What are the Odds?

I don’t recall if I posted anything on this, but there is this really cute guy at the gym who I've had a crush on since I first saw him back in July. (and it’s not the same guy that I recently introduced myself to in the Hello It's Nice to Meet You post) My crush is smaller (body frame), cuter, and younger. (which means I’m probably too old :( ) Nonetheless, I briefly commented to him, in the middle of August when I saw him at the gym wearing a competing University’s colors, in reference to the upcoming football season. Because I was so smitten, I contacted GB from Gay Banker to get some advice on how I should proceed. Here is part of the email I wrote to GB:

Now to my question.  (and I apologize in advance if you may have covered this in years past)  First off I am nowhere near 15, but I feel like it as I learn the ropes in the gay scene.  I have read many of your posts on the gym scene, and more specifically the lockers and sauna, but my question is relative to the gym floor.  (Due to a lack of overall experience, I haven't mustered the courage or confidence yet to step into the locker room/sauna scene at my gym)  So there is this really cute guy, although he appears to be a number of years younger, that works out the same time I do.  One of these days, with an emphasis on one of these, I would like to ask him out.  On Monday, I said something to him because we were both wearing our competing University's colors.  He responded back but a conversation didn't develop.  (we both had our ear buds on and were in the middle of our exercises)  I don't know if he is gay, but I would sure like to find out.  I already understand that I need to maintain more eye contact, as it being a key sign, but is flirting normal and okay ON the gym floor?  Would it be completely awkward, then and certainly afterward being that we both train at the same time, if I came right out and asked him out?  Is it more appropriate to try and continue to make light conversation and see what happens?

Well the not so funny thing was that I had not seen Cutie at the gym since I emailed GB a few weeks ago. Because of this I have not been able to use the advice that GB so quickly provided.

So on Thursday night, and after packing the car for my trip back to Phoenix, I joined up with my friend Ethan at a local bar around 11:15. Ethan was out with Kevin who he had just met earlier in the week and they were celebrating Kevin’s birthday with his friends. And what are the odds? Apparently Kevin is friends with the guy I have a crush on at the gym.

Cutie showed up at the bar. :-) I felt like a 10 year old school girl when I saw Cutie embrace Kevin. I went up to Ethan and told him the story and began to devise a plan to learn more. When Ethan’s date rejoined us I began to question him about Cutie. After that I made my move.

Cutie was near the bar and I went straight towards him. I mentioned that we’ve seen each other at the gym, spoke two lines together, and I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself. He did recognize me and remembered that we spoke. :) We spoke for a little bit near the bar and made a nice wager on the upcoming football game between our two schools. Nothing materialized on Thursday and the odds of anything really happening are very slim, but at least it’s another start. I know his name, we have a nice bet which should provide the means for further conversation, and I certainly look forward to seeing him at the gym when I return.

And Ethan, you know what would make a great birthday gift. Please HELP me get a date with Z. :-) I didn’t get to sleep on Friday morning until 2:30 because I was thinking about what had just transpired having just met my gym crush. (and the meaning of him showing up on that night in particular, hmm) To harden my resolve and strengthen my conviction, on the drive back to Phoenix I got hard twice just thinking about Z. lol

I am going to ask him out when I return to WeHo! So if anyone has any suggestions or ideas on how or where to ask him, this 15 year old would certainly appreciate learning from your experience? Thanks!

and Z, this one’s for you so get ready.

Kevin Lyttle-"Turn Me On"

Hello, it's nice to meet you

Yesterday I had a first. I don’t know if it will lead to anything, but I approached my first guy at the gym and introduced myself. It wasn’t in the lockers or the sauna, but out on the gym floor. Anyway, the guy works out around the same time as I on most days so I've seen him there a lot. I also have seen him out at least once at the clubs.

So he was sitting on an ab bench and appeared to be listening to his ipod. I was walking all over the gym yesterday because I was doing an ab and arm workout that comprised 12 different exercises alternating between an ab and an arm. You do one set of each for all twelve and then repeat it four times. Fun stuff!

Anyway, as I approached him I noticed that he appeared to be talking. So at that point I wasn’t sure if he was just singing along to his music or talking to someone on the phone. So I said, “are you on the phone?” He nodded in the affirmative and that was that. For the next 30 minutes I would pass by him as I moved to my different exercise stations, occasionally making eye contact, as he remained on the phone.

He finally got off his call and came right over to me. :) (I knew that because I was 20 feet behind him to the right) So I said to him, “Attending to business?” He responded, “Yes, that was my agent and we were going over a script.” So I then responded, “Cool. I just wanted to introduce myself because I’ve seen you quite a bit since I moved here, primarily here at the gym but I believe I’ve also seen you one or two times out at the clubs. I think it is foolish to be strangers.” We exchanged names, shook hands, and carried the conversation for another few lines. (we did have to get back to working out)

And that was that. For me it’s a start and I am anxious to see if, and how the conversation will proceed on subsequent interactions.

So B, it was nice to meet you! :-)

Break it Down

As I look back today, I've led an abundant, enjoyable, and happy life. I have a great family, good friends, and a good job. All of which I've cared about immensely over the years. As such, there was a part of me that didn't want to accept that I was gay, which in doing so, I believed would completely change who I was, how I lived, how I was perceived, and become an obstacle as to what I was capable of accomplishing in my life. So I chose to live and define myself in two ways. There was the public side and the private side. I believe that I have been perceived on the public side as a very confident person, a leader, a go getter, highly successful, a doer, strong, stoic, independent, disciplined, always there for others, and thought to be straight. This side has, or at least I believe it has, allowed me to achieve both professional and personal goals of mine that have been truly rewarding. The public side was the side that my family, friends, and business colleagues knew. The private side was the side that only G-d and I knew. I would describe my private side as someone who unfortunately has been the complete opposite to that of my public side. I perceived myself on the private side as someone who was and still is to some extent not confident, I always seem to doubt and question myself, I've led myself to an unhappy place, I've gotten shit, I've done shit, I'm weak, independent, and believe myself to be not straight. This side of me also wonders if I deserve to be truly happy.

And it is true happiness that I yearn for. So much so, that I'm completely changing my life.

It is with this in mind that I decided to join the blogosphere. My primary reasons for opening up during this journey are threefold. First off, I believe it will be therapeutic and healthy to begin to open up and share some of my innermost thoughts and emotions, along with allowing me the opportunity to evaluate my own personal growth. Second, I look forward to the day when I may share this blog with my closest family and friends in order to provide them with a deeper view and meaning of who I am. Lastly, I hope to provide my story and experiences as an example to those who may be in a similar situation. I have learned the long and hard way that we are not alone, and if I can give back by sharing and in doing so have an impact on someone else, great!(as I was greatly impacted by another blog: www.debriefingtheboys.blogspot.com)

I have never considered myself a great writer, communicator, or technologist, so I don't know what this blog will turn into, but I'm ready to give it a shot and STEP FORWARD.

Tears for Fears-"Break It Down Again"