Last Man Standing

I arrived back in Phoenix a week ago. As I write this, I realize that by the time I return home to L.A., in another week or so, I will have spent more time in Arizona than I have in California so far this year.

One of the three reasons for my return to Phoenix was to attend my friend’s wedding. This was the wedding that aligned with the bachelor party that I attended and subsequently wrote about in the What Happens in Vegas post. But before I can offer some insight on my first wedding OUT, I wanted to share a little bit about a text conversation I had on Thursday night.

At 9:50PM on Thursday night I received a text from a good friend in regards to our college basketball game that took place a few hours earlier. Our conversation then moved on with my comment:

Such is life. I no longer worry about things I can’t control.

I’m just going 2 dig myself a deep hole so when the sky falls I won’t get hurt. LOL

Friend

You’ll live longer. I worry about everything I can’t control not the least of which is your misguided president

Me

He was still better than McCain. I can’t wait until the midterm elections.

Friend

Voting repub?

Me

If congress keeps up their spending ways and nothing changes relative 2 my rights then I’m voting 4 the challenger and throwing the incumbents out. Time will tell.

Friend

Your rights, speaking of which big decision coming up

I hope the courts don’t usurp the voters though

Just revote the initiative

Me

Odds were never very good that they would overturn it although they constitutionally should. The majority should NOT be able 2 vote 2 take away rights of the minority. Hey we can talk about it at J’s wedding/civil union/commitment ceremony on Saturday.

Friend

X

I sort of agree, but I don’t think that is the case here.

Me

In Cali that is the case. Maybe we should put 2 the voters an amendment that says the state will no longer recognize divorce. In the argument in Cali 2day that was discussed. That the majority could decide 2 take away free speech or any other right.

Friend

Except that the “right” has 2 exist 2 begin with to take it away. There was never a same sex marriage right to start with. The voters simply decided to prevent changing that

Me

In Cali there was and 18000 couples got married

And 2 think how lucky I and many people like I are to look forward 2 spending countless hours and millions of dollars 2 ask people 2 allow me and people like me the opportunity to marry a person whom they love and then receive 1,388 federal rights that go along with that. (according to Equality Matters it’s actually 1,138 and I was wrong on my text)

Friend

That was based on city decisions not a Cali constitutional amendment

ME

No it wasn’t. It was based on the California state constitution.

Friend

All the better then, people dont get to decide their own constitution?

2000 years no gay marriage. Do you ever ask yourself why now?

Me

R u serious?

I’m not going 2 debate this now (It was 10:46PM and I was in bed)

Let me rephrase that, discuss this now. C u on Saturday.

Friend

This will be interesting to discuss since its clear you hate the american system of govt and decision making

At 9:31AM on Friday morning I responded

I don’t think you’ve experienced or know what the word hate really means

I was pretty tired when we began our text conversation on Thursday night, and my drowsiness turned into a feeling of disbelief, disappointment, and a touch of anger.

I arrived at the wedding with a few minutes to spare. As ushers, the Mayor and Gray welcomed me with open arms and the question, “Where’s your date?” My date, haha. They were very much hoping that I would have brought one and I very much appreciated their thoughts. I got to my seat and after a few minutes the ceremony started. It was a beautiful, and fairly quick wedding ceremony. I found myself concentrating on the spoken words during the ceremony to see how often the words “husband and wife” were used compared to the term partners. I had never done that before.

After the ceremony, I had some drinks, mingled, and the wedding turned out to be just like all the others, FUN! I spoke with my friend who I had the text conversation with on Thursday and all is well between the two of us. (we actually spoke very briefly about the topic on Friday evening, and he, like many others, likes to politically rile me up) So on Saturday we spoke a bit more in depth about the marriage topic and we actually agreed that the government should get out of the “marriage” business and solely recognize civil unions. Civil unions for heterosexual couples and civil unions for homosexual couples. The term “marriage” would then be left up to the religious community and each religious community can then decide whether their beliefs allow them to recognize and perform marriage ceremonies for loving homosexual couples. A religious organization’s acceptance, or refusal, of gay marriage would have no bearing on their tax exempt status or their recognition by the government. The rights, benefits, and privileges of unions would be bestowed by the government. A government that is separate from the church. The free market system would then decide what type of religious communities flourish based on their beliefs, but more so, the Church would not be the gatekeeper bestowing the 1,138 rights, benefits, and privileges that currently exist in our federal marriage system. My friend also mentioned that he thought this issue would be behind us in 10 years.

I hope so! Of my core group of friends from college, all are married except for one, who is currently engaged to be married next year. And then there was me. And then there was me...........

Oh and I almost forgot. No wedding would be complete without the song that has been affixed to me since my experience at a local bar in college. So whoever requested it on Saturday, thanks! And one more time, I am no queen!

ABBA-"Dancing Queen"

Six (th)

For the life of me I’m trying to figure out what happened and if I did anything wrong. I first wrote about my friendship with Gene and how I may have changed it in my Risk/Reward post. Then on the 26th of January I had my follow up conversation with him that I subsequently wrote about in my Your Answer Please post. As I told him at the time, the timing for me to express all of this was atrocious, but it was important enough for me to express my feelings and be completely honest with him. I truly thought he respected that. I truly thought he appreciated that. (he did, because that's what he told me) Most importantly, I thought that the conversation we shared on the 26th was one where we both got to experience a more emotionally intimate and authentically pure side of each other than what we had previously experienced before.

I left our dinner incredibly excited. Unfortunately, On the 28th of January I traveled back to Arizona where I remained until the 20th of February. Although I like to present an image to the world that nothing emotionally effects me, it’s all a charade. I AM HUMAN and 2009 has been emotionally draining. From my quest to find intimacy, love, and sense of place in Los Angeles, to the experience of my final weeks with and the eventual passing of my companion and best friend, to the reality of formally moving to L.A., having finally moved my own furniture and property out from Arizona, to every financial asset I own in a perpetual state of valuation free fall with no bottom in site thanks to our irresponsible government (the Democrats, whom I voted for appear to have learned NOTHING as it relates to spending money we don’t have from the Republicans of the last 8 years) So suffice it to say, my 2009 has not started out very well.

All the more reason for me to have been excited to get back to L.A. on the 20th and see what was to come in my relationship with Gene. While in Arizona, Gene and I spoke and texted each other a number of times but never did we follow up on our conversation. Having returned, on Friday night I met up with him and another friend of mine, whom I’ll call Militant, out for dinner. It was a good time and I was glad to see them both again. Obviously with Militant there, Gene and I didn’t discuss anything pertinent to where we left it on the 26th. So on Saturday night I go out to dinner with Gene and Ethan. Once again, Gene and I didn’t discuss anything pertinent to where we left off on the 26th since Ethan was with us. After dinner we went dancing at CPop where we met up with some of our other friends. It was at CPop when my emotions of the last few weeks finally began to hit me. Midway through the night, I detached myself from everybody, found a spot along a wall, and began to become very glazed and reflective. I can’t even begin to imagine what others thought of me as I stared into the abyss reflecting on everything that has gone on in my life over the last six weeks. As they were leaving, Gene and Ethan found me and we all went home.

Since that night I haven’t spoken with Gene. We’ve attempted to communicate with one another, although I’ve begun to wonder how serious an effort we’ve made based on the times we’ve tried to reach each other. So my sixth sense takes me back to what I had ironically questioned in my Your Answer Please post.

Six days to wonder what the answer would be.


Six days to wonder whether I had made a mistake.


Six days to wonder, based on the experience of those 6 long days, what it would be like to not have any verbal communication with my friend.

At this point, I sense Gene just wants to be friends and doesn’t want to explore what those other feelings each of us may have had in the past for each other may have meant. I’m cool with that, and I accept and respect his decision. His friendship has been very important to me and I’ve conveyed to him, on numerous occasions, how appreciative of him I’ve been. I only hope that Gene has the courage to personally convey his thoughts to me so we can move beyond what we created on the 26th and our friendship can move forward in a positive way.


“Human”-The Killers (Armin Van Buuren Radio Remix)

Story of Self

So the reason I left Vegas early was because I had two full days of Prop 8/Marriage Equality workshops that I had committed to attend. I arrived at the EQCA Summit at the L.A. Convention Center a bit late on Saturday and I missed most of the morning session. (no worries though because I learned most of what was discussed as conveyed in my Surprise Guest post) The rest of the event was just so-so and I left about two hours early.

On Sunday, I was invited by the Courage Campaign to participate in their Inaugural Camp Courage. This full day event was modeled after the Camp Obama, grassroots organizer program, and they did a great job enhancing it to meet our equality needs. The Courage Campaign will be holding additional Camps around the State of California so if you reside in California, please go check out their Camp Courage Vote website and get involved.

The first action based, working session that our cohort participated in was the creation and presentation of our own unique Stories of Self. The Courage Campaign describes a Story of Self as one that tells why we have been called to serve. The key focus is on choice points; moments in our lives when our values are formed; when we have to choose in the face of great uncertainty. A good public story is drawn from the series of choice points that have structure-the “plot” of your life: the challenges you faced, the choices you made, and the outcomes you experienced. This storytelling is important because it is a means of communicating our experiences in a way people can respond to by connecting with their emotions. Oh, and our story wasn’t supposed to exceed two minutes in length. Which makes sense because when we are engaging people out on the streets, their time is at a premium.

The story that I presented on Sunday was obviously my story, the one I have written about here in Stand Straight since May. Only, it was the 2 minute verbal version. (truth be told mine went a few seconds longer then two minutes) And you know what, most of my group thought I had the best one. I’ve heard similar sentiments expressed many times over the last few months and I’m beginning to believe that my story is pretty darn cool!

What Happens in Vegas

Stays in Vegas unless you happen to write a little ol' blog.

On Friday afternoon I ventured up to Las Vegas to attend the first night of a friend’s bachelor party weekend. I landed at LAS at 5:00PM PST and was back at the airport 12 hours later. It was really unfortunate that I had prior plans for both Saturday and Sunday because I was really excited about this trip. It had been some time since I’ve hung out socially with many of my straight friends, most of whom on this trip are my fraternity brothers from college. This was my first real, social event with many of them since I came out to them a few months ago.

While some of the guys, like myself, flew in from a few of the Western states, most drove up from the Phoenix area. My first notable experience was receiving a gift from one of the guys from the group that drove. I’ll call him The Mayor and let’s just say I received a key to his city from him. Apparently, on their drive up from Phoenix they stopped at a convenience store. The Mayor is not shy, nor ashamed of eating only the best, and most luscious food when he sees it. So while at the convenience store he saw an item that apparently looked too good to pass up. A 3’ long, whipper snacker, pepperoni flavored beef stick. Only this time, that fine piece of meat wasn’t to satisfy his never ending hunger, but was more a gag gift for his gay friend. Does he really think that all gay guys like to play around with a piece of meat that long? And come on, pepperoni flavored? Has he not been reading Stand Straight? If he had, he would have known that I much prefer the sweet taste of a bit of teriyaki. (haha) In all seriousness, my initial, internal reaction upon receiving his key to the city was one of disappointment. Although I saw a bit of good natured humor in his slightly inebriated gesture, I wasn’t comfortable with our greetings reflecting the fact that I’m gay. Nonetheless, my internal reaction was not expressed externally and I only reflected on it for a very short period. All was well and I was extremely excited to be spending some Vegas time with my good friends of well over 10 years.

The next few hours were spent drinking, gambling (for me only a few hands), and reconnecting. The funny part here is that one of my friends, I’ll call him Jersey, was passed out before 9:00PM. Jersey isn’t some little guy and in the past could certainly handle his booze, I guess not so much anymore. (haha) While Jersey was getting to know his bed, the rest of us went to one of the restaurants at TI. (on a side note, I love this song from TI with Rihanna and I have to ask, are you Live...ing Your Life?)



At dinner we spent way too much for crap food and drinks but overall had a good time in a fun environment. And of course with a group our size we had to have the obligatory one or two guys who disappeared when the bill came. However, I do believe they paid up when they were found later.

After dinner we continued to hang around the casino where we gambled, drank, and mingled. At one point another friend of mine, I’ll call him Shalom, noticed two girls, a blonde and a red head, at the roulette table that was two tables to the left of our blackjack table. He was in awe of both of their extremely large racks. Since Shalom, and all of my other friends were either engaged or married with children I decided to be their wingman for the evening. So I went up to the girls as they were at their very crowded roulette table and began a conversation. My goal was to get them to come with me, so I could introduce them to Shalom. Despite the fact that another friend, I’ll call him Gray, joined in on the conversation at the roulette table and was trying to get the girls to continue to play roulette, both girls left the table and began to mingle with our group. The blonde, whom Shalom liked, followed me back to his blackjack table. Mission Accomplished!

Before we left for the Badda Bing, a gentlemen’s club, we thought it would be fun to introduce the girls to our passed out friend upstairs and see if their presence would awaken his senses. Although I took a number of pictures of what they did, I am only going to post this one of the girls.

And yes girls, I really am gay and now you’re starring in my blog. Since they thought I was straight, I played along with them through the first half of the evening, but by the end of the night a few of my friends had told them in their own private conversations that I was. I did speak with Red about it but I can't recall if I spoke with Blonde about it.

We then went to the Badda Bing with Blonde and Red. I have been to a lot of gentlemen’s clubs in my day, both for business and with these same friends, so I was interested to see how it would be going there with them now that I’m out. It was all good and I had a really great time! It helped that the place was relatively empty and the girls weren’t particularly attractive. I obviously didn’t waste my money on any of the girls working that night, so I spent most of the evening talking to my friends, Blonde, and Red. At one point I got into a nice conversation with CRock, another friend, where we discussed another gentlemen’s club in town which I was told had a "special" upstairs. So the question I have as I write this is whether my friends will join me at the "special" upstairs club when I get married? (lol)

After an hour or two we all left and went back to TI. We milled around the casino a bit and that’s when Gray started to mutter the words that Blonde and Red were hOOkers. Most of us didn’t believe that to be the case, but Gray was persistent. When Blonde and Red began to hear those utterances they were gone. Personally, I never believed them to be “working” us that night. I don’t believe that they would have invested a good 4 or 5 hours, with them leaving us around 3:00AM, had they been hookers. I thought they were two really cool girls. Clearly if they were hookers, and any good at their job they would have gotten an impression within the first hour or so from our group and moved on. But then again, what the hell do I know.

Around 3:30AM Gray, The Mayor, CRock and I went to go get some food. Having consumed some drinks and having blown their load ;-) , of cash of course, over the preceding few hours made for an animated conversation. We got into discussing gay marriage and the vote of the people. There was a point where I questioned The Mayor on whether he was being serious because he is too smart to have asked me, or commented on some of the things that he did. One of the things that came up in our conversation were the 1,138 rights that are afforded to “married” couples. You can find them here 1,138 REASONS. These are why the term "marriage" is so imporant to full equality. Beyond the serious tone of part of the conversation, I felt it was all good. Although I felt bad for the waiter because they didn’t have any country fried steak. Poor guy.

After breakfast and having said my goodbyes, it was back to the airport where I got no sleep for the remaining two hours I was in Vegas due to some of the most uncomfortable chairs I’ve ever sat on. Nonetheless, Vegas was well worth it and it was a great start to a very long weekend!

And for one final note, I was surprised to learn that many of my friends read Stand Straight. When I opened the blog up to them (please see Dear Family and Friends post) I assumed that many would peruse and read what had been going on in my life those last few months, but I can honestly say I never thought that they would continue to read it.

So my brothers, THANKS! But like I've told you, this blog is not intended to replace our own live communication. I had a lot of fun in Vegas and am looking to see you all again soon!

Make That #5 & #6

A friend and I were walking home from a club on Sunday morning around 3:00AM when our ears were filled with the soothing sounds of more ignorant a-holes. The first car drove by and from the vehicle we heard something that sounded like, “you guys going to go suck each other’s dicks you assholes.” Not to be outdone by this first vehicle, about 300 yards further east along Santa Monica Blvd. a car stopped next to us, and the passenger yelled out, “going to eat your boyfriend’s shit you faggots?”

Having experienced something like this now for the fifth and sixth time, I kind of let it go in one ear and out the other as it happened. However, the second car’s action still has me thinking. They stopped their car to yell. They decided to do this beforehand and simply did not have an impulse to just yell at two gays as they were driving through WeHo. What losers!

Beyond that Saturday was a really good day and a fun night.

6 Months, Really?

Where has all the time gone?

Based on the calendar it has been, but in reality I’ve only been physically living here for about 4.5 months. Regardless in how I choose to define my beginning in California, I’m lovin’ L.A.! So much so that I’ve renewed my lease and am now ready to call L.A. home.

With this commitment, I am preparing to turn in the furniture that I’ve been renting these past 6 months. So I’ve spent a good portion of the last few days mattress shopping. What a pain in the arse! I’ve been sleeping on a rental mattress and have spent a significant amount of time sleeping in hotel beds and I’ve never had a problem sleeping on crappy mattresses. Yet, I find myself agonizing over the finer details of this pending purchase. The #1 question is whether I should buy a king or queen size mattress.
A queen mattress fits nicely in my apartment now and I wouldn’t have an issue with it’s size in any future residence. The problem is that I believe it will be a bit small and uncomfortable when I find myself a boyfriend. (there’s a first) A king mattress would overpower my bedroom now and it’s size may pose a challenge with future, rental residences. However, a king mattress would be way more comfortable and luxurious when I’m not sleeping alone. Decisions, decisions.

In other news, Saturday night was a blast. Went out for dinner with some friends to celebrate Gene’s return to the states and followed that up with three hours of dancing. While dancing, I locked lips with two separate guys ever so briefly. (although one of them was my friend, ah oh)


And for laughs...(a friend of mine sent this to me today and despite it being a few years old I had not seen it before, so I'm going to share)

Funny stuff and a Happy New Year to all of you!

Second Date

After 28 days I had my second date with the guy whom I had a first date with back in November. (please see First Date post) Twenty-eight days is clearly a very long time and in that time desires certainly have changed.

Despite having had few romantic relationships in my life, I have never shied away from offering relationship advice when asked. (some friends even believe that I know what I’m talking about...haha) One piece of advice that I offered a friend a few months ago was that he was seeing this new guy way too often. They began dating, and if I recall correctly saw each other about 10 out of the first 14 nights. In addition, he met and was introduced to his date’s friends within the first week. During these 14 days, my friend would tell me that he liked the guy but he never had the desire to rip off his clothes “to be with him.” My friend did spend some “quality” time with him but he was never “with him.” I felt and told him as such that without that sexual desire it would never work. I also told him that I felt he met his date’s friends way too soon and that he was seeing his date way too much. I reasoned that he wasn’t giving himself a chance to determine if he truly desired his date. It seemed as if he was dating this guy because he was lonely and it was convenient.

Although I didn’t plan on a separation of 28 days, half of the time due to holiday travel between my first and second date, a separation did occur. That time apart allowed me the opportunity to heed the advice that I had previously given to my friend. Being separated gave me reason to pause and think about whether my date provided me with the required desire that I felt was necessary to foster a successful romantic relationship. I began to wonder whether I was more excited about the concept of going on my first date with another guy then I was with the actuality of going on my first date with another guy.

The second date was nice but confirmed for me that I wasn’t romantically interested. I saw my date again on Saturday and will see him on Christmas Eve. I do believe my date is a really great guy and I would love to maintain a friendship with him. So my new challenge is making that happen.

Speaking of Saturday. I was invited, and attended a get together at the home of the creator/writer/producer (?) of a very Desperate Sunday night show. He was a very nice and genuine guy who positively commented twice on my dashing 7.8 looks and once on my smile. Suffice it to say I was very flattered! Now I’ll just sit by the phone and wait for a call from his casting director. LOL

3AM

Friday night’s plan was to attend my friend's Holiday party, then come home early to get a good night’s rest. I wanted to wake up early on Saturday morning because I had a lot of work to do in preparation for my own party which was scheduled for Saturday night. It’s funny then to experience the results of changes in the most well thought out plans.

I received a text message from a friend around 5:30PM on Friday evening inquiring on whether I was going to join them on their downtown adventure. I had no idea what he was talking about so I placed a call and learned that Friday night was a Guerrilla Gay bar night and the bar that the Gays were going to be patronizing was downtown. As I learned on Friday, Guerrilla Gay bar night is when Gays target a popular straight bar and make it gay for the evening. And by make it gay, I don’t mean redecorate it and bring their own go-go boys to dance on the bar.

So having been tempted with this new Guerrilla Gay experience, along with the tease of a hot tub nightcap at a new friend’s downtown loft I decided to commit. I went to my friend’s holiday party, enjoyed some good conversation, had two beers, stayed for an hour, and was then picked up for our trek downtown. On the drive down, I told my friend that I had to be up early the next morning so I offered to be the designated driver. Albeit in his car.

We got to the bar, which was the selected Guerrilla Gay bar, around 10:20PM and it was extremely dark inside. The bar appeared to have a good, but not great crowd. At least from what I was able to see, which was not very much. We met up with a few other guys, had two rounds of drinks, and spent the next hour or so enjoying ourselves. None of us were really feeling it at this Guerrilla Gay bar event so we moved on to another club a few blocks away that offered us a dance floor. Personally I thought the music stunk. Nonetheless, we all danced a little when we first got there. As the night wore on, I was having less and less fun while my friends were having tons of fun. By 12:30ish we were all doing our own thing and I spent my independent time walking around the club checking out the crowd. As I made my way back up from the downstairs I noticed this one guy who I thought was extremely hot. We made eye contact while he was in front of me. He walked past, I looked back, and we made eye contact again as he looked back at me. :-) Hottie had black hair, a great body, clear and lightly colored skin, a smooth chest, great teeth, and appeared to be a blend of ethnicities. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it beyond how hot he was. So for the next half hour or so I went looking for my friend who I found upstairs in a booth resting from having one too many cocktails. After having talked with him for a bit, I brought him downstairs where I walked with him to the bathroom and we then met up with some of our other friends on the dance floor. I then left the dance floor, because again I was sober and the music stunk. I moved myself to the edge of the dance floor where I was content on simply watching the very diverse looking crowd. After a few minutes Hottie and his friends appeared and parked themselves right in front of me. Hottie and I made eye contact yet again and he moved in my direction. I took a step towards him and my night, make that morning, had really just begun.

We started with some small talk which led to some casual dancing. Some casual dancing led to some intimate dancing. Some intimate dancing led to some small neck nibbles. Some small neck nibbles led to my hard on. My hard on led to some groping. Some groping led to his hands down my pants. His hands down my pants led to a hand job. A hand job led to some great amazement and joy. Some great amazement and joy led to some disbelief by my friends.

It was abundantly clear what Hottie desired on Saturday morning and in many respects I desired him equally. In the 2:00AM hour my friends began to depart. During that hour, I asked my friend who I came with to find our downtown friend so we can invite Hottie and his friends to his hot tub. Unfortunately downtown friend was no longer at the club. So as 3:00AM neared Hottie asked if I had a car and I had to answer no and that I was my friend's designated driver. My friend then wanted to head back home so I had to tell Hottie that I had to leave. He asked if I could meet up with him in a few hours to which I replied no. Why? I’ll get to that, but before I left I asked Hottie for his number. When I entered his name in my phone and showed it to him to verify for accuracy, it was incorrect. So he grabbed my phone, corrected it, and proceeded to input his number. (In hindsight I’m glad he entered it, because I found out on Saturday afternoon that I once again fucked up entering a new friend’s contact info that I thought I had saved on Friday night. It wasn’t there when I looked for it on Saturday.)

So why did I say no? Hottie went to the club on Friday night with a number of other guys. As it turns out, one of those guys looked like a guy from my gym who works out the same time as me. (a guy whom I’ve made brief eye contact with over the last few months but whom I have no real physical interest in, nor have we ever met) Hottie told me that this particular guy was his brother. I introduced myself to his supposed brother and confirmed that he is the same guy from the gym. At the time, I had a sense of doubt as to whether they were really brothers. My friend then spoke with said brother and learned that there was a third gay brother. Three gays in the same family? And then when the four of us were dancing in a sandwich formation with said brother and Hottie between my friend and I, said brother and Hottie were just about making out. So reason #1 was that I wondered if I had been lied to with respect to their familial status. The second reason was that I began to wonder whether this was all some sort of scheme which had more to do with said brother and the gym then it had to do with Hottie’s interest in me. The third reason was that I was scared. Scared of what my next action should have been, and scared at how into me Hottie was. As the night wore on I began to wonder whether Hottie was more into me or more into his desire to have sex. The fourth reason was that in the span of about 20-30 minutes between 2 and 3:00AM Hottie excused himself twice to what I thought had been to the bathroom. The second time he came back with an unused cigarette behind his ear. I then began to wonder whether he had been going to the bathroom for business or pleasure. He didn’t smell like smoke so I don’t believe he smoked. But did he do anything else? The fifth and final reason was that my experienced yet cautious friend, who was a bit inebriated, thought Hottie was a player who most likely carried some STDs on his hot ass body.

With these thoughts and questions running through my sober mind, and despite my hormonal lust and desire to rip off Hotties clothes, I decided that it wouldn’t happen on Saturday morning. I asked for his number and received it so I figured that over the next few days/weeks my questions will be answered. I’ve already texted him once and received a reply, so we’ll see where this goes. Not to mention, I wonder what will happen when I see said brother at the gym?

KLF-"3AM Eternal"

Week that Was

It’s been an emotionally exhausting last seven days. (for a reason I intend to write about in the future)

I’m home in Phoenix and have been so since the 24th. I’ve enjoyed spending time during the Thanksgiving holiday with family and close friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in many months. I have a lot to be thankful for this year, and I’ve enjoyed spending time with those who have been, and still are important people in my life.

A few of the highlights with Stand Straight relevance include:

A dinner with one of my younger cousins, who lives out here in Arizona, and her boyfriend, my sister, my brother, and sister-in-law. This had been the first time that I’ve seen my cousin since I came out and it was great getting together. She was really happy for me and noticed how relaxed and free I appeared to be. After dinner, I along with my sister, brother, and sister-in-law all went to a gay bar for a few drinks. While I enjoyed going to a gay bar with them, it was a Monday and the place was empty. As they say it’s the thought that counts. haha

A luncheon with a close friend where the topic of Prop 8 and 102, the recent amendments in Arizona, Arkansas, California and Florida, the Mormons, civil rights, adoption, and discrimination came up. We are both very optimistic about life and genuinely believe in the inherent goodness of people. I believe that he believes all Americans should have equal rights. Where we differ is in the question of whether that inherent goodness in people has translated into full equality, both in opportunities and rights, for all Americans. He asked me this question, “Have you ever been discriminated against?” I answered, “No.” I haven’t in the past, but as I told him many other people have. Since August, and especially more so now since the election I FEEL, and more importantly I legally AM, less equal. An OPPORTUNITY is no longer there for me to strive towards the achievement of a goal. And when an opportunity is no longer there for someone, what’s the incentive for that someone to work towards achieving that goal. Throughout my life I’ve always had goals. Goals which have pointed me in a focused direction towards the achievement of a higher level of success. Whether it was running marathons, attaining professional success and recognition, or even writing this blog. (to name just a few) So the question I have for the heterosexual and majority community is this:

In the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave; what love, relationship, and familial goals should I, a man who happens to be gay, work to achieve?

I believe all these equality issues are really as simple as that, and the answers to it will certainly expose the discrimination that’s espoused and supported by those I respectfully disagree with on these societal issues. (and btw, my friend and I may disagree on how we go about achieving full equality, but he does not fall into the category of espousing discrimination)

Although an emotionally difficult day, Thanksgiving with the family was an enjoyable one. I do have a lot to be thankful for and being blessed with such a loving and wonderful family is just one of those things. Since it has been a few months since I’ve come out to them, it was an interesting day to gauge their comfort level with things that I could share and talk to them about. My mom is clearly ahead of my dad. I separately spoke with both of them about my first date the prior week. My mom asked a number of questions, whereas my dad made a comment that he was happy for me but quickly changed the subject. It has, and still is taking me time, so I can certainly understand, and quite frankly expect that this will continue to be a coming out process for him as well.

On Saturday night I went back to the one club that I had ventured to on my last trip home in September. (please see If It Weren't So Funny I'd Cry post) First off, I believe I saw Luis again and it appears he has been working out. Second, I conducted some intense research in preparation for this visit and was told that on Saturday nights this was supposedly the place to be. I arrived at 10:20PM and my sister-n-law (SNL) joined me shortly thereafter. I found it to be a bit sparse throughout most of the night. One room was pretty crowded while the other was not so much. I can only assume that the light crowd was attributable to Saturday falling on a holiday weekend. Nonetheless there were a number of hotties, and I pointed out mine about 20 minutes into the night. Like all of my other not so fulfilling bar/club excursions, here’s this week’s version.

So my hottie came with another guy who was average looking. I believe he was the hottest guy in the bar. He was about my height, had blondish-brown short hair, smooth skin, a great body, and appeared to be a bit more muscular than I. As I told my SNL, I’m typically not into guys bigger than me, but I thought he was hot. So for the next hour or so, my SNL and I had some drinks, talked, and walked between the two rooms looking for guys and listening to the music. As an aside, my SNL was even looked up and down by a very attractive girl who was seated at the bar. From what I could remember during this period Hottie and I did not make any significant eye contact. I also observed that Hottie and Average displayed no PDA throughout the night, so based on my prior experience I was preparing an approach. The two of them had been dancing for a number of songs when Disturbia, by Rihanna, came on. (please see City of Wonder post on the meaning I place on this song) My SNL and I hit the dance floor and positioned ourselves right next to Hottie and Average. When Disturbia ended, a crappy song followed and about a quarter of those dancing left the floor. At the time, Hottie and Average did not. Since the song sucked I walked to the DJ to put in a few requests. Apparently when I walked by Hottie, my SNL heard him tell his friend, “He’s smokin!” Upon hearing this shocking news my SNL then went up to Hottie and asked, “Do you think my friend is cute?” Hottie replied, “Yes, I think your friend is cute.” So I returned from the DJ to my SNL and she tells me the story. The problem at this point was that Hottie and Average had already left the dance floor before I returned. My SNL and I then left the dance floor and after a few minutes went looking for the two of them but they were nowhere to be found. They must have left the club, and this was before midnight. Once again I left a club disappointed, and this time around with a whole new set of questions to ponder and one final comment for my SNL, “Tonight has been the story of my gay life.”

I met up with the Sugarwaters (Pop and Fizz) whom I hadn’t seen in some time and who I’ve know for years. Unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to meet up with them during my September visit, so I came out to them over the phone in October. It was wonderful to get together with them and to see their two cute and extremely social kids. We had a great conversation where I learned that Fizz was a huge fan of Stand Straight. :-) It was very flattering, but more so rewarding, to hear some of their comments because it meant that my second goal for writing Stand Straight has been achieved. (please see Break It Down post for my three goals of Stand Straight) And Fizz, sorry, but I have no plans for taking any blog tours around the country with the cast of characters from Stand Straight. As a consolation, maybe I’ll have the cast sign a pair of Stand Straight boxer/briefs that you can have Pop wear. (Wow that just gave me a business idea!)

Impact Equality Saturday

Despite my prior comment on the issue of rallies and marches, I did participate in the Nationally organized Impact rally in Los Angeles this past Saturday.

Took my first trip on the LA Metro system to downtown


IMO the best speaker was Eric Lee from the SCLC

Crowd and Signs

IMO the best sign of the day

My sister and brother-in-law attended the rally in Orlando, FL (love you guys)




These last three are from the rally in Phoenix, AZ. I was proud to read online that there were around 2,000 people who attended. To any of my family or friends who may have responded to my invite and attended, thanks!

Life Moves Onward & Upward

The WeHo Rally (11/5/08)

The Mormon Temple Rally & March (11/6/08)


The Silver Lake Rally & March (11/8/08)


Having supported and participated proudly in the above three I am done with rallies and marches for the foreseeable future. I believe they have served their immediate purpose and I am done listening to our community shaming everybody except ourselves. With that being said, I am extremely hopeful that this defeat will be our communities wake-up call to ACTION. I hope that the passion, pride, and participation displayed over the last few days will be there over the next 2 to 4 years as we prepare and WORK to take this issue back to the voters. (I am no legal expert but I am doubtful the courts will rule in our favor and overturn the 11/4 vote.)

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After the rally on Saturday I went out to dinner with some friends in Silver Lake where we decided to join up later at night with another one of their friends at some guys costume, birthday party at a roller skating rink. (was told it was a straight party made up primarily of aspiring actors and actresses) Since we didn’t have any costumes, a good friend of mine I’ll call Gene suggested that we go find some ribbons and create some outfits based on a Xanadu theme. (Beyond hearing the Xanadu song at the rink, I still have no clue as to the concept of our costumes and how they related to Xanadu.) Anyway, we each chose a color and since I was wearing blue jeans and blue CK boxer briefs I decided on the color blue. We stopped by Ralphs, a grocery store, where we got some free ribbons from the balloon department. Next stop was another friend’s house where we tied the ribbons around our upper arms and head, and where I received a blue, sleeveless, camouflage shirt in size S to complete my outfit. (I’m not sure if it’s funny or sad, but I felt good, or at least I thought I looked good in my costume when I was wearing it. Having since seen the pictures, I keep wondering what I was thinking wearing what I did.) We got to the rink at about midnight and skated, mingled, and had a great time for the next 2 and a half hours.


Since there were no other gays in attendance, or so I was told by my friend who has an astute gaydar, I began chatting up this girl. After about 5 minutes Gene came swooping in to cock block me. It was so funny and I knew what he was doing at the time. Gene knows most of my story and he’s been my second gay mentor. Over the last 8 weeks or so he has taught me quite a bit, challenged me to participate in new experiences, and overall helped me loosen up. (at least a little) He’s a guy who is just so comfortable in his skin and I admire the heck out of it. I know I’ve made some strides over the last few months but I am nowhere close to being at his comfort level. Anyway, Gene knew what he was doing when he cut in, and we laughed about it 15 minutes later. Roller skating was awesome. It took about a half hour and a second pair of skates for me to become comfortable on them again, but once I did I had a blast. To top it all off, in the 2.5 hours that we were there, I only fell on my ass once. And that was only because I thought it would be cute to jump in front of a picture being taken of my friends as we were skating out on the rink. Clearly I got what I deserved and did not make the picture.

On Sunday afternoon, I went down with a friend to Santa Monica with the intent on renting bicycles to ride to Venice. Unfortunately, when we arrived the rental shop was not renting bikes due to the high winds. We left the beach area and decided to have lunch and walk around and window shop the Shops on 3rd St. Promenade. During our late lunch we learned that my friends family was on the pier. As the sun set on the chilly afternoon, we bought some Hot Chocolate from Leonidas and walked back down to the pier. I met my friend’s family and they bought us all tickets to ride the relatively new Ferris wheel on the pier. It was dark, cold, and windy up at the top, but the views were great and it was a fun experience.



And Life Moves Onward & Upward!

Bob Sinclar-"Love Generation"

"Why must the children play in the street, broken hearts and faded dreams.
Peace and love to everyone that you meet. Don't you worry it could be so sweet.
Just look to the rainbow, you will see, the sun will shine to eternity.
I've got so much love in my heart, no one can tear it apart.
Be the love generation!"

Tick Tock Tick Tock

My final Friday night, No on 8 tabling event has come and gone and I think it was the best night yet. I had the largest number of volunteers working with me, the founders of our grassroots organization came by to take pictures of our presence (this is history folks and we’ve been asked to chronicle our activities), I was accused by two of my friends, who volunteered with me on Friday, that I was discriminatory and had a propensity to initiate conversations only with the hotties that passed by (that is so untrue), rumors were spread that I was wearing our LHC No on 8 t-shirt in a size XS despite the fact that I made it very clear that I was wearing a S :), but MOST IMPORTANTLY we signed up a great number of volunteers to promote the No on 8 message at polling sites on Election day. :-) That was our sole goal on Friday.

The campaign still needs volunteers, so if you reside in California or will be visiting California on November 4th and would like to help promote our equality message at polling sites on Election day please sign up here. ELECTION DAY VOLUNTEER

After working the corner, I and two said friends went to grab a bite at Swingers. (cool late night grub place) I enjoyed our conversation and it was a nice end to a great night.

Since we finally received our order of yard signs from the No on 8 campaign, I spent a good part of Saturday making sign deliveries to people who requested signs from us at the different events that our organization has put on over the last few months. Along with those requested orders, we also planted about 30 signs in key right of way locations, within 2 weeks of an election I’m told it is legal, including Sunset Blvd., Sunset Plaza, Beverly Hills, Hancock Park, Melrose, etc... During this time we caught this old guy, who stopped his car in the middle of the street near Hancock Park, taking down a No on Prop 8 sign that was planted in a median. We pulled up next to him, honked, we both rolled down our windows and we said, “What the hell.” He said, “It was illegal to place these signs in public areas.” We said, “You are wrong,” and I then called him a bigot! He drove away and we made sure to place more signs on the same street.

I finally had the opportunity to visit dear friends of our family, who I grew up with and have known for many years, on Sunday. (mom and two daughters, one a year older than I and one a year younger) They now live in Escondido and I went to see them, along with older daughter’s husband, kids, and their family friends. It was another great day and they couldn’t have been more caring, loving, and happy for me. What I didn’t like was seeing about 8 Yes on prop 8 signs scattered throughout their neighborhood. I left them with 4 No on prop 8 signs and as I was leaving their neighborhood I thought about yanking the Yes signs. It was only a quick thought for two reasons. I’m better than that, and I want their neighbors to know exactly who supports civil discrimination and the removal of equal rights from their fellow Californians.

On Monday I scouted polling places with another friend of mine to determine how many No supporters we needed to send to each polling place to help convey our message and remind voters to Vote No on Prop 8.

Lastly I had the conversation with two other close friends of mine on Monday night whom I unfortunately did not have the opportunity to speak with when I was back in Phoenix in September. The conversation went great and I’ll once again convey how blessed I am to have such wonderful family and friends. I look forward to getting together with them when I return to Phoenix for Thanksgiving.

Gone Hollywood

On Friday I went to a stylist, whom a friend recommended, and received my first haircut since moving to WeHo in July. Like many of the other changes in my life over the last few months, this grooming call was no exception. My last two haircuts I received on my visits back to Phoenix from the same guy who I've gone to since having arrived in Phoenix many years ago.

A friend of mine from Phoenix, who I’ve known for many years, used to call me “big wave Dave.” (because of my flowing front locks) I’m sorry to say that Dave has surfed his last wave. haha (at least for now) During my first visit I told my stylist, sounds so Hollywood compared to barber, what I was most conscious about and gave him permission to do whatever he wanted. (with the caveat that if he f’d up I wouldn’t be back) At first I wasn’t sure whether I liked it, but now I’m definitely sure. I love it! He cut off most of my hair and I’m okay with that. I look HOT!!!! (or so I’ve been told :-)) The best part about it was that he wasn’t too expensive. ($50 compared to what I used to pay in Phoenix, $27) He has his own salon in the expensive retail area of WeHo without any other stylists, so how he stays in business is beyond me.

On Saturday night I went to a friend’s movie release party where I met up with two friends. We ended up talking for most of the night where I had the chance to tell one of them my story. He was fascinated by it and I’m not quite sure why. Don’t guys normally change everything about their life in the span of a few months? haha We went our separate ways around 12:30am and I stopped by Suede, a dance club. By the time I got there the place was packed and I had a hard time getting into the groove having had the feeling that the party started and went on without me. :(

On Sunday night I went to see my friend’s movie, Saving Marriage at the Regent Showcase on La Brea. Saving Marriage is the true story of the fight in Massachusetts to save marriage equality. (it’s a documentary and the trailer is below) I thought it was a powerful film and I hope that the film’s distributors work to ensure that all Americans have the opportunity to see it. After the film I went out to dinner with a new friend of mine, and his friend. I had a good time and it was refreshing to hear that my views on the gays of WeHo, and the WeHo culture were not unique to me. They too were impressed by my story and admired how much I’ve done in the short time I’ve been here.

You know what, so am I.

"Saving Marriage" trailer

No on 8 Gala

Last night the Gala that I first told you about in the "I'm Flattered" post took place. What a great night. The celebrity gala was held at the Skybar at the Mondrian hotel on the Sunset Strip. The event was a sell out! We had over 600 people in attendance, both straight and gay, who attended to have a good time and show their support for the “NO ON 8” campaign. I’m pleased to report that we raised a significant amount of money. :-)

I am pleased that I was able to contribute in a significant way to the success of the event, but at the same time I am selfishly a tiny bit disappointed that I wasn’t able to really enjoy the event. I led a group of about 35 volunteers whose role and responsibilities were vital to the number one reason why the event was held. The event went from 6:00PM until 10:00PM, and based on the initial schedule our job should have been done by 8:45PM. Unfortunately, the mayor of Los Angeles was late and screwed up the whole schedule. (to his credit the mayor did make up for his tardiness in a big way when he arrived) Subsequently, I had no time to really mix and mingle and I only got a chance to meet a few guys. (However, many of the young volunteers who worked for me were cute and I do have their phone numbers....hmmmm) One guy who I met on Friday, and then got a chance to speak with more in depth last night was Evan Wolfson . He is a prominent civil rights attorney who has been instrumental in the marriage equality issue for over 25 years. It was great to talk with a guy, who was called one of Time magazines most influential people in 2004, who has had such a profound and positive impact on so many people's lives throughout his career.

Here are some pictures from the event. The first is mine and the rest are from wire image.

General Gala Pictures



Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa

Eric McCormack and Loni Anderson (Will and Grace, Burt Reynolds)

Dana Delany (Desperate Housewives)

Heather Tom (Bold and the Beautiful)

One final note to add is the song that was on my sat radio when I pushed the start button after receiving my keys from the valet at 11:00PM. The song is below and I thought it fit the fight for Prop 8 and the evening beautifully. Here in California that day is today, and I hope and pray that day continues on November 5th.

Bob Sinclar-”Together”

Don't Hold Back

Many months ago I mentioned that it was my goal to “show my face” in WeHo. Since my arrival I’ve spent some time attempting to do just that. However, when I made that comment I had another idea in mind. On Friday, that idea came to fruition.

What better way to show your face than to be parked on the corner of San Vicente and Santa Monica Blvd. involved in a bit of political activism on a Friday night. That street corner falls within the middle of many of the gay bars in WeHo and according to the City council member that I met, the corner has a bit of activism history. I came up with the idea, which really is no great idea but no one else was galvanizing the community like this, and led a team from our group to register people to vote, solicit volunteers to help defeat proposition 8 here in California, ask for donations to help defeat prop 8, advertise our upcoming celebrity fundraising event, and basically educating the bar and club hopping gay community about the virtues of VOTING. (and voting No on Prop. 8) You’d be surprised, or maybe some of you wouldn’t be, how indifferent so many people are to voting. It’s really sad and in my opinion SHAMEFUL! It baffles me how some people, whose own RIGHTS are at stake here in California, remain so indifferent to the importance of their vote. If they are not going to care about their OWN rights, why should we expect anyone else to?

Thankfully, there were many more people who we spoke with that were knowledgeable about the issues and extremely appreciative that we were there. There to be visible, there to send a message, and there to register people to vote. And for Adam’s sake there to show his face. :-)

I had all sorts of ideas on how I wanted to present our message when I suggested to the leadership team, of the group I have been volunteering with, the tabling idea. Unfortunately, local city and state pac rules presented a number of challenges which negatively impacted our ability to present and achieve some of what I would have liked. Nonetheless, the night turned out to be a success on all fronts.

Success on the political front and success on the personal front. It was a lot of fun going up to total strangers with a gift and a message. The gift was a sticker, and if you were out in WeHo last Friday and saw them on the bartenders and patrons, that was us. I wore our group’s t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I was a moron wearing just a t-shirt because it turned out to be a cold night, but hey I looked great. (and I paid for my stupidity by having caught another cold which has once again restricted my activities since) It was a hoot having a number of young guys, with Asian and Mexican backgrounds, coming up to me with interest. (I'm not quite sure why those particular backgrounds seem to be so interested in yours truly) One guy even offered me a rose. haha Another guy who I was flirting with, Caesar, was hot and he stayed behind a minute or two as his friends moved on. Unfortunately I let Caesar slip away. He wanted me to place the sticker on his crotch. Who asks another guy to do that? :) We went back and forth on that one and my lame excuse was that the Sheriff’s department was located across the street and my proper and legal arse didn’t want to get into any trouble in public. I ended up placing it on his left nipple and we then said our goodbyes. WeHo’s a small town so I hope to see Caesar again. :-)

It's great fun when your POAs come together, so please don't hold back!

The Chemical Brothers-"Galvanize"

Finally A Weekend of WeHo Firsts

Finally I went out extremely confident! :)
Finally I felt like I belonged! :-)
Finally I brought home my first cute guy! :-D

Friday

I arrived at Eleven around 10:30pm. I’m beginning to think there is a reason why they call it Eleven and that is there is no reason to arrive there before 11:00. One of these days I won’t be so excited to arrive early. (fwiw, this was my first night out since I arrived back in WeHo because I have been fighting a cold for the past two weeks.) The crowd was a bit sparse and there was plenty of room to move around. I once again went out alone, and this time it was my choice. As crazy as it now sounds, I actually enjoy going out to gay bars, not clubs, alone. (more on that later)

I’ve touched on this a little before but throughout most of my life I have never liked having pictures taken of me. In addition, I have never liked looking at pictures of myself. (you will not find any pictures of me displayed in open view throughout my apartment.) Like many people, the image I saw of myself in a photo, or the mirror for that matter, was different from what others saw of me. It was never because I didn’t think I was attractive, because I do think I’m around a 7.8 on a 10 scale, (haha) but I believe it was because I never really loved myself. (especially the last 8 years) With all of that said the last two weeks were amazing. Between all of the compliments that I received from my closest friends in how great I looked and how happy I appeared, to seeing what I actually looked liked with the photos I posted online, I just never really knew or maybe ever believed. That’s all changed!!!!!! (and fully coming out certainly played a HUGE part in it as well)

So on Friday night I looked damn good and knew it! I was mentally prepared, and it was my full intention to be the one to initiate conversations for the night. As luck would have it, I didn’t need to initiate any at all. (and for those keeping track, I wore a Lacoste slim fit polo shirt with 2 of the 3 top buttons buttoned and a pair of Diesel jeans.) I arrived and went straight to the bar to get a drink. I then proceeded to walk around a bit to see the clientele and subsequently settled on a spot to call home for the next 20 minutes. When I passed these three guys on my walk, I overheard one of them say, “he’s hot!” So when I stopped, I noticed that they were checking me out for quite some time. When it was time for me to replenish my drink I made sure to go to the bar a few feet in front of them. I got to the bar and overheard them talking about me. So I leaned over the bar and stuck out my arse to give them a good shot. haha I got my drink and went back to the area where I had been. To be honest, I was just waiting for them to make their move. After about 20 minutes one of them came over. He said, “Hi. One of my friends, the one who was interested in yours truly, wanted to know where you’re from.” So I responded, “Hi. That’s an odd question, does he believe he knows who I am.” He replied, “No. He was just curious.” Anyway, I answer his question and we spoke for about 10 minutes. Then his other two friends, including the one who was interested, approached. We all spoke for a little bit but I wasn’t interested. They invited me up to the second floor with them but I passed.

Then another guy approached. He came to the bar with his roommate who didn’t seem to be having a good time. I’ll call him Brazil. (he’s from Brazil via Boston) Brazil was a nice guy and we had decent conversations on two separate occasions. I was not physically attracted to Brazil but I thought there may be a possibility for us to become friends. So I actually gave him my number. (after speaking with a friend I think this may have been a bad idea since I may have led him to believe something different) Early Saturday morning I received a text message from Brazil that read,

“Nice meeting you tonight Adam. Thought u looked great btw. Remember don’t change your style!”

I have not responded to his text yet because I’m not sure what to say. Anyway.

Then two other guys approached. One of the guys opening line was, “You have nice hair.” So I replied, “Thanks. I’m just glad I still have some.” We spoke briefly and the guy thought I looked like Hugh Grant. haha Anyway when the opening line guy got caught up in another conversation I turned to his friend and said, “I thought that was an odd opening line what does he mean?” So he replied, “my friend likes you.” Once again I wasn’t interested, but I was intrigued by one of their friends who was introduced to me at the end of our conversation. Said friend had an Asian background and a great body. All these guys then moved on and Brazil came back. Throughout most of the time I was with Brazil I and Said Asian friend were looking each other up and down from a distance. It was great fun and part of me assumed and hoped that Brazil noticed that and took that as a sign that I wasn’t physically attracted to him.

Anyway, Brazil and his unhappy roommate left and I then made my way to the other side of the bar by the stairwell. No sooner did I stop, a girl walks by and tells me that I should unbutton the remaining two shirt buttons that I had buttoned. She thought I didn’t fit in. I looked at her with a scowl and should have slapped her silly. Then a really cute exotic looking guy approached from the bar. How does this sound; half Spanish, half Japanese, from Brazil, who now lives in London. (I’ll call him Brazlon)



Brazlon, you had me at hello. You had me at hello. (btw, I think I have a thing for guys with a little Asian in them) We talked and everything came so easy for me. It was a bit noisy where we were standing so he recommended that we go upstairs. I followed him to the back stairwell (I had no idea there was a back stairwell) and upstairs to the back room where we parked ourselves on some couches. We continued to flirt with one another when he tried to kiss. I pulled away and told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss another guy in public. We talked a little bit about each others experiences and then an acquaintance of mine walked past and we gave each other a hug and hello. I then sat back down and Brazlon and I continued to flirt and FINALLY my heart overpowered my mind and we started to kiss. I can’t recall what triggered my change in attitude nor who made the first move. All I can recall was how awesome it was. After kissing on the couch for sometime I then said to Brazlon, “let’s get out of here!” We walked downstairs where Brazlon tried to find his friend, but to no avail. We grabbed a cab and were heading home.

Brazlon spent the night and all I’m going to say is that I had an awesome time. It all just felt so right. Brazlon was great and it was so nice to wake up with him next to me.

Saturday

Due to the great night and morning I had, I was late meeting good friends of mine who live about 1.5 hours southeast of WeHo. (I was contemplating postponing the meeting with the excuse that “something came up” but our meeting was too important.) This was another coming out/update conversation and like all the others before them their reaction was wonderful. It was great to see them and their two beautiful little girls, great to bring them back into my life, and I really look forward to their future visits to WeHo.

For the first time in WeHo, I did not go out on a Saturday night.

Sunday

Ethan, a friend of mine, invited me out to dinner where we joined up with some of his friends. Had a nice meal, good conversation, and drank a bit too much wine. (first time I’ve drank wine out since I’ve arrived) After dinner we decided to go check out Area. (supposedly the club to be at on Sunday nights)

To be honest, my experience at Area was So-So. The negative So about my experience at Area was that I thought the music stunk and the place didn’t seem that crowded. The positive So were the conversations I had and the two guys I saw.

On the conversation front, I told Ethan about many of the tips that I’ve learned through my experience of navigating a gay bar by myself. When you’re by yourself, you learn to fine tune your senses of sight and sound. These senses are key as you make your way through the crowds of the hot and not so hot. I also conveyed to him how much of an impact I thought the last few weeks have had on my confidence and attitude. Without a doubt, I am a different person. How different? Ethan thought a guy was cute, so as any good friend would do I went up to said cute guy and started a conversation. Ethan soon joined in on the conversation and by the end of the night they were dancing. :) (fwiw, I also thought he was cute)

It was the guys I saw that made for a fitting end to a great weekend! First up, Brazlon. :-) It was nice to see him again and to hear that his visit to WeHo was going well. Brazlon was there with three of his friends, so I introduced Ethan to Brazlon and Brazlon introduced us to his friends. Brazlon and I spoke for a little bit but that was it. What stoked my ego was hearing what Ethan thought of Brazlon. :-D

After our conversation with Brazlon and his friends, Ethan and I decided to walk around. It was here where I noticed Z and Z noticed me. haha I went up to him again, played ignorant in not remembering his name, and reintroduced myself. I then introduced Z to Ethan. We all spoke for a bit and I thought more progress was made. (he definitely knows who I am) When we left Z, Ethan says to me, “I didn’t realize how cute he was. You have good taste.” haha

What an end, make that beginning to a wonderful new year. L'Shana Tova! Happy New Year!


Switchfoot-”Dare You to Move”

Welcome to the Planet
Welcome to Existence
Everyone’s Here
Everyone’s Here
Everybody is watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next
I Dare you to Move
I Dare you to Move
I Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

If It Weren't So Funny I'd Cry

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