Beginning and "Happy" Ending.....soo soo sad

MONDAY

Luke: Hey you!

Adam: Doesn’t the song go Hey Ya?

Luke: Haha yes there is a song called “hey ya” (emoji smiley)

Adam: Yeah, and it’s a pretty darn good song. So what did you wind up doing tonight?

Luke: Oh u know...watching family guy...lounging in bed....haha super exciting night (emoji tongue out face) how’s the moving going?

Adam: It’s going. But it’s going a bit more slowly now because I’m chattin with this guy I just met (emoji wink face). And silly me for asking that question, I knew that. LOL

Luke: Hahaha well don’t let little ol me slow u down! (emoji wink face)

Adam: You’re not slowing me down. At&t was. I’ll just stay up later. For I did just drink a liter of tejava black tea.

Luke: Hahaha so you’ll be a lil wired huh? ;-) so where’s your new place at?

Adam: Something in this place has 2 b wired cause it sure ain’t the internet. Street and Street.

Luke: Haha. Oh Street and Street is not far from me

Adam: Cool! It’s a great location. In between Runyon and the gayborhood.

Luke: Exactly! I love Runyon btw

Adam: You’re becoming even more intriguing. ;) haha. Do u run?

Luke: Haha I used to run cross country but haven’t been running in a while. But I love to hike Runyon.

Adam: Strike 1. LOL

Adam: Forgot j/k

Luke: Haha strike 1?!

Adam: For not running

Luke: Oh yes def! Haha I like you...gotta keep my ass going and in shape!

Adam: That makes 2 or us.

Luke: Haha well u look like you’re in great shape

Adam: Oh, I meant who likes me. LOL

Adam: J/k. I’ve been traveling the past four weeks and I haven’t been 2 the gym since may. I’ve put on about 5 pounds.

Luke: Oh hahaha! Oh please...5 pounds is nothing

Adam: 5 pounds is a lot when u spend July 4th in Laguna. LOL

Luke: LOL! True

Luke: Well stud I’m gonna get to sleep. Look forward to talking tomorrow (emoji wink face) hope your unpacking goes well

Adam: Likewise Smiley. Thanks, and sweet dreams!

Luke: Night you

Adam: Night ya! LOL

Luke: LOL (emoji tongue out face)

TUESDAY

Luke: Morning ya

Adam: Good morning you!

Luke: How’d the unpacking go?

Adam: Progress was made but still a lot to go. Just got done from running 5 so going 2 jump in the shower.

Luke: Nice. Have fun in the shower ;-)

Adam: Aw, you’re sweet. If I only saw your text before. Haha

Luke: Haha well at least u got it

Adam: That I did

Luke: ;-)

Adam: So how was your day?

Luke: Hey you I was just getting ready to ask u the same thing ;-) It was great...went by quickly again. How was yours?

Adam: More unpacking, organizing, laundry, dishwashing, running to target and bbb, constructing, and lunch at daphnes. Yum! And still there’s more to do. Moving’s a bitch.

Luke: Hahahah I hear ya! But it’ll be so nice when it’s finally all done

Adam: You’re right, and I like my place :)

Adam: So what type of exciting evening do you have planned for yourself tonight?

Luke: See that’s the important thing...as cheesy as it sounds your home really should be your sanctuary and happy place (emoji wink face) I’m cooking dinner with a good friend of mine then nothin else planned

Adam: Yeah that’s cheesy. You making mac’n’cheese?

Luke: Anything exciting planned for u tonight?

Luke: Lol! Possibly...I’m not very creative or resourceful when it comes to cooking

Adam: Stir fry is always good. No, just more of the same. I plan on completing everything tonight. Fingers crossed!

Luke: I hope so! Don’t want it interfering with our dinner plans

Adam: Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m looking forward to it, and anxious to see if your smile is as bright and engaging in person. ;)

Adam: The reservation is made

WEDNESDAY

Luke: Awwww I just got ur messages. I like to think my smile is way better in person ;-) oooo where we going?

Adam: I thought you like adventure? Are you allergic to anything like seafood or dairy, etc...? The reservation is at 8:15 and it’s at a fairly new place that has got excellent reviews from a number of sources.

Luke: Haha u pass the test! Congrats. No allergies to worry about. Am I meeting u somewhere?

Adam: Nah. I’ll pick lil ‘ol ya up around 7:35ish

Luke: Well how gentleman-like of you...that’s a nice surprise for once...

Adam: Really!?! You have been meeting cavemen. I’ll pick u up, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll leave you there. LOL

Adam: J/k of course

Luke: Lol! I have been indeed! You betta not leave me...i’ll kick ur ass (emoji tongue out face)

Adam: I may just like that....:P problem though is you won’t be able to catch me cause you don’t run

Luke: Hahaha! I love it

Luke: Look at u already capitalizing on my handicaps

Adam: I try. Handicap”s”? Anymore you want to tell me about? Haha

Luke: Oh u didn’t know? I’m a quadriplegic...is that going to be an issue?

Adam: Not at all. We’ll just have to meet at at the restaurant cause you won’t fit in my car. LOL like all the other cavemen.

Luke: LOL! Awww how quickly the sweetness goes right out the window. Yay I’m excited I must admit

Adam: I’m looking forward to meeting you as well. It is 07/08/09 after all.

Luke: Haha I was just getting ready to ask u what 07/08/09 was but then I got it gaga

Luke: Haha not gaga stupid phone

Adam: Yeah blame it on the phone lady gaga

Luke: Hahaha it thinks it’s smarter than I am

Adam: Cause you’re always showing it your poker face

Luke: Oh...ya good point

Adam: Got some stuff to do so gotta run. Let me know your address and have a great day! :)

Adam: Or where u want me to pick u up

Luke: Address. Have a great day!

Adam: So what will u b doing today at 12:34:56 on 7/8/9?

Luke: Hahaha I will def be working....but I guess I’ll make a wish huh?

Adam: Make it a good one

Luke: Oh I will

Adam: driving color manufacturer style

Luke: Are u here already?!

Adam: No. Leaving now.

Luke: Whew ok perfect

Adam: Here

Luke: Be right out

Luke: Thank u again for an amazing evening. I think u are a wonderful unique quality guy and I would love to get to know u better

Luke: Oh and I wanna know your full name...just bc I wanna ;-)

Adam: You’re certainly welcome and I enjoyed our time together just the same. We certainly come from different backgrounds, but that very well may be a good thing. I look forward to seeing you again in the next day or so. Would you like to plan our next adventure?

Adam: My last name is Name. Let me know if your P.I. has any issues investigating me. LOL

Luke: Lol! I would love to plan our next adventure. I will get back to you on the PI results (emoji wink face)

Adam: Yeah. Please let me know on that. I’m intrigued to know what they find out. Haha. And let me know when you’d like to plan #2 for.

Luke: Well I’m def thinking this weekend should be in order for #2

Adam: Sounds good and have a good night!

THURSDAY

Luke: Good morning mr wholesome ;-)

Adam: Good morning back at u mr wine-o

Luke: LOL

Luke: I hope u have a great day

Adam: And u as well! :-)

Luke: I look forward to seeing u again soon

Adam: Likewise, well not seeing me cause I c me right now, but seeing u

Luke: Lol ya u see enough of u

Adam: U saying I should share?

Luke: Well I mean...selfishness is never really good...

Adam: It looks like I’ll need to work on that. Haha

Luke: ;-)

Luke: Whats ur facebook?

Adam: Search via email address

Adam: FYI, I made plans with a friend of mine for tmrw night that was confirmed today so Friday is out for #2.

Adam: Forgot 2 say the plans were made last week. I am looking forward 2 date #2.

Luke: Well we’ll just have to do something for this weekend then...I’m glad you’re looking forward to it cuz so am I ;-)

Adam: Great, more time 4 u 2 plan. Haha C u soon! :-)

Luke: Haha yep! Hope your day is going well

Adam: It is, thanks and likewise. Finally going through all of my paperwork, which was a lot and then off 2 Runyon in an hour or so.

Luke: Awww I’m jealous ur doing Runyon...I need to get up there tonight

Adam: U want me to wait?

Luke: If you would like to! I’d love to go up there with you

Adam: Sure I’ll wait. Let me know what time I should meet u at fuller and sunset

Luke: I could be up there by 7:15 ;-)

Adam: c u then

Luke: Perfect

Adam: And just so u know, this isn’t #2, so you’re not off the hook 4 planning the next adventure.

Luke: Hahaha of course not! I’ll plan something way better ;-)

Luke: We still on for 7:15

Adam: Yep. Leaving apt now 4 fuller/sunset. May b a few minutes late.

Luke: No worries...I’m walking over there right now

(With the expectation that our second “official” date was to be during the weekend, on our walk back from the hike Luke innocently said that he spoke with his mom and that he would be going home for the weekend. I was a bit perplexed and shocked to find this out because up until that point I thought, and was excited, that we were planning to go on our next “official” date. So I clearly exhibited a surprised and disappointed look on my face after he told me this sudden change to not only his, but our weekend. At the time, as we were talking about it, he inferred that it was simply a test for him to see what my reaction would be in a demonstration of my interest in him. As I admitted to Luke at the time, a very shrewd move on his part.)

Adam: I still can’t believe u did that.

Luke: Hahaha I must admit it played out a little better than I expected it to

Luke: Thank u again for waiting and hiking with me

Adam: It was a very shrewd move and suffice it to say I was both dumbfounded and then impressed. I can’t believe I was played like that. Hmmmm

Adam: And no problem. I enjoyed it

Luke: I hope I didn’t hurt u (emoji teeth grin face)

Adam: Hurt me, nah. But you might worry. LOL

Luke: Uh oh....y?

Adam: I’ll leave u uh ohing for a while. Haha

Luke: ur a cruel one Adam Last Name

Adam: Why am I cruel? U r cruel. And our whole chat somehow got deleted from my phone. :(

Luke: Haha I’m messing with ya. Awww that’s sad!

Adam: Huh, it just reappeared. :)

Luke: Oh how nice of it

Adam: Maybe it was trying to fool me as well to see what my reaction would be.

Luke: Hahaha ya maybe my phone did it and was trying to take after me

Adam: Not after you called it stupid the other day.

Luke: Oh I call it that cuz it gets off on stuff like that

Adam: Oh really?

Luke: Yup...it’s pretty kinky

Adam: Does the phone take after you or do u take after your phone? Because I hear phones and their owners are like dogs and their owners. (while hiking we had a conversation about dog breeds having the personality of their owners)

Luke: Hmmmmm...you’ll have to see for yourself ;-)

Adam: My mom called. I’ll have to first see if it’s ok with her.

Luke: Haha this sounds so familiar from some odd reason

Luke: Good night u

Adam: Sweet and kinky dreams ya!

Luke: Lol! (emoji tongue out face)

FRIDAY

Adam: Morning ya! Any sweet or kinky ones last night?

Luke: Haha morning! None that I can recall unfortunately...how’d you sleep?

Adam: Like a baby until the street work on Street started. Have a great day!

Luke: Haha hate that!!! Thanks you too (emoji wink face)

Adam: Thx!

Adam: And how was your day? Oh wait...”it went by quickly!” LOL

Luke: Haha unfortunately today didn’t go by quickly and my boss was pretty nasty to everyone...but it’s now over! Yay (emoji wink face) how was yours? Get a tv?

Adam: Sorry 2 hear that. Mine was good and my apartment is finally in order and everything in its place. No tv today, but auto insurance.

Adam: Btw when r u planning our #2 for ? Tmrw?

Luke: Good....it’s nice to have everything in order! Haha congrats on auto insurance (tongue face) as for #2...can we shoot for Sunday? I’m trying to plan something fun.

Adam: Yes it is. And congrats r premature on the insurance. I haven’t changed anything yet. Yeah, Sunday will work fine.

Luke: Haha well then I retract my “congrats.” Perfect, I’m excited to see u again.

Adam: Retraction accepted. I look forward to seeing u as well and what u have up your sleeve for date #2.

Luke: Hahaha dun dun dun

Adam: Not fair. :( I didn’t do that 2 u and we’re way too far away from Sunday.

Luke: What’s not fair? That I am trying to surprise you? That’s right...ur probably a little nervous about surprises now huh? Haha

Adam: No. It’s that you were teasing me about it. Should I b nervous about it? FYI, I’m not jumping out of an airplane.

Luke: Awww I wasn’t trying to tease you I’m sorry. I think I take my joking too far sometimes. And no lol we’re not jumping out of an airplane

Adam: Gotcha! Mr. Humility.....haha

Luke: LOL (emoji tongue out face)

SATURDAY

Adam: Tick tock tick tock

Adam: R we still on 4 tmrw?

SUNDAY

Adam: Did something happen? Are u alright? Can u pls call me as I’m very concerned!



So after all of that, it appears the surprise that Luke was planning for our date was to go AWOL. In the week that we had been communicating, the above was our text chat but we met and communicated for a bit on an internet site as well, I had gotten to really like him. I had also received the impression that he liked me. After finally meeting and seeing him twice.....I thought something was possible between the two of us.

When Sunday night rolled around I became very concerned for his welfare. We became facebook friends late in the week so I messaged one of his closer friends, whom he told me about, to see if she had heard from him. She had not. (FWIW, I would have become very concerned for any of my friends whom we had plans together and I had not heard from them in two days)

I didn’t hear from him on Sunday, so on Monday I called him at work. We only spoke for a minute or so as I didn’t want to bother him. I really only wanted to make sure he was alive and to better understand why he went AWOL. He told me what happened and said he would call back later in the day.

A little bit after our phone conversation I emailed Luke the following:

I hope you don't think I'm crazy or am a stalker, but I was genuinely concerned about you since I had not heard from you since Friday. I hope your ______and _______ are doing better.

In the evening Luke emailed me back:

No way! I thank you actually for calling and checking in...it's surprising to have someone care so much like that...but very nice! I'm so sorry about this weekend. My ______ got hurt at a ______and I had to go home and my phone has been having problems (I dropped it again)

I hope that you are not too upset with me...if so I understand. But I would really like very much to plan a second date ;-)

Later on that night I emailed him back:

You're welcome, and I hope your ________ is ok and getting better.

I don't know if your phone is working but I just tried calling as I thought I would have heard from you. I'd rather talk than write so I hope I'll hear from you.

Since I never heard from him, the next day I emailed him:

I sense that these last few days for you have been a trying time. Part of me wants to be there for you to help you through it. I feel kind of odd writing that because we did just meet, but I want to be able to hold you, kiss you, and basically just make sure you're okay. You know I basically didn't get much sleep the last two nights and it's driving me crazy. Honestly, I don't know exactly why either.

But

I also have another sense that is beginning to wonder if this all makes sense. I mean we did just meet. You seem like a great guy, and I truly am sorry that you had a family _________ this past weekend. But with that being said, it appears you made no effort to let me know that something had come up and you had to postpone. Then yesterday, you said you would call back, and then I never heard from you. (yeah I know you sent a facebook message) I'm not angry or upset with you about these things, but I am disappointed. I believe I deserved better. So selfishly, I'm wondering if I should allow myself to get disappointed like this by a guy I just met.

I do like you Luke, and maybe it's surprising to me that I may like you more than I'm comfortable with at this point. I would like to see you soon and talk this through, but I need you to step forward, or I'm going to force myself to step away. Are you the Luke whom I met and liked and had so much fun with the first few days, or are you the Luke that has been driving me crazy and disappointed me these last few days?

Would you like to meet up tonight?

Two days passed and I had not heard from Luke. Contrary to the advice of my two closest friends in L.A. (after describing the situation and reading to them the above email that I had sent) I decided to call Luke at work again. The reason for the call was twofold. First, I wanted to soften the tone of the last email and ensure that he didn’t read it as a rigid, “take me or leave me” ultimatum. (Apparently expressing your emotions and feelings, let alone proactively communicating, is not a common concept here in WeHo.) Second, I wanted, in my mind, to be able to separate from him and continue to date and flirt with other guys. So the call was very beneficial to me. I told him that I like him and would love to see him again. I also said that he should take his time and that I am here for him if he needs someone to talk to. He told me that he had not been on facebook during the week and had not read the prior email. He also told me that he had to move apartments earlier in the week. So little by little more info is creeping out but I still find it all very odd.

Nonetheless, I’ve communicated what I’ve wanted to communicate to him and the chips will fall where they may. I really like Luke and I hope I’ll hear from him again, but the next move has to be his. Well except for his pretty little facebook pictures that I could and did use to.........well you know! :(

Less Than Jake-"The Science of Selling Yourself Short"

Your Answer Please

It was 6 long days.

Six days to wonder what the answer would be.

Six days to wonder whether I had made a mistake.

Six days to wonder, based on the experience of those 6 long days, what it would be like to not have any verbal communication with my friend.

On the sixth night we got together for dinner at this little Chinese restaurant. For the most part our evening was like all of our other prior engagements, a good time. Although, from the get go I felt like there was a proverbial elephant in the room. For the first 40 minutes or so, what I had asked of him six nights prior was not discussed. To the contrary, I thought he was guiding me to a two letter answer based on our conversation about some other guys that I’ve gone out with.

So having not formally broached the topic for most of the evening I finally invited the elephant to sit down with us. What had been a good conversation turned into a great one. We both were very open, honest, and in a sense a bit vulnerable. The conversation was both exciting and terrifying.

And his answer was YES!

First of the Anniversaries

It was a year ago today that my life changed. And it all started with this email to a complete stranger.

“I've been a reader of your blog for some time and I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to write the blog and share with us the many experiences you've had over the last 2 years. For some of us, and speaking for myself, who don't know anyone in the community, your blog provides a small connection to the community and demonstrates the possibilities to those like myself who haven't quite been completely honest with themselves. So thanks again and I hope your '08 brings you true happiness, health, prosperity, passion, and the love of your life! L’Chaim!”

There was an unintended consequence in sending that email, and that was it exposed my true identity. I completely overlooked how my email was setup, so in truth, today is the day I first came out to somebody other than myself. I freaked out a bit when I received the reply addressing me by my real name. But looking back on it, I’m glad it happened as it happened. Coming out to this complete stranger was obviously a different experience, both meaningfully and emotionally, then coming out to my closest family and friends, but I’m thankful it happened when, and as it did.

So as it turned out, there was no turning back once I hit SEND on January 6, 2008!

And that’s what I’ll celebrate today. The fact that I took the initiative to change my life and it all began with this one email.

Change CAN be good!

6 Months, Really?

Where has all the time gone?

Based on the calendar it has been, but in reality I’ve only been physically living here for about 4.5 months. Regardless in how I choose to define my beginning in California, I’m lovin’ L.A.! So much so that I’ve renewed my lease and am now ready to call L.A. home.

With this commitment, I am preparing to turn in the furniture that I’ve been renting these past 6 months. So I’ve spent a good portion of the last few days mattress shopping. What a pain in the arse! I’ve been sleeping on a rental mattress and have spent a significant amount of time sleeping in hotel beds and I’ve never had a problem sleeping on crappy mattresses. Yet, I find myself agonizing over the finer details of this pending purchase. The #1 question is whether I should buy a king or queen size mattress.
A queen mattress fits nicely in my apartment now and I wouldn’t have an issue with it’s size in any future residence. The problem is that I believe it will be a bit small and uncomfortable when I find myself a boyfriend. (there’s a first) A king mattress would overpower my bedroom now and it’s size may pose a challenge with future, rental residences. However, a king mattress would be way more comfortable and luxurious when I’m not sleeping alone. Decisions, decisions.

In other news, Saturday night was a blast. Went out for dinner with some friends to celebrate Gene’s return to the states and followed that up with three hours of dancing. While dancing, I locked lips with two separate guys ever so briefly. (although one of them was my friend, ah oh)


And for laughs...(a friend of mine sent this to me today and despite it being a few years old I had not seen it before, so I'm going to share)

Funny stuff and a Happy New Year to all of you!

Second Date

After 28 days I had my second date with the guy whom I had a first date with back in November. (please see First Date post) Twenty-eight days is clearly a very long time and in that time desires certainly have changed.

Despite having had few romantic relationships in my life, I have never shied away from offering relationship advice when asked. (some friends even believe that I know what I’m talking about...haha) One piece of advice that I offered a friend a few months ago was that he was seeing this new guy way too often. They began dating, and if I recall correctly saw each other about 10 out of the first 14 nights. In addition, he met and was introduced to his date’s friends within the first week. During these 14 days, my friend would tell me that he liked the guy but he never had the desire to rip off his clothes “to be with him.” My friend did spend some “quality” time with him but he was never “with him.” I felt and told him as such that without that sexual desire it would never work. I also told him that I felt he met his date’s friends way too soon and that he was seeing his date way too much. I reasoned that he wasn’t giving himself a chance to determine if he truly desired his date. It seemed as if he was dating this guy because he was lonely and it was convenient.

Although I didn’t plan on a separation of 28 days, half of the time due to holiday travel between my first and second date, a separation did occur. That time apart allowed me the opportunity to heed the advice that I had previously given to my friend. Being separated gave me reason to pause and think about whether my date provided me with the required desire that I felt was necessary to foster a successful romantic relationship. I began to wonder whether I was more excited about the concept of going on my first date with another guy then I was with the actuality of going on my first date with another guy.

The second date was nice but confirmed for me that I wasn’t romantically interested. I saw my date again on Saturday and will see him on Christmas Eve. I do believe my date is a really great guy and I would love to maintain a friendship with him. So my new challenge is making that happen.

Speaking of Saturday. I was invited, and attended a get together at the home of the creator/writer/producer (?) of a very Desperate Sunday night show. He was a very nice and genuine guy who positively commented twice on my dashing 7.8 looks and once on my smile. Suffice it to say I was very flattered! Now I’ll just sit by the phone and wait for a call from his casting director. LOL

Update-3AM

When I arrived at the gym yesterday I immediately saw said brother. So after my first exercise I approached said brother as he sat on the end of a bench press bench. We both had smiles on our face, shook hands, and talked a little about our experiences on Friday. I played stupid in an attempt to learn the truth and pretended not to have remembered his name nor whether Hottie and said brother were friends or brothers. So what did I learn from said brother?

Said brother’s name panned out as accurate. Hottie’s name was accurate.

Said brother and Hottie were NOT brothers. They were friends, and said brother said that Hottie was really drunk and when drunk likes to pretend that they are brothers.

Hottie had a good time on Friday.

Hottie was to leave Monday night to return home, which was out of state, for the holidays. :(

So when I returned home I immediately called Hottie. Hottie remembered who I was, which wasn’t a surprise as we did text each other on Saturday, so I once again let him know that I had a really good time early Saturday morning. I told him that I just saw his friend at the gym who mentioned that he was leaving town. Hottie confirmed that and said he would be back the first week of January. He then asked me what my plans were for the holidays and so I answered. Finally, I told him that I would like to see him again when he gets back to town after the holidays. Hottie said that he would like that. :-)

Patience is a Virtue

Got word that the apartment I applied for is a go and they are going to try and get it ready a few days earlier than planned. I am hoping to move out to LA July 4th or Independence Day weekend.

And after 6 days I just passed 500 miles on the car. The tires and brakes should be broken in by now but some of the other parts I still have another 500 miles to go. (At least that's what the manufacturer recommends) Despite the daily temptations, it has been extremely difficult to restrict myself from just putting the pedal to the metal and revving the engine above 3,500 RPM. Most of my driving has primarily been around 2,200 RPM. And she, scratch that, he's a beaut!

Loose Ends

I wanted to write this post to provide some further detail on how I arrived here on blogger.

Music

Over the last 5 years, during my darkest days, it has been my music that has sustained me. Because of this, I have decided to structure my blog to incorporate music into many of my posts. (through the videos that follow) I do this to say thanks and provide recognition to the artist. As well, I hope it provides you with a deeper understanding of who I am, what I like, and the words that have both enriched and inspired me. When a video is present, it will provide you with a glimpse of how I was feeling at the time of the post. (Corny I know, but if it’s there, the song had and still has great meaning to me. Not to mention they are great songs, so enjoy!)

Label

I still consider myself in the proverbial closet with the door cracked open. It was at the conclusion of last year that I said, “no mas!” I can honestly say that my only resolution for 2008 was to STEP FORWARD! To kick start me towards achieving that goal, I signed up for a pay package with gay.com during the final days of 2007. Unfortunately, I have not set up any profiles, nor have I been back to that site since January. Nonetheless, having them charge me every three months is a reminder for me to keep on stepping as it’s costing me money.

January to May

To bring you up to the start of the Stand Straight and Step Forward blog, here’s a quick recap. This will also provide you with the people, although the names have changed, that know that I am gay. As noted on my first post, another blogger was instrumental in helping me get to where I am today. As a matter of fact, he asked me in January the one question that I had never asked myself, "Why haven't I decided to come out?" That one question, for the first time in my life, helped me believe in a completely open, honest, free, and more meaningful world that beckoned me to step towards it. Thanks again Matt! The next person I told was Bob. Bob has been a good friend, mentor, and second dad to me for many years. He has been a very open person, and one who I can truly talk about anything with. We spoke in February and it went better than I ever thought it would. It was such a relief because since then I have had someone that I can truly open up to and begin to breath again. Thanks again Bob! The third person I told was Reggie. Reggie is a fraternity brother of mine and I’ve known him for 15 years. I actually sprung my surprise on Reggie in April when I went to visit him in LA. Although he was shocked and had to pick his jaw back up off the floor after I said those three magical words, he seems okay with it. My only disappointment with him is that he hasn’t been as inquisitive as I thought he would be in wanting to learn more about the personal struggles that I have gone through over the years. However, I am fortunate that he joined me on my first visit to a gay bar, the night I told him, and we are still good friends today. Thanks again Reggie! The only other person that I have communicated with, and who has communicated back, is Pablo. And this is a funny story. I’m in my hotel room on a business trip to Philadelphia when I receive a phone call from Bob. Bob informs me that he got into a chat with a guy from LA while he was waiting for a plane in the Phoenix airport. Bob was going to one destination, Pablo to another, yet somehow Bob played the part of yenta and they met. I’m told that within four minutes the conversation flowed into a discussion about me. As it turned out, Pablo was from LA, we share some traits, and he would be more than willing to talk, and help me out as I continued on my journey. We have been communicating for a few weeks now and I’m very grateful. Thanks again Pablo! So now you are in the know to who knows; two long time friends and two new people in my life who one day may turn out to be someone whom I can call a friend.

My Experiences

I don’t have any. I have never kissed, touched, or made love with another guy in my life. As mentioned above, my first experience in a gay bar was in April. I’ve gone to four gay bars in two nights. I have never felt more awkward, terrified, and insecure than I did those two nights. I truly felt like I didn’t belong as those two nights seemed a lot more like work than fun. But with those first visits out of the way, I am really looking forward to my follow-ups.

So there you have it, you are now up to date. Hopefully, it is onward and upward from here!