Monday, March 2, 2009

My Double Entendre

“Damn, you hooked up with him?”

I would think about this question as it was asked from someone else in a completely laudatory, astonished, and excited way.

"Hell Yes!!!"......The lustful, free spirited, confident, liberal side of my brain alluding to and recognizing the hotties that I’m most attracted to, and with a sense of satisfaction the three letter word I wanted to positively use to answer this question.


“Damn, you hooked up with him?”


I would think about this question as it was asked from someone else in a completely unflattering, shocked, and saddened way.

"Hell No!!!".......The stiff, stoic, diffident, conservative side of my brain alluding to and recognizing the hotties that I’m most attracted to, and with a sense of shame and embarrassment the two letter word that I wanted to negatively use to answer this question.



Since my arrival in L.A., many of my L.A. friends have given me a tremendous amount of grief over the “type” or “look” of the guys that I’m most attracted to. While it has all been in good fun, I would be lying if it didn’t have some sort of stifling effect on me. There were times when I’d be out and my mind would prevent me from going after the type of guys that I really wanted to get to know. Despite my attraction to these guys, my mind would take me back to the ribbing from my L.A. friends and the wonderment of what my longtime family and friends would think about some of the guys whom I physically liked. So in the past, I just didn’t really pursue what I really wanted.

Fuck it! ;) Haha, just kidding but seriously I’m done letting what others may perceive of me limit how I’ve been living my life. I care about what all of my family and friends think of me and the people who are and will become part of my life, but I have to be truer to myself and go after the guys that turn me on.

Early last week I went out and the above process unfolded yet again. Only this time I decided that I had had enough. So I went after a hottie and made it happen. We had a great night together. ;) What’s funny about this was my Hottie, who appeared younger, was actually a few months older than some of my L.A. friends. (at least the two who were with me part of the night when I met said Hottie) So much for their ribbing, and it’s been a hoot letting them know his age.

It was really a great night and a prelude to what would turn into an incredibly great week. I met more guys, some of whom may turn into friends while others may turn into something else, and received more numbers last week then I had during any other week since my arrival in L.A. It was an awesome week, and I believe I’ve learned a little bit more about myself and what I need to do to achieve the results and happiness that I’m looking for. It’s incredible what a little confidence and finally getting passed one’s own self imposed hang-ups could do for you.

And with that I’m all SMILES!!!

2 comments:

queer heaven said...

Often Adam friends who say “Damn, you hooked up with him?” are really projecting their own frustration that they are not getting the guys they want.

Good for you! Keep smiling!!

TNC said...

What kind of guys are you attracted to that would make you feel shame and embarrassment? Your friends are either being judgmental of your hotties or telling you that you could do better! Glad that you have turned things around and achieved even more happiness!