Angst

So here we go
And again I say
Another boy
And my hearts at play

This should be fun
For I like him so
He makes me smile
And to that he knows

I think it’s mutual
So I’m led to believe
But the skill set I doubt
Is in reading tea leaves

That is my one regret
In coming out in life so late
Having had none of the experiences
In dating other male mates

I feel like this is a broken record
And on many days it gets me down
Wondering when the day will come
Of a blessing from my king without a crown

Is that too much to ask of my faith
For the happiness that I so seek
I just wish my mind wasn’t my worst enemy
In making situations appear so bleak

Deep down I know they really are not
As I seem to just be overanalyzing again
But for me I continue to find it hard to know
When to make the right moves with men

Should, woulda, coulda, didn’t
For every word that I didn’t say
As I lie in bed I toss and turn
Wondering if I let him slip away

Maybe I paint a picture
Of which he views as incomplete
Leads him to question
Does he really want to go to sleep

But I really really do
Want to kiss him tonight
To feel his soft skin
And wake up with him when it’s light

I’m a bit nervous and scared
Confused and maybe a tad weak
Wondering what to make of us
For when we next speak

As I am now a bit more emotionally vulnerable
With a feeling of nakedness at the core
What’s left is for my mind to wonder
As to what exactly is in store.......