said his goodbye. He did it twice and I believe that said a lot.
So as the sun fell in Phoenix on Tuesday, I left the Runners a very happy and grateful man.
So as the sun fell in Phoenix on Thursday, the ominous clouds of an Arizona monsoon storm rolled in. The wind, the dust, the lightening, the rain, what was the night to bring? The active environment actually made me a bit nervous. I called Scottsdale at 6:30pm to see if he would be home around 8:00pm because there was something I wanted to talk to him about. He would be, and things were set. Out of all of my friends, Scottsdale is one of the three or four that I was most unsure of in how he would take my coming out. Anyway, I get to his condo, we say our greetings, and once again I ask that we sit down. I immediately jump in and said;
Like my other seven coming out experiences, this was no different. Scottsdale was understanding, happy, and most of all sincere. We spoke for about an hour where I discussed most of the things that I have written about before on the “gay” topic. The only other two topics that I can recall that I added were:
We also spoke about me living out in West Hollywood, why I am living out there and the opportunity that it has provided to me, along with some other “non-gay,” everyday topics of mutual interest.
I guess all you really need is a few good friends. So far so good, and I believe time will confirm that.
The Format-"The First Single"
I arrived around 7:30pm and Runner, Runner’s Wife (who is the real runner in the family and who got Runner and I started running many, many years ago), and Baby Runner (who is an adorable soon to be 2 year old with an infectious smile) were all home. I walk in the door and I had a big smile on my face. The first few minutes were spent with the greetings and some playful time with Baby Runner. As I played with Baby Runner, Runner’s Wife tried to instill in Baby Runner that Uncle Adam was here. (from what I could remember, she has done that each time I’ve been with Baby Runner) Although I haven’t seen Baby Runner that often, I have seen him enough over the last few months where I do believe he does recognize who I am. (or at least I am going to humor myself and think that he does) So we were standing up by the kitchen island and I ask that we go sit down in their living room. Runner’s Wife stayed in the kitchen, so when Runner and I sat down I began:
"Remember on Friday at the bar we were talking about the underwear run that I had just ran in LA and you asked, Is there anything else you want to tell us? Well as a matter fact there is. I am gay. In addition, I got an apartment in West Hollywood and I have been living there since early July.”
We then talked for about an hour and it was a very healthy and therapeutic conversation. A lot of what I said was what I have told the others that I have come out to so I won’t repeat it all here. But I did emphasize to them:
that I have never been happier or more proud of myself as I have been over the last few weeks.
I have recently accepted myself, as it is not a choice, and I have not been living a secret or hidden gay life all of these years. I have been gay but I only started to live and be real this past spring.
this past weekend was extremely difficult for me as I finally saw for the first time that because my attraction is different than most and certainly all of you guys, I may not have all of the same opportunities as you. Hence you might have noticed that I withdrew a little bit periodically throughout the weekend.
being gay is just a part of me just as being right handed is.
I’m still the same person that I’ve always been and now you know the complete and honest me.
I believe I have the right to the same love, affection, companionship, and relationships that you guys have. So in accepting who G-d created me to be, I am going to finally obey his wish and try and achieve what each of us as have the right to.
Ultimately, both Runner and Runner’s wife were happy for me and made a point to say that they were happy that I was happy.
Now with all of that being said I had to ask him about the question he asked me on Friday. “Is there anything else you want to tell us?” From what I was told, and I believe him, he did not ask it thinking that I was gay. He asked it relative to whether I had found a job or anything else that may have been going on in my externally apparent, leisurely life. (which in many respects I believe has been anything but leisurely) Like everyone else they were surprised that I was gay.
So here you have another case where we, forget we, I have seen/believed/imagined what I wanted to see/believe/imagine where others have seen/believed/imagined something totally different.
As I was leaving, Runner’s Wife made sure Baby Runner blew kisses to Uncle Adam and said his goodbye. He did it twice and I believe that said a lot.
So as the sun fell in Phoenix on Tuesday, I left the Runners a very happy and grateful man.
So as the sun fell in Phoenix on Thursday, the ominous clouds of an Arizona monsoon storm rolled in. The wind, the dust, the lightening, the rain, what was the night to bring? The active environment actually made me a bit nervous. I called Scottsdale at 6:30pm to see if he would be home around 8:00pm because there was something I wanted to talk to him about. He would be, and things were set. Out of all of my friends, Scottsdale is one of the three or four that I was most unsure of in how he would take my coming out. Anyway, I get to his condo, we say our greetings, and once again I ask that we sit down. I immediately jump in and said;
"The reason that I wanted to stop by tonight was because there was something that I wanted to talk to you about. I am gay."
Like my other seven coming out experiences, this was no different. Scottsdale was understanding, happy, and most of all sincere. We spoke for about an hour where I discussed most of the things that I have written about before on the “gay” topic. The only other two topics that I can recall that I added were:
I didn't like the person that I had become and I know my relationships with my closest friends and family have suffered for it. I want to change that and I hope with my honesty, and in sharing this part of my life with you and the others, our relationships will become deeper and more meaningful.
That when I tell the rest of our core group of friends, (in September when I return to Phoenix) other fraternity brothers from college, a giggle or laugh may take place. I told him that there may be some initial humor or chuckle by the surprise and I for one could certainly laugh at myself and understand it. But after that, my being gay is not going to be a laughing matter nor will I accept the use of jokes or derogatory statements about my sexuality in the future. I told him that our friends will either grow, learn, and accept or unfortunately they will no longer be friends of mine.
We also spoke about me living out in West Hollywood, why I am living out there and the opportunity that it has provided to me, along with some other “non-gay,” everyday topics of mutual interest.
I guess all you really need is a few good friends. So far so good, and I believe time will confirm that.
The Format-"The First Single"
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
A Welcome Relief
A few days before the race
Arriving at the race
The beginning of the race
During the race
the END of the race
and of course after the race!
and tv/movie star how do you feel about this post?
Thanks, I thought you'd like it!
And if I have done something wrong by illegally posting material or photos on my little blog that I had no right to post, and you are the rightful owner of these photos and would like me to remove them, I will gladly do so with a proper email of such. Thanks.
Arriving at the race
The beginning of the race
During the race
the END of the race
and of course after the race!
and tv/movie star how do you feel about this post?
Thanks, I thought you'd like it!
And if I have done something wrong by illegally posting material or photos on my little blog that I had no right to post, and you are the rightful owner of these photos and would like me to remove them, I will gladly do so with a proper email of such. Thanks.
Monday, August 11, 2008
A Mile High & Equally Distant
I am gay and am now part of another “minority” group. (I don’t say that lightly because “minority” is more than just a label here, there are qualitative and quantitative opportunity differences for someone who is gay in America in the year 2008. But to be totally honest, I don't pretend to know all of those differences as I write this.) This weekend being gay in a straight America finally sunk in for me and hit me right where it hurts. As I had just come out to my family earlier in the week, I would classify this weekend as my first, personally speaking, “out” weekend. As such, it was some weekend to finally be real.
I arrived in Denver around 1:00pm. First stop was to go pick up my tux, then stop for lunch, and finally hit the road for a two hour drive up to Beaver Creek. (in Avon, CO) I arrived at our lodge
at 4:30pm which gave me about 45 minutes to say my hellos, have two beers, and unwind a bit. Initially I felt at ease, happy, and excited to be up in the Rockies for my good friend’s wedding. Although none of my fraternity brothers that were in attendance knew the real me, I was glad to see them all and was looking forward to spending a good 38 hours with them. As it turned out, those 38 hours were some of the most challenging and reflective hours that I have had in some time.
Rehearsal dinner was held at Vail Village. (in Vail, CO)
We rehearsed for about 20 minutes on this grassy knoll down by the creek and then had drinks and dinner at one of the restaurants in the Village. It was at the end of rehearsal dinner where I began to really mentally struggle. I was up at the bar when the bride and groom got everyone’s attention. They embraced and said their thanks to their family and friends for coming to join and celebrate with them on their special occasion. My eyes began to well so I had to step aside and compose myself. I am embarrassed to say this, but I believe that the feeling that I experienced at the rehearsal dinner was the first time that I truly felt what it meant to be gay and different from my friends of all these years.
At the conclusion of dinner, we drove back to Avon where a number of additional guests and family members were waiting for the bride and groom at a bar. Those guests included a number of close friends of mine from Phoenix. We were all just talking, having some beers, an occasional shot, and having a good time. Because one of my friends is a runner, I told him, and hence all, about my recent underwear race in LA. I told him my time, which was awesome, and the context of how the race was run. Runner then said, “Is there something else you want to tell us?” My other friend from DC then said something to the effect of, “it doesn’t matter/whatever.” At that point I just wanted to say it but I couldn’t. It would have been completely inappropriate. So I just bottled it up and began to withdraw myself as the evening progressed. Not only did I have to mentally deal with my friends, but my bridesmaid partner, the girl who I walk down the aisle with, wanted me bad. She came up to me a number of times at the bar and wanted me to join her and the other girls. Midway through our time at the bar she came up and whispered in my ear, “you’re so hot!” I started to chuckle and just brushed it off as if I here it everyday. lol Finally, she came over one last time and I just told her that I wasn’t interested. By that time I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I couldn’t deal with it anymore and there was no amount of alcohol that would have made a difference. Tuesday I STEPPED FORWARD, only to have stepped back by Friday. Friday night turned out to be a very difficult night and I did not anticipate that I would feel as crappy and distant as I did.
We all, the groom and groomsmen, woke up around 11:00am on Saturday and went to Beaver Creek Market Square and Village for lunch. At 4:15pm we took the shuttle up to the Spruce Saddle Lodge for pictures and the wedding. (funny side note, on the wedding agenda that they gave us it says, “Altitude reminder, we’re at 10,400 feet. Drink plenty of water, avoid excessive tobacco or alcohol consumption, and get plenty of rest.” Yet they had an open bar. So I guess that’s a way to save money.) Pictures lasted about 15 minutes so we had quite some time to get our drink on before we had to go to work. (I did pick up a new nickname during the wedding party picture session from my friend from Charlotte, GQ......further image development for those of you reading Stand Straight. hmm maybe I should wear a tux to the bars out in WEHO)
The wedding started and it was a wonderful ceremony. To see two people who are in love, and appear made for each other is a beautiful thing. As happy as I was for the bride and groom on their special day and at that specific moment, all I could think about was myself and the future that lay ahead for me as a gay man. To be standing up front during the ceremony watching the bride and groom, watching the invited guests, watching the priest, and listening to everything that was said gives one a unique perspective on which to view what a “marriage” ceremony is all about. It was during the ceremony where for the first time, I REPEAT THE FIRST TIME, in my life I felt like a second class citizen in my own country. I realized that the opportunity that my friends were enjoying, the commitment to each other that they were making, and the societal rights and benefits that they achieve together from that opportunity are not equally available to all of America’s citizens. As a gay man, whether I would ever choose to get married is irrelevant to the fact that the opportunity for me to do so is not universally there, and in the states that do allow it the fight continues. (Information provided by Ballotpedia.org)
When you begin to question whether the opportunities are there and if the rights are different, one has to wonder whether acceptance of someone who is gay is real and America’s citizens are truly equal.
The wedding reception for the most part was a good time. The drinks were free and the dinner was really good. (kudos to the chef on the fresh roasted tomato soup, the grilled elk tenderloin tournedos, and the spruce saddle brownie) The wedding cake was forgettable and the deejay was atrocious. (at least according to my musical taste) I went up to him and requested about 10 songs midway through the reception. He had about six of them so I asked that he play them. With 30 minutes left in the reception he had only played one. So I went up to him and said, “What’s the deal, are you going to play the songs that I requested?” He answered, “all of the other older ladies were requesting Motown hits.” (as he shrugged his shoulders) So I said to him, “you’re just terrible, terrible!” (as I walked away)
We got back to our suite at the lodge around 1:30am on Sunday morning. I set it up with DC and his wife to make sure they wake me up at 6:30am so that we could caravan back to DIA. (Denver International Airport) I also told them that there was something that I wanted to talk to them about. I tossed and turned for most of the morning and was up way before DC knocked on my door. We left our suite at 7:00am to head down to our cars. As we got to the elevator I began:
In the first few minutes of the car ride I began to tear, not cry. (yeah I know, I’m a big puss) That lasted about 2 minutes as I then began to smile for what I had just done. The process of coming out to my friends had begun. Those feelings then gave way to a profound sense of sadness and anger. I left Beaver Creek with a sadness that for the first time I felt second class and distant, having realized that legally, in the country that I love, the joys, opportunities, and rights that those who I care most about can enjoy in this country unfortunately are not legally available to me. That sadness then turned into anger because in the America of 2008, the distance amongst her citizens is still too great.
Do you Adam promise to learn more about your new community, promise to love, cherish, and protect it, whether in good fortune or adversity from this day forward? I DO!
Do you Adam promise to make a difference in your new community, to give back to your community in words, dollars, and deeds from this day forward to make sure that our collective future is brighter than our past? I DO!
I arrived in Denver around 1:00pm. First stop was to go pick up my tux, then stop for lunch, and finally hit the road for a two hour drive up to Beaver Creek. (in Avon, CO) I arrived at our lodge
at 4:30pm which gave me about 45 minutes to say my hellos, have two beers, and unwind a bit. Initially I felt at ease, happy, and excited to be up in the Rockies for my good friend’s wedding. Although none of my fraternity brothers that were in attendance knew the real me, I was glad to see them all and was looking forward to spending a good 38 hours with them. As it turned out, those 38 hours were some of the most challenging and reflective hours that I have had in some time. Rehearsal dinner was held at Vail Village. (in Vail, CO)
We rehearsed for about 20 minutes on this grassy knoll down by the creek and then had drinks and dinner at one of the restaurants in the Village. It was at the end of rehearsal dinner where I began to really mentally struggle. I was up at the bar when the bride and groom got everyone’s attention. They embraced and said their thanks to their family and friends for coming to join and celebrate with them on their special occasion. My eyes began to well so I had to step aside and compose myself. I am embarrassed to say this, but I believe that the feeling that I experienced at the rehearsal dinner was the first time that I truly felt what it meant to be gay and different from my friends of all these years. At the conclusion of dinner, we drove back to Avon where a number of additional guests and family members were waiting for the bride and groom at a bar. Those guests included a number of close friends of mine from Phoenix. We were all just talking, having some beers, an occasional shot, and having a good time. Because one of my friends is a runner, I told him, and hence all, about my recent underwear race in LA. I told him my time, which was awesome, and the context of how the race was run. Runner then said, “Is there something else you want to tell us?” My other friend from DC then said something to the effect of, “it doesn’t matter/whatever.” At that point I just wanted to say it but I couldn’t. It would have been completely inappropriate. So I just bottled it up and began to withdraw myself as the evening progressed. Not only did I have to mentally deal with my friends, but my bridesmaid partner, the girl who I walk down the aisle with, wanted me bad. She came up to me a number of times at the bar and wanted me to join her and the other girls. Midway through our time at the bar she came up and whispered in my ear, “you’re so hot!” I started to chuckle and just brushed it off as if I here it everyday. lol Finally, she came over one last time and I just told her that I wasn’t interested. By that time I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I couldn’t deal with it anymore and there was no amount of alcohol that would have made a difference. Tuesday I STEPPED FORWARD, only to have stepped back by Friday. Friday night turned out to be a very difficult night and I did not anticipate that I would feel as crappy and distant as I did.
We all, the groom and groomsmen, woke up around 11:00am on Saturday and went to Beaver Creek Market Square and Village for lunch. At 4:15pm we took the shuttle up to the Spruce Saddle Lodge for pictures and the wedding. (funny side note, on the wedding agenda that they gave us it says, “Altitude reminder, we’re at 10,400 feet. Drink plenty of water, avoid excessive tobacco or alcohol consumption, and get plenty of rest.” Yet they had an open bar. So I guess that’s a way to save money.) Pictures lasted about 15 minutes so we had quite some time to get our drink on before we had to go to work. (I did pick up a new nickname during the wedding party picture session from my friend from Charlotte, GQ......further image development for those of you reading Stand Straight. hmm maybe I should wear a tux to the bars out in WEHO)
The wedding started and it was a wonderful ceremony. To see two people who are in love, and appear made for each other is a beautiful thing. As happy as I was for the bride and groom on their special day and at that specific moment, all I could think about was myself and the future that lay ahead for me as a gay man. To be standing up front during the ceremony watching the bride and groom, watching the invited guests, watching the priest, and listening to everything that was said gives one a unique perspective on which to view what a “marriage” ceremony is all about. It was during the ceremony where for the first time, I REPEAT THE FIRST TIME, in my life I felt like a second class citizen in my own country. I realized that the opportunity that my friends were enjoying, the commitment to each other that they were making, and the societal rights and benefits that they achieve together from that opportunity are not equally available to all of America’s citizens. As a gay man, whether I would ever choose to get married is irrelevant to the fact that the opportunity for me to do so is not universally there, and in the states that do allow it the fight continues. (Information provided by Ballotpedia.org)
Arizona Proposition 102, known by its supporters as the Marriage Protection Amendment, is a proposed amendment to the Arizona Constitution that defines marriage as between one man and one woman. It will appear on the November 4, 2008 ballot in Arizona. State law already prohibits same-sex marriage, and Arizona courts have upheld that ban. However, ban supporters contend it also needs to be in the Constitution in order to prevent future court rulings in favor of same-sex marriage.
California proposition 8 will appear on the November 4, 2008 ballot in California. It is variously known as the Protect Marriage Act, the Same-Sex Marriage Ban or the Limit on Marriage Amendment. If it passes, it will add a new constitutional amendment to the California Constitution that will have exactly the following text: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."
Florida proposition 2, also known as the Florida Marriage Amendment and the Marriage Protection Amendment, is a proposed constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage in Florida. The proposed amendment to the Florida Constitution will appear on the November 4, 2008 ballot. In order to pass, the amendment will require a 60% majority of those voting in the election. The amendment as written includes a clause prohibiting judges from overturning the law. The ballot title for the initiative says, “In as much as a marriage is the legal union of only one man and woman as husband and wife, no other legal union that is treated as marriage or the substantial equivalent thereof shall be valid or recognized."
Oregon ballot Measure 303 is also known as Referral of House Bill 2007 and the Oregon Family Fairness Act. It is a veto referendum. If the measure appears on the ballot, Oregon voters will vote on HB 2007, a bill passed in May 2007 and signed by Oregon's governor that confers benefits similar to marriage on civil unions (sometimes called domestic partnerships) between members of the same sex. Before HB 2007 was signed into law and took effect on January 1, 2008, marriage benefits in Oregon applied exclusively to marriages between a man and a woman.
When you begin to question whether the opportunities are there and if the rights are different, one has to wonder whether acceptance of someone who is gay is real and America’s citizens are truly equal.
The wedding reception for the most part was a good time. The drinks were free and the dinner was really good. (kudos to the chef on the fresh roasted tomato soup, the grilled elk tenderloin tournedos, and the spruce saddle brownie) The wedding cake was forgettable and the deejay was atrocious. (at least according to my musical taste) I went up to him and requested about 10 songs midway through the reception. He had about six of them so I asked that he play them. With 30 minutes left in the reception he had only played one. So I went up to him and said, “What’s the deal, are you going to play the songs that I requested?” He answered, “all of the other older ladies were requesting Motown hits.” (as he shrugged his shoulders) So I said to him, “you’re just terrible, terrible!” (as I walked away)
We got back to our suite at the lodge around 1:30am on Sunday morning. I set it up with DC and his wife to make sure they wake me up at 6:30am so that we could caravan back to DIA. (Denver International Airport) I also told them that there was something that I wanted to talk to them about. I tossed and turned for most of the morning and was up way before DC knocked on my door. We left our suite at 7:00am to head down to our cars. As we got to the elevator I began:
“I’m not sure if you remember but 2-1/2 years ago when I came out to visit you guys in DC you asked me a question while we were out at a bar in Adams Morgan. And then on Friday, Runner asked if there was something else I needed to tell you guys when we were talking about the race that I had just run in LA. Well there is something that I need to tell you and that is that I am gay.” To my great surprise, DC said he never suspected it and couldn’t remember what he had asked me 2-1/2 years ago. We then spoke for about 15 minutes about how I knew, my process of acceptance, coming out to my family earlier in the week, how difficult of a weekend this had been for me, and how for the first time in my life I had felt different, distant, and in a minority. DC asked about marriage and California. (on Friday I had told him and his wife that I got an apartment in LA and had been living there for the last 4 weeks and had been quite happy about the move) I told him about California’s prop 8 and then came clean that I was actually living in WEHO. He said, “Oh, if I knew that earlier then I would have definitely suspected it.” To which I jokingly replied, “That’s why I didn’t tell you guys.” Overall they were happy for me, and more importantly happy that I was happy. We embraced, and DC’s wife said, “this doesn’t mean we are going to name our son when he is born Adam.” We all chuckled, went to our respective vehicles, and left Beaver Creek.
In the first few minutes of the car ride I began to tear, not cry. (yeah I know, I’m a big puss) That lasted about 2 minutes as I then began to smile for what I had just done. The process of coming out to my friends had begun. Those feelings then gave way to a profound sense of sadness and anger. I left Beaver Creek with a sadness that for the first time I felt second class and distant, having realized that legally, in the country that I love, the joys, opportunities, and rights that those who I care most about can enjoy in this country unfortunately are not legally available to me. That sadness then turned into anger because in the America of 2008, the distance amongst her citizens is still too great.
Do you Adam promise to learn more about your new community, promise to love, cherish, and protect it, whether in good fortune or adversity from this day forward? I DO!
Do you Adam promise to make a difference in your new community, to give back to your community in words, dollars, and deeds from this day forward to make sure that our collective future is brighter than our past? I DO!
For Information and to Support No on Arizona’s Prop 102 please visit: http://www.votenoprop102.com/Default.aspx
For Information and to Support No on California’s Prop 8 please visit: http://noonprop8.com/home
For Information and to Support No on Florida’s Prop 2 please visit: http://www.votenoflorida.org/
For Information and to Support Basic Rights Oregon please visit: http://www.basicrights.org/?page_id=19
Friday, August 8, 2008
Onward and Upward
It’s been a little over two days now and I feel a whole lot lighter. For the most part I feel great, although my mind has wandered a bit with thoughts of what could have been. Why did I wait so long? My mind may wander there but I haven’t spent the time to really answer that question. I truly do want to just look forward. I am hopeful that with the honesty I’ve shown, the freedom I’ve gained, and the unconditional support from my loved ones, my mind will be clearer, more open, and at ease as I continue along on my journey. Coming out to my family truly has been a tremendous sense of relief.
Yesterday I had lunch with my mom. Lunch went well and I think she is holding up okay. She did ask me more pointed questions and I believe that was a positive thing. I’m still very concerned about her because I don’t want her to internalize dealing with this like I did all those years. Overall her love for me is unconditional, but I sensed that it will take some time for it to fully sink in with her, and I’m going to assume for the rest of my family as well, that I am gay and attracted to guys. That’s just how it is. Based on our conversation she still believes, or maybe hopes that my last girlfriend just wasn’t the one. I reaffirmed with her that clearly she was not the one, nor were any of the other girls that I’ve met through the years. And there was clearly a reason for that. She is also of the mindset that just because I’m gay I will not provide her with any grandkids. I think to some degree this devastates her. Not that I have any plans anytime soon to have kids or deal with this possibility, because it is a possibility no matter what McCain, Crist, or any other blowhards say, but I did inform her that adoption and surrogacy are options that I would have. We also touched on the varied makeup of the gay community and how she just doesn’t want me to change and become one of the gays who are really out there. I told her that it’s okay that they are really out there because I would imagine they are just being themselves. If that’s who they are that’s great. That is not me. I think she doesn’t want me to wear the skin tight clothes that she sometime sees as well as be so flamboyant. (you know the gay stereotype) During this part of the conversation I did tell her that my clothes have gotten a bit tighter because I used to wear sizes that were too big. And that I believe was a coping mechanism for me in trying to hide who I was. I also told her that the image she had of who a gay is persists because of asses like me who have been either too afraid or not strong enough to come out and speak up. And lastly she was concerned about the risks of sex and me being taken advantage of. I told her that I believe that I’m smart enough to be careful because I do fear the risks. But with that being said I don’t want to be crippled by that fear. I also made a point to mention that if she thought I was picky when I dated girls, she should see how picky I am with trying to meet guys. :)
Today I fly to Denver and drive to Vail where I will be in the wedding party of yet another fraternity brother from college. I’ve always wanted to get married so bad just so all of the money I’ve spent being in all of my friends weddings gets returned in my favor with all of them having to spend an equal amount to come to mine. It should be an interesting two days. First, for viewing a wedding so close to the time that I officially came out. The mind will certainly wander, even though I haven't been able to dance with another guy yet, and think of what my future holds. Second, I will think about the two wedding propositions that are on the ballots of the two states that I call home. And thirdly, I plan on coming out to one of my pledge brothers (joined the fraternity at the same time) who is one of my closer friends, old roommate, and just an all around great guy. He lives in Washington DC and I hope I have an opportunity to speak with him about it in person. There will be other good friends of mine at the wedding who I don’t want to come out to yet. Nor do I want in any way to detract or make a spectacle of my good friends wedding whose family is very Catholic. So I will try and be judicious about creating an opportunity, and if it is meant to be it is meant to be.
Yesterday I had lunch with my mom. Lunch went well and I think she is holding up okay. She did ask me more pointed questions and I believe that was a positive thing. I’m still very concerned about her because I don’t want her to internalize dealing with this like I did all those years. Overall her love for me is unconditional, but I sensed that it will take some time for it to fully sink in with her, and I’m going to assume for the rest of my family as well, that I am gay and attracted to guys. That’s just how it is. Based on our conversation she still believes, or maybe hopes that my last girlfriend just wasn’t the one. I reaffirmed with her that clearly she was not the one, nor were any of the other girls that I’ve met through the years. And there was clearly a reason for that. She is also of the mindset that just because I’m gay I will not provide her with any grandkids. I think to some degree this devastates her. Not that I have any plans anytime soon to have kids or deal with this possibility, because it is a possibility no matter what McCain, Crist, or any other blowhards say, but I did inform her that adoption and surrogacy are options that I would have. We also touched on the varied makeup of the gay community and how she just doesn’t want me to change and become one of the gays who are really out there. I told her that it’s okay that they are really out there because I would imagine they are just being themselves. If that’s who they are that’s great. That is not me. I think she doesn’t want me to wear the skin tight clothes that she sometime sees as well as be so flamboyant. (you know the gay stereotype) During this part of the conversation I did tell her that my clothes have gotten a bit tighter because I used to wear sizes that were too big. And that I believe was a coping mechanism for me in trying to hide who I was. I also told her that the image she had of who a gay is persists because of asses like me who have been either too afraid or not strong enough to come out and speak up. And lastly she was concerned about the risks of sex and me being taken advantage of. I told her that I believe that I’m smart enough to be careful because I do fear the risks. But with that being said I don’t want to be crippled by that fear. I also made a point to mention that if she thought I was picky when I dated girls, she should see how picky I am with trying to meet guys. :)
Today I fly to Denver and drive to Vail where I will be in the wedding party of yet another fraternity brother from college. I’ve always wanted to get married so bad just so all of the money I’ve spent being in all of my friends weddings gets returned in my favor with all of them having to spend an equal amount to come to mine. It should be an interesting two days. First, for viewing a wedding so close to the time that I officially came out. The mind will certainly wander, even though I haven't been able to dance with another guy yet, and think of what my future holds. Second, I will think about the two wedding propositions that are on the ballots of the two states that I call home. And thirdly, I plan on coming out to one of my pledge brothers (joined the fraternity at the same time) who is one of my closer friends, old roommate, and just an all around great guy. He lives in Washington DC and I hope I have an opportunity to speak with him about it in person. There will be other good friends of mine at the wedding who I don’t want to come out to yet. Nor do I want in any way to detract or make a spectacle of my good friends wedding whose family is very Catholic. So I will try and be judicious about creating an opportunity, and if it is meant to be it is meant to be.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Hey Big Mo
I went to Hallmark.com looking for the right card but I couldn’t quite find one that said what I needed to say. Nor did any of them have any writing on the back. :-) So what’s a guy to do?
Big Mo,
I can’t thank you enough! Thank you for writing, thank you for responding, thank you for sharing, thank you for caring, thank you for questioning me, thank you for challenging me, thank you for teaching me, thank you for getting me to think, and thank you for showing me that life is worth living as my honest self. Thank you for being you!
I’ve stood straight for a very long time and I really don’t know if I ever would have gained the courage to step forward had I not reached out and you responded in the way you did. Your support and friendship over the last 8 months has been extremely meaningful and I am eternally grateful for the impact you have had on my life. I know at times I may have been a burden, so thanks for your patience and thanks for having taken the time. You are a very special guy, although I know you don’t need me to tell you that, and my one hope and wish for you is that all of the dreams that you have for yourself come true. You deserve nothing less! If at anytime there is anything that I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask. My task is now grand in trying to pay it forward.
Thanks so much and L'chaim!
Your friend,
Little Mo
Mariah Carey-”Hero”......thanks for being mine
Big Mo,
I can’t thank you enough! Thank you for writing, thank you for responding, thank you for sharing, thank you for caring, thank you for questioning me, thank you for challenging me, thank you for teaching me, thank you for getting me to think, and thank you for showing me that life is worth living as my honest self. Thank you for being you!
I’ve stood straight for a very long time and I really don’t know if I ever would have gained the courage to step forward had I not reached out and you responded in the way you did. Your support and friendship over the last 8 months has been extremely meaningful and I am eternally grateful for the impact you have had on my life. I know at times I may have been a burden, so thanks for your patience and thanks for having taken the time. You are a very special guy, although I know you don’t need me to tell you that, and my one hope and wish for you is that all of the dreams that you have for yourself come true. You deserve nothing less! If at anytime there is anything that I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to ask. My task is now grand in trying to pay it forward.
Thanks so much and L'chaim!
Your friend,
Little Mo
Mariah Carey-”Hero”......thanks for being mine
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Mom, Dad........I'm
To lay the groundwork, I called both my father at home and my mother at work on Monday evening, after my 6.5 hour drive from weho, to let them know that I was back in town and I wanted to get together on Tuesday. (my sister had previously informed me that my mom would be off of work on Tuesday) They were both a bit surprised, asked a few questions as to why I was back, but nothing too pressing where I needed to be more descriptive over the phone. My dad had a doctor’s appointment in the morning so the time was set for Tuesday around 3:00pm.
Tuesday morning started off well. I awoke at 5:30am when my cell alarm went off. I took my dog for a walk and then went back to sleep. It was during this sleep, between 6:30am and 9:30am, where I had such a comforting dream. I dreamt that I was fully liberated, comfortable, and free. I had this dream of myself being totally loose, affectionate, and playful with another guy in a public setting. Totally uninhibited and carefree. All things, to be quite honest, which I have not been. So when I awoke for the second time, I had a smile on my face and a belief that this was yet another sign from above telling me that everything would work out for the best.
At 1:40pm I left my house. I live about an hour from my parents so it is quite the drive. The drive was the final time for me to reflect on what I hoped to say, what I wanted to say, and what I had to say. After about 20 minutes, I realized that I’d done too much reflection. I knew I was prepared and had been so for some time. So I then began to smile with a tremendous sense of pride, happiness, and confidence. It’s been an extremely long road and I was ecstatic that I actually made it to the point where I had this opportunity. I then put in my feel good music cd and made sure the last two songs I listened to before I arrived at their house were Sound of Freedom and Love Generation by Bob Sinclair.
My mom answered the door and we hugged and kissed. I then went in to the living room where my dad was watching CNBC. We hugged and said our hellos. My mom was working on the computer, so for the first few minutes I went back and forth between their home office to help her with the printer, and the living room to speak with my dad. When my mom was done, she joined us in the living room. They have an L shaped leather sofa and a separate leather chair w/ottoman. I was sitting on the long side of the sofa, my mom was sitting to the left of me on the short side of the sofa, and my dad was sitting on the chair directly across from me watching CNBC. So as soon as all of us were sitting down, my dad asks, “so why are you back? You weren’t supposed to be back until September. What’s up? Are you moving back to Phoenix?” I told him to turn the sound off as there was something I wanted to talk about. I did not ask him to turn the TV off nor did he and that turned out to be a mistake. So this is how I led it off:
It was at that point where I thought my mom would just lose it. She didn’t, and I was very surprised at how composed she was. That had me very concerned. My dad on the other hand wouldn’t turn to look at me. He just kept staring at the TV. I continued on with some of the things that I needed to say. They included:
I then looked at my dad and asked if everything was okay because he hadn’t looked at me. He looked over and said, “yes.” I looked over at my mom and she said, “you are who you are. I love you!” and then came over and gave me a hug. The conversation continued but I pretty much led it. The only time my mom got tearful was when my voice started to waver a bit. I know she will be emotional when I am not there, but this had me a bit concerned. I also was a bit surprised that they didn’t ask too many questions. Throughout the conversation we got off track about three times venturing into discussions about politics, money, and more detail about West Hollywood. Each time I had to bring the conversation back by saying, “you guys seem to be taking this in stride. You know I fully expect that it will take some time for this to sink in for you and anticipate that you will have emotional challenges to come. Please let it out. Don’t bottle it up.” I gave them the 3 books I bought for them and provided them three websites to check out for support. After that, our conversation wandered and we moved on to other things.
So to wrap it all up with my parents, it is what it is and I am what I am. I love my parents very much and that feeling is mutual. Before I left, and now that my dad is mobile again, I showed him my new car and gave him a ride in it. When we pulled back into his driveway, we both got out and he walked over to my side of the car. He gave me a hug and said, “you’re the same person you were and I love you!” I responded, “I love you too,” and then headed to my brother’s house. Before I left and as I was sitting in my car, my dad came back over and offered advice on how to tell my brother. I thought that was something. :-)
My brother’s family lives about 10 minutes south of my parents. My plan in coming out to my brother was to jump right in. So my brother is sitting on a chair in the front playroom, I am on the floor playing with my 5 year old nephew in that front playroom, and my sister-in-law and 2 year old niece are in the kitchen.
My brother began to ask how things were in LA and this is where I started. I said to him, “you know what one of the main reasons why I moved to LA is, right? I went to LA because I am G.......A........Y!” (I had to spell it out because of the ages of my niece and nephew.) My brother had a really confused/forced smile look on his face. He couldn’t believe that I was actually gay. The next thing was pretty funny. I said to my sister-in-law in the kitchen, “did you hear what I just told your husband?” She answered, “no,” and came into the room. My nephew then said, “J....Y.” I began to chuckle and said, “sister-in-law I’m G.......A........Y.” She responded with either that’s awesome, I’m so happy for you, or I’m so supportive. I don’t remember, but she came over and gave me a hug. The remainder of the conversation turned out to be really fun because both my brother and sister-in-law were trying to ask questions and I was trying to answer them without imbuing any information that could be picked up by my niece or nephew. (who btw are totally adorable and I am completely jealous of my brother for) They both took it well, although I believe my brother will need to understand what being gay really means as compared to the stereotypes that he is familiar with. I bought him a book but it hadn’t arrived yet. We covered many of the same topics as I had with my parents so I won’t repeat them here. It was a very nice and open conversation although I am a bit surprised that neither of them said they ever suspected it. My sister-in-law only hoped that I would loosen up and have some fun when I moved to LA. (loosen up, fun at gay bars in weho....me.......ha she needs to read my blog :-) ) We moved on to other topics as I continued to play with my niece and nephew. It was kind of amazing that in the six weeks since I last saw my niece, she learned to talk. It was awesome! And when I left, my brother left it with this, “I’m 100% behind you.” I start to chuckle, and he says, “well not really behind you but you know what I mean.” We all start to laugh! It was a nice close to a great day.
08/05/08
Tuesday morning started off well. I awoke at 5:30am when my cell alarm went off. I took my dog for a walk and then went back to sleep. It was during this sleep, between 6:30am and 9:30am, where I had such a comforting dream. I dreamt that I was fully liberated, comfortable, and free. I had this dream of myself being totally loose, affectionate, and playful with another guy in a public setting. Totally uninhibited and carefree. All things, to be quite honest, which I have not been. So when I awoke for the second time, I had a smile on my face and a belief that this was yet another sign from above telling me that everything would work out for the best.
At 1:40pm I left my house. I live about an hour from my parents so it is quite the drive. The drive was the final time for me to reflect on what I hoped to say, what I wanted to say, and what I had to say. After about 20 minutes, I realized that I’d done too much reflection. I knew I was prepared and had been so for some time. So I then began to smile with a tremendous sense of pride, happiness, and confidence. It’s been an extremely long road and I was ecstatic that I actually made it to the point where I had this opportunity. I then put in my feel good music cd and made sure the last two songs I listened to before I arrived at their house were Sound of Freedom and Love Generation by Bob Sinclair.
My mom answered the door and we hugged and kissed. I then went in to the living room where my dad was watching CNBC. We hugged and said our hellos. My mom was working on the computer, so for the first few minutes I went back and forth between their home office to help her with the printer, and the living room to speak with my dad. When my mom was done, she joined us in the living room. They have an L shaped leather sofa and a separate leather chair w/ottoman. I was sitting on the long side of the sofa, my mom was sitting to the left of me on the short side of the sofa, and my dad was sitting on the chair directly across from me watching CNBC. So as soon as all of us were sitting down, my dad asks, “so why are you back? You weren’t supposed to be back until September. What’s up? Are you moving back to Phoenix?” I told him to turn the sound off as there was something I wanted to talk about. I did not ask him to turn the TV off nor did he and that turned out to be a mistake. So this is how I led it off:
“No I am not moving back to Phoenix now. So far I have really enjoyed my time in West Hollywood. Although it has only been four weeks, I have never loved myself as much as I do now, I have never been more happy than I am now, I have never been more proud of myself than I am now, and I have never been as confident in who I am as I am now. I have done a lot of reflecting over these last few months, really over a year now, and I’ve realized that I haven’t liked the person that I’ve become and more importantly liked the fact that I haven’t shared my life with those most important to me. I acknowledge that I’ve built a tremendous wall up around me over the years, and we’ve joked about that in the past, in that I never have anything to say. I hope that changes today. The reason that I am all of those things that I mentioned earlier; never been more happy, never been more proud, never been as confident, and never loved myself as I do now is because after all of these years I’ve finally come to grips with and accepted myself for who G-d created me to be. Mom, dad, I’m Gay!”
It was at that point where I thought my mom would just lose it. She didn’t, and I was very surprised at how composed she was. That had me very concerned. My dad on the other hand wouldn’t turn to look at me. He just kept staring at the TV. I continued on with some of the things that I needed to say. They included:
I am what I am and I am okay with that. I am the same person today as I was one month ago, 1 year ago, and 10 years ago. You just now know the real and honest me.
This is not something I have chosen for myself, but rather something for who I am. Just like I have blue eyes or am right handed. Believe me, this is something that has taken me a very long time to accept and I can honestly say that I have tried to suppress it and fight it for many, many years. I am attracted to guys and I have finally accepted it. I look at it as a gift from G-d, and I’m sharing that gift with you today.
You may feel a sense of loss, similar to mourning the loss of a family member. In a way it’s like a type of death, that of a set of images and expectations that you had for me are now gone. This feeling is natural and it is okay to grieve the loss of those images.
Healing will proceed at different paces for different people. You will go through a period of grief which should last for sometime before hopefully arriving at a point of acceptance. This is normal, and I hope you understand that it took me a very long time to accept who I am, so I really do anticipate and expect that it will take you some time to process all of this before coming to your own terms of acceptance.
You may feel a sense of self blame. In many cases that is normal. I can assure you though that you did nothing wrong. You did not raise me wrong. To the contrary, you raised me right. You did nothing but provide me with all of the opportunities in the world to live my life. And I’m extremely grateful for that. I’ve had a wonderful life. It just hasn’t been totally complete and honest. The phrase that I’ve penned is that for the longest time I’ve let life lead me, but now I’m going to lead my life.
Whatever form the pain takes, do not suppress or deny it. I did for way too long. It’s not worth it. Your pain is real, it’s normal, and you are entitled to it. Please ask for help. Either from me, the support organizations that I’ve provided you with, or from friends.
At this time, the coming out process shifts. You will now have your own. Upon accepting who I am, you will have to decide to whom and when to tell. At your time and at your pace.
I then looked at my dad and asked if everything was okay because he hadn’t looked at me. He looked over and said, “yes.” I looked over at my mom and she said, “you are who you are. I love you!” and then came over and gave me a hug. The conversation continued but I pretty much led it. The only time my mom got tearful was when my voice started to waver a bit. I know she will be emotional when I am not there, but this had me a bit concerned. I also was a bit surprised that they didn’t ask too many questions. Throughout the conversation we got off track about three times venturing into discussions about politics, money, and more detail about West Hollywood. Each time I had to bring the conversation back by saying, “you guys seem to be taking this in stride. You know I fully expect that it will take some time for this to sink in for you and anticipate that you will have emotional challenges to come. Please let it out. Don’t bottle it up.” I gave them the 3 books I bought for them and provided them three websites to check out for support. After that, our conversation wandered and we moved on to other things.
So to wrap it all up with my parents, it is what it is and I am what I am. I love my parents very much and that feeling is mutual. Before I left, and now that my dad is mobile again, I showed him my new car and gave him a ride in it. When we pulled back into his driveway, we both got out and he walked over to my side of the car. He gave me a hug and said, “you’re the same person you were and I love you!” I responded, “I love you too,” and then headed to my brother’s house. Before I left and as I was sitting in my car, my dad came back over and offered advice on how to tell my brother. I thought that was something. :-)
My brother’s family lives about 10 minutes south of my parents. My plan in coming out to my brother was to jump right in. So my brother is sitting on a chair in the front playroom, I am on the floor playing with my 5 year old nephew in that front playroom, and my sister-in-law and 2 year old niece are in the kitchen.
My brother began to ask how things were in LA and this is where I started. I said to him, “you know what one of the main reasons why I moved to LA is, right? I went to LA because I am G.......A........Y!” (I had to spell it out because of the ages of my niece and nephew.) My brother had a really confused/forced smile look on his face. He couldn’t believe that I was actually gay. The next thing was pretty funny. I said to my sister-in-law in the kitchen, “did you hear what I just told your husband?” She answered, “no,” and came into the room. My nephew then said, “J....Y.” I began to chuckle and said, “sister-in-law I’m G.......A........Y.” She responded with either that’s awesome, I’m so happy for you, or I’m so supportive. I don’t remember, but she came over and gave me a hug. The remainder of the conversation turned out to be really fun because both my brother and sister-in-law were trying to ask questions and I was trying to answer them without imbuing any information that could be picked up by my niece or nephew. (who btw are totally adorable and I am completely jealous of my brother for) They both took it well, although I believe my brother will need to understand what being gay really means as compared to the stereotypes that he is familiar with. I bought him a book but it hadn’t arrived yet. We covered many of the same topics as I had with my parents so I won’t repeat them here. It was a very nice and open conversation although I am a bit surprised that neither of them said they ever suspected it. My sister-in-law only hoped that I would loosen up and have some fun when I moved to LA. (loosen up, fun at gay bars in weho....me.......ha she needs to read my blog :-) ) We moved on to other topics as I continued to play with my niece and nephew. It was kind of amazing that in the six weeks since I last saw my niece, she learned to talk. It was awesome! And when I left, my brother left it with this, “I’m 100% behind you.” I start to chuckle, and he says, “well not really behind you but you know what I mean.” We all start to laugh! It was a nice close to a great day.
08/05/08
Sunday, August 3, 2008
An Affair to Remember
The Underwear Affairwas AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still can't believe I did it. To say it was personally liberating would be an UNDER statement! What a blast! I only wish I had some friends out here to enjoy it with and run with as a group.
Anyway, as it turns out I ran it competitively. I know of no other way. The real funny thing was that I missed the start of my 10K race because I set myself up in back behind the Aussie Bum boys. :) You'll see why in a bit. Unbeknownst to me they chose to run the 5K. (why am I not surprised) So I'm waiting and waiting and then all of a sudden realize that the 10K runners had already started. I had to run quick to catch up with everyone, and once I started I didn't stop. I didn't see many cute guys out there which was a bit surprising and disappointing. Hence, I didn't use any of the run-up lines that I thought of. Anyway, here are a bunch of photos from the event. Just call me paparazadam. (and this will be the first and last time that I am paparazadam. All pictures were professionally taken with my Kodak $7.99 disposable camera purchased at CVS 3 hours before the race.)
Felt good with the inspirational message
Creative Costumes
Why I'm Gay (Just kidding ladies. It wasn't my choice, I've accepted who I am, and I love your spirit and outfits!)
Tesla-first time I've seen this 0-60 in 3.9 seconds, electric car in person
Celebrityin the race......although not in his undies
I caught up with him, paced off him for a bit, then ran fast and past
I thought the guy in the yellow shirt and jeans was super cute. He was handing out flyers for another cancer run this fall. hmm
Aussie Bum boys
And so I asked, "Aussie Bum boys can I take a picture of you guys?" The cute one on the left had a weird face after I asked him that. It caught me off guard a bit that maybe a dude asking for his picture would catch him off guard. (and I assumed that he was a model for them and should be used to dudes asking for his picture)
PS....Thanks Ed for the recommendation. I did run in a black pair of the Calvin's you recommended. They worked out well. :) And Dan, I did go with black socks and was tempted to buy black sneakers but I knew better.
Survivor-"Burning Heart"
I still can't believe I did it. To say it was personally liberating would be an UNDER statement! What a blast! I only wish I had some friends out here to enjoy it with and run with as a group.
Anyway, as it turns out I ran it competitively. I know of no other way. The real funny thing was that I missed the start of my 10K race because I set myself up in back behind the Aussie Bum boys. :) You'll see why in a bit. Unbeknownst to me they chose to run the 5K. (why am I not surprised) So I'm waiting and waiting and then all of a sudden realize that the 10K runners had already started. I had to run quick to catch up with everyone, and once I started I didn't stop. I didn't see many cute guys out there which was a bit surprising and disappointing. Hence, I didn't use any of the run-up lines that I thought of. Anyway, here are a bunch of photos from the event. Just call me paparazadam. (and this will be the first and last time that I am paparazadam. All pictures were professionally taken with my Kodak $7.99 disposable camera purchased at CVS 3 hours before the race.)
Felt good with the inspirational message
Creative Costumes
Why I'm Gay (Just kidding ladies. It wasn't my choice, I've accepted who I am, and I love your spirit and outfits!)
Tesla-first time I've seen this 0-60 in 3.9 seconds, electric car in person
Celebrityin the race......although not in his undies
I caught up with him, paced off him for a bit, then ran fast and past
I thought the guy in the yellow shirt and jeans was super cute. He was handing out flyers for another cancer run this fall. hmm
Aussie Bum boys
And so I asked, "Aussie Bum boys can I take a picture of you guys?" The cute one on the left had a weird face after I asked him that. It caught me off guard a bit that maybe a dude asking for his picture would catch him off guard. (and I assumed that he was a model for them and should be used to dudes asking for his picture)
PS....Thanks Ed for the recommendation. I did run in a black pair of the Calvin's you recommended. They worked out well. :) And Dan, I did go with black socks and was tempted to buy black sneakers but I knew better.
Survivor-"Burning Heart"
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Phoenix, I'm Coming Home
This wasn’t my original plan, but it is time. It is time to move forward and officially have that talk. It is time to move forward and relieve myself of the self imposed burden, lie, and guilt that I’ve carried with me all these years. It is time to share the gift that G-d gave me with my family and finally be that better son and brother. It is time to move forward and finally be free!
On Monday I’m going home!
I am going home with a confidence and pride in myself that I haven’t had in a very long time. Quite honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever loved or accepted myself as much as I do today. On second thought I do know, I never have. That is why I am so excited. If I was able to have such a rewarding and successful life up until now without having loved or accepted myself, what can be accomplished tomorrow? G-d willing the possibilities are limitless!
On Tuesday I’m coming out to my parents, brother, and sister-in-law!
Diana Ross-"I'm Coming Out"
On Monday I’m going home!
I am going home with a confidence and pride in myself that I haven’t had in a very long time. Quite honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever loved or accepted myself as much as I do today. On second thought I do know, I never have. That is why I am so excited. If I was able to have such a rewarding and successful life up until now without having loved or accepted myself, what can be accomplished tomorrow? G-d willing the possibilities are limitless!
On Tuesday I’m coming out to my parents, brother, and sister-in-law!
Diana Ross-"I'm Coming Out"
Friday, August 1, 2008
Ice Thawing
I’m a bit amazed, and I don’t want to jinx myself, but I’m surprised at how quickly I seem to be loosening up. (In some ways at least) As soon as I got into the bar last night I started talking to this guy. It was fun and the conversation flowed for some time. And for those keeping track at home, I wore a pair of lucky jeans and a nautica polo, with one of the two buttons buttoned. So hence, the guy I met had to undo my button. Then as the conversation progressed I buttoned and unbuttoned it depending on what we were talking about it. It was pretty funny. His friend then joined in on the conversation and we spoke for sometime. They both thought I presented a different image and had a different aura about me than most people in weho. And that was a good thing. (and I’m beginning to agree) They also thought I was a good looking guy and that weho should treat me well. (and I’ve heard that before) So that was very flattering. And fwiw these guys were in their 40s and weren’t bad looking either. Anyway, by the end of our conversation I got one of their cards and was invited to a pool party next weekend. :) Right after our conversation ended, another guy came up to me and we spoke for quite awhile. He was from the OC and was in weho to visit some of his friends. I met his friends and had a good time. After an hour or so, I broke away from the conversation to get a beer and to take a walk around the bar. I hadn’t had the chance to do that. There were some cute guys there but certainly not at the level of Saturday. When I returned to the side where the guys were that I had recently met, I did not go join back in on the conversation. I planted myself about 8 feet away and just wanted to admire some of the guys I had recently seen on my walk through. A few minutes later OC came back up and asked if I was lonely. I responded that I wasn’t and was just staring at the scenery. We continued to chat, I opened up about some more details, and it was a nice conversation. I didn’t want to give OC the impression that I was smitten by him because I wasn't. However, we did exchange numbers and I even got a text from him when I got home. I think OC was a really nice guy and we may become friends. He didn’t so much do it for me from a physical standpoint, but who knows. He did invite me to Laguna Beach and I will probably take him up on that offer at some point in the future. And one last note, I remember the names of all 6 guys I met last night. I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing, but it is a thing.
PS...Dan from Florida thanks for the advice. It worked tonight, OC came back to me. :)
PS...Dan from Florida thanks for the advice. It worked tonight, OC came back to me. :)
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