crushED

Twas the night after Christmas
And all through WeHoland
Fiestas were raging
Would a new connection be at hand

Who was that confident guy
That began hitting on me
Having talked me into buying him pizza
Although at the time I wished he'd let me be

"He's not really your type,"
As my friend said that night
He scared my bejesus
And caused me some fright

He was someone different
And for me very new
A bit more aggressive, crude, and totally hot
Did I even have a clue

So I started the timer
Thirty-two mornings ago
As I began to wonder
What I didn't know

I texted him back
At only fifteen hours five minutes in
Said, "hey half-slice the timer is stopped"
So let's let the dating begin

I don't find dating real easy
and the science seems so unjust
I found it to be real silly
that he was smitten with woman's busts

Thirty days did come
And thirty nights then went
He taught me a bunch
As we both seemed so spent

Having gazed into his deep brown eyes
And caressed his bright smooth skin
The greatest challenge seemed to be
In reaching him deep within

I began to believe
That he was holding back some truth
It certainly didn't help my cause
That my dating style was so uncouth

At a minimum he was disingenuous
At most I believe he may have lied
When you date a guy who you really like
The incongruence of your words and deeds shouldn't leave them wondering why

I should have trusted my gut early on
And had listened to my friends
For if I had done all that
I wouldn't need my broken heart to mend

He said he wouldn't hurt me
But that's exactly what he's done
All I asked for was some sincerity
In how he communicated and had his fun

I got blinded by the beauty
Of his gorgeous outer shell
Raising doubts about myself
I've unfortunatey known all too well

I look back at all it now
At what I could've done
To have increased our chances of being together
And to have had a bit more fun

It clearly was not meant to be
As the chemistry was just not there
For this I question his openess
Having clung to his dating history which for me was such a scare

I'm clearly a bit worried for him
Because I felt he was unwilling to grow
He said he'd gone on over one thousand dates
One would have thought he would eventually know

Just in case I'm not really clear
Half, I really do care and hope for you
That eventually you will conquer your fears
And succeed in relationships anew

My disappointment is certainly real
For that I am not gonna lie
He said, "you're gonna be a good boyfriend"
With it being over I've been temped to cry

I grew to like him very much
and thought of our future in store
Hoping for our own personal growth
To which he responded that he wouldn't change any more

But please don't get me wrong
As I am also very much to blame
I could have done things differently
And put more skin in the game

The reason why I am somewhat angry
Is not solely on the loss of losing him
It's once again the realization had a few things been done differently
Of the life that could have been

Well there you have my first, real guy crush
What I learned and how it affected me
So I guess it's now time to dust myself off
And find another one of those proverbial, fish in the sea