After about 2.5 weeks I finally saw Z at the gym again on Wednesday. He was sitting on an incline dumbbell bench about 5 feet from where I was completing my lower back, hyper-extension exercise. When I finished, I went over to Z to say hello. He stuck out his hand, palm facing down with his weight glove on, and we shook hands in a cupped way. We chatted for a few minutes and I then finally asked him out. I referenced the fact that I still owed him and I asked him out for drinks or lunch. He did not answer it with a yes or a no. He smiled, I smiled and we hedged around what I had just asked. I left him by saying something to the effect of, "think about it and let me know." It was really a nice conversation and he told me that over the last few weeks he was frequenting the gym later in the day to attend an abs class, hence why I haven’t seen him. I only bring this up because he said that I should take the class as well. (he said that before I asked him out)
I’m not sure if Z will at some point say yes, but I’m okay with that. For me, Z was the first cute guy that really caught my attention when I moved out here and joined a gym. Metaphorically, he has been my barometer in how I’ve evaluated my progress since arriving in WeHo. It’s been an interesting, educational, and fun pursuit of Z over the last few months. Befriending him, and subsequently asking him out in some respects brings closure to this initial chapter in my coming out. So I’m pleased that I finally asked him out, and I just might have to attend one of those ab classes. Who knows, maybe he works it with his shirt off. :-)
And to think that you thought Z would be my first date. That would have been just too darn Hollywood. The fact is Stand Straight comes to you from West Hollywood, and my first date is in two days with a guy I met while attending my first house party last Saturday night. He asked for my number on Saturday night, called me on Tuesday to ask me out, and we're going for brunch on Saturday because I already had plans for Friday night.
Good Times!!!
Showing posts with label body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label body. Show all posts
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Saturday, November 8, 2008
As Promised
To answer the question that I posed, Halloween turned out to be full of fleeting tricks.
The costume that I ordered was that of a "Well Hung Man."
The adjustments that I made were to rip off the sleeves, unbutton the shirt down to my abs, and walk around with my arms tied behind my back.
Overall, I had a good time. But like so many other experiences that I've had over the last few months, my reality did not measure up to my hopes or expectations. That is my fault because at times I have a hard time seeing the forest through the trees. (although I've been told by many friends that they thought this year's party was very sterile, bland, and straight)
By the end of the night I lost my noose, so if you happened to have found it please let me know.
The costume that I ordered was that of a "Well Hung Man."
The adjustments that I made were to rip off the sleeves, unbutton the shirt down to my abs, and walk around with my arms tied behind my back.
Overall, I had a good time. But like so many other experiences that I've had over the last few months, my reality did not measure up to my hopes or expectations. That is my fault because at times I have a hard time seeing the forest through the trees. (although I've been told by many friends that they thought this year's party was very sterile, bland, and straight)
By the end of the night I lost my noose, so if you happened to have found it please let me know.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Trick or Treat?
I really can't believe that Halloween is here. I've known for awhile that the City of West Hollywood throws a big street party for Halloween, but what I didn't really know was how big it is for the mo crowd. (big and mo, like chocolate and peanut butter, seem to be two things that go hand and hand)
I have been looking forward to Halloween, but to be quite honest, I thought I would just attend and try and take it all in. That thought went out the window as soon as I learned a tad bit more about how much fun the night can be. I am now REALLY excited about tonight. So much so that I had a costume shipped next day, although UPS f'd it up yesterday and I now have to go pick it up at their customer service center. I will make some slight changes to the costume to make it a tad more revealing and sexy. ;) (PG of course but I will tell you this, I will look hot and for those with a naughty imagination.......)
Will Adam's Halloween be filled with fleeting tricks or scrumptious treats? (you'll find out after the election)
Have a Happy and Safe Halloween!
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Don't Hold Back
Many months ago I mentioned that it was my goal to “show my face” in WeHo. Since my arrival I’ve spent some time attempting to do just that. However, when I made that comment I had another idea in mind. On Friday, that idea came to fruition.
What better way to show your face than to be parked on the corner of San Vicente and Santa Monica Blvd. involved in a bit of political activism on a Friday night. That street corner falls within the middle of many of the gay bars in WeHo and according to the City council member that I met, the corner has a bit of activism history. I came up with the idea, which really is no great idea but no one else was galvanizing the community like this, and led a team from our group to register people to vote, solicit volunteers to help defeat proposition 8 here in California, ask for donations to help defeat prop 8, advertise our upcoming celebrity fundraising event, and basically educating the bar and club hopping gay community about the virtues of VOTING. (and voting No on Prop. 8) You’d be surprised, or maybe some of you wouldn’t be, how indifferent so many people are to voting. It’s really sad and in my opinion SHAMEFUL! It baffles me how some people, whose own RIGHTS are at stake here in California, remain so indifferent to the importance of their vote. If they are not going to care about their OWN rights, why should we expect anyone else to?
Thankfully, there were many more people who we spoke with that were knowledgeable about the issues and extremely appreciative that we were there. There to be visible, there to send a message, and there to register people to vote. And for Adam’s sake there to show his face. :-)
I had all sorts of ideas on how I wanted to present our message when I suggested to the leadership team, of the group I have been volunteering with, the tabling idea. Unfortunately, local city and state pac rules presented a number of challenges which negatively impacted our ability to present and achieve some of what I would have liked. Nonetheless, the night turned out to be a success on all fronts.
Success on the political front and success on the personal front. It was a lot of fun going up to total strangers with a gift and a message. The gift was a sticker, and if you were out in WeHo last Friday and saw them on the bartenders and patrons, that was us. I wore our group’s t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I was a moron wearing just a t-shirt because it turned out to be a cold night, but hey I looked great. (and I paid for my stupidity by having caught another cold which has once again restricted my activities since) It was a hoot having a number of young guys, with Asian and Mexican backgrounds, coming up to me with interest. (I'm not quite sure why those particular backgrounds seem to be so interested in yours truly) One guy even offered me a rose. haha Another guy who I was flirting with, Caesar, was hot and he stayed behind a minute or two as his friends moved on. Unfortunately I let Caesar slip away. He wanted me to place the sticker on his crotch. Who asks another guy to do that? :) We went back and forth on that one and my lame excuse was that the Sheriff’s department was located across the street and my proper and legal arse didn’t want to get into any trouble in public. I ended up placing it on his left nipple and we then said our goodbyes. WeHo’s a small town so I hope to see Caesar again. :-)
It's great fun when your POAs come together, so please don't hold back!
The Chemical Brothers-"Galvanize"
What better way to show your face than to be parked on the corner of San Vicente and Santa Monica Blvd. involved in a bit of political activism on a Friday night. That street corner falls within the middle of many of the gay bars in WeHo and according to the City council member that I met, the corner has a bit of activism history. I came up with the idea, which really is no great idea but no one else was galvanizing the community like this, and led a team from our group to register people to vote, solicit volunteers to help defeat proposition 8 here in California, ask for donations to help defeat prop 8, advertise our upcoming celebrity fundraising event, and basically educating the bar and club hopping gay community about the virtues of VOTING. (and voting No on Prop. 8) You’d be surprised, or maybe some of you wouldn’t be, how indifferent so many people are to voting. It’s really sad and in my opinion SHAMEFUL! It baffles me how some people, whose own RIGHTS are at stake here in California, remain so indifferent to the importance of their vote. If they are not going to care about their OWN rights, why should we expect anyone else to?
Thankfully, there were many more people who we spoke with that were knowledgeable about the issues and extremely appreciative that we were there. There to be visible, there to send a message, and there to register people to vote. And for Adam’s sake there to show his face. :-)
I had all sorts of ideas on how I wanted to present our message when I suggested to the leadership team, of the group I have been volunteering with, the tabling idea. Unfortunately, local city and state pac rules presented a number of challenges which negatively impacted our ability to present and achieve some of what I would have liked. Nonetheless, the night turned out to be a success on all fronts.
Success on the political front and success on the personal front. It was a lot of fun going up to total strangers with a gift and a message. The gift was a sticker, and if you were out in WeHo last Friday and saw them on the bartenders and patrons, that was us. I wore our group’s t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I was a moron wearing just a t-shirt because it turned out to be a cold night, but hey I looked great. (and I paid for my stupidity by having caught another cold which has once again restricted my activities since) It was a hoot having a number of young guys, with Asian and Mexican backgrounds, coming up to me with interest. (I'm not quite sure why those particular backgrounds seem to be so interested in yours truly) One guy even offered me a rose. haha Another guy who I was flirting with, Caesar, was hot and he stayed behind a minute or two as his friends moved on. Unfortunately I let Caesar slip away. He wanted me to place the sticker on his crotch. Who asks another guy to do that? :) We went back and forth on that one and my lame excuse was that the Sheriff’s department was located across the street and my proper and legal arse didn’t want to get into any trouble in public. I ended up placing it on his left nipple and we then said our goodbyes. WeHo’s a small town so I hope to see Caesar again. :-)
It's great fun when your POAs come together, so please don't hold back!
The Chemical Brothers-"Galvanize"
Monday, September 29, 2008
Finally A Weekend of WeHo Firsts
Finally I went out extremely confident! :)
Finally I felt like I belonged! :-)
Finally I brought home my first cute guy! :-D
Friday
I arrived at Eleven around 10:30pm. I’m beginning to think there is a reason why they call it Eleven and that is there is no reason to arrive there before 11:00. One of these days I won’t be so excited to arrive early. (fwiw, this was my first night out since I arrived back in WeHo because I have been fighting a cold for the past two weeks.) The crowd was a bit sparse and there was plenty of room to move around. I once again went out alone, and this time it was my choice. As crazy as it now sounds, I actually enjoy going out to gay bars, not clubs, alone. (more on that later)
I’ve touched on this a little before but throughout most of my life I have never liked having pictures taken of me. In addition, I have never liked looking at pictures of myself. (you will not find any pictures of me displayed in open view throughout my apartment.) Like many people, the image I saw of myself in a photo, or the mirror for that matter, was different from what others saw of me. It was never because I didn’t think I was attractive, because I do think I’m around a 7.8 on a 10 scale, (haha) but I believe it was because I never really loved myself. (especially the last 8 years) With all of that said the last two weeks were amazing. Between all of the compliments that I received from my closest friends in how great I looked and how happy I appeared, to seeing what I actually looked liked with the photos I posted online, I just never really knew or maybe ever believed. That’s all changed!!!!!! (and fully coming out certainly played a HUGE part in it as well)
So on Friday night I looked damn good and knew it! I was mentally prepared, and it was my full intention to be the one to initiate conversations for the night. As luck would have it, I didn’t need to initiate any at all. (and for those keeping track, I wore a Lacoste slim fit polo shirt with 2 of the 3 top buttons buttoned and a pair of Diesel jeans.) I arrived and went straight to the bar to get a drink. I then proceeded to walk around a bit to see the clientele and subsequently settled on a spot to call home for the next 20 minutes. When I passed these three guys on my walk, I overheard one of them say, “he’s hot!” So when I stopped, I noticed that they were checking me out for quite some time. When it was time for me to replenish my drink I made sure to go to the bar a few feet in front of them. I got to the bar and overheard them talking about me. So I leaned over the bar and stuck out my arse to give them a good shot. haha I got my drink and went back to the area where I had been. To be honest, I was just waiting for them to make their move. After about 20 minutes one of them came over. He said, “Hi. One of my friends, the one who was interested in yours truly, wanted to know where you’re from.” So I responded, “Hi. That’s an odd question, does he believe he knows who I am.” He replied, “No. He was just curious.” Anyway, I answer his question and we spoke for about 10 minutes. Then his other two friends, including the one who was interested, approached. We all spoke for a little bit but I wasn’t interested. They invited me up to the second floor with them but I passed.
Then another guy approached. He came to the bar with his roommate who didn’t seem to be having a good time. I’ll call him Brazil. (he’s from Brazil via Boston) Brazil was a nice guy and we had decent conversations on two separate occasions. I was not physically attracted to Brazil but I thought there may be a possibility for us to become friends. So I actually gave him my number. (after speaking with a friend I think this may have been a bad idea since I may have led him to believe something different) Early Saturday morning I received a text message from Brazil that read,
Then two other guys approached. One of the guys opening line was, “You have nice hair.” So I replied, “Thanks. I’m just glad I still have some.” We spoke briefly and the guy thought I looked like Hugh Grant. haha Anyway when the opening line guy got caught up in another conversation I turned to his friend and said, “I thought that was an odd opening line what does he mean?” So he replied, “my friend likes you.” Once again I wasn’t interested, but I was intrigued by one of their friends who was introduced to me at the end of our conversation. Said friend had an Asian background and a great body. All these guys then moved on and Brazil came back. Throughout most of the time I was with Brazil I and Said Asian friend were looking each other up and down from a distance. It was great fun and part of me assumed and hoped that Brazil noticed that and took that as a sign that I wasn’t physically attracted to him.
Anyway, Brazil and his unhappy roommate left and I then made my way to the other side of the bar by the stairwell. No sooner did I stop, a girl walks by and tells me that I should unbutton the remaining two shirt buttons that I had buttoned. She thought I didn’t fit in. I looked at her with a scowl and should have slapped her silly. Then a really cute exotic looking guy approached from the bar. How does this sound; half Spanish, half Japanese, from Brazil, who now lives in London. (I’ll call him Brazlon)
Brazlon, you had me at hello. You had me at hello. (btw, I think I have a thing for guys with a little Asian in them) We talked and everything came so easy for me. It was a bit noisy where we were standing so he recommended that we go upstairs. I followed him to the back stairwell (I had no idea there was a back stairwell) and upstairs to the back room where we parked ourselves on some couches. We continued to flirt with one another when he tried to kiss. I pulled away and told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss another guy in public. We talked a little bit about each others experiences and then an acquaintance of mine walked past and we gave each other a hug and hello. I then sat back down and Brazlon and I continued to flirt and FINALLY my heart overpowered my mind and we started to kiss. I can’t recall what triggered my change in attitude nor who made the first move. All I can recall was how awesome it was. After kissing on the couch for sometime I then said to Brazlon, “let’s get out of here!” We walked downstairs where Brazlon tried to find his friend, but to no avail. We grabbed a cab and were heading home.
Brazlon spent the night and all I’m going to say is that I had an awesome time. It all just felt so right. Brazlon was great and it was so nice to wake up with him next to me.
Saturday
Due to the great night and morning I had, I was late meeting good friends of mine who live about 1.5 hours southeast of WeHo. (I was contemplating postponing the meeting with the excuse that “something came up” but our meeting was too important.) This was another coming out/update conversation and like all the others before them their reaction was wonderful. It was great to see them and their two beautiful little girls, great to bring them back into my life, and I really look forward to their future visits to WeHo.
For the first time in WeHo, I did not go out on a Saturday night.
Sunday
Ethan, a friend of mine, invited me out to dinner where we joined up with some of his friends. Had a nice meal, good conversation, and drank a bit too much wine. (first time I’ve drank wine out since I’ve arrived) After dinner we decided to go check out Area. (supposedly the club to be at on Sunday nights)
To be honest, my experience at Area was So-So. The negative So about my experience at Area was that I thought the music stunk and the place didn’t seem that crowded. The positive So were the conversations I had and the two guys I saw.
On the conversation front, I told Ethan about many of the tips that I’ve learned through my experience of navigating a gay bar by myself. When you’re by yourself, you learn to fine tune your senses of sight and sound. These senses are key as you make your way through the crowds of the hot and not so hot. I also conveyed to him how much of an impact I thought the last few weeks have had on my confidence and attitude. Without a doubt, I am a different person. How different? Ethan thought a guy was cute, so as any good friend would do I went up to said cute guy and started a conversation. Ethan soon joined in on the conversation and by the end of the night they were dancing. :) (fwiw, I also thought he was cute)
It was the guys I saw that made for a fitting end to a great weekend! First up, Brazlon. :-) It was nice to see him again and to hear that his visit to WeHo was going well. Brazlon was there with three of his friends, so I introduced Ethan to Brazlon and Brazlon introduced us to his friends. Brazlon and I spoke for a little bit but that was it. What stoked my ego was hearing what Ethan thought of Brazlon. :-D
After our conversation with Brazlon and his friends, Ethan and I decided to walk around. It was here where I noticed Z and Z noticed me. haha I went up to him again, played ignorant in not remembering his name, and reintroduced myself. I then introduced Z to Ethan. We all spoke for a bit and I thought more progress was made. (he definitely knows who I am) When we left Z, Ethan says to me, “I didn’t realize how cute he was. You have good taste.” haha
What an end, make that beginning to a wonderful new year. L'Shana Tova! Happy New Year!
Switchfoot-”Dare You to Move”
Finally I felt like I belonged! :-)
Finally I brought home my first cute guy! :-D
Friday
I arrived at Eleven around 10:30pm. I’m beginning to think there is a reason why they call it Eleven and that is there is no reason to arrive there before 11:00. One of these days I won’t be so excited to arrive early. (fwiw, this was my first night out since I arrived back in WeHo because I have been fighting a cold for the past two weeks.) The crowd was a bit sparse and there was plenty of room to move around. I once again went out alone, and this time it was my choice. As crazy as it now sounds, I actually enjoy going out to gay bars, not clubs, alone. (more on that later)
I’ve touched on this a little before but throughout most of my life I have never liked having pictures taken of me. In addition, I have never liked looking at pictures of myself. (you will not find any pictures of me displayed in open view throughout my apartment.) Like many people, the image I saw of myself in a photo, or the mirror for that matter, was different from what others saw of me. It was never because I didn’t think I was attractive, because I do think I’m around a 7.8 on a 10 scale, (haha) but I believe it was because I never really loved myself. (especially the last 8 years) With all of that said the last two weeks were amazing. Between all of the compliments that I received from my closest friends in how great I looked and how happy I appeared, to seeing what I actually looked liked with the photos I posted online, I just never really knew or maybe ever believed. That’s all changed!!!!!! (and fully coming out certainly played a HUGE part in it as well)
So on Friday night I looked damn good and knew it! I was mentally prepared, and it was my full intention to be the one to initiate conversations for the night. As luck would have it, I didn’t need to initiate any at all. (and for those keeping track, I wore a Lacoste slim fit polo shirt with 2 of the 3 top buttons buttoned and a pair of Diesel jeans.) I arrived and went straight to the bar to get a drink. I then proceeded to walk around a bit to see the clientele and subsequently settled on a spot to call home for the next 20 minutes. When I passed these three guys on my walk, I overheard one of them say, “he’s hot!” So when I stopped, I noticed that they were checking me out for quite some time. When it was time for me to replenish my drink I made sure to go to the bar a few feet in front of them. I got to the bar and overheard them talking about me. So I leaned over the bar and stuck out my arse to give them a good shot. haha I got my drink and went back to the area where I had been. To be honest, I was just waiting for them to make their move. After about 20 minutes one of them came over. He said, “Hi. One of my friends, the one who was interested in yours truly, wanted to know where you’re from.” So I responded, “Hi. That’s an odd question, does he believe he knows who I am.” He replied, “No. He was just curious.” Anyway, I answer his question and we spoke for about 10 minutes. Then his other two friends, including the one who was interested, approached. We all spoke for a little bit but I wasn’t interested. They invited me up to the second floor with them but I passed.
Then another guy approached. He came to the bar with his roommate who didn’t seem to be having a good time. I’ll call him Brazil. (he’s from Brazil via Boston) Brazil was a nice guy and we had decent conversations on two separate occasions. I was not physically attracted to Brazil but I thought there may be a possibility for us to become friends. So I actually gave him my number. (after speaking with a friend I think this may have been a bad idea since I may have led him to believe something different) Early Saturday morning I received a text message from Brazil that read,
“Nice meeting you tonight Adam. Thought u looked great btw. Remember don’t change your style!”I have not responded to his text yet because I’m not sure what to say. Anyway.
Then two other guys approached. One of the guys opening line was, “You have nice hair.” So I replied, “Thanks. I’m just glad I still have some.” We spoke briefly and the guy thought I looked like Hugh Grant. haha Anyway when the opening line guy got caught up in another conversation I turned to his friend and said, “I thought that was an odd opening line what does he mean?” So he replied, “my friend likes you.” Once again I wasn’t interested, but I was intrigued by one of their friends who was introduced to me at the end of our conversation. Said friend had an Asian background and a great body. All these guys then moved on and Brazil came back. Throughout most of the time I was with Brazil I and Said Asian friend were looking each other up and down from a distance. It was great fun and part of me assumed and hoped that Brazil noticed that and took that as a sign that I wasn’t physically attracted to him.
Anyway, Brazil and his unhappy roommate left and I then made my way to the other side of the bar by the stairwell. No sooner did I stop, a girl walks by and tells me that I should unbutton the remaining two shirt buttons that I had buttoned. She thought I didn’t fit in. I looked at her with a scowl and should have slapped her silly. Then a really cute exotic looking guy approached from the bar. How does this sound; half Spanish, half Japanese, from Brazil, who now lives in London. (I’ll call him Brazlon)
Brazlon, you had me at hello. You had me at hello. (btw, I think I have a thing for guys with a little Asian in them) We talked and everything came so easy for me. It was a bit noisy where we were standing so he recommended that we go upstairs. I followed him to the back stairwell (I had no idea there was a back stairwell) and upstairs to the back room where we parked ourselves on some couches. We continued to flirt with one another when he tried to kiss. I pulled away and told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss another guy in public. We talked a little bit about each others experiences and then an acquaintance of mine walked past and we gave each other a hug and hello. I then sat back down and Brazlon and I continued to flirt and FINALLY my heart overpowered my mind and we started to kiss. I can’t recall what triggered my change in attitude nor who made the first move. All I can recall was how awesome it was. After kissing on the couch for sometime I then said to Brazlon, “let’s get out of here!” We walked downstairs where Brazlon tried to find his friend, but to no avail. We grabbed a cab and were heading home.
Brazlon spent the night and all I’m going to say is that I had an awesome time. It all just felt so right. Brazlon was great and it was so nice to wake up with him next to me.
Saturday
Due to the great night and morning I had, I was late meeting good friends of mine who live about 1.5 hours southeast of WeHo. (I was contemplating postponing the meeting with the excuse that “something came up” but our meeting was too important.) This was another coming out/update conversation and like all the others before them their reaction was wonderful. It was great to see them and their two beautiful little girls, great to bring them back into my life, and I really look forward to their future visits to WeHo.
For the first time in WeHo, I did not go out on a Saturday night.
Sunday
Ethan, a friend of mine, invited me out to dinner where we joined up with some of his friends. Had a nice meal, good conversation, and drank a bit too much wine. (first time I’ve drank wine out since I’ve arrived) After dinner we decided to go check out Area. (supposedly the club to be at on Sunday nights)
To be honest, my experience at Area was So-So. The negative So about my experience at Area was that I thought the music stunk and the place didn’t seem that crowded. The positive So were the conversations I had and the two guys I saw.
On the conversation front, I told Ethan about many of the tips that I’ve learned through my experience of navigating a gay bar by myself. When you’re by yourself, you learn to fine tune your senses of sight and sound. These senses are key as you make your way through the crowds of the hot and not so hot. I also conveyed to him how much of an impact I thought the last few weeks have had on my confidence and attitude. Without a doubt, I am a different person. How different? Ethan thought a guy was cute, so as any good friend would do I went up to said cute guy and started a conversation. Ethan soon joined in on the conversation and by the end of the night they were dancing. :) (fwiw, I also thought he was cute)
It was the guys I saw that made for a fitting end to a great weekend! First up, Brazlon. :-) It was nice to see him again and to hear that his visit to WeHo was going well. Brazlon was there with three of his friends, so I introduced Ethan to Brazlon and Brazlon introduced us to his friends. Brazlon and I spoke for a little bit but that was it. What stoked my ego was hearing what Ethan thought of Brazlon. :-D
After our conversation with Brazlon and his friends, Ethan and I decided to walk around. It was here where I noticed Z and Z noticed me. haha I went up to him again, played ignorant in not remembering his name, and reintroduced myself. I then introduced Z to Ethan. We all spoke for a bit and I thought more progress was made. (he definitely knows who I am) When we left Z, Ethan says to me, “I didn’t realize how cute he was. You have good taste.” haha
What an end, make that beginning to a wonderful new year. L'Shana Tova! Happy New Year!
Switchfoot-”Dare You to Move”
Welcome to the Planet
Welcome to Existence
Everyone’s Here
Everyone’s Here
Everybody is watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next
I Dare you to Move
I Dare you to Move
I Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Adam Exposed
Well kind of.
I’ve thought long and hard, really from the start of my blogging experience, on whether I would ever post a picture of myself in any form on Stand Straight. One of the two guys who knew that I was blogging from the start recommended that I do. To which I vehemently opposed for a number of reasons. Stand Straight is not, and will never be about pictures of beautiful guys. (although you will occasionally see some) There are already a number of great sites and blogs that cater to that sort of thing. What Stand Straight has been and will always be about is me and my own personal growth in coming out, from a repressed state, as a gay man in 2008 America. As as I outlined in my very first post, Break it Down, one of the three goals in writing Stand Straight was for it to provide me with the opportunity to evaluate my own personal growth as my journey progressed.
Now that I’m back in Phoenix, I’ve had the opportunity to look back at my experiences over the last few months and reflect on how far I’ve come. I believe I have made some tremendous strides on a number of fronts but one of the two areas where I still struggle with is my body and having other guys look at it. I still find it very awkward and in some respects I remain a basket case when they do. I had one experience at the Abbey about a week ago where a guy, who was by himself, looked me up and down and then began to chuckle. I immediately began to wonder what the hell was he chuckling at. Was I excited? Did I spill ketchup on myself? Did my pee miss the urinal? Did a bird shit on me? Was cum dripping down my mouth? (no it couldn’t have been that) It freaked me out and I became totally self conscious. My night was ruined after that because every time from then on that someone would look at me, they reinforced that guy’s chuckle in my mind. When I finally arrived home I did a thorough inspection and everything appeared normal. (thankfully I couldn’t see inside my brain)
So in an effort to grow and become more comfortable with other guys looking at me, I now expose Adam.
Well kind of.
The two body parts that need the most work are ones that unfortunately I will not be sharing. (my two heads) Ironically, both of them may need professional help.
And if anybody who happens to read this thinks they know who I am, I ask that you please respect my identity and the therapeutic intent on why I chose to post these pictures. I sincerely appreciate it and thanks!
I’ve thought long and hard, really from the start of my blogging experience, on whether I would ever post a picture of myself in any form on Stand Straight. One of the two guys who knew that I was blogging from the start recommended that I do. To which I vehemently opposed for a number of reasons. Stand Straight is not, and will never be about pictures of beautiful guys. (although you will occasionally see some) There are already a number of great sites and blogs that cater to that sort of thing. What Stand Straight has been and will always be about is me and my own personal growth in coming out, from a repressed state, as a gay man in 2008 America. As as I outlined in my very first post, Break it Down, one of the three goals in writing Stand Straight was for it to provide me with the opportunity to evaluate my own personal growth as my journey progressed.
Now that I’m back in Phoenix, I’ve had the opportunity to look back at my experiences over the last few months and reflect on how far I’ve come. I believe I have made some tremendous strides on a number of fronts but one of the two areas where I still struggle with is my body and having other guys look at it. I still find it very awkward and in some respects I remain a basket case when they do. I had one experience at the Abbey about a week ago where a guy, who was by himself, looked me up and down and then began to chuckle. I immediately began to wonder what the hell was he chuckling at. Was I excited? Did I spill ketchup on myself? Did my pee miss the urinal? Did a bird shit on me? Was cum dripping down my mouth? (no it couldn’t have been that) It freaked me out and I became totally self conscious. My night was ruined after that because every time from then on that someone would look at me, they reinforced that guy’s chuckle in my mind. When I finally arrived home I did a thorough inspection and everything appeared normal. (thankfully I couldn’t see inside my brain)
So in an effort to grow and become more comfortable with other guys looking at me, I now expose Adam.
Well kind of.
The two body parts that need the most work are ones that unfortunately I will not be sharing. (my two heads) Ironically, both of them may need professional help.
And if anybody who happens to read this thinks they know who I am, I ask that you please respect my identity and the therapeutic intent on why I chose to post these pictures. I sincerely appreciate it and thanks!
Friday, September 5, 2008
No Nanny, Thank You
On Wednesday night I volunteered/attended/mingled at a cocktail reception that the organization I’m participating with cosponsored with Equality California to benefit the No on Proposition 8 campaign. It was a great event where we raised some nice money and it seemed like most who attended had a great time. The event took place at The Nanny's ex-husband’s house. It was a beautiful home up in the hills. Here are two pictures, although they are of lousy quality, that I took of the view.
My one regret was that I didn’t introduce myself and get a picture with the Nanny. I adore her, even though truth be told I never watched her TV sitcom, and her laugh. (more a tribal thing than a gay thing) Nonetheless, I’ve grown to respect her through the years due to her continued activism on a number of issues.
On a personal level, last night was the type of event that I typically like to participate in. I met a number of new guys, including one of the local council members-which was fortuitous for something I’m planning. I also met a guy who I thought was pretty cute and I’m now trying to determine if he is taken. We had two really nice eye contact/smile episodes but I don’t know if it was anything more than that. He did come with another guy, so I sent an email out and I look forward to the response. (edit-he lives with the guy he came with and I was told that he is a live-in boyfriend. I will take that literally and that he is off the market. So much for my nice eye contact/smile episodes) The guys for the most part tended to skew a bit older. Which was great for the confidence because I felt like the fresh piece of meat. One of the guys I knew was even introducing me as the new guy in town and oh look at his stomach. (all in good fun but I am so not comfortable with that) And here’s one funny end to a conversation I had with a nice guy who was a bit older and whom I had no intimate interest in.
As an aside, I met the Nanny’s ex-husband on Wednesday night and what do you know I saw him again on Thursday at the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica. I left such an impression that he remembered who I was. haha
And fwiw allow me to humor myself, I looked damn good at this event. :)
My one regret was that I didn’t introduce myself and get a picture with the Nanny. I adore her, even though truth be told I never watched her TV sitcom, and her laugh. (more a tribal thing than a gay thing) Nonetheless, I’ve grown to respect her through the years due to her continued activism on a number of issues.
On a personal level, last night was the type of event that I typically like to participate in. I met a number of new guys, including one of the local council members-which was fortuitous for something I’m planning. I also met a guy who I thought was pretty cute and I’m now trying to determine if he is taken. We had two really nice eye contact/smile episodes but I don’t know if it was anything more than that. He did come with another guy, so I sent an email out and I look forward to the response. (edit-he lives with the guy he came with and I was told that he is a live-in boyfriend. I will take that literally and that he is off the market. So much for my nice eye contact/smile episodes) The guys for the most part tended to skew a bit older. Which was great for the confidence because I felt like the fresh piece of meat. One of the guys I knew was even introducing me as the new guy in town and oh look at his stomach. (all in good fun but I am so not comfortable with that) And here’s one funny end to a conversation I had with a nice guy who was a bit older and whom I had no intimate interest in.
During our conversation he told me that he wasn’t drinking a stiff drink. So I said to him, “ You need to go have some fun. So go get another drink and make sure the bartender gives you a stiff one this time!” So he then commented on my use of the word stiff and then asked, “so why aren’t you drinking?” I replied, “because I’m working.” To which he ended with, “yeah, and I can’t afford you.” :-)
As an aside, I met the Nanny’s ex-husband on Wednesday night and what do you know I saw him again on Thursday at the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica. I left such an impression that he remembered who I was. haha
And fwiw allow me to humor myself, I looked damn good at this event. :)
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
A Welcome Relief
A few days before the race
Arriving at the race
The beginning of the race
During the race
the END of the race
and of course after the race!
and tv/movie star how do you feel about this post?
Thanks, I thought you'd like it!
And if I have done something wrong by illegally posting material or photos on my little blog that I had no right to post, and you are the rightful owner of these photos and would like me to remove them, I will gladly do so with a proper email of such. Thanks.
Arriving at the race
The beginning of the race
During the race
the END of the race
and of course after the race!
and tv/movie star how do you feel about this post?
Thanks, I thought you'd like it!
And if I have done something wrong by illegally posting material or photos on my little blog that I had no right to post, and you are the rightful owner of these photos and would like me to remove them, I will gladly do so with a proper email of such. Thanks.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
An Affair to Remember
The Underwear Affairwas AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still can't believe I did it. To say it was personally liberating would be an UNDER statement! What a blast! I only wish I had some friends out here to enjoy it with and run with as a group.
Anyway, as it turns out I ran it competitively. I know of no other way. The real funny thing was that I missed the start of my 10K race because I set myself up in back behind the Aussie Bum boys. :) You'll see why in a bit. Unbeknownst to me they chose to run the 5K. (why am I not surprised) So I'm waiting and waiting and then all of a sudden realize that the 10K runners had already started. I had to run quick to catch up with everyone, and once I started I didn't stop. I didn't see many cute guys out there which was a bit surprising and disappointing. Hence, I didn't use any of the run-up lines that I thought of. Anyway, here are a bunch of photos from the event. Just call me paparazadam. (and this will be the first and last time that I am paparazadam. All pictures were professionally taken with my Kodak $7.99 disposable camera purchased at CVS 3 hours before the race.)
Felt good with the inspirational message
Creative Costumes
Why I'm Gay (Just kidding ladies. It wasn't my choice, I've accepted who I am, and I love your spirit and outfits!)
Tesla-first time I've seen this 0-60 in 3.9 seconds, electric car in person
Celebrityin the race......although not in his undies
I caught up with him, paced off him for a bit, then ran fast and past
I thought the guy in the yellow shirt and jeans was super cute. He was handing out flyers for another cancer run this fall. hmm
Aussie Bum boys
And so I asked, "Aussie Bum boys can I take a picture of you guys?" The cute one on the left had a weird face after I asked him that. It caught me off guard a bit that maybe a dude asking for his picture would catch him off guard. (and I assumed that he was a model for them and should be used to dudes asking for his picture)
PS....Thanks Ed for the recommendation. I did run in a black pair of the Calvin's you recommended. They worked out well. :) And Dan, I did go with black socks and was tempted to buy black sneakers but I knew better.
Survivor-"Burning Heart"
I still can't believe I did it. To say it was personally liberating would be an UNDER statement! What a blast! I only wish I had some friends out here to enjoy it with and run with as a group.
Anyway, as it turns out I ran it competitively. I know of no other way. The real funny thing was that I missed the start of my 10K race because I set myself up in back behind the Aussie Bum boys. :) You'll see why in a bit. Unbeknownst to me they chose to run the 5K. (why am I not surprised) So I'm waiting and waiting and then all of a sudden realize that the 10K runners had already started. I had to run quick to catch up with everyone, and once I started I didn't stop. I didn't see many cute guys out there which was a bit surprising and disappointing. Hence, I didn't use any of the run-up lines that I thought of. Anyway, here are a bunch of photos from the event. Just call me paparazadam. (and this will be the first and last time that I am paparazadam. All pictures were professionally taken with my Kodak $7.99 disposable camera purchased at CVS 3 hours before the race.)
Felt good with the inspirational message
Creative Costumes
Why I'm Gay (Just kidding ladies. It wasn't my choice, I've accepted who I am, and I love your spirit and outfits!)
Tesla-first time I've seen this 0-60 in 3.9 seconds, electric car in person
Celebrityin the race......although not in his undies
I caught up with him, paced off him for a bit, then ran fast and past
I thought the guy in the yellow shirt and jeans was super cute. He was handing out flyers for another cancer run this fall. hmm
Aussie Bum boys
And so I asked, "Aussie Bum boys can I take a picture of you guys?" The cute one on the left had a weird face after I asked him that. It caught me off guard a bit that maybe a dude asking for his picture would catch him off guard. (and I assumed that he was a model for them and should be used to dudes asking for his picture)
PS....Thanks Ed for the recommendation. I did run in a black pair of the Calvin's you recommended. They worked out well. :) And Dan, I did go with black socks and was tempted to buy black sneakers but I knew better.
Survivor-"Burning Heart"
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Captain _____
For the first week and a half I have been using the gym at my apartment complex and running the streets of weho. The gym at the apartment complex has a decent array of equipment but not enough of the things that I need for my varied routines. I consider myself a runner/athlete more than a weightlifter so I utilize more things than just cardio equipment and weights.
So the last few days I visited the three gyms that were in walking distance of my apartment. The first gym’s monthly rate was low. I was greeted by a membership consultant who smelled like he just finished his cigarette. That is always a positive first impression when checking out a “health” club. ( :) ) I thought this facility was chaotic although it did have a pool which would come in handy if I decide to train for a sprint triathlon. The second gym’s monthly rate was moderate. I was greeted there by a membership consultant who was very friendly, bordering on flirtatious. So I clearly played along and it was fun. This facility was more organized and seemed to have a nice vibe to it. The third gym’s monthly rate was high. It was a beautiful facility and had an enormous amount of space and equipment. They even had a nice spa and the facility appeared as if their clientele were a bit more private and high end. Though with that being said it seemed more quiet and sterile. Decisions decisions????
I do feel honored though. After visiting all three, each of the membership consultants made a comment that I was the first person that they have ever seen that came for a tour of their facility with a pre-made list with the criteria and equipment that were needed for my workouts. (Yes I am anal although I still don’t know if I will like the other anal. :) ) Unfortunately, none of the gyms had all of the equipment that I am used to using for my workouts.
I did make a decision and this morning was my first workout. The gym wasn’t that crowded which in a sense was good for working out, but from a broader perspective was not so good in trying to meet people. I will have to play around with my workout times to determine the best times to visit. Who knew this job of mine would be so difficult. (:-D)
So the last few days I visited the three gyms that were in walking distance of my apartment. The first gym’s monthly rate was low. I was greeted by a membership consultant who smelled like he just finished his cigarette. That is always a positive first impression when checking out a “health” club. ( :) ) I thought this facility was chaotic although it did have a pool which would come in handy if I decide to train for a sprint triathlon. The second gym’s monthly rate was moderate. I was greeted there by a membership consultant who was very friendly, bordering on flirtatious. So I clearly played along and it was fun. This facility was more organized and seemed to have a nice vibe to it. The third gym’s monthly rate was high. It was a beautiful facility and had an enormous amount of space and equipment. They even had a nice spa and the facility appeared as if their clientele were a bit more private and high end. Though with that being said it seemed more quiet and sterile. Decisions decisions????
I do feel honored though. After visiting all three, each of the membership consultants made a comment that I was the first person that they have ever seen that came for a tour of their facility with a pre-made list with the criteria and equipment that were needed for my workouts. (Yes I am anal although I still don’t know if I will like the other anal. :) ) Unfortunately, none of the gyms had all of the equipment that I am used to using for my workouts.
I did make a decision and this morning was my first workout. The gym wasn’t that crowded which in a sense was good for working out, but from a broader perspective was not so good in trying to meet people. I will have to play around with my workout times to determine the best times to visit. Who knew this job of mine would be so difficult. (:-D)
Monday, June 30, 2008
Size 38 Waist
Today I finally started to prepare for the actual move. It was only fitting that I started with my walk-in closet. My goal was to go through, sort, and decide on what I was going to take to California, what I was going to leave in Phoenix, and what I was going to donate to the Salvation Army. As it is, what I am going to take to California does not all fit in my coupe, what I am going to leave in Phoenix now all fits on one wall of the closet, and what I will donate to the Salvation Army now takes up 4 large heavy duty yard bags. I just hope that when I get out to my new apartment, all of my stuff actually fits in the one, non walk-in closet that the apartment has.
Like all of the other steps that I have undergone over the last few months, today’s was no exception. However, it was all positive. I owned a number of pairs of size 38 waist Dockers
that I used to wear many years ago. (I wonder what type of success I will have at the Abbey if I show up with Dockers on ...they’re trendy right?) There was a time where I just let my body go to shit. I just didn’t care and before I knew it, I was looking at the tags of a 38 waist. In addition, I also realized that I have ALWAYS bought things way too big. Not Kris Kross 
big, but way too large. I am now beginning to wonder whether that was some sort of mental loathing of my body and a desire to completely hide it. An unconscious effort to make myself appear unattractive. Up until the last few months I would always wear XL t-shirts, polos, etc. Today, I wear a size M in my t-shirts and polos and I look good in that size. I should have always been wearing a size M.
And in my opinion, looking good is one of the keys to feeling good. I personally changed my habits when I had to purchase those size 38s. Today I am proud to say that I am in the best shape athletically, aerobically, and overall appearance wise of my life. (or at least since college) I’ve gone from a 38 waist to a 32 with a body fat percentage of 10.8%. So yeah today was a good day.
The Format- "Career Day"
Like all of the other steps that I have undergone over the last few months, today’s was no exception. However, it was all positive. I owned a number of pairs of size 38 waist Dockers
that I used to wear many years ago. (I wonder what type of success I will have at the Abbey if I show up with Dockers on ...they’re trendy right?) There was a time where I just let my body go to shit. I just didn’t care and before I knew it, I was looking at the tags of a 38 waist. In addition, I also realized that I have ALWAYS bought things way too big. Not Kris Kross 
big, but way too large. I am now beginning to wonder whether that was some sort of mental loathing of my body and a desire to completely hide it. An unconscious effort to make myself appear unattractive. Up until the last few months I would always wear XL t-shirts, polos, etc. Today, I wear a size M in my t-shirts and polos and I look good in that size. I should have always been wearing a size M. And in my opinion, looking good is one of the keys to feeling good. I personally changed my habits when I had to purchase those size 38s. Today I am proud to say that I am in the best shape athletically, aerobically, and overall appearance wise of my life. (or at least since college) I’ve gone from a 38 waist to a 32 with a body fat percentage of 10.8%. So yeah today was a good day.
The Format- "Career Day"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
