Twas the night after Christmas And all through WeHoland Fiestas were raging Would a new connection be at hand
Who was that confident guy That began hitting on me Having talked me into buying him pizza Although at the time I wished he'd let me be
"He's not really your type," As my friend said that night He scared my bejesus And caused me some fright
He was someone different And for me very new A bit more aggressive, crude, and totally hot Did I even have a clue
So I started the timer Thirty-two mornings ago As I began to wonder What I didn't know
I texted him back At only fifteen hours five minutes in Said, "hey half-slice the timer is stopped" So let's let the dating begin
I don't find dating real easy and the science seems so unjust I found it to be real silly that he was smitten with woman's busts
Thirty days did come And thirty nights then went He taught me a bunch As we both seemed so spent
Having gazed into his deep brown eyes And caressed his bright smooth skin The greatest challenge seemed to be In reaching him deep within
I began to believe That he was holding back some truth It certainly didn't help my cause That my dating style was so uncouth
At a minimum he was disingenuous At most I believe he may have lied When you date a guy who you really like The incongruence of your words and deeds shouldn't leave them wondering why
I should have trusted my gut early on And had listened to my friends For if I had done all that I wouldn't need my broken heart to mend
He said he wouldn't hurt me But that's exactly what he's done All I asked for was some sincerity In how he communicated and had his fun
I got blinded by the beauty Of his gorgeous outer shell Raising doubts about myself I've unfortunatey known all too well
I look back at all it now At what I could've done To have increased our chances of being together And to have had a bit more fun
It clearly was not meant to be As the chemistry was just not there For this I question his openess Having clung to his dating history which for me was such a scare
I'm clearly a bit worried for him Because I felt he was unwilling to grow He said he'd gone on over one thousand dates One would have thought he would eventually know
Just in case I'm not really clear Half, I really do care and hope for you That eventually you will conquer your fears And succeed in relationships anew
My disappointment is certainly real For that I am not gonna lie He said, "you're gonna be a good boyfriend" With it being over I've been temped to cry
I grew to like him very much and thought of our future in store Hoping for our own personal growth To which he responded that he wouldn't change any more
But please don't get me wrong As I am also very much to blame I could have done things differently And put more skin in the game
The reason why I am somewhat angry Is not solely on the loss of losing him It's once again the realization had a few things been done differently Of the life that could have been
Well there you have my first, real guy crush What I learned and how it affected me So I guess it's now time to dust myself off And find another one of those proverbial, fish in the sea
Luke: Haha yes there is a song called “hey ya” (emoji smiley)
Adam: Yeah, and it’s a pretty darn good song. So what did you wind up doing tonight?
Luke: Oh u know...watching family guy...lounging in bed....haha super exciting night (emoji tongue out face) how’s the moving going?
Adam: It’s going. But it’s going a bit more slowly now because I’m chattin with this guy I just met (emoji wink face). And silly me for asking that question, I knew that. LOL
Luke: Hahaha well don’t let little ol me slow u down! (emoji wink face)
Adam: You’re not slowing me down. At&t was. I’ll just stay up later. For I did just drink a liter of tejava black tea.
Luke: Hahaha so you’ll be a lil wired huh? ;-) so where’s your new place at?
Adam: Something in this place has 2 b wired cause it sure ain’t the internet. Street and Street.
Luke: Haha. Oh Street and Street is not far from me
Adam: Cool! It’s a great location. In between Runyon and the gayborhood.
Luke: Exactly! I love Runyon btw
Adam: You’re becoming even more intriguing. ;) haha. Do u run?
Luke: Haha I used to run cross country but haven’t been running in a while. But I love to hike Runyon.
Adam: Strike 1. LOL
Adam: Forgot j/k
Luke: Haha strike 1?!
Adam: For not running
Luke: Oh yes def! Haha I like you...gotta keep my ass going and in shape!
Adam: That makes 2 or us.
Luke: Haha well u look like you’re in great shape
Adam: Oh, I meant who likes me. LOL
Adam: J/k. I’ve been traveling the past four weeks and I haven’t been 2 the gym since may. I’ve put on about 5 pounds.
Luke: Oh hahaha! Oh please...5 pounds is nothing
Adam: 5 pounds is a lot when u spend July 4th in Laguna. LOL
Luke: LOL! True
Luke: Well stud I’m gonna get to sleep. Look forward to talking tomorrow (emoji wink face) hope your unpacking goes well
Adam: Likewise Smiley. Thanks, and sweet dreams!
Luke: Night you
Adam: Night ya! LOL
Luke: LOL (emoji tongue out face) TUESDAY
Luke: Morning ya
Adam: Good morning you!
Luke: How’d the unpacking go?
Adam: Progress was made but still a lot to go. Just got done from running 5 so going 2 jump in the shower.
Luke: Nice. Have fun in the shower ;-)
Adam: Aw, you’re sweet. If I only saw your text before. Haha
Luke: Haha well at least u got it
Adam: That I did
Luke: ;-)
Adam: So how was your day?
Luke: Hey you I was just getting ready to ask u the same thing ;-) It was great...went by quickly again. How was yours?
Adam: More unpacking, organizing, laundry, dishwashing, running to target and bbb, constructing, and lunch at daphnes. Yum! And still there’s more to do. Moving’s a bitch.
Luke: Hahahah I hear ya! But it’ll be so nice when it’s finally all done
Adam: You’re right, and I like my place :)
Adam: So what type of exciting evening do you have planned for yourself tonight?
Luke: See that’s the important thing...as cheesy as it sounds your home really should be your sanctuary and happy place (emoji wink face) I’m cooking dinner with a good friend of mine then nothin else planned
Adam: Yeah that’s cheesy. You making mac’n’cheese?
Luke: Anything exciting planned for u tonight?
Luke: Lol! Possibly...I’m not very creative or resourceful when it comes to cooking
Adam: Stir fry is always good. No, just more of the same. I plan on completing everything tonight. Fingers crossed!
Luke: I hope so! Don’t want it interfering with our dinner plans
Adam: Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m looking forward to it, and anxious to see if your smile is as bright and engaging in person. ;)
Adam: The reservation is made WEDNESDAY
Luke: Awwww I just got ur messages. I like to think my smile is way better in person ;-) oooo where we going?
Adam: I thought you like adventure? Are you allergic to anything like seafood or dairy, etc...? The reservation is at 8:15 and it’s at a fairly new place that has got excellent reviews from a number of sources.
Luke: Haha u pass the test! Congrats. No allergies to worry about. Am I meeting u somewhere?
Adam: Nah. I’ll pick lil ‘ol ya up around 7:35ish
Luke: Well how gentleman-like of you...that’s a nice surprise for once...
Adam: Really!?! You have been meeting cavemen. I’ll pick u up, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll leave you there. LOL
Adam: J/k of course
Luke: Lol! I have been indeed! You betta not leave me...i’ll kick ur ass (emoji tongue out face)
Adam: I may just like that....:P problem though is you won’t be able to catch me cause you don’t run
Luke: Hahaha! I love it
Luke: Look at u already capitalizing on my handicaps
Adam: I try. Handicap”s”? Anymore you want to tell me about? Haha
Luke: Oh u didn’t know? I’m a quadriplegic...is that going to be an issue?
Adam: Not at all. We’ll just have to meet at at the restaurant cause you won’t fit in my car. LOL like all the other cavemen.
Luke: LOL! Awww how quickly the sweetness goes right out the window. Yay I’m excited I must admit
Adam: I’m looking forward to meeting you as well. It is 07/08/09 after all.
Luke: Haha I was just getting ready to ask u what 07/08/09 was but then I got it gaga
Luke: Haha not gaga stupid phone
Adam: Yeah blame it on the phone lady gaga
Luke: Hahaha it thinks it’s smarter than I am
Adam: Cause you’re always showing it your poker face
Luke: Oh...ya good point
Adam: Got some stuff to do so gotta run. Let me know your address and have a great day! :)
Adam: Or where u want me to pick u up
Luke: Address. Have a great day!
Adam: So what will u b doing today at 12:34:56 on 7/8/9?
Luke: Hahaha I will def be working....but I guess I’ll make a wish huh?
Adam: Make it a good one
Luke: Oh I will
Adam: driving color manufacturer style
Luke: Are u here already?!
Adam: No. Leaving now.
Luke: Whew ok perfect
Adam: Here
Luke: Be right out
Luke: Thank u again for an amazing evening. I think u are a wonderful unique quality guy and I would love to get to know u better
Luke: Oh and I wanna know your full name...just bc I wanna ;-)
Adam: You’re certainly welcome and I enjoyed our time together just the same. We certainly come from different backgrounds, but that very well may be a good thing. I look forward to seeing you again in the next day or so. Would you like to plan our next adventure?
Adam: My last name is Name. Let me know if your P.I. has any issues investigating me. LOL
Luke: Lol! I would love to plan our next adventure. I will get back to you on the PI results (emoji wink face)
Adam: Yeah. Please let me know on that. I’m intrigued to know what they find out. Haha. And let me know when you’d like to plan #2 for.
Luke: Well I’m def thinking this weekend should be in order for #2
Adam: Sounds good and have a good night! THURSDAY
Luke: Good morning mr wholesome ;-)
Adam: Good morning back at u mr wine-o
Luke: LOL
Luke: I hope u have a great day
Adam: And u as well! :-)
Luke: I look forward to seeing u again soon
Adam: Likewise, well not seeing me cause I c me right now, but seeing u
Luke: Lol ya u see enough of u
Adam: U saying I should share?
Luke: Well I mean...selfishness is never really good...
Adam: It looks like I’ll need to work on that. Haha
Luke: ;-)
Luke: Whats ur facebook?
Adam: Search via email address
Adam: FYI, I made plans with a friend of mine for tmrw night that was confirmed today so Friday is out for #2.
Adam: Forgot 2 say the plans were made last week. I am looking forward 2 date #2.
Luke: Well we’ll just have to do something for this weekend then...I’m glad you’re looking forward to it cuz so am I ;-)
Adam: Great, more time 4 u 2 plan. Haha C u soon! :-)
Luke: Haha yep! Hope your day is going well
Adam: It is, thanks and likewise. Finally going through all of my paperwork, which was a lot and then off 2 Runyon in an hour or so.
Luke: Awww I’m jealous ur doing Runyon...I need to get up there tonight
Adam: U want me to wait?
Luke: If you would like to! I’d love to go up there with you
Adam: Sure I’ll wait. Let me know what time I should meet u at fuller and sunset
Luke: I could be up there by 7:15 ;-)
Adam: c u then
Luke: Perfect
Adam: And just so u know, this isn’t #2, so you’re not off the hook 4 planning the next adventure.
Luke: Hahaha of course not! I’ll plan something way better ;-)
Luke: We still on for 7:15
Adam: Yep. Leaving apt now 4 fuller/sunset. May b a few minutes late.
Luke: No worries...I’m walking over there right now
(With the expectation that our second “official” date was to be during the weekend, on our walk back from the hike Luke innocently said that he spoke with his mom and that he would be going home for the weekend. I was a bit perplexed and shocked to find this out because up until that point I thought, and was excited, that we were planning to go on our next “official” date. So I clearly exhibited a surprised and disappointed look on my face after he told me this sudden change to not only his, but our weekend. At the time, as we were talking about it, he inferred that it was simply a test for him to see what my reaction would be in a demonstration of my interest in him. As I admitted to Luke at the time, a very shrewd move on his part.)
Adam: I still can’t believe u did that.
Luke: Hahaha I must admit it played out a little better than I expected it to
Luke: Thank u again for waiting and hiking with me
Adam: It was a very shrewd move and suffice it to say I was both dumbfounded and then impressed. I can’t believe I was played like that. Hmmmm
Adam: And no problem. I enjoyed it
Luke: I hope I didn’t hurt u (emoji teeth grin face)
Adam: Hurt me, nah. But you might worry. LOL
Luke: Uh oh....y?
Adam: I’ll leave u uh ohing for a while. Haha
Luke: ur a cruel one Adam Last Name
Adam: Why am I cruel? U r cruel. And our whole chat somehow got deleted from my phone. :(
Luke: Haha I’m messing with ya. Awww that’s sad!
Adam: Huh, it just reappeared. :)
Luke: Oh how nice of it
Adam: Maybe it was trying to fool me as well to see what my reaction would be.
Luke: Hahaha ya maybe my phone did it and was trying to take after me
Adam: Not after you called it stupid the other day.
Luke: Oh I call it that cuz it gets off on stuff like that
Adam: Oh really?
Luke: Yup...it’s pretty kinky
Adam: Does the phone take after you or do u take after your phone? Because I hear phones and their owners are like dogs and their owners. (while hiking we had a conversation about dog breeds having the personality of their owners)
Luke: Hmmmmm...you’ll have to see for yourself ;-)
Adam: My mom called. I’ll have to first see if it’s ok with her.
Luke: Haha this sounds so familiar from some odd reason
Luke: Good night u
Adam: Sweet and kinky dreams ya!
Luke: Lol! (emoji tongue out face)
FRIDAY
Adam: Morning ya! Any sweet or kinky ones last night?
Luke: Haha morning! None that I can recall unfortunately...how’d you sleep?
Adam: Like a baby until the street work on Street started. Have a great day!
Luke: Haha hate that!!! Thanks you too (emoji wink face)
Adam: Thx!
Adam: And how was your day? Oh wait...”it went by quickly!” LOL
Luke: Haha unfortunately today didn’t go by quickly and my boss was pretty nasty to everyone...but it’s now over! Yay (emoji wink face) how was yours? Get a tv?
Adam: Sorry 2 hear that. Mine was good and my apartment is finally in order and everything in its place. No tv today, but auto insurance.
Adam: Btw when r u planning our #2 for ? Tmrw?
Luke: Good....it’s nice to have everything in order! Haha congrats on auto insurance (tongue face) as for #2...can we shoot for Sunday? I’m trying to plan something fun.
Adam: Yes it is. And congrats r premature on the insurance. I haven’t changed anything yet. Yeah, Sunday will work fine.
Luke: Haha well then I retract my “congrats.” Perfect, I’m excited to see u again.
Adam: Retraction accepted. I look forward to seeing u as well and what u have up your sleeve for date #2.
Luke: Hahaha dun dun dun
Adam: Not fair. :( I didn’t do that 2 u and we’re way too far away from Sunday.
Luke: What’s not fair? That I am trying to surprise you? That’s right...ur probably a little nervous about surprises now huh? Haha
Adam: No. It’s that you were teasing me about it. Should I b nervous about it? FYI, I’m not jumping out of an airplane.
Luke: Awww I wasn’t trying to tease you I’m sorry. I think I take my joking too far sometimes. And no lol we’re not jumping out of an airplane
Adam: Gotcha! Mr. Humility.....haha
Luke: LOL (emoji tongue out face)
SATURDAY
Adam: Tick tock tick tock
Adam: R we still on 4 tmrw?
SUNDAY
Adam: Did something happen? Are u alright? Can u pls call me as I’m very concerned!
So after all of that, it appears the surprise that Luke was planning for our date was to go AWOL. In the week that we had been communicating, the above was our text chat but we met and communicated for a bit on an internet site as well, I had gotten to really like him. I had also received the impression that he liked me. After finally meeting and seeing him twice.....I thought something was possible between the two of us.
When Sunday night rolled around I became very concerned for his welfare. We became facebook friends late in the week so I messaged one of his closer friends, whom he told me about, to see if she had heard from him. She had not. (FWIW, I would have become very concerned for any of my friends whom we had plans together and I had not heard from them in two days)
I didn’t hear from him on Sunday, so on Monday I called him at work. We only spoke for a minute or so as I didn’t want to bother him. I really only wanted to make sure he was alive and to better understand why he went AWOL. He told me what happened and said he would call back later in the day.
A little bit after our phone conversation I emailed Luke the following:
I hope you don't think I'm crazy or am a stalker, but I was genuinely concerned about you since I had not heard from you since Friday. I hope your ______and _______ are doing better.
In the evening Luke emailed me back:
No way! I thank you actually for calling and checking in...it's surprising to have someone care so much like that...but very nice! I'm so sorry about this weekend. My ______ got hurt at a ______and I had to go home and my phone has been having problems (I dropped it again)
I hope that you are not too upset with me...if so I understand. But I would really like very much to plan a second date ;-)
Later on that night I emailed him back:
You're welcome, and I hope your ________ is ok and getting better.
I don't know if your phone is working but I just tried calling as I thought I would have heard from you. I'd rather talk than write so I hope I'll hear from you.
Since I never heard from him, the next day I emailed him:
I sense that these last few days for you have been a trying time. Part of me wants to be there for you to help you through it. I feel kind of odd writing that because we did just meet, but I want to be able to hold you, kiss you, and basically just make sure you're okay. You know I basically didn't get much sleep the last two nights and it's driving me crazy. Honestly, I don't know exactly why either.
But
I also have another sense that is beginning to wonder if this all makes sense. I mean we did just meet. You seem like a great guy, and I truly am sorry that you had a family _________ this past weekend. But with that being said, it appears you made no effort to let me know that something had come up and you had to postpone. Then yesterday, you said you would call back, and then I never heard from you. (yeah I know you sent a facebook message) I'm not angry or upset with you about these things, but I am disappointed. I believe I deserved better. So selfishly, I'm wondering if I should allow myself to get disappointed like this by a guy I just met.
I do like you Luke, and maybe it's surprising to me that I may like you more than I'm comfortable with at this point. I would like to see you soon and talk this through, but I need you to step forward, or I'm going to force myself to step away. Are you the Luke whom I met and liked and had so much fun with the first few days, or are you the Luke that has been driving me crazy and disappointed me these last few days?
Would you like to meet up tonight?
Two days passed and I had not heard from Luke. Contrary to the advice of my two closest friends in L.A. (after describing the situation and reading to them the above email that I had sent) I decided to call Luke at work again. The reason for the call was twofold. First, I wanted to soften the tone of the last email and ensure that he didn’t read it as a rigid, “take me or leave me” ultimatum. (Apparently expressing your emotions and feelings, let alone proactively communicating, is not a common concept here in WeHo.) Second, I wanted, in my mind, to be able to separate from him and continue to date and flirt with other guys. So the call was very beneficial to me. I told him that I like him and would love to see him again. I also said that he should take his time and that I am here for him if he needs someone to talk to. He told me that he had not been on facebook during the week and had not read the prior email. He also told me that he had to move apartments earlier in the week. So little by little more info is creeping out but I still find it all very odd.
Nonetheless, I’ve communicated what I’ve wanted to communicate to him and the chips will fall where they may. I really like Luke and I hope I’ll hear from him again, but the next move has to be his. Well except for his pretty little facebook pictures that I could and did use to.........well you know! :(
Less Than Jake-"The Science of Selling Yourself Short"
A few weeks ago I met this guy, whom I’ll call Jack, out at a club. We went home together that night, and although it was a very vanilla affair, I believe we both enjoyed each other’s company. I didn’t ask for his number when we were together, but we did become facebook friends the following Monday and messaged back and forth a few times. As the week went on, my affection for him began to grow. Since he didn’t have his number listed in his facebook info, I messaged him on Friday and asked him three questions.
1. Are you in town this weekend? 2. May I call you? and if so 3. What is your number?
He messaged back:
1. That he was leaving for the weekend. 2. I could call him. 3. And he gave me his number
So on Tuesday, I called Jack, we chatted for a bit and I then asked him out on a date. I don’t remember his specific response, but his answer to my request was left open on the phone call but he said that he would get back to me the following day. So the following day I was at my cousin’s wedding in Disneyland when I received his text at 9:43PM.
“I didn’t forget about you. I just got home from a crazy day.”
I replied to him with a text at 10:57PM.
“I hope it was crazy good. Will b back in Weho tmrw afternoon. I’m no sleuth but I sense ur days are crazier than mine, so touch base when u can. Thx!
Well, I never heard back from Jack, so I called and left a voicemail message for him on Sunday.
So let me tell you, it’s a great feeling to not only be forgotten, to use Jack’s word, but to also be ignored. This experience takes me back to the only other guy that I asked out on a date. (the rest of my dates, the other guys asked me) In both cases, neither of the guys provided me with a yes or no answer.
What’s with that?
In addition, and in an evaluation of my own self, I asked both of the guys out immediately before I would be leaving town for extended periods of time.
What does this say about me? Is it just a coincidence of time, or is there something with me asking guys out before I leave town? (Jack didn’t know I would be leaving town, but Gene did.)
I do believe Jack is a good guy and I know he works a lot, but I just don’t know what happened and it’s bothering the hell out of me. We have a few things in common, and I would like to get to know him better. I will follow up with him again in a few weeks, but I’m beginning to get frustrated that, in my limited experience, a pattern is developing where guys don’t have the balls to lay it on the line and say yes or no.
Oh, and the funny part of the story is that on Sunday, I learned from a friend that Jack lives two houses down from him. Maybe I’ll go knock on his door and ask for some sugar. lol
I know it’s been some time, so to continue, the day I returned to WeHo I was poisoned during lunch. That funny guy, with the big white head, pointy hat, funny facial expressions, who pops out of a children’s toy poisoned me. Bastard I tell you! I used to love Mr. Box and his food, but not so much anymore.
Ethan planned an outing with some friends of ours that Wednesday night. The plan was to start at Hamburger Mary's for some bingo and then proceed to........... Unfortunately, within 30 minutes and before the second game of bingo even began, I sensed the inevitable. That the one activity in life that I HATED the most was quickly approaching. Having begun to sweat profusely, I abruptly said my goodbyes and was out the door on my way home.
I made it about fifty feet along Santa Monica Blvd. when I began to feel light headed. I knew I wouldn’t make it home, so I immediately went back to Mary’s and quickly darted to the bathroom. Upon arrival and having opened the door, I realized the bathroom was occupied with another guy. I waited patiently for him, in line with another girl, knowing that at any moment I was about to embarrass myself. I waited, and waited, and waited until I couldn’t wait anymore. The bathroom door was unlocked and through the opening that I had left, when I had initially peeked in to see if it was occupied, I saw said guy turn away from the toilet. Since the guy was between me and the toilet, I rushed to the garbage can and out it came. In all its chunky glory my puke missed him by inches.
I immediately went home where I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my own golden throne depositing even more chunky goodness. For the next five days I hardly ate, had the runs, felt miserable, and besides a family gathering didn’t leave my apartment for any social activity.
Suffice it to say I was physically and emotionally bankrupt. Having spent the better part of the previous 8 weeks in Arizona, dealing with loss, change, and loneliness, I was excited, hopeful, and eager to return to WeHo. So to fall ill on the day I returned was like a figurative and literal punch in the gut. Once again, it brought me to evaluate and wonder what the reason and meaning of it all was.
Did I make a mistake in coming back to WeHo?
Have my decisions over the past 9 months been the correct ones?
Am I a better person today then I was yesterday?
Is there a fulfilling and prosperous career that awaits me here in Los Angeles?
Have I really begun to develop honest and true friendships here in L.A., having been accepted into those I consider friend's lives, or have I simply been fooling myself with relationships devoid of any deeper depth?
Am I happy with where I am sexually?
And what does my future look like?
Looking back over the last few weeks, I’m angry with myself. In not writing, I’ve hid behind the excuses of; self loathing, a lack of inspiration, and the personal belief that my story was told, which to some degree are all true, but in doing so I’ve neglected the personal benefits that writing has provided.
A friend and I were walking home from a club on Sunday morning around 3:00AM when our ears were filled with the soothing sounds of more ignorant a-holes. The first car drove by and from the vehicle we heard something that sounded like, “you guys going to go suck each other’s dicks you assholes.” Not to be outdone by this first vehicle, about 300 yards further east along Santa Monica Blvd. a car stopped next to us, and the passenger yelled out, “going to eat your boyfriend’s shit you faggots?”
Having experienced something like this now for the fifth and sixth time, I kind of let it go in one ear and out the other as it happened. However, the second car’s action still has me thinking. They stopped their car to yell. They decided to do this beforehand and simply did not have an impulse to just yell at two gays as they were driving through WeHo. What losers!
Beyond that Saturday was a really good day and a fun night.
On Saturday August 9, 2008 I felt for the first time second class. (see A Mile High and Equally Distant post) On Tuesday, November 4, 2008 I became second class as my civil rights and the afforded equal opportunities here in the state of California were taken away, and discrimination was codified in the constitutions of both the State of California and the State of Arizona.
Who would have thought that on a day where America would elect it’s first African American candidate to the office of President of the United States, it would be the African American community, more than any other voting group, who would vote resoundingly here in California for the discrimination of others. According to Associated Press exit polls, 7 in 10 black voters backed proposition 8. According to the LA Times, blacks represented 10% of the voters. So of the 10,157,038 voters (# will change as the last of the ballots are counted) who cast a ballot, roughly 1,015,703 were black. Of those, 710,992 voted for discrimination while 304,711 voted for equality. A difference of 406,281 votes. (the difference in Prop 8 was around 500,000 votes)
"Today was an affirmation that this is a new world, a new day," said Danny Bakewell, publisher of the Los Angeles Sentinel, the city's oldest black newspaper. "America has risen to the reality that the old days are dead, people are truly created equally and what you do in this world depends on your ability to overcome your personal challenges." (LA Times online-11/5/08)
I researched Mr. Bakewell’s paper and I came away surprised. On the issue of Prop 8 the Los Angeles Sentinel editorialized:
"Proposition 8- Would amend the California constitution to state that only a marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.
The Sentinel does not support this proposition. Courts have established that marriage is a right for all couples. The California constitution should guarantee the same freedoms and rights to everyone; no group should be treated differently. California statutes identify nine real differences between marriage and domestic partnerships. Only marriage provides the security that spouses provide one another."
So why? Why Blacks, why Latinos, why orthodox, conservative, and Persian Jews? For people who have experienced so much discrimination and unequal rights through the years, why did so many of you vote to deny others of theirs?
I’m angry! But, contrary to what you might think, I’m not angry at the above ethnic groups or even the Mormons. (as twisted as it sounds I admire the Mormons in how galvanized they became on this issue.) Who I’m angry with are the Gays, Equality California, and the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign.
I attended the rally yesterday evening in West Hollywood and was quite pleased with the turnout and passion demonstrated. A few protest marches even ensued after the rally. But my question is this, where were most of the Gays when they were needed before the vote? While I understand and appreciate the spontaneity and disgust that fueled the passions of last night, I find it disgraceful that so many Gays in attendance and throughout the state did either nothing, or very little, to ensure that their rights would not be taken away.
As for Equality California and the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign, PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR LETTERS OF RESIGNATION NOW! In life one must be held accountable for their actions and those results, and throughout this campaign the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign failed miserably. Their failed leadership is as clear as these two emails that many of us received throughout the campaign:
Received on October 14th
Dear Adam,
The latest tracking polls show that if the election were held today among voters who have seen both our ads and the other side’s ads that we would WIN! Unfortunately, we don’t have sufficient funds to get our ads seen by all the voters who’ve seen the other side’s ads. So it’s that simple…without more funds we’ll lose. But we will win if we have enough money to reach voters. So DONATE NOW! A powerful array of motivated groups have organized against us. Yesterday’s Sacramento Bee reported that: “Mormons…have emerged as the leading financial contributors to the controversial Nov. 4 ballot measure. Church members have donated about 40 percent of the $22.8 million raised to pass the initiative since July.” What is also unfortunate is that only 30,000 people have donated to the No on 8 campaign compared to the 60,000 who have donated to the other side. In a state with about two million LGBT people, in a country with millions more and tens of millions of straight allies, we have to get everyone to support this fight. If every LGBT person donates we can win! Yesterday’s Sacramento Bee also reported on the sacrifices being made by members of the Yes on 8 campaign: "That's why Auburn resident David Nielson, 55, is giving…He and his wife, Susan, live on a budget. The couple donated $35,000, he said, "because some things are worth fighting for." The couple will forgo a vacation for the next two years and make other sacrifices to pay for their donation, he said.” So, what is your equality worth to you? What is your equality worth to your friends and family? How much will you sacrifice for your own freedom? We are running out of time. We need your support now. We need the support of your friends and family now. DONATE NOW! FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO ALL OF YOUR CONTACTS!
In solidarity, Executive Director Equality California
Received on 11/4/2008
Dear Adam,
The polls are now closed. And whatever the outcome, history has already been made. Before the results are in, I wanted to thank each of you for all you have done to get us to this moment. No matter what happens, we should all be proud of what we have accomplished in this campaign. We have built the largest grassroots campaign in California history, with close to 100,000 donors. We have created the largest and most diverse coalition in history to advance the cause of equality. We have worked with incredible partner organizations who have stood with us each step of the way. And for the first time in any anti-gay ballot measure fight, we were not outspent. EQCA was expected to raise $1 million from our members to defeat Prop 8, an amount close to our entire 2007 budget. But as you have always done, you have shattered all expectations. Together EQCA members have donated close to $14 million, more than a third of the entire amount raised to defeat Prop 8, making us the largest donor to the campaign by far! The EQCA staff has been all in, working around the clock on fundraising, field, media, web communications and so much more. And you, our members, have volunteered and served in leadership positions in every corner of our great state. Whatever the outcome – and I do believe we will win – we have moved Californians a remarkable amount from 2000 when Prop 22 was passed by a margin of 61% to 39%. And together, we have moved California from a state where LGBT people had no rights, to the state with the most rights in the nation. We have passed an unprecedented 50 pieces of legislation to advance our rights over the past decade. We have moved the country from a place where domestic partnership and civil union seemed like a goal that was generations away to a country where marriage equality is gaining support in every state. Each of you is part of the most successful state LGBT organization and advancement of our rights that our nation has ever witnessed. It is truly remarkable. Together, we have done amazing things.
I am forever grateful. Executive Director Equality California
It’s extremely disheartening to look back and read the above emails. Our leadership failed us and it was evident in their strategy, their preparation, their message, their organizational structure, and most importantly their ability to galvanize the community for whose rights they have always worked so hard to advance. By the time they got their act together in mid to late October, failure was virtually assured. It was reported in the LA Times that 18% of Los Angeles County and 29% of Orange County voters voted early. The Yes side carried both those counties and overall their campaign kicked our ass. I could cite a litany of additional issues I’ve had with the campaign but at this point it would do no good. The only question that I’d like to pose publicly is this;
Why were there no Gay people or Gay couples in any of the official No on 8 ads?
I take little comfort in the claims that we have advanced the movement since 2000 when the vote was 61% to 39%. (52% to 48% this year) How could you claim advancement when our own campaign did not offer a single ad featuring a Gay, married couple demonstrating what our equal relationships look like? Regardless, the bottom-line is this, WE LOST RIGHTS THAT WE LEGALLY HAD! PERIOD! Time may be the answer, but tomorrow is never a guarantee.
As for me, I’m saddened, angry, but otherwise good. Life for me will progress and I will continue to step forward in my personal, professional, and philanthropic life. As I’ve said before, I feel blessed to have had this opportunity to come out at this time and in this place. I am a better man for having done so and I am pleased that I was able to contribute to a cause that is much greater than I.
I wanted to say thanks to my family, friends, and readers who responded to my emails, calls, and posts over the last few months and made a positive difference during this campaign. Equality is for all, and my fight for it has just begun. (Literrally, I'm off to go run the 5 miles down to the Mormon temple from WeHo for the 2:00PM press conference to go punch someone in the face. I just don't know if it will be a Gay or a Mormon. Equality for all! lol)
Despite being a firm believer in the Pareto Principle (the 80/20 rule), I was still shocked and saddened to read the following yesterday from an email I received from Equality California:
"What is also unfortunate is that only 30,000 people have donated to the No on 8 campaign compared to the 60,000 who have donated to the other side.
In a state with about two million LGBT people, in a country with millions more and tens of millions of straight allies, we have to get everyone to support the fight. If every LGBT person donates we can win!"
You got to be fucking kidding me! If California's LGBT citizens could care less about Prop 8, why should anyone else? If you are LGBT, living in California, reading Stand Straight, and you still haven't given........PLEASE MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!
$10, $20, $100....... GIVE SOMETHING!
If every LGBT citizen in the state of California would have given $15, (that's FIFTEEN DOLLARS) the money raised and more importantly the message sent would have been a powerful statement to our state, and the country at large, that our CIVIL RIGHTS are not negotiable. Instead, less than 1.5% of the LGBT community here in California thought it was important enough to provide monetary support and hence we find ourselves behind in the polls. (the number is even smaller than 1.5% because many straight and out of state people have supported the No campaign)
To donate today, please click here..... DONATE NOW
Please help out! I don't want to wonder why it is the few who always seem to shoulder the burden for the many. Especially when so much is at stake for all of us on November 4th.
And so I was asked in Santa Monica on Sunday. I spent a good part of the day down there checking out the beach, the pier, and the 3rd St. promenade. I get back to my car, turn east on Santa Monica Blvd and start to drive back to WeHo. Santa Monica Blvd. is packed with cars going in both directions and as I’m waiting to go east three cars back at the 3rd St. intersection, a blue minivan pulls up next to me going west. My windows were down, I was by myself, and Rihanna’s Take a Bow was playing through my B&O speakers. As the minivan pulls up, the kid who was driving it says, “Homo, what did you do to deserve that?”
I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume homo was in reference to me and the rest to my car. Who the hell is he to call me a homo? Then his full comment infers that I, a homo, do not deserve a nice car. So if I don’t deserve a material object, I begin to wonder what else don’t I deserve?
I looked over at him in complete astonishment. The kid couldn’t have been more than 22 and he was driving around with his buddies in what I’m assuming was his mom’s minivan.
Homo! You got to be fucking kidding me.
Homo! I haven’t even kissed another guy since I got here.
Homo! I haven’t even sucked another guy’s dick since I got here.
Homo! I haven’t even fucked another guy since I got here.
Clearly I’m very emotional and have been hypersensitive these last few months, but this IS insane. I thought I was living in California. If you would have told me when I first moved out here that I would have received more action as a way of name calling then actual experience with another guy by the time September and my trip back to Phoenix rolled around, I would have called YOU insane. But here we are, seven weeks in and the tally is 4 to 0! Hey I get it, I need to make up for all those years of not being called names or picked on, but G-d don’t I also deserve for the positive and pleasurable experiences to occur now that I'm finally being honest and real?
On Saturday I went to a viewing party for my alma mater’s football game at a local bar where I met this girl. Let me step back a second and first mention that my alma mater is known for having beautiful women. Well little did I realize that we also have beautiful men. Beyond watching the game, I found myself checking out many, and I repeat many of the guys that were in attendance. I kept wondering throughout most of the evening whether any of the guys were gay? During the night I kept thinking how ironic it would be if I met a gay guy, from my University, in LA, at a football viewing party. Anyway, I just need to stop thinking.
Midway through the game this girl approaches me as I was sitting at the bar. She was a cute blond girl. We talked for quite awhile. I got her number, met her roommate, and she even came out to wait with me as the valet was retrieving my car. She was SO into me and I didn’t know what to do. And don’t think the irony wasn’t lost on me. I went out 1 night to a straight bar and was hit on by a cute girl. I’ve gone out 12 or so nights to the gay bars or clubs of WeHo, and what I would have given to have been approached by a cute guy.
So G-d, since I haven’t quite been able to figure out your message, can you be a little clearer. As a homo, what do I deserve?
It’s a jungle out there! And for this baby gay it can still be a very scary and intimidating place.
I was extremely optimistic as the weekend began, because I thought that I had made some serious progress over the last few weeks. I was hopeful that the progress made would translate into a different fortune. So in some respects I was extremely disappointed in myself and my continued lack of action.
Friday night I had to play it simple because I had to be up early the next morning. There was a nice crowd at the bar, I talked to a few guys, and a guy bought me a drink. (which was a first without reciprocity) Beyond that the night was ho-hum and I left early and disappointed. You see there was this one guy, who resembled one of my good friends, that I thought was cute. He was talking with one of his buddies at the bar and we made eye contact. We sustained it for a few seconds and let go. I moved towards the patio to observe from a different vantage point, his backside of course. I was formulating how I was going to make my move and what I was going to say. So as soon as I finished my beer, I made my move to the bar. No sooner than the completion of my first step, cute guy and his friend left the bar for the upstairs. ARGH! I ordered my beer and then went upstairs to look for them. I found them, only to see them talking with another two guys.
On Saturday morning I awoke early to make my way to the Sunset Junction Street Festival in Silver Lake. There is an organization out here that I learned about through a friend that I have begun to participate with in an effort to help defeat Proposition 8 here in California. (for more details please see A Mile High and Equally Distant post) This organization had a booth at Sunset Junction and I helped work it throughout the morning. And by work it I mean initiate conversation with festival goers about Prop 8, ask them for their vote in defeating it, and illicit their involvement through volunteerism. It was a great experience where I learned some new things, met some nice people, and overall had a good time. When my shift was over I walked the festival where I ran into a booth being run by the LA Dept. of Health. They were providing free hepatitis shots. So after about five minutes of deliberation and assurances by the nurses that it was safe to receive a shot at a street festival, I took the plunge and got my first hepatitis A & B vaccine shot. (so for those who have suggested this to me over the past few weeks, I do actually listen and take your advice to heart)
After having such a great time at Suede a number of weeks ago, I was really excited to check it out again and see if I truly was a changed man. On Saturday night they were having a special event where Suede was being combined with, their sister and much larger club, Factory. (they are both in the same building) Well I left a little later this time, based on my past visit, and arrived at Suede at about 10:45PM. There was a huge line and it took me a half hour to get in. (major buzz kill) The reason for the line, as I learned when I was standing in it, was that Lady Gaga was going to be performing that night. I believe her one big song, and big may be a bit generous, is Just Dance. It was a neat, cultural experience to view the spectacle of a live performance in a gay dance club. Everyone was packed together like sardines. It may be very un-gay of me to say this, but I just didn’t get all the excitement. After the long line, the packed house, and the slow service at the bars, Lady Gaga only played 3 songs. Three freaking songs! After her winded set, I almost felt like gagaing. I spoke with a few guys, I didn’t dance, and once again I went home alone.
On the way home I began to feel really sad because I began to wonder what the hell was wrong with me? I got my shot, I’ve come out, I’m getting involved, I’m going out, I’m smiling, I’m meeting new people, and yet the results are the same. I have no more excuses. ARGGGGGHHHH
But you know what, the sun still came up on Sunday. In the early afternoon I was invited by a friend of mine to go check out the Sunset Junction Street Festival. I told him that I was there the day before, to which he replied, “Sunday is the day when all the gay boys go.” So who am I to say no to that. :) We take two cars, as I need to be back for a resident get-together at my apartment complex by 7:30PM, and meet at his friend’s apartment in Silver Lake. I get there and the smell of pot permeates the apartment. As I began to shit in my pants, all I could think about was what the hell did I get myself into. (fwiw, I’ve never smoked pot but I’m sure you all could have guessed that by now) SL (friend of my friend) and SL’s friend were smoking a bit before we got there and a bit while I was there. SL was a hottie, eclectic, and a bit spirited. He made us some drinks and we drank for about 45 minutes before heading down to the festival.
All I can say is that my friend and I have two very different definitions for “gay boys.” I define “gay boys” as clean cut, pretty, trendy, and somewhere between the ages of 18-25. From my experience yesterday, it appears my friend defines “gay boys” as leather daddies, bears, and those that love them over the age of 40. lol
So we arrive and our first stop is to one of the regular retail stores that fell within the closed off portion of the street leading to the festival. No this was no regular retail store, it was a toy store for the leather daddies and bears among us. And I’m sure you could guess what type of toys they were selling in there. So after two free drinks with eyes wide open, we left and made our way to the festival area. SL was certainly the eye candy to the “gay boys” at the Sunset Junction crowd. We walked around, mingled, and checked out this private party room of dancing Bears (who knew Bears danced) As the sun was setting, I knew it was time for me to go. If Fubar was so not my type of establishment on Thursday, the Sunset Junction Street Festival was sooooooooo not my type of festival. But you know what, I’m better for it in having had the experience to learn a little bit more. And what an eye opening experience it was.
I get back to my complex a half hour late for the event, but just in time to grab some dinner that they provided for the residents. I also would like to point out that I left my “No on Prop 8” sticker on that I received at the Festival. I did that for two reasons. Obviously to promote the “No on Prop 8” campaign, but also selfishly to promote myself as a mo, or at a minimum mo leaning, to the other mos that may be living at my complex.
After about 15 minutes I ran into my new neighbor. I was dead on about his reaction when I saw him out at Fubar on Thursday. He was completely shocked to see me there. We talked for a little bit at the mixer and I’m amazed at how much we have in common. (although he is quite a bit younger he was totally indifferent to the whole age thing) Anyway, we both decided to head to Here for the night. It was great to get to know him better on the long walk to the bar. And on that walk we experienced the delight of some more intelligent a-holes. We’re halfway there and this four door Mercedes slows down by us, two guys in front yelling insults and making BJ gestures. They then quickly drove off. So for me that's twice now in the five weeks that I’ve been here. If only my odds were that good in hooking up with some cute guys.
We get to the bar and it was awesome. We had a great time, had a lot of fun, and I met some new guys. (and go figure I was wearing a t-shirt, Levi knee length plaid shorts, flip flops, and my hair was casual with no product in it.) I was under dressed compared to most of the guys there, and for me that’s a new experience. :) I also ran into a whole host of guys whom I had met the night before, met on Thursday, and I’m beginning to realize that the WeHo bar/club scene is pretty small. It is also becoming apparent that guys travel in the same cliques whenever they go out. (IE, you’ll see the same guys who went out together the night before were together again) Midway through our time at Here, Neighbor’s friend showed up with his friend so then we all talked for a bit. Then I fell in love. Well not really, but let me at least pretend. He was about 6’1”, short black hair, clear white skin, with a great smile, and had an athletic physique. (as opposed to a muscler’s physique which is so common out here) He was wearing designer jeans and a tight, but not too tight, dark t-shirt with the sleeves coming to the point where the shoulder meets the tricep. He was with four other friends, all of whom were really good looking, so they appeared to be a pretty intimidating bunch. Nonetheless, we did make eye contact a few times but I had a difficult time sustaining it. I was going to say something to him. But what do you know, the same thing that happened on Friday happened again. As I’m on my way back from the bar rounding my way to their location on the patio, they’re on their way out. There is a way for me to try and find out who he is and I’m going to work on that. We’ll see what happens.
So in the span of 24 hours in the jungle of WeHo my emotions once again went for a ride. It would be nice though for something beyond my emotions to go for a ride. Then all of the tourists that visit LA, and ride around on the buses below and those that are similar, who are on their own star studded safari will really have something to watch. Adam from Stand Straight finally getting some. Now wouldn't that be a sight to see!
I am pissed! I have a trip planned to San Diego for this upcoming Memorial Day weekend and I couldn't have been happier. Until late last night that is. This trip has been part of my master plan and it has been booked and paid for now for over two months. Well, late last night I got in a fight with my
clock/radio. It looks very much like the one above and I've had it since I was a little kid. Unfortunately, the clock/radio won this fight, but I will win the war. (do I hear Goodwill) Anyway, as I was heading off to dreamland with the clock/radio sleep function on, the reception started to go so I tried to move the clock/radio from one side of the bed to the other in an attempt for clarity. Well, the plug got stuck on something so I had to yank it. haha The second time I yanked on it from a lying position in bed, my grip on the clock/radio was lost. The clock/radio crashed down on my mouth and chin and busted my lip and bruised my chin. YES!!! That's just what I needed. The results are a swollen, busted, and bloody lip, a 3/4" cut going from where my flesh meets the top lip, wrapping all the way underneath to the inside gums. It's almost a straight, vertical line. However, I am pretty lucky as it appears I did not injure any teeth.
So what does this all mean? My hopes for next weekend are shot. I was really looking forward to my trip to San Diego for progress on my journey and to kiss my first cute guy. As of now, the only thing I'm going to be kissing is my pillow. My trip now will have to focus on the other reasons for visiting; relaxation and checking out Hillcrest. Despite my apprehension and feeling of terror in stepping forward, I did not plan for this to happen.
So why? At this point, I believe it was a sign to let go of the things that I've held onto since I was a kid. In this case, my clock/radio. With the help of
I am hoping it heals healthy. But will it heal in time?
Searching for truth, honesty, happiness, and meaning in a world of labels and my own self repression. Coming out in my early thirties experiencing the freedom, fear, and fun that it brings; with the gift of a 12 year old, the experience of a 15 year old, the body of a 24 year old, the face of a 28 year old, the analytical mind of a 40 year old, and the humor of a member of the tribe!
