What Gives?

A few weeks ago I met this guy, whom I’ll call Jack, out at a club. We went home together that night, and although it was a very vanilla affair, I believe we both enjoyed each other’s company. I didn’t ask for his number when we were together, but we did become facebook friends the following Monday and messaged back and forth a few times. As the week went on, my affection for him began to grow. Since he didn’t have his number listed in his facebook info, I messaged him on Friday and asked him three questions.

1. Are you in town this weekend?
2. May I call you? and if so
3. What is your number?

He messaged back:

1. That he was leaving for the weekend.
2. I could call him.
3. And he gave me his number

So on Tuesday, I called Jack, we chatted for a bit and I then asked him out on a date. I don’t remember his specific response, but his answer to my request was left open on the phone call but he said that he would get back to me the following day. So the following day I was at my cousin’s wedding in Disneyland when I received his text at 9:43PM.

“I didn’t forget about you. I just got home from a crazy day.”

I replied to him with a text at 10:57PM.

“I hope it was crazy good. Will b back in Weho tmrw afternoon. I’m no sleuth but I sense ur days are crazier than mine, so touch base when u can. Thx!

Well, I never heard back from Jack, so I called and left a voicemail message for him on Sunday.

So let me tell you, it’s a great feeling to not only be forgotten, to use Jack’s word, but to also be ignored. This experience takes me back to the only other guy that I asked out on a date. (the rest of my dates, the other guys asked me) In both cases, neither of the guys provided me with a yes or no answer.

What’s with that?

In addition, and in an evaluation of my own self, I asked both of the guys out immediately before I would be leaving town for extended periods of time.

What does this say about me? Is it just a coincidence of time, or is there something with me asking guys out before I leave town? (Jack didn’t know I would be leaving town, but Gene did.)

I do believe Jack is a good guy and I know he works a lot, but I just don’t know what happened and it’s bothering the hell out of me. We have a few things in common, and I would like to get to know him better. I will follow up with him again in a few weeks, but I’m beginning to get frustrated that, in my limited experience, a pattern is developing where guys don’t have the balls to lay it on the line and say yes or no.

Oh, and the funny part of the story is that on Sunday, I learned from a friend that Jack lives two houses down from him. Maybe I’ll go knock on his door and ask for some sugar. lol

Time Flies

Has it really been 11 months since I opened up my apartment door in West Hollywood to the honesty of an authentic life, and the possibilities of finding out what true happiness may be?

Yes it has!

On June 1st, I moved out of my apartment in West Hollywood. On June 2nd, I celebrated, or more like recognized the fact that I have not worked, for active monetary compensation, in one year. Wow, it’s been 365 days.

The last few weeks have really been great. Socially speaking, I’m really finding a center and becoming much more comfortable with meeting people in the challenging L.A. market. The friendships that I’ve made continue to grow and I believe that I’m a bit more self aware and confident in flirting with other guys. What I believe has transpired is that I’ve grown. Over the past year, with the amount of time and dollars that I’ve spent towards my own self renewal, I’ve begun to recognize that life waits for no one. Time moves forward, never back, so too must I. The time has come for me to finally begin the process of moving on. The challenge that I now face is to use this new self assuredness to find a new equality in my life, which balances my desire for social, professional, and philanthropic success.

The first thing I need to figure out is where I’m going to live. As I write this, I still don’t know, and am currently homeless in the state of California, as most of my belongings are being stored with my movers. A decision won’t be made until I return from my upcoming trip. More than likely I will continue to call L.A. home but there is a small, yet unlikely chance that I will return to Phoenix. I was in Phoenix last week and I’ve begun to see Phoenix, and it’s gay community first hand. I’ve met some, and have begun to communicate with a number of cute Phoenix guys. But most importantly, what I tried to do while back in Phoenix was to be who I am, in the place that I called home for so many years. Returning to Phoenix caused me to pause briefly about where I should be and what would be best for my social, professional, and philanthropic future.