You may recall that I used that line the first week we met when we were texting back and forth to each other. Well, congratulations Luke, you just struck out.
For the life of me I’ve wondered why you’ve turned into someone who as it turns out is the complete opposite of who you were those first five days, and more importantly someone who you communicated yourself not to be. Or maybe you were always that person and just pretended to be someone who you were not. Either way, I’m done. I’m done trying to make an effort to be your friend when you’ve been such an inconsiderate, discourteous, selfish, and dishonest ass to me. Your actions speak louder than your shallow texted words.
Strike 1: After a week of some very flirtatious dialogue and two dates you disappear and don’t even have the courtesy to be open, honest, and up front with me about what went on. (especially after I was completely open and honest with you) YOU LIED!
Strike 2: After running into you and engaging in a very pleasant conversation at Fiesta, I invite you to my game night with friends, you rsvp with a “thank u for the game night invite, I’d love to attend,” and then you don’t even show up. (and if you couldn’t make it, which you didn’t, you didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know beforehand) YOU LIED!
Strike 3: You convey to me twice that you wanted to get together. The first time, the open night that you communicated to me that you had suddenly was not open when I communicated back that it worked for me. Then on Sunday night I don’t hear anything when you arrived back in LA. This is once again after YOU communicated “sounds perfect,” and “looking forward to Sunday,” and “will do.” YOU LIED!
As you know Luke, I used to like the person who I thought you were, but now I find it all terribly ironic, and extremely funny. After all, it was you on your online profile, and then through spoken word to me in person, who described your very own tales of meeting cavemen. (forgive me for LMAO) I think someone needs to take a good look in the mirror and look around his place to see if he’s the one who actually lives in a cave.
Well best of luck to you Luke. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for in life, and that your wish from 07/08/09 comes true.
The above I hope brings to a close my first "gay dramatic" piece of work since my arrival in Los Angeles. I emailed the above to Luke an hour ago and then defriended him from facebook. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to have the last word, but in this case I hope he takes something positive from this experience and grows the f up.
Luke: Haha yes there is a song called “hey ya” (emoji smiley)
Adam: Yeah, and it’s a pretty darn good song. So what did you wind up doing tonight?
Luke: Oh u know...watching family guy...lounging in bed....haha super exciting night (emoji tongue out face) how’s the moving going?
Adam: It’s going. But it’s going a bit more slowly now because I’m chattin with this guy I just met (emoji wink face). And silly me for asking that question, I knew that. LOL
Luke: Hahaha well don’t let little ol me slow u down! (emoji wink face)
Adam: You’re not slowing me down. At&t was. I’ll just stay up later. For I did just drink a liter of tejava black tea.
Luke: Hahaha so you’ll be a lil wired huh? ;-) so where’s your new place at?
Adam: Something in this place has 2 b wired cause it sure ain’t the internet. Street and Street.
Luke: Haha. Oh Street and Street is not far from me
Adam: Cool! It’s a great location. In between Runyon and the gayborhood.
Luke: Exactly! I love Runyon btw
Adam: You’re becoming even more intriguing. ;) haha. Do u run?
Luke: Haha I used to run cross country but haven’t been running in a while. But I love to hike Runyon.
Adam: Strike 1. LOL
Adam: Forgot j/k
Luke: Haha strike 1?!
Adam: For not running
Luke: Oh yes def! Haha I like you...gotta keep my ass going and in shape!
Adam: That makes 2 or us.
Luke: Haha well u look like you’re in great shape
Adam: Oh, I meant who likes me. LOL
Adam: J/k. I’ve been traveling the past four weeks and I haven’t been 2 the gym since may. I’ve put on about 5 pounds.
Luke: Oh hahaha! Oh please...5 pounds is nothing
Adam: 5 pounds is a lot when u spend July 4th in Laguna. LOL
Luke: LOL! True
Luke: Well stud I’m gonna get to sleep. Look forward to talking tomorrow (emoji wink face) hope your unpacking goes well
Adam: Likewise Smiley. Thanks, and sweet dreams!
Luke: Night you
Adam: Night ya! LOL
Luke: LOL (emoji tongue out face) TUESDAY
Luke: Morning ya
Adam: Good morning you!
Luke: How’d the unpacking go?
Adam: Progress was made but still a lot to go. Just got done from running 5 so going 2 jump in the shower.
Luke: Nice. Have fun in the shower ;-)
Adam: Aw, you’re sweet. If I only saw your text before. Haha
Luke: Haha well at least u got it
Adam: That I did
Luke: ;-)
Adam: So how was your day?
Luke: Hey you I was just getting ready to ask u the same thing ;-) It was great...went by quickly again. How was yours?
Adam: More unpacking, organizing, laundry, dishwashing, running to target and bbb, constructing, and lunch at daphnes. Yum! And still there’s more to do. Moving’s a bitch.
Luke: Hahahah I hear ya! But it’ll be so nice when it’s finally all done
Adam: You’re right, and I like my place :)
Adam: So what type of exciting evening do you have planned for yourself tonight?
Luke: See that’s the important thing...as cheesy as it sounds your home really should be your sanctuary and happy place (emoji wink face) I’m cooking dinner with a good friend of mine then nothin else planned
Adam: Yeah that’s cheesy. You making mac’n’cheese?
Luke: Anything exciting planned for u tonight?
Luke: Lol! Possibly...I’m not very creative or resourceful when it comes to cooking
Adam: Stir fry is always good. No, just more of the same. I plan on completing everything tonight. Fingers crossed!
Luke: I hope so! Don’t want it interfering with our dinner plans
Adam: Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m looking forward to it, and anxious to see if your smile is as bright and engaging in person. ;)
Adam: The reservation is made WEDNESDAY
Luke: Awwww I just got ur messages. I like to think my smile is way better in person ;-) oooo where we going?
Adam: I thought you like adventure? Are you allergic to anything like seafood or dairy, etc...? The reservation is at 8:15 and it’s at a fairly new place that has got excellent reviews from a number of sources.
Luke: Haha u pass the test! Congrats. No allergies to worry about. Am I meeting u somewhere?
Adam: Nah. I’ll pick lil ‘ol ya up around 7:35ish
Luke: Well how gentleman-like of you...that’s a nice surprise for once...
Adam: Really!?! You have been meeting cavemen. I’ll pick u up, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll leave you there. LOL
Adam: J/k of course
Luke: Lol! I have been indeed! You betta not leave me...i’ll kick ur ass (emoji tongue out face)
Adam: I may just like that....:P problem though is you won’t be able to catch me cause you don’t run
Luke: Hahaha! I love it
Luke: Look at u already capitalizing on my handicaps
Adam: I try. Handicap”s”? Anymore you want to tell me about? Haha
Luke: Oh u didn’t know? I’m a quadriplegic...is that going to be an issue?
Adam: Not at all. We’ll just have to meet at at the restaurant cause you won’t fit in my car. LOL like all the other cavemen.
Luke: LOL! Awww how quickly the sweetness goes right out the window. Yay I’m excited I must admit
Adam: I’m looking forward to meeting you as well. It is 07/08/09 after all.
Luke: Haha I was just getting ready to ask u what 07/08/09 was but then I got it gaga
Luke: Haha not gaga stupid phone
Adam: Yeah blame it on the phone lady gaga
Luke: Hahaha it thinks it’s smarter than I am
Adam: Cause you’re always showing it your poker face
Luke: Oh...ya good point
Adam: Got some stuff to do so gotta run. Let me know your address and have a great day! :)
Adam: Or where u want me to pick u up
Luke: Address. Have a great day!
Adam: So what will u b doing today at 12:34:56 on 7/8/9?
Luke: Hahaha I will def be working....but I guess I’ll make a wish huh?
Adam: Make it a good one
Luke: Oh I will
Adam: driving color manufacturer style
Luke: Are u here already?!
Adam: No. Leaving now.
Luke: Whew ok perfect
Adam: Here
Luke: Be right out
Luke: Thank u again for an amazing evening. I think u are a wonderful unique quality guy and I would love to get to know u better
Luke: Oh and I wanna know your full name...just bc I wanna ;-)
Adam: You’re certainly welcome and I enjoyed our time together just the same. We certainly come from different backgrounds, but that very well may be a good thing. I look forward to seeing you again in the next day or so. Would you like to plan our next adventure?
Adam: My last name is Name. Let me know if your P.I. has any issues investigating me. LOL
Luke: Lol! I would love to plan our next adventure. I will get back to you on the PI results (emoji wink face)
Adam: Yeah. Please let me know on that. I’m intrigued to know what they find out. Haha. And let me know when you’d like to plan #2 for.
Luke: Well I’m def thinking this weekend should be in order for #2
Adam: Sounds good and have a good night! THURSDAY
Luke: Good morning mr wholesome ;-)
Adam: Good morning back at u mr wine-o
Luke: LOL
Luke: I hope u have a great day
Adam: And u as well! :-)
Luke: I look forward to seeing u again soon
Adam: Likewise, well not seeing me cause I c me right now, but seeing u
Luke: Lol ya u see enough of u
Adam: U saying I should share?
Luke: Well I mean...selfishness is never really good...
Adam: It looks like I’ll need to work on that. Haha
Luke: ;-)
Luke: Whats ur facebook?
Adam: Search via email address
Adam: FYI, I made plans with a friend of mine for tmrw night that was confirmed today so Friday is out for #2.
Adam: Forgot 2 say the plans were made last week. I am looking forward 2 date #2.
Luke: Well we’ll just have to do something for this weekend then...I’m glad you’re looking forward to it cuz so am I ;-)
Adam: Great, more time 4 u 2 plan. Haha C u soon! :-)
Luke: Haha yep! Hope your day is going well
Adam: It is, thanks and likewise. Finally going through all of my paperwork, which was a lot and then off 2 Runyon in an hour or so.
Luke: Awww I’m jealous ur doing Runyon...I need to get up there tonight
Adam: U want me to wait?
Luke: If you would like to! I’d love to go up there with you
Adam: Sure I’ll wait. Let me know what time I should meet u at fuller and sunset
Luke: I could be up there by 7:15 ;-)
Adam: c u then
Luke: Perfect
Adam: And just so u know, this isn’t #2, so you’re not off the hook 4 planning the next adventure.
Luke: Hahaha of course not! I’ll plan something way better ;-)
Luke: We still on for 7:15
Adam: Yep. Leaving apt now 4 fuller/sunset. May b a few minutes late.
Luke: No worries...I’m walking over there right now
(With the expectation that our second “official” date was to be during the weekend, on our walk back from the hike Luke innocently said that he spoke with his mom and that he would be going home for the weekend. I was a bit perplexed and shocked to find this out because up until that point I thought, and was excited, that we were planning to go on our next “official” date. So I clearly exhibited a surprised and disappointed look on my face after he told me this sudden change to not only his, but our weekend. At the time, as we were talking about it, he inferred that it was simply a test for him to see what my reaction would be in a demonstration of my interest in him. As I admitted to Luke at the time, a very shrewd move on his part.)
Adam: I still can’t believe u did that.
Luke: Hahaha I must admit it played out a little better than I expected it to
Luke: Thank u again for waiting and hiking with me
Adam: It was a very shrewd move and suffice it to say I was both dumbfounded and then impressed. I can’t believe I was played like that. Hmmmm
Adam: And no problem. I enjoyed it
Luke: I hope I didn’t hurt u (emoji teeth grin face)
Adam: Hurt me, nah. But you might worry. LOL
Luke: Uh oh....y?
Adam: I’ll leave u uh ohing for a while. Haha
Luke: ur a cruel one Adam Last Name
Adam: Why am I cruel? U r cruel. And our whole chat somehow got deleted from my phone. :(
Luke: Haha I’m messing with ya. Awww that’s sad!
Adam: Huh, it just reappeared. :)
Luke: Oh how nice of it
Adam: Maybe it was trying to fool me as well to see what my reaction would be.
Luke: Hahaha ya maybe my phone did it and was trying to take after me
Adam: Not after you called it stupid the other day.
Luke: Oh I call it that cuz it gets off on stuff like that
Adam: Oh really?
Luke: Yup...it’s pretty kinky
Adam: Does the phone take after you or do u take after your phone? Because I hear phones and their owners are like dogs and their owners. (while hiking we had a conversation about dog breeds having the personality of their owners)
Luke: Hmmmmm...you’ll have to see for yourself ;-)
Adam: My mom called. I’ll have to first see if it’s ok with her.
Luke: Haha this sounds so familiar from some odd reason
Luke: Good night u
Adam: Sweet and kinky dreams ya!
Luke: Lol! (emoji tongue out face)
FRIDAY
Adam: Morning ya! Any sweet or kinky ones last night?
Luke: Haha morning! None that I can recall unfortunately...how’d you sleep?
Adam: Like a baby until the street work on Street started. Have a great day!
Luke: Haha hate that!!! Thanks you too (emoji wink face)
Adam: Thx!
Adam: And how was your day? Oh wait...”it went by quickly!” LOL
Luke: Haha unfortunately today didn’t go by quickly and my boss was pretty nasty to everyone...but it’s now over! Yay (emoji wink face) how was yours? Get a tv?
Adam: Sorry 2 hear that. Mine was good and my apartment is finally in order and everything in its place. No tv today, but auto insurance.
Adam: Btw when r u planning our #2 for ? Tmrw?
Luke: Good....it’s nice to have everything in order! Haha congrats on auto insurance (tongue face) as for #2...can we shoot for Sunday? I’m trying to plan something fun.
Adam: Yes it is. And congrats r premature on the insurance. I haven’t changed anything yet. Yeah, Sunday will work fine.
Luke: Haha well then I retract my “congrats.” Perfect, I’m excited to see u again.
Adam: Retraction accepted. I look forward to seeing u as well and what u have up your sleeve for date #2.
Luke: Hahaha dun dun dun
Adam: Not fair. :( I didn’t do that 2 u and we’re way too far away from Sunday.
Luke: What’s not fair? That I am trying to surprise you? That’s right...ur probably a little nervous about surprises now huh? Haha
Adam: No. It’s that you were teasing me about it. Should I b nervous about it? FYI, I’m not jumping out of an airplane.
Luke: Awww I wasn’t trying to tease you I’m sorry. I think I take my joking too far sometimes. And no lol we’re not jumping out of an airplane
Adam: Gotcha! Mr. Humility.....haha
Luke: LOL (emoji tongue out face)
SATURDAY
Adam: Tick tock tick tock
Adam: R we still on 4 tmrw?
SUNDAY
Adam: Did something happen? Are u alright? Can u pls call me as I’m very concerned!
So after all of that, it appears the surprise that Luke was planning for our date was to go AWOL. In the week that we had been communicating, the above was our text chat but we met and communicated for a bit on an internet site as well, I had gotten to really like him. I had also received the impression that he liked me. After finally meeting and seeing him twice.....I thought something was possible between the two of us.
When Sunday night rolled around I became very concerned for his welfare. We became facebook friends late in the week so I messaged one of his closer friends, whom he told me about, to see if she had heard from him. She had not. (FWIW, I would have become very concerned for any of my friends whom we had plans together and I had not heard from them in two days)
I didn’t hear from him on Sunday, so on Monday I called him at work. We only spoke for a minute or so as I didn’t want to bother him. I really only wanted to make sure he was alive and to better understand why he went AWOL. He told me what happened and said he would call back later in the day.
A little bit after our phone conversation I emailed Luke the following:
I hope you don't think I'm crazy or am a stalker, but I was genuinely concerned about you since I had not heard from you since Friday. I hope your ______and _______ are doing better.
In the evening Luke emailed me back:
No way! I thank you actually for calling and checking in...it's surprising to have someone care so much like that...but very nice! I'm so sorry about this weekend. My ______ got hurt at a ______and I had to go home and my phone has been having problems (I dropped it again)
I hope that you are not too upset with me...if so I understand. But I would really like very much to plan a second date ;-)
Later on that night I emailed him back:
You're welcome, and I hope your ________ is ok and getting better.
I don't know if your phone is working but I just tried calling as I thought I would have heard from you. I'd rather talk than write so I hope I'll hear from you.
Since I never heard from him, the next day I emailed him:
I sense that these last few days for you have been a trying time. Part of me wants to be there for you to help you through it. I feel kind of odd writing that because we did just meet, but I want to be able to hold you, kiss you, and basically just make sure you're okay. You know I basically didn't get much sleep the last two nights and it's driving me crazy. Honestly, I don't know exactly why either.
But
I also have another sense that is beginning to wonder if this all makes sense. I mean we did just meet. You seem like a great guy, and I truly am sorry that you had a family _________ this past weekend. But with that being said, it appears you made no effort to let me know that something had come up and you had to postpone. Then yesterday, you said you would call back, and then I never heard from you. (yeah I know you sent a facebook message) I'm not angry or upset with you about these things, but I am disappointed. I believe I deserved better. So selfishly, I'm wondering if I should allow myself to get disappointed like this by a guy I just met.
I do like you Luke, and maybe it's surprising to me that I may like you more than I'm comfortable with at this point. I would like to see you soon and talk this through, but I need you to step forward, or I'm going to force myself to step away. Are you the Luke whom I met and liked and had so much fun with the first few days, or are you the Luke that has been driving me crazy and disappointed me these last few days?
Would you like to meet up tonight?
Two days passed and I had not heard from Luke. Contrary to the advice of my two closest friends in L.A. (after describing the situation and reading to them the above email that I had sent) I decided to call Luke at work again. The reason for the call was twofold. First, I wanted to soften the tone of the last email and ensure that he didn’t read it as a rigid, “take me or leave me” ultimatum. (Apparently expressing your emotions and feelings, let alone proactively communicating, is not a common concept here in WeHo.) Second, I wanted, in my mind, to be able to separate from him and continue to date and flirt with other guys. So the call was very beneficial to me. I told him that I like him and would love to see him again. I also said that he should take his time and that I am here for him if he needs someone to talk to. He told me that he had not been on facebook during the week and had not read the prior email. He also told me that he had to move apartments earlier in the week. So little by little more info is creeping out but I still find it all very odd.
Nonetheless, I’ve communicated what I’ve wanted to communicate to him and the chips will fall where they may. I really like Luke and I hope I’ll hear from him again, but the next move has to be his. Well except for his pretty little facebook pictures that I could and did use to.........well you know! :(
Less Than Jake-"The Science of Selling Yourself Short"
A few weeks ago I met this guy, whom I’ll call Jack, out at a club. We went home together that night, and although it was a very vanilla affair, I believe we both enjoyed each other’s company. I didn’t ask for his number when we were together, but we did become facebook friends the following Monday and messaged back and forth a few times. As the week went on, my affection for him began to grow. Since he didn’t have his number listed in his facebook info, I messaged him on Friday and asked him three questions.
1. Are you in town this weekend? 2. May I call you? and if so 3. What is your number?
He messaged back:
1. That he was leaving for the weekend. 2. I could call him. 3. And he gave me his number
So on Tuesday, I called Jack, we chatted for a bit and I then asked him out on a date. I don’t remember his specific response, but his answer to my request was left open on the phone call but he said that he would get back to me the following day. So the following day I was at my cousin’s wedding in Disneyland when I received his text at 9:43PM.
“I didn’t forget about you. I just got home from a crazy day.”
I replied to him with a text at 10:57PM.
“I hope it was crazy good. Will b back in Weho tmrw afternoon. I’m no sleuth but I sense ur days are crazier than mine, so touch base when u can. Thx!
Well, I never heard back from Jack, so I called and left a voicemail message for him on Sunday.
So let me tell you, it’s a great feeling to not only be forgotten, to use Jack’s word, but to also be ignored. This experience takes me back to the only other guy that I asked out on a date. (the rest of my dates, the other guys asked me) In both cases, neither of the guys provided me with a yes or no answer.
What’s with that?
In addition, and in an evaluation of my own self, I asked both of the guys out immediately before I would be leaving town for extended periods of time.
What does this say about me? Is it just a coincidence of time, or is there something with me asking guys out before I leave town? (Jack didn’t know I would be leaving town, but Gene did.)
I do believe Jack is a good guy and I know he works a lot, but I just don’t know what happened and it’s bothering the hell out of me. We have a few things in common, and I would like to get to know him better. I will follow up with him again in a few weeks, but I’m beginning to get frustrated that, in my limited experience, a pattern is developing where guys don’t have the balls to lay it on the line and say yes or no.
Oh, and the funny part of the story is that on Sunday, I learned from a friend that Jack lives two houses down from him. Maybe I’ll go knock on his door and ask for some sugar. lol
I know it’s been some time, so to continue, the day I returned to WeHo I was poisoned during lunch. That funny guy, with the big white head, pointy hat, funny facial expressions, who pops out of a children’s toy poisoned me. Bastard I tell you! I used to love Mr. Box and his food, but not so much anymore.
Ethan planned an outing with some friends of ours that Wednesday night. The plan was to start at Hamburger Mary's for some bingo and then proceed to........... Unfortunately, within 30 minutes and before the second game of bingo even began, I sensed the inevitable. That the one activity in life that I HATED the most was quickly approaching. Having begun to sweat profusely, I abruptly said my goodbyes and was out the door on my way home.
I made it about fifty feet along Santa Monica Blvd. when I began to feel light headed. I knew I wouldn’t make it home, so I immediately went back to Mary’s and quickly darted to the bathroom. Upon arrival and having opened the door, I realized the bathroom was occupied with another guy. I waited patiently for him, in line with another girl, knowing that at any moment I was about to embarrass myself. I waited, and waited, and waited until I couldn’t wait anymore. The bathroom door was unlocked and through the opening that I had left, when I had initially peeked in to see if it was occupied, I saw said guy turn away from the toilet. Since the guy was between me and the toilet, I rushed to the garbage can and out it came. In all its chunky glory my puke missed him by inches.
I immediately went home where I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my own golden throne depositing even more chunky goodness. For the next five days I hardly ate, had the runs, felt miserable, and besides a family gathering didn’t leave my apartment for any social activity.
Suffice it to say I was physically and emotionally bankrupt. Having spent the better part of the previous 8 weeks in Arizona, dealing with loss, change, and loneliness, I was excited, hopeful, and eager to return to WeHo. So to fall ill on the day I returned was like a figurative and literal punch in the gut. Once again, it brought me to evaluate and wonder what the reason and meaning of it all was.
Did I make a mistake in coming back to WeHo?
Have my decisions over the past 9 months been the correct ones?
Am I a better person today then I was yesterday?
Is there a fulfilling and prosperous career that awaits me here in Los Angeles?
Have I really begun to develop honest and true friendships here in L.A., having been accepted into those I consider friend's lives, or have I simply been fooling myself with relationships devoid of any deeper depth?
Am I happy with where I am sexually?
And what does my future look like?
Looking back over the last few weeks, I’m angry with myself. In not writing, I’ve hid behind the excuses of; self loathing, a lack of inspiration, and the personal belief that my story was told, which to some degree are all true, but in doing so I’ve neglected the personal benefits that writing has provided.
For the life of me I’m trying to figure out what happened and if I did anything wrong. I first wrote about my friendship with Gene and how I may have changed it in my Risk/Reward post. Then on the 26th of January I had my follow up conversation with him that I subsequently wrote about in my Your Answer Please post. As I told him at the time, the timing for me to express all of this was atrocious, but it was important enough for me to express my feelings and be completely honest with him. I truly thought he respected that. I truly thought he appreciated that. (he did, because that's what he told me) Most importantly, I thought that the conversation we shared on the 26th was one where we both got to experience a more emotionally intimate and authentically pure side of each other than what we had previously experienced before.
I left our dinner incredibly excited. Unfortunately, On the 28th of January I traveled back to Arizona where I remained until the 20th of February. Although I like to present an image to the world that nothing emotionally effects me, it’s all a charade. I AM HUMAN and 2009 has been emotionally draining. From my quest to find intimacy, love, and sense of place in Los Angeles, to the experience of my final weeks with and the eventual passing of my companion and best friend, to the reality of formally moving to L.A., having finally moved my own furniture and property out from Arizona, to every financial asset I own in a perpetual state of valuation free fall with no bottom in site thanks to our irresponsible government (the Democrats, whom I voted for appear to have learned NOTHING as it relates to spending money we don’t have from the Republicans of the last 8 years) So suffice it to say, my 2009 has not started out very well.
All the more reason for me to have been excited to get back to L.A. on the 20th and see what was to come in my relationship with Gene. While in Arizona, Gene and I spoke and texted each other a number of times but never did we follow up on our conversation. Having returned, on Friday night I met up with him and another friend of mine, whom I’ll call Militant, out for dinner. It was a good time and I was glad to see them both again. Obviously with Militant there, Gene and I didn’t discuss anything pertinent to where we left it on the 26th. So on Saturday night I go out to dinner with Gene and Ethan. Once again, Gene and I didn’t discuss anything pertinent to where we left off on the 26th since Ethan was with us. After dinner we went dancing at CPop where we met up with some of our other friends. It was at CPop when my emotions of the last few weeks finally began to hit me. Midway through the night, I detached myself from everybody, found a spot along a wall, and began to become very glazed and reflective. I can’t even begin to imagine what others thought of me as I stared into the abyss reflecting on everything that has gone on in my life over the last six weeks. As they were leaving, Gene and Ethan found me and we all went home.
Since that night I haven’t spoken with Gene. We’ve attempted to communicate with one another, although I’ve begun to wonder how serious an effort we’ve made based on the times we’ve tried to reach each other. So my sixth sense takes me back to what I had ironically questioned in my Your Answer Please post.
Six days to wonder what the answer would be.
Six days to wonder whether I had made a mistake.
Six days to wonder, based on the experience of those 6 long days, what it would be like to not have any verbal communication with my friend.
At this point, I sense Gene just wants to be friends and doesn’t want to explore what those other feelings each of us may have had in the past for each other may have meant. I’m cool with that, and I accept and respect his decision. His friendship has been very important to me and I’ve conveyed to him, on numerous occasions, how appreciative of him I’ve been. I only hope that Gene has the courage to personally convey his thoughts to me so we can move beyond what we created on the 26th and our friendship can move forward in a positive way.
“Human”-The Killers (Armin Van Buuren Radio Remix)
A friend and I were walking home from a club on Sunday morning around 3:00AM when our ears were filled with the soothing sounds of more ignorant a-holes. The first car drove by and from the vehicle we heard something that sounded like, “you guys going to go suck each other’s dicks you assholes.” Not to be outdone by this first vehicle, about 300 yards further east along Santa Monica Blvd. a car stopped next to us, and the passenger yelled out, “going to eat your boyfriend’s shit you faggots?”
Having experienced something like this now for the fifth and sixth time, I kind of let it go in one ear and out the other as it happened. However, the second car’s action still has me thinking. They stopped their car to yell. They decided to do this beforehand and simply did not have an impulse to just yell at two gays as they were driving through WeHo. What losers!
Beyond that Saturday was a really good day and a fun night.
Based on the calendar it has been, but in reality I’ve only been physically living here for about 4.5 months. Regardless in how I choose to define my beginning in California, I’m lovin’ L.A.! So much so that I’ve renewed my lease and am now ready to call L.A. home.
With this commitment, I am preparing to turn in the furniture that I’ve been renting these past 6 months. So I’ve spent a good portion of the last few days mattress shopping. What a pain in the arse! I’ve been sleeping on a rental mattress and have spent a significant amount of time sleeping in hotel beds and I’ve never had a problem sleeping on crappy mattresses. Yet, I find myself agonizing over the finer details of this pending purchase. The #1 question is whether I should buy a king or queen size mattress. A queen mattress fits nicely in my apartment now and I wouldn’t have an issue with it’s size in any future residence. The problem is that I believe it will be a bit small and uncomfortable when I find myself a boyfriend. (there’s a first) A king mattress would overpower my bedroom now and it’s size may pose a challenge with future, rental residences. However, a king mattress would be way more comfortable and luxurious when I’m not sleeping alone. Decisions, decisions.
In other news, Saturday night was a blast. Went out for dinner with some friends to celebrate Gene’s return to the states and followed that up with three hours of dancing. While dancing, I locked lips with two separate guys ever so briefly. (although one of them was my friend, ah oh)
And for laughs...(a friend of mine sent this to me today and despite it being a few years old I had not seen it before, so I'm going to share)
Having just lit my menorah for the first time in WeHo, I want to take this opportunity to wish all of you a Happy Hanukkah and a Merry Christmas!
The holiday party that I co-hosted last weekend turned out to be a fun night and a great learning experience. Our friend’s feedback has been very positive and we have already started to prepare for our next party, A Spring Fling. (our working title)
What was learned from the night was:
-My type A, slightly perfectionist personality was very evident as co-host. -Parking was a nightmare for some of our guests. -The drinks which were a concern, turned out to be great. -The decorations were awesome. -Our friend's feedback on the night has been very positive. -Don’t wait to decorate for your party until the day of, especially when you stayed out past 3:00AM that morning.
Ho ho ho the holidays are near and I’m throwing a party. (actually co-hosting one with a friend of mine) It’s obviously a holiday themed party and because of our location will be cleverly decked out.
I still consider myself new to the city so I find it a bit humbling, yet gratifying that I’m in a position to host. For me, the party represents a way to give back and say thanks to those individuals who have welcomed me into their community over the last few months. We decided to invite people whom we consider friends and we welcomed them to bring a friend or two. (sorry acquaintances)
In preparation for our celebration of the 12 Days of Christmas and the 8 Crazy Nights of Chanukah my co-host and I went shopping with a friend of ours for five hours yesterday and would up buying most of our decorations and booze. I had a lot of fun, but by the end of the night realized that we may have a problem. After sampling most of the drinks, with two other friends, that we were to make for our party, the problem is that not many of them were all that tasty. Since there are not a whole lot of Chanukah cocktails that I’m aware of, am I going to be stuck serving only The Chosen Beer?
And here's a really cool light display originating from Arizona to the tune of Wizards in Winter.
After about 2.5 weeks I finally saw Z at the gym again on Wednesday. He was sitting on an incline dumbbell bench about 5 feet from where I was completing my lower back, hyper-extension exercise. When I finished, I went over to Z to say hello. He stuck out his hand, palm facing down with his weight glove on, and we shook hands in a cupped way. We chatted for a few minutes and I then finally asked him out. I referenced the fact that I still owed him and I asked him out for drinks or lunch. He did not answer it with a yes or a no. He smiled, I smiled and we hedged around what I had just asked. I left him by saying something to the effect of, "think about it and let me know." It was really a nice conversation and he told me that over the last few weeks he was frequenting the gym later in the day to attend an abs class, hence why I haven’t seen him. I only bring this up because he said that I should take the class as well. (he said that before I asked him out)
I’m not sure if Z will at some point say yes, but I’m okay with that. For me, Z was the first cute guy that really caught my attention when I moved out here and joined a gym. Metaphorically, he has been my barometer in how I’ve evaluated my progress since arriving in WeHo. It’s been an interesting, educational, and fun pursuit of Z over the last few months. Befriending him, and subsequently asking him out in some respects brings closure to this initial chapter in my coming out. So I’m pleased that I finally asked him out, and I just might have to attend one of those ab classes. Who knows, maybe he works it with his shirt off. :-)
And to think that you thought Z would be my first date. That would have been just too darn Hollywood. The fact is Stand Straight comes to you from West Hollywood, and my first date is in two days with a guy I met while attending my first house party last Saturday night. He asked for my number on Saturday night, called me on Tuesday to ask me out, and we're going for brunch on Saturday because I already had plans for Friday night.
The text message I received from a friend this morning at 12:37AM upon learning that I went to Hyde for some late night/early morning fun. Indeed I was one of many “little boys” who ventured to Hyde last night looking for some sweets. It was the first time that I had ever gone out on a Tuesday, let alone to Hyde where Tuesday is gay night, and I’ll tell you this could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
Hyde is a really small bar/lounge on Sunset which had a very intimate vibe to it, not to mention incredibly expensive drinks. The clientele skewed younger and it was inspiring to be a part of that youthful, gay exuberance with guys who were there just to have fun and not think. My only problem is that I just can’t have fun. I ALWAYS have to THINK!
I had tons of fun last night and initiated most of the conversations that I had with other guys. (full disclosure, I went to Hyde with 1 friend) I was particularly attracted to this one guy, I’ll call him J, who was extremely cute in both body and face. I initiated my first conversation with him when we were both standing about 14 feet back from, well really in front of the bar while our friends, my 1 and his 4, were getting drinks. I initiated some small talk with J which lasted about a minute or two. When my friend came back with our drinks we moved back into the main room.
Shortly thereafter J and his friends came back into the main room and were standing not too far from us. When I had the opportunity, I moved in on J and told him that I thought he was cute. We spoke for a few minutes and that was that. He and his friends then left the main room and all I could think about was that I must have spooked him by being so forward. As the night wore on I reckoned that he must have told his friends that I approached because I got many glances from them. As the night was coming to a close J and his friends were between me and the door. I was talking with my friend and two other guys, and I saw J dancing with one of his friends. What completely shocked me was this. J, who again was closer to the door than I, came back up to me and said, “My friends and I are leaving and I enjoyed meeting you.” I responded, asked J a question or two, and we then said our goodbyes. Unfortunately, the most important question is the one that I DIDN’T ask. Duh, J what is your number?
So I’m left to wonder and reconcile why J took off to get back with his friends shortly after I told him that I thought he was cute, yet made it a point to go out of his way to come find me and say goodbye. Was he just being polite or was his action a sign of interest? I’m seeking answers, and now I’m seeking J!
The WeHo Rally (11/5/08) The Mormon Temple Rally & March (11/6/08) The Silver Lake Rally & March (11/8/08) Having supported and participated proudly in the above three I am done with rallies and marches for the foreseeable future. I believe they have served their immediate purpose and I am done listening to our community shaming everybody except ourselves. With that being said, I am extremely hopeful that this defeat will be our communities wake-up call to ACTION. I hope that the passion, pride, and participation displayed over the last few days will be there over the next 2 to 4 years as we prepare and WORK to take this issue back to the voters. (I am no legal expert but I am doubtful the courts will rule in our favor and overturn the 11/4 vote.)
After the rally on Saturday I went out to dinner with some friends in Silver Lake where we decided to join up later at night with another one of their friends at some guys costume, birthday party at a roller skating rink. (was told it was a straight party made up primarily of aspiring actors and actresses) Since we didn’t have any costumes, a good friend of mine I’ll call Gene suggested that we go find some ribbons and create some outfits based on a Xanadu theme. (Beyond hearing the Xanadu song at the rink, I still have no clue as to the concept of our costumes and how they related to Xanadu.) Anyway, we each chose a color and since I was wearing blue jeans and blue CK boxer briefs I decided on the color blue. We stopped by Ralphs, a grocery store, where we got some free ribbons from the balloon department. Next stop was another friend’s house where we tied the ribbons around our upper arms and head, and where I received a blue, sleeveless, camouflage shirt in size S to complete my outfit. (I’m not sure if it’s funny or sad, but I felt good, or at least I thought I looked good in my costume when I was wearing it. Having since seen the pictures, I keep wondering what I was thinking wearing what I did.) We got to the rink at about midnight and skated, mingled, and had a great time for the next 2 and a half hours. Since there were no other gays in attendance, or so I was told by my friend who has an astute gaydar, I began chatting up this girl. After about 5 minutes Gene came swooping in to cock block me. It was so funny and I knew what he was doing at the time. Gene knows most of my story and he’s been my second gay mentor. Over the last 8 weeks or so he has taught me quite a bit, challenged me to participate in new experiences, and overall helped me loosen up. (at least a little) He’s a guy who is just so comfortable in his skin and I admire the heck out of it. I know I’ve made some strides over the last few months but I am nowhere close to being at his comfort level. Anyway, Gene knew what he was doing when he cut in, and we laughed about it 15 minutes later. Roller skating was awesome. It took about a half hour and a second pair of skates for me to become comfortable on them again, but once I did I had a blast. To top it all off, in the 2.5 hours that we were there, I only fell on my ass once. And that was only because I thought it would be cute to jump in front of a picture being taken of my friends as we were skating out on the rink. Clearly I got what I deserved and did not make the picture.
On Sunday afternoon, I went down with a friend to Santa Monica with the intent on renting bicycles to ride to Venice. Unfortunately, when we arrived the rental shop was not renting bikes due to the high winds. We left the beach area and decided to have lunch and walk around and window shop the Shops on 3rd St. Promenade. During our late lunch we learned that my friends family was on the pier. As the sun set on the chilly afternoon, we bought some Hot Chocolate from Leonidas and walked back down to the pier. I met my friend’s family and they bought us all tickets to ride the relatively new Ferris wheel on the pier. It was dark, cold, and windy up at the top, but the views were great and it was a fun experience. And Life Moves Onward & Upward!
Bob Sinclar-"Love Generation"
"Why must the children play in the street, broken hearts and faded dreams. Peace and love to everyone that you meet. Don't you worry it could be so sweet. Just look to the rainbow, you will see, the sun will shine to eternity. I've got so much love in my heart, no one can tear it apart. Be the love generation!"
To answer the question that I posed, Halloween turned out to be full of fleeting tricks.
The costume that I ordered was that of a "Well Hung Man."
The adjustments that I made were to rip off the sleeves, unbutton the shirt down to my abs, and walk around with my arms tied behind my back.
Overall, I had a good time. But like so many other experiences that I've had over the last few months, my reality did not measure up to my hopes or expectations. That is my fault because at times I have a hard time seeing the forest through the trees. (although I've been told by many friends that they thought this year's party was very sterile, bland, and straight)
By the end of the night I lost my noose, so if you happened to have found it please let me know.
On Saturday August 9, 2008 I felt for the first time second class. (see A Mile High and Equally Distant post) On Tuesday, November 4, 2008 I became second class as my civil rights and the afforded equal opportunities here in the state of California were taken away, and discrimination was codified in the constitutions of both the State of California and the State of Arizona.
Who would have thought that on a day where America would elect it’s first African American candidate to the office of President of the United States, it would be the African American community, more than any other voting group, who would vote resoundingly here in California for the discrimination of others. According to Associated Press exit polls, 7 in 10 black voters backed proposition 8. According to the LA Times, blacks represented 10% of the voters. So of the 10,157,038 voters (# will change as the last of the ballots are counted) who cast a ballot, roughly 1,015,703 were black. Of those, 710,992 voted for discrimination while 304,711 voted for equality. A difference of 406,281 votes. (the difference in Prop 8 was around 500,000 votes)
"Today was an affirmation that this is a new world, a new day," said Danny Bakewell, publisher of the Los Angeles Sentinel, the city's oldest black newspaper. "America has risen to the reality that the old days are dead, people are truly created equally and what you do in this world depends on your ability to overcome your personal challenges." (LA Times online-11/5/08)
I researched Mr. Bakewell’s paper and I came away surprised. On the issue of Prop 8 the Los Angeles Sentinel editorialized:
"Proposition 8- Would amend the California constitution to state that only a marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.
The Sentinel does not support this proposition. Courts have established that marriage is a right for all couples. The California constitution should guarantee the same freedoms and rights to everyone; no group should be treated differently. California statutes identify nine real differences between marriage and domestic partnerships. Only marriage provides the security that spouses provide one another."
So why? Why Blacks, why Latinos, why orthodox, conservative, and Persian Jews? For people who have experienced so much discrimination and unequal rights through the years, why did so many of you vote to deny others of theirs?
I’m angry! But, contrary to what you might think, I’m not angry at the above ethnic groups or even the Mormons. (as twisted as it sounds I admire the Mormons in how galvanized they became on this issue.) Who I’m angry with are the Gays, Equality California, and the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign.
I attended the rally yesterday evening in West Hollywood and was quite pleased with the turnout and passion demonstrated. A few protest marches even ensued after the rally. But my question is this, where were most of the Gays when they were needed before the vote? While I understand and appreciate the spontaneity and disgust that fueled the passions of last night, I find it disgraceful that so many Gays in attendance and throughout the state did either nothing, or very little, to ensure that their rights would not be taken away.
As for Equality California and the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign, PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR LETTERS OF RESIGNATION NOW! In life one must be held accountable for their actions and those results, and throughout this campaign the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign failed miserably. Their failed leadership is as clear as these two emails that many of us received throughout the campaign:
Received on October 14th
Dear Adam,
The latest tracking polls show that if the election were held today among voters who have seen both our ads and the other side’s ads that we would WIN! Unfortunately, we don’t have sufficient funds to get our ads seen by all the voters who’ve seen the other side’s ads. So it’s that simple…without more funds we’ll lose. But we will win if we have enough money to reach voters. So DONATE NOW! A powerful array of motivated groups have organized against us. Yesterday’s Sacramento Bee reported that: “Mormons…have emerged as the leading financial contributors to the controversial Nov. 4 ballot measure. Church members have donated about 40 percent of the $22.8 million raised to pass the initiative since July.” What is also unfortunate is that only 30,000 people have donated to the No on 8 campaign compared to the 60,000 who have donated to the other side. In a state with about two million LGBT people, in a country with millions more and tens of millions of straight allies, we have to get everyone to support this fight. If every LGBT person donates we can win! Yesterday’s Sacramento Bee also reported on the sacrifices being made by members of the Yes on 8 campaign: "That's why Auburn resident David Nielson, 55, is giving…He and his wife, Susan, live on a budget. The couple donated $35,000, he said, "because some things are worth fighting for." The couple will forgo a vacation for the next two years and make other sacrifices to pay for their donation, he said.” So, what is your equality worth to you? What is your equality worth to your friends and family? How much will you sacrifice for your own freedom? We are running out of time. We need your support now. We need the support of your friends and family now. DONATE NOW! FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO ALL OF YOUR CONTACTS!
In solidarity, Executive Director Equality California
Received on 11/4/2008
Dear Adam,
The polls are now closed. And whatever the outcome, history has already been made. Before the results are in, I wanted to thank each of you for all you have done to get us to this moment. No matter what happens, we should all be proud of what we have accomplished in this campaign. We have built the largest grassroots campaign in California history, with close to 100,000 donors. We have created the largest and most diverse coalition in history to advance the cause of equality. We have worked with incredible partner organizations who have stood with us each step of the way. And for the first time in any anti-gay ballot measure fight, we were not outspent. EQCA was expected to raise $1 million from our members to defeat Prop 8, an amount close to our entire 2007 budget. But as you have always done, you have shattered all expectations. Together EQCA members have donated close to $14 million, more than a third of the entire amount raised to defeat Prop 8, making us the largest donor to the campaign by far! The EQCA staff has been all in, working around the clock on fundraising, field, media, web communications and so much more. And you, our members, have volunteered and served in leadership positions in every corner of our great state. Whatever the outcome – and I do believe we will win – we have moved Californians a remarkable amount from 2000 when Prop 22 was passed by a margin of 61% to 39%. And together, we have moved California from a state where LGBT people had no rights, to the state with the most rights in the nation. We have passed an unprecedented 50 pieces of legislation to advance our rights over the past decade. We have moved the country from a place where domestic partnership and civil union seemed like a goal that was generations away to a country where marriage equality is gaining support in every state. Each of you is part of the most successful state LGBT organization and advancement of our rights that our nation has ever witnessed. It is truly remarkable. Together, we have done amazing things.
I am forever grateful. Executive Director Equality California
It’s extremely disheartening to look back and read the above emails. Our leadership failed us and it was evident in their strategy, their preparation, their message, their organizational structure, and most importantly their ability to galvanize the community for whose rights they have always worked so hard to advance. By the time they got their act together in mid to late October, failure was virtually assured. It was reported in the LA Times that 18% of Los Angeles County and 29% of Orange County voters voted early. The Yes side carried both those counties and overall their campaign kicked our ass. I could cite a litany of additional issues I’ve had with the campaign but at this point it would do no good. The only question that I’d like to pose publicly is this;
Why were there no Gay people or Gay couples in any of the official No on 8 ads?
I take little comfort in the claims that we have advanced the movement since 2000 when the vote was 61% to 39%. (52% to 48% this year) How could you claim advancement when our own campaign did not offer a single ad featuring a Gay, married couple demonstrating what our equal relationships look like? Regardless, the bottom-line is this, WE LOST RIGHTS THAT WE LEGALLY HAD! PERIOD! Time may be the answer, but tomorrow is never a guarantee.
As for me, I’m saddened, angry, but otherwise good. Life for me will progress and I will continue to step forward in my personal, professional, and philanthropic life. As I’ve said before, I feel blessed to have had this opportunity to come out at this time and in this place. I am a better man for having done so and I am pleased that I was able to contribute to a cause that is much greater than I.
I wanted to say thanks to my family, friends, and readers who responded to my emails, calls, and posts over the last few months and made a positive difference during this campaign. Equality is for all, and my fight for it has just begun. (Literrally, I'm off to go run the 5 miles down to the Mormon temple from WeHo for the 2:00PM press conference to go punch someone in the face. I just don't know if it will be a Gay or a Mormon. Equality for all! lol)
This afternoon there was a small rally in West Hollywood for No on Prop 8 supporters. I decided to take the balloons that we used on our tabling nights because they added a presence and have been part of our efforts over the last few weeks. The balloons spell out NO ON 8.
I had the balloons filled earlier in the day after I attended a training session for my election day duties. (and fwiw, I will be working the polls in Santa Monica. The city from my Homo post.) However, by the time we got to the park the 8 was completely deflated and wouldn't rise. I hope, G-d willing, that it's a sign from above of things to come!
The rally lasted about 20 minutes. At the conclusion of the rally, many supporters then went on to become visible at a number of intersections throughout town. I participated at the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica.
This was a neat experience to take part in, and to be honest I came close to shedding a tear on two occasions. During this mobilization I got chills listening to the constant sound of car horns, demonstrating their support for voting No on 8.
I really can't believe that Halloween is here. I've known for awhile that the City of West Hollywood throws a big street party for Halloween, but what I didn't really know was how big it is for the mo crowd. (big and mo, like chocolate and peanut butter, seem to be two things that go hand and hand)
I have been looking forward to Halloween, but to be quite honest, I thought I would just attend and try and take it all in. That thought went out the window as soon as I learned a tad bit more about how much fun the night can be. I am now REALLY excited about tonight. So much so that I had a costume shipped next day, although UPS f'd it up yesterday and I now have to go pick it up at their customer service center. I will make some slight changes to the costume to make it a tad more revealing and sexy. ;) (PG of course but I will tell you this, I will look hot and for those with a naughty imagination.......)
Will Adam's Halloween be filled with fleeting tricks or scrumptious treats? (you'll find out after the election)
My final Friday night, No on 8 tabling event has come and gone and I think it was the best night yet. I had the largest number of volunteers working with me, the founders of our grassroots organization came by to take pictures of our presence (this is history folks and we’ve been asked to chronicle our activities), I was accused by two of my friends, who volunteered with me on Friday, that I was discriminatory and had a propensity to initiate conversations only with the hotties that passed by (that is so untrue), rumors were spread that I was wearing our LHC No on 8 t-shirt in a size XS despite the fact that I made it very clear that I was wearing a S :), but MOST IMPORTANTLY we signed up a great number of volunteers to promote the No on 8 message at polling sites on Election day. :-) That was our sole goal on Friday.
The campaign still needs volunteers, so if you reside in California or will be visiting California on November 4th and would like to help promote our equality message at polling sites on Election day please sign up here. ELECTION DAY VOLUNTEER
After working the corner, I and two said friends went to grab a bite at Swingers. (cool late night grub place) I enjoyed our conversation and it was a nice end to a great night.
Since we finally received our order of yard signs from the No on 8 campaign, I spent a good part of Saturday making sign deliveries to people who requested signs from us at the different events that our organization has put on over the last few months. Along with those requested orders, we also planted about 30 signs in key right of way locations, within 2 weeks of an election I’m told it is legal, including Sunset Blvd., Sunset Plaza, Beverly Hills, Hancock Park, Melrose, etc... During this time we caught this old guy, who stopped his car in the middle of the street near Hancock Park, taking down a No on Prop 8 sign that was planted in a median. We pulled up next to him, honked, we both rolled down our windows and we said, “What the hell.” He said, “It was illegal to place these signs in public areas.” We said, “You are wrong,” and I then called him a bigot! He drove away and we made sure to place more signs on the same street.
I finally had the opportunity to visit dear friends of our family, who I grew up with and have known for many years, on Sunday. (mom and two daughters, one a year older than I and one a year younger) They now live in Escondido and I went to see them, along with older daughter’s husband, kids, and their family friends. It was another great day and they couldn’t have been more caring, loving, and happy for me. What I didn’t like was seeing about 8 Yes on prop 8 signs scattered throughout their neighborhood. I left them with 4 No on prop 8 signs and as I was leaving their neighborhood I thought about yanking the Yes signs. It was only a quick thought for two reasons. I’m better than that, and I want their neighbors to know exactly who supports civil discrimination and the removal of equal rights from their fellow Californians.
On Monday I scouted polling places with another friend of mine to determine how many No supporters we needed to send to each polling place to help convey our message and remind voters to Vote No on Prop 8.
Lastly I had the conversation with two other close friends of mine on Monday night whom I unfortunately did not have the opportunity to speak with when I was back in Phoenix in September. The conversation went great and I’ll once again convey how blessed I am to have such wonderful family and friends. I look forward to getting together with them when I return to Phoenix for Thanksgiving.
I lost my bet to Z and saw him for the first time at the gym on Monday. I approached him on Monday and told him that I owed him something for losing the bet. He smiled, took his right hand and briefly placed it on my left arm and said it was okay and not necessary for me to fulfill my obligation. It was this conversation that I had been planning for weeks, and I screwed it up. (I felt like such a loser) Hence, I did not ask him out on Monday. So yesterday, I saw Z at the gym again. We were both doing ab exercises, so we frequented some of the same equipment. Early on in my workout I waited on a piece of equipment that Z was on. So I waited about 10 feet from him, with my back towards him, and stood there patiently for him to finish. When he was done with the machine, he again grabbed my left arm and told me the machine was mine. I thanked him and moved on. When Z was done with his workout, a new experience occurred. He initiated some spoken words to me. He said something to the affect of, "goodbye and I’ll see you later." What struck me was that this was the first time that he spoke to me without I having initiated. Progress?
Afternoon
Who knew that my title for Monday’s post “Gone Hollywood” would foretell what I was to experience, in support of the No on 8 campaign, on Wednesday afternoon. All I can add at this point is ...............................................
Evening
I spent a few hours phone banking for the No on Prop 8 campaign. It was encouraging to see a huge turnout of volunteers show up to work the phones. That’s a change and I hope it’s indicative of a turning point in the campaign. Twelve days and counting..................................... After phone banking I met two of my friends out for dinner/drinks at a local bar that does tranny bingo. (One of them has been praising this bingo night, numbers called out by a tranny, for some time) Since it was my first time there, both of them wanted nothing more than to see me win a game. Why? So my uptight arse would be forced to go on up and see the tranny. I didn’t win any games but it was an experience nonetheless.
On Friday I went to a stylist, whom a friend recommended, and received my first haircut since moving to WeHo in July. Like many of the other changes in my life over the last few months, this grooming call was no exception. My last two haircuts I received on my visits back to Phoenix from the same guy who I've gone to since having arrived in Phoenix many years ago.
A friend of mine from Phoenix, who I’ve known for many years, used to call me “big wave Dave.” (because of my flowing front locks) I’m sorry to say that Dave has surfed his last wave. haha (at least for now) During my first visit I told my stylist, sounds so Hollywood compared to barber, what I was most conscious about and gave him permission to do whatever he wanted. (with the caveat that if he f’d up I wouldn’t be back) At first I wasn’t sure whether I liked it, but now I’m definitely sure. I love it! He cut off most of my hair and I’m okay with that. I look HOT!!!! (or so I’ve been told :-)) The best part about it was that he wasn’t too expensive. ($50 compared to what I used to pay in Phoenix, $27) He has his own salon in the expensive retail area of WeHo without any other stylists, so how he stays in business is beyond me.
On Saturday night I went to a friend’s movie release party where I met up with two friends. We ended up talking for most of the night where I had the chance to tell one of them my story. He was fascinated by it and I’m not quite sure why. Don’t guys normally change everything about their life in the span of a few months? haha We went our separate ways around 12:30am and I stopped by Suede, a dance club. By the time I got there the place was packed and I had a hard time getting into the groove having had the feeling that the party started and went on without me. :(
On Sunday night I went to see my friend’s movie, Saving Marriage at the Regent Showcase on La Brea. Saving Marriage is the true story of the fight in Massachusetts to save marriage equality. (it’s a documentary and the trailer is below) I thought it was a powerful film and I hope that the film’s distributors work to ensure that all Americans have the opportunity to see it. After the film I went out to dinner with a new friend of mine, and his friend. I had a good time and it was refreshing to hear that my views on the gays of WeHo, and the WeHo culture were not unique to me. They too were impressed by my story and admired how much I’ve done in the short time I’ve been here.
Over the last two weeks there has not been a whole lot going on from a personal standpoint. Most of my time has been spent doing stuff for the No on 8 campaign. Even when I did go out on Thursday with the intent on having a personal night, I got asked to help out with what some of my friends were doing. (I have a very hard time saying NO)
One thing that did happen on Thursday was that I was recognized. So my activities in "getting my face out there" seem to be paying off. haha
Searching for truth, honesty, happiness, and meaning in a world of labels and my own self repression. Coming out in my early thirties experiencing the freedom, fear, and fun that it brings; with the gift of a 12 year old, the experience of a 15 year old, the body of a 24 year old, the face of a 28 year old, the analytical mind of a 40 year old, and the humor of a member of the tribe!
