The First Results

First off you have to have a little faith. I have a lot, and once again mine spoke to me this morning. Mine speaks to me in ways and in settings that are not confined or constricted to some church or sanctuary. Mine spoke to me today with the timing of a meaningful song on a different day. When I got in the car this morning and the radio came on, which was the first time I listened to the radio today, the song that was playing was Say by John Mayer. The odd thing about it was that my radio preset was on a station that I probably listen to maybe 10% of the time. Yes, I know, I left the preset on that station in the car last night and it was all a coincidence, but was it? It is heartwarming to postulate the meaning of it all; the guidance, the support, the being watched over, the feeling of not being alone, on this day no less. Unbelievable!

After the talk it is now abundantly clear that I get my emotional side from my mom, my personality and stubbornness from my dad, and my unique and optimistic outlook on life solely from myself. The first talk actually went pretty much as I expected it to go. As I mentioned in another post, my dad recently had surgery. So we talked in one of their guest bedrooms where he is spending most of his recovery time. He was laid out in bed, my mom was standing to the front and right of me, and I was standing in the doorway. It was not the most congenial setting to be having a deep conversation. The conversation started with me providing him a birthday card and a discussion on how his healing process was going. Thankfully, everything is fine. So I then moved on with the

“I have something to tell you guys.”

I then told them that I have decided to resign from my job and spend some time on myself to figure out what I wanted to do in life. As I expected going in, the first reaction from my dad was “how the hell do you not have a job lined up. What are you crazy? Most people don’t leave a job without having another one, what are you doing?” My dad is glass half empty, while I am glass half full. My dad is the housing market sucks, the job market sucks, the price for all things suck, and the sky is falling. Where I am the housing market only needs one seller and one buyer, I'm three for three on interviews and job offers, yeah the price for all things does suck, and no the sky is not falling.

As I told my parents, I’m not most people! And as wonderful as my career has been, I am no longer happy. I no longer can or want to devote the time, energy, and travel to that position in order to meet its requirements. And as I said to them, life is too short, so I am going to find out what makes me happy. I’ve put myself in a position to be able to take some time off and I’m going to use that time to figure out what I would like to do with my life.

The conversation then turned into a discussion about my dad and his communicative relationship with his children. (see prior post Like Father Like Son) My siblings and I do not divulge many details about our lives with him until after things have occurred. In my view, that is very sad and damning. This is in contrast to the relationship my siblings have with my mom. As for me, I have been more open with my mom, but not quite as open as them and still obviously very guarded as to the things that I’ve shared about my personal life. So what I so lovingly and succinctly asked my dad were three questions.

Why do you think it is we don’t share things with you until after the fact?

Don’t you think it has something to do with your personality and how you always react to us about the decisions we make in our lives?

And we all know about your type A personality, but why don’t you try and improve yourself so we can all have more open and fulfilling relationships?

My dad responded that he is a parent and has a right and a paternal instinct to care. I totally agreed with that, but pointed out that I believe there is a difference between caring and how he goes about showing it through his overbearing communicative style and tone. From there I mentioned how similar I thought I was to him in personality and how much I’ve learned from him. I told him that I believed that I also have a type A personality but I’ve learned from him that I don’t want to have the same all consuming, overbearing, and unhealthy communicative style that he has. I choose to live my life with a "to each his own attitude" and allow my siblings to make their own decisions, be supportive of them, and allow them to live their own lives. (I acknowledge that some of this may stem from what I've been hiding and my siblings are not my children) I’m here if they want to talk, I’m here if they need something, but I believe that I, along with them, need and should be allowed to make their own decisions in life, both good and bad and learn from them. And that’s what I told my dad. I told him that on this attribute, I do not want to be like him!

We then moved on with my next piece of news which is that I will be moving to Southern California. This, and to some extent the job piece, really isn’t as earth shattering as I’ve made it out to be because I did talk about making some changes about 3 years ago. Nonetheless, it is real and it is here. I also assured them that I still will come back to Phoenix about once a month, and at least in the short term will keep my place here. On the move, my dad was very supportive and my mom became very emotional yet was still very supportive. I believe they both recognize that this change has the potential for good both on the personal as well as the professional level. And in the end, they do want me to be happy and are only hoping that I find “someone” to share my life with. (hmm, my dad said someone whereas my mom said find a girl to get married)

So all in all it went as I truly thought it would go. Ultimately, they were both very supportive and the only thing that they were really concerned with was that I didn’t have a good job, with benefits of course, lined up right away. (as most parents would be) The only close call occurred when we were talking about finding someone and making them happy by getting married. As I have for all these years, I skirted that issue and changed the conversation. I’m pleased that the first talk is over and am now looking forward to delving more deeply into the details of moving. I do love my parents very much and am pleased that we were able to have a fairly open and productive conversation where I know I let a lot off my chest. (especially with my dad) I also appreciate the love and confidence that both of them have in me. And in that I now recognize that after this dry run, the “real talk” is going to very emotional.




Although I did not say everything that I wanted to say, I did say everything that was on the plan for today. And he is pretty easy on the eyes.
John Mayer-"Say"