Last Man Standing

I arrived back in Phoenix a week ago. As I write this, I realize that by the time I return home to L.A., in another week or so, I will have spent more time in Arizona than I have in California so far this year.

One of the three reasons for my return to Phoenix was to attend my friend’s wedding. This was the wedding that aligned with the bachelor party that I attended and subsequently wrote about in the What Happens in Vegas post. But before I can offer some insight on my first wedding OUT, I wanted to share a little bit about a text conversation I had on Thursday night.

At 9:50PM on Thursday night I received a text from a good friend in regards to our college basketball game that took place a few hours earlier. Our conversation then moved on with my comment:

Such is life. I no longer worry about things I can’t control.

I’m just going 2 dig myself a deep hole so when the sky falls I won’t get hurt. LOL

Friend

You’ll live longer. I worry about everything I can’t control not the least of which is your misguided president

Me

He was still better than McCain. I can’t wait until the midterm elections.

Friend

Voting repub?

Me

If congress keeps up their spending ways and nothing changes relative 2 my rights then I’m voting 4 the challenger and throwing the incumbents out. Time will tell.

Friend

Your rights, speaking of which big decision coming up

I hope the courts don’t usurp the voters though

Just revote the initiative

Me

Odds were never very good that they would overturn it although they constitutionally should. The majority should NOT be able 2 vote 2 take away rights of the minority. Hey we can talk about it at J’s wedding/civil union/commitment ceremony on Saturday.

Friend

X

I sort of agree, but I don’t think that is the case here.

Me

In Cali that is the case. Maybe we should put 2 the voters an amendment that says the state will no longer recognize divorce. In the argument in Cali 2day that was discussed. That the majority could decide 2 take away free speech or any other right.

Friend

Except that the “right” has 2 exist 2 begin with to take it away. There was never a same sex marriage right to start with. The voters simply decided to prevent changing that

Me

In Cali there was and 18000 couples got married

And 2 think how lucky I and many people like I are to look forward 2 spending countless hours and millions of dollars 2 ask people 2 allow me and people like me the opportunity to marry a person whom they love and then receive 1,388 federal rights that go along with that. (according to Equality Matters it’s actually 1,138 and I was wrong on my text)

Friend

That was based on city decisions not a Cali constitutional amendment

ME

No it wasn’t. It was based on the California state constitution.

Friend

All the better then, people dont get to decide their own constitution?

2000 years no gay marriage. Do you ever ask yourself why now?

Me

R u serious?

I’m not going 2 debate this now (It was 10:46PM and I was in bed)

Let me rephrase that, discuss this now. C u on Saturday.

Friend

This will be interesting to discuss since its clear you hate the american system of govt and decision making

At 9:31AM on Friday morning I responded

I don’t think you’ve experienced or know what the word hate really means

I was pretty tired when we began our text conversation on Thursday night, and my drowsiness turned into a feeling of disbelief, disappointment, and a touch of anger.

I arrived at the wedding with a few minutes to spare. As ushers, the Mayor and Gray welcomed me with open arms and the question, “Where’s your date?” My date, haha. They were very much hoping that I would have brought one and I very much appreciated their thoughts. I got to my seat and after a few minutes the ceremony started. It was a beautiful, and fairly quick wedding ceremony. I found myself concentrating on the spoken words during the ceremony to see how often the words “husband and wife” were used compared to the term partners. I had never done that before.

After the ceremony, I had some drinks, mingled, and the wedding turned out to be just like all the others, FUN! I spoke with my friend who I had the text conversation with on Thursday and all is well between the two of us. (we actually spoke very briefly about the topic on Friday evening, and he, like many others, likes to politically rile me up) So on Saturday we spoke a bit more in depth about the marriage topic and we actually agreed that the government should get out of the “marriage” business and solely recognize civil unions. Civil unions for heterosexual couples and civil unions for homosexual couples. The term “marriage” would then be left up to the religious community and each religious community can then decide whether their beliefs allow them to recognize and perform marriage ceremonies for loving homosexual couples. A religious organization’s acceptance, or refusal, of gay marriage would have no bearing on their tax exempt status or their recognition by the government. The rights, benefits, and privileges of unions would be bestowed by the government. A government that is separate from the church. The free market system would then decide what type of religious communities flourish based on their beliefs, but more so, the Church would not be the gatekeeper bestowing the 1,138 rights, benefits, and privileges that currently exist in our federal marriage system. My friend also mentioned that he thought this issue would be behind us in 10 years.

I hope so! Of my core group of friends from college, all are married except for one, who is currently engaged to be married next year. And then there was me. And then there was me...........

Oh and I almost forgot. No wedding would be complete without the song that has been affixed to me since my experience at a local bar in college. So whoever requested it on Saturday, thanks! And one more time, I am no queen!

ABBA-"Dancing Queen"

Six (th)

For the life of me I’m trying to figure out what happened and if I did anything wrong. I first wrote about my friendship with Gene and how I may have changed it in my Risk/Reward post. Then on the 26th of January I had my follow up conversation with him that I subsequently wrote about in my Your Answer Please post. As I told him at the time, the timing for me to express all of this was atrocious, but it was important enough for me to express my feelings and be completely honest with him. I truly thought he respected that. I truly thought he appreciated that. (he did, because that's what he told me) Most importantly, I thought that the conversation we shared on the 26th was one where we both got to experience a more emotionally intimate and authentically pure side of each other than what we had previously experienced before.

I left our dinner incredibly excited. Unfortunately, On the 28th of January I traveled back to Arizona where I remained until the 20th of February. Although I like to present an image to the world that nothing emotionally effects me, it’s all a charade. I AM HUMAN and 2009 has been emotionally draining. From my quest to find intimacy, love, and sense of place in Los Angeles, to the experience of my final weeks with and the eventual passing of my companion and best friend, to the reality of formally moving to L.A., having finally moved my own furniture and property out from Arizona, to every financial asset I own in a perpetual state of valuation free fall with no bottom in site thanks to our irresponsible government (the Democrats, whom I voted for appear to have learned NOTHING as it relates to spending money we don’t have from the Republicans of the last 8 years) So suffice it to say, my 2009 has not started out very well.

All the more reason for me to have been excited to get back to L.A. on the 20th and see what was to come in my relationship with Gene. While in Arizona, Gene and I spoke and texted each other a number of times but never did we follow up on our conversation. Having returned, on Friday night I met up with him and another friend of mine, whom I’ll call Militant, out for dinner. It was a good time and I was glad to see them both again. Obviously with Militant there, Gene and I didn’t discuss anything pertinent to where we left it on the 26th. So on Saturday night I go out to dinner with Gene and Ethan. Once again, Gene and I didn’t discuss anything pertinent to where we left off on the 26th since Ethan was with us. After dinner we went dancing at CPop where we met up with some of our other friends. It was at CPop when my emotions of the last few weeks finally began to hit me. Midway through the night, I detached myself from everybody, found a spot along a wall, and began to become very glazed and reflective. I can’t even begin to imagine what others thought of me as I stared into the abyss reflecting on everything that has gone on in my life over the last six weeks. As they were leaving, Gene and Ethan found me and we all went home.

Since that night I haven’t spoken with Gene. We’ve attempted to communicate with one another, although I’ve begun to wonder how serious an effort we’ve made based on the times we’ve tried to reach each other. So my sixth sense takes me back to what I had ironically questioned in my Your Answer Please post.

Six days to wonder what the answer would be.


Six days to wonder whether I had made a mistake.


Six days to wonder, based on the experience of those 6 long days, what it would be like to not have any verbal communication with my friend.

At this point, I sense Gene just wants to be friends and doesn’t want to explore what those other feelings each of us may have had in the past for each other may have meant. I’m cool with that, and I accept and respect his decision. His friendship has been very important to me and I’ve conveyed to him, on numerous occasions, how appreciative of him I’ve been. I only hope that Gene has the courage to personally convey his thoughts to me so we can move beyond what we created on the 26th and our friendship can move forward in a positive way.


“Human”-The Killers (Armin Van Buuren Radio Remix)

Separation of Church and State?

For all of those who questioned why the Mormons were targeted for peaceful protests after the election in November. Well now you know why. And I don't think we're done yet. Just you wait until the final campaign funding report becomes public record in the coming days. I wouldn't be surprised to learn of a few more surprises about the Yes on 8 campaign.



From the LA Times Online

Mormon church reports spending $180,000 on Proposition 8
Jessica Garrison
6:48 AM PST, January 31, 2009

Top officials with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints filed reports Friday indicating that they donated more than $180,000 in in-kind contributions to Proposition 8, the November ballot initiative that banned same-sex marriage in California.

The contributions included tens of thousands of dollars for expenses such as airline tickets, hotel and restaurant bills and car-rental bills for top church officials such as L. Whitney Clayton, along with $96,849.31 worth of "compensated staff time" for church employees.

The church said the expenditures took place between July 1 and the end of the year. The church's involvement has been a major issue in the campaign and its aftermath. Individual Mormon families donated millions -- by some estimates more than $20 million -- of their own money to the campaign.

On top of that, some Prop. 8 opponents say church officials violated election law by failing to file campaign disclosure reports outlining church funds being spent on the campaign. Fred Karger, who filed a complaint with the Fair Political Practices Commission after the election alleging that church officials had not properly disclosed their involvement, said he thought today's filing proves that his complaint has merit.

"They said they reported all their travel ... now, when there is a [complaint filed] they disclose 25 Southwest tickets just in October," he said. "They were required to report this" in an earlier filing, he said. Church officials could not be reached for comment this evening.

Story of Self

So the reason I left Vegas early was because I had two full days of Prop 8/Marriage Equality workshops that I had committed to attend. I arrived at the EQCA Summit at the L.A. Convention Center a bit late on Saturday and I missed most of the morning session. (no worries though because I learned most of what was discussed as conveyed in my Surprise Guest post) The rest of the event was just so-so and I left about two hours early.

On Sunday, I was invited by the Courage Campaign to participate in their Inaugural Camp Courage. This full day event was modeled after the Camp Obama, grassroots organizer program, and they did a great job enhancing it to meet our equality needs. The Courage Campaign will be holding additional Camps around the State of California so if you reside in California, please go check out their Camp Courage Vote website and get involved.

The first action based, working session that our cohort participated in was the creation and presentation of our own unique Stories of Self. The Courage Campaign describes a Story of Self as one that tells why we have been called to serve. The key focus is on choice points; moments in our lives when our values are formed; when we have to choose in the face of great uncertainty. A good public story is drawn from the series of choice points that have structure-the “plot” of your life: the challenges you faced, the choices you made, and the outcomes you experienced. This storytelling is important because it is a means of communicating our experiences in a way people can respond to by connecting with their emotions. Oh, and our story wasn’t supposed to exceed two minutes in length. Which makes sense because when we are engaging people out on the streets, their time is at a premium.

The story that I presented on Sunday was obviously my story, the one I have written about here in Stand Straight since May. Only, it was the 2 minute verbal version. (truth be told mine went a few seconds longer then two minutes) And you know what, most of my group thought I had the best one. I’ve heard similar sentiments expressed many times over the last few months and I’m beginning to believe that my story is pretty darn cool!

Surprise Guest

It was quite the surprise to learn that on Thursday night at my organization’s leadership meeting we would have a surprise guest. That surprise guest just happened to be the Executive Director of EQCA. The same Executive Director who I partly blamed, and whose resignation I asked for because of the defeat of Proposition 8 in November. (please see Bittersweet post for some background)

The Executive Director was completely candid and open to all questions during the three and half hours that we met. It was a good thing because in front of the 12 or so people in attendance, I held him responsible for our defeat. Due to my ignorance and understanding of the No on 8 Campaign structure, I branded him as the face of the campaign. He understood that feeling, and it wasn’t the first time that he heard it. As it turns out he was one of seven individuals who formed the No on 8 Executive committee. Suffice it to say, in the three and a half hours that we met I learned a TON about the campaign. Most of which it would be irresponsible of me to comment on or publish on this blog. The only three things that I will mention are:

1. My shock to hear that no one person was ultimately responsible for the $40 million, No on 8 campaign.
2. No one believes that there are any threats to the 18,000 gay and lesbian couples who chose to get married when they had the legal right to.
3. I am slightly more optimistic that the court will rule that Prop 8 was unconstitutional.

After the meeting I had the opportunity to meet the Executive Director and apologize to him for holding him personally responsible. Although he shoulders some of the blame, after learning what I did about the campaign, there is enough of it to go around.

Scratching My Head AGAIN

What did the liberals and many in the GLBT community think?

BARACK OBAMA IS A POLITICIAN!

Let me repeat that.

BARACK OBAMA IS A POLITICIAN!

And here we go one last time,

BARACK OBAMA IS A POLITICIAN!

Since the news broke that our President Elect chose Rick Warren to offer the invocation at the inauguration, a firestorm amongst the GLBT and liberal organizations has broke out. (I’ve got some emails to prove it, asking me to take action.) I can certainly understand the frustration and deep disappointment by many who contributed and worked tirelessly for Mr. Obama’s campaign, but once again and IMO, the leadership of the traditional GLBT organizations look sophomoric, out of touch, and without a grasp of what type of impact and influence they actually have.

I laugh now at this firestorm as I did back during the campaign when we, the volunteers of the campaign, would convey the message that Mr. Obama was against Prop 8. The truth is this.

Our President Elect is AGAINST gay "marriage".

He has gone on record saying that! He may espouse his belief in the equality of gays and lesbians but so far they are just words. Time will tell what type of President he will be, just as time will tell whether my life and my future relationships will ever be equally recognized and respected, with the same equal rights and protections as those of my straight friends, throughout our great nation.

I voted for our President Elect and I stand by my vote. He was the better candidate on a whole host of issues. Beyond the one meeting that I attended with respect to his campaign, (please see W:-)A:-(W post) I did not contribute a dime nor expend an ounce of time to support him. (all my time and money went to the fight for my state rights) This episode takes me back to a comment made by one of the liberal activists at that meeting and I’m paraphrasing, "that Mr. Obama had to be more moderate now to win, but once he won, he would shift way back to the left and become a very liberal President." LOL because some people just don't get American politics.

Lastly, to the HRC or EQCA leadership, have you talked to Mr. Warren? Or as our President Elect is open to doing, have we talked to those with different viewpoints.

According to the online CNN article Rick Warren wasn't always a lightning rod for controversy

Warren himself is working to contain the fallout from his support for California's Proposition 8. In an interview set to air this week, he denied that his stand against same-sex marriage meant he was homophobic.

"Of course not. I have always treated them with respect," he said. "When they come and wanna talk to me, I talk to 'em. When the protesters came, we served them water and doughnuts."

Although I find great humor in Mr. Warren's equating respect with a talk, water, and doughnuts, conversations with him and his like need to take place.

And make no mistake about it,

BARACK OBAMA IS A POLITICIAN

and he has already begun his campaign for re-election!