First Date

Due to a really great family moment for one of my friends, whom I had plans with on Friday night, I thought it would be best for us to postpone our plans. As such, I decided to push up my date from Saturday brunch to Friday dinner.

I thought the date went really well. He’s definitely my type, we had great conversation, and he seems to be a good guy.

What I really took away from the evening, beyond having a good time with a quality guy, was my own growth. Honestly, I didn’t know how I would handle being on a “date” with a guy in a public place. We went to a restaurant in Brentwood and the place was packed. Looking back on the night, there were only two brief moments where I thought that others were looking at us as gay men. I’m saying that as a thought I had, but not one in which others may have actually been looking at us in that way. And as I said, there were only two moments and they happened in the beginning of the date. The first was when we were on our way to the restaurant and stopped at a traffic light. The car next to us on the driver side had a girl in the passenger seat and a guy in the driver’s seat. The girl was looking at us and I happened to make eye contact with her. She then turned to the guy in the driver’s seat who then turned to look at us. The second brief moment was when we first entered the restaurant. After those two moments, I didn’t care nor think about being gay, or what others may have thought about me the rest of the night.

When we left the company of each other the following question was outstanding. Which TV series used Time of Your Life by Green Day in it’s series finale? Friends or Seinfeld? My date believed it was used in the finale of Friends. I knew better and told him it was used in the finale of Seinfeld. So an hour later the following text conversation occurred:

Date: You were right, it was Seinfeld

Me: I hate to be cocky but I am usually right. Haha. So what do I win?

Date: Lol, I HATE being wrong! And I like cocky guys, think its hot, I guess you win a 2nd date with me, I know I’m very generous

Me: Well then I look forward to seeing u when we both return to LA

Date: Sounds good!

Me: Have a good night!

First date down, and G-d willing many more to come.

Z and My First Date

After about 2.5 weeks I finally saw Z at the gym again on Wednesday. He was sitting on an incline dumbbell bench about 5 feet from where I was completing my lower back, hyper-extension exercise. When I finished, I went over to Z to say hello. He stuck out his hand, palm facing down with his weight glove on, and we shook hands in a cupped way. We chatted for a few minutes and I then finally asked him out. I referenced the fact that I still owed him and I asked him out for drinks or lunch. He did not answer it with a yes or a no. He smiled, I smiled and we hedged around what I had just asked. I left him by saying something to the effect of, "think about it and let me know." It was really a nice conversation and he told me that over the last few weeks he was frequenting the gym later in the day to attend an abs class, hence why I haven’t seen him. I only bring this up because he said that I should take the class as well. (he said that before I asked him out)

I’m not sure if Z will at some point say yes, but I’m okay with that. For me, Z was the first cute guy that really caught my attention when I moved out here and joined a gym. Metaphorically, he has been my barometer in how I’ve evaluated my progress since arriving in WeHo. It’s been an interesting, educational, and fun pursuit of Z over the last few months. Befriending him, and subsequently asking him out in some respects brings closure to this initial chapter in my coming out. So I’m pleased that I finally asked him out, and I just might have to attend one of those ab classes. Who knows, maybe he works it with his shirt off. :-)

And to think that you thought Z would be my first date. That would have been just too darn Hollywood. The fact is Stand Straight comes to you from West Hollywood, and my first date is in two days with a guy I met while attending my first house party last Saturday night. He asked for my number on Saturday night, called me on Tuesday to ask me out, and we're going for brunch on Saturday because I already had plans for Friday night.

Good Times!!!

Hyde and Seek

“You’re like a little boy in a candy shop.”

The text message I received from a friend this morning at 12:37AM upon learning that I went to Hyde for some late night/early morning fun. Indeed I was one of many “little boys” who ventured to Hyde last night looking for some sweets. It was the first time that I had ever gone out on a Tuesday, let alone to Hyde where Tuesday is gay night, and I’ll tell you this could be the start of a beautiful relationship.

Hyde is a really small bar/lounge on Sunset which had a very intimate vibe to it, not to mention incredibly expensive drinks. The clientele skewed younger and it was inspiring to be a part of that youthful, gay exuberance with guys who were there just to have fun and not think. My only problem is that I just can’t have fun. I ALWAYS have to THINK!

I had tons of fun last night and initiated most of the conversations that I had with other guys. (full disclosure, I went to Hyde with 1 friend) I was particularly attracted to this one guy, I’ll call him J, who was extremely cute in both body and face. I initiated my first conversation with him when we were both standing about 14 feet back from, well really in front of the bar while our friends, my 1 and his 4, were getting drinks. I initiated some small talk with J which lasted about a minute or two. When my friend came back with our drinks we moved back into the main room.

Shortly thereafter J and his friends came back into the main room and were standing not too far from us. When I had the opportunity, I moved in on J and told him that I thought he was cute. We spoke for a few minutes and that was that. He and his friends then left the main room and all I could think about was that I must have spooked him by being so forward. As the night wore on I reckoned that he must have told his friends that I approached because I got many glances from them. As the night was coming to a close J and his friends were between me and the door. I was talking with my friend and two other guys, and I saw J dancing with one of his friends. What completely shocked me was this. J, who again was closer to the door than I, came back up to me and said, “My friends and I are leaving and I enjoyed meeting you.” I responded, asked J a question or two, and we then said our goodbyes. Unfortunately, the most important question is the one that I DIDN’T ask. Duh, J what is your number?

So I’m left to wonder and reconcile why J took off to get back with his friends shortly after I told him that I thought he was cute, yet made it a point to go out of his way to come find me and say goodbye. Was he just being polite or was his action a sign of interest? I’m seeking answers, and now I’m seeking J!

Katy Perry-”Hot N Cold”

Impact Equality Saturday

Despite my prior comment on the issue of rallies and marches, I did participate in the Nationally organized Impact rally in Los Angeles this past Saturday.

Took my first trip on the LA Metro system to downtown


IMO the best speaker was Eric Lee from the SCLC

Crowd and Signs

IMO the best sign of the day

My sister and brother-in-law attended the rally in Orlando, FL (love you guys)




These last three are from the rally in Phoenix, AZ. I was proud to read online that there were around 2,000 people who attended. To any of my family or friends who may have responded to my invite and attended, thanks!

Wanna Bet

From my experience in the straight, athletic world this is what I would call bulletin board material.

"They had everything in the world going for them this year, and they couldn't win," said Frank Schubert, co-manager of the Yes on 8 campaign in California. "I don't think they're going to be any more successful in 2010 or 2012." From the AP article Across Nation, Gay Advocates Protest Marriage Ban By Jay Lindsay 11/15/08

Frank, you are right on in your first quote and I've already opined about our failed leadership. As for your second; with new leadership, a new resolve, and committed ACTION by OUR COMMUNITY, you haven't seen anything yet.

So please remember that quote! And Frank, thanks for the challenge.

Argh Again!!!!

I was planning a night in last night, to continue to clear out weeks of TV programming that I had stored on my TIVO, when I received a call from a friend who wanted me to join him out. So I obliged.

I got to the bar and immediately followed these two guys in. One of which was a total hottie and the other was so-so. Suffice it to say, I fell in love for the second time, yet did not learn a damn thing from my first experience. Midway into the evening these two were sitting down in the lounge area where I made some extended eye contact with Hottie as I walked by their couch. My friend, who knew I liked him, went to go sit down next to them while I continued to walk around the bar pretending to look for someone else. When I made it back to my friend, the two had gotten up and were on the move to the other side of the bar. So we followed shortly thereafter.

They got into a long conversation with this other guy, and I too got into a long conversation with another cute guy who was a friend of a friend’s friend. While I was talking with Cutie, Hottie went to the bathroom and separated from So-So. So my friend took the liberty to go up to So-So, they were standing directly in my line of sight about 12 feet away, and find out more about his friend Hottie. Since I was still conversing with Cutie, the result of my friends discussion with So-So was a mystery. What I do know was that when Hottie returned to So-So, the two of them moved right next to me and Cutie and I definitely noticed them looking our way. Cutie and I did have a great conversation and he was definitely someone that I wanted to see again so I asked him for his number. He gave it to me and I felt like such a douche because as I’m adding it to my phone I see Hottie and So-So looking my way. Cutie took off after he gave me his number and my friend rejoined me. It’s then that I learned that So-So told him that he and Hottie were boyfriends. I was amazed to learn this because as my friend and I were talking Hottie and I made more eye contact. And when I turned my back to them, I was told that Hottie was looking my way. When I turned back around, Hottie and I made yet more eye contact. I was completely dumbfounded and had no clue as to how I should proceed because I didn’t know if I believed what So-So told my friend. So-So and Hottie did not once throughout the evening appear to be lovey dovey and if they truly were boyfriends shouldn’t they have been? So I decide that I’m going to go up to the two of them and say this. “If you guys really are boyfriends congratulations. So-So, you are truly lucky and Hottie, you are extremely hot!” The problem I had was that I once again deliberated too long. So-So and Hottie left, not without Hottie and I sharing one last glance.

So when I get home I decide to text Cutie to let him know that I enjoyed meeting him. I scroll through my contacts in search of his info and I couldn’t find it. I must not have saved it after I entered it. I’m such a fool! I’m also embarrassed that I had to email my friend for his help in acquiring Cutie’s number again, but such is MY life.

Lastly, why is it that my best nights out always seem to be the ones that aren’t planned in advance?

Life Moves Onward & Upward

The WeHo Rally (11/5/08)

The Mormon Temple Rally & March (11/6/08)


The Silver Lake Rally & March (11/8/08)


Having supported and participated proudly in the above three I am done with rallies and marches for the foreseeable future. I believe they have served their immediate purpose and I am done listening to our community shaming everybody except ourselves. With that being said, I am extremely hopeful that this defeat will be our communities wake-up call to ACTION. I hope that the passion, pride, and participation displayed over the last few days will be there over the next 2 to 4 years as we prepare and WORK to take this issue back to the voters. (I am no legal expert but I am doubtful the courts will rule in our favor and overturn the 11/4 vote.)

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

After the rally on Saturday I went out to dinner with some friends in Silver Lake where we decided to join up later at night with another one of their friends at some guys costume, birthday party at a roller skating rink. (was told it was a straight party made up primarily of aspiring actors and actresses) Since we didn’t have any costumes, a good friend of mine I’ll call Gene suggested that we go find some ribbons and create some outfits based on a Xanadu theme. (Beyond hearing the Xanadu song at the rink, I still have no clue as to the concept of our costumes and how they related to Xanadu.) Anyway, we each chose a color and since I was wearing blue jeans and blue CK boxer briefs I decided on the color blue. We stopped by Ralphs, a grocery store, where we got some free ribbons from the balloon department. Next stop was another friend’s house where we tied the ribbons around our upper arms and head, and where I received a blue, sleeveless, camouflage shirt in size S to complete my outfit. (I’m not sure if it’s funny or sad, but I felt good, or at least I thought I looked good in my costume when I was wearing it. Having since seen the pictures, I keep wondering what I was thinking wearing what I did.) We got to the rink at about midnight and skated, mingled, and had a great time for the next 2 and a half hours.


Since there were no other gays in attendance, or so I was told by my friend who has an astute gaydar, I began chatting up this girl. After about 5 minutes Gene came swooping in to cock block me. It was so funny and I knew what he was doing at the time. Gene knows most of my story and he’s been my second gay mentor. Over the last 8 weeks or so he has taught me quite a bit, challenged me to participate in new experiences, and overall helped me loosen up. (at least a little) He’s a guy who is just so comfortable in his skin and I admire the heck out of it. I know I’ve made some strides over the last few months but I am nowhere close to being at his comfort level. Anyway, Gene knew what he was doing when he cut in, and we laughed about it 15 minutes later. Roller skating was awesome. It took about a half hour and a second pair of skates for me to become comfortable on them again, but once I did I had a blast. To top it all off, in the 2.5 hours that we were there, I only fell on my ass once. And that was only because I thought it would be cute to jump in front of a picture being taken of my friends as we were skating out on the rink. Clearly I got what I deserved and did not make the picture.

On Sunday afternoon, I went down with a friend to Santa Monica with the intent on renting bicycles to ride to Venice. Unfortunately, when we arrived the rental shop was not renting bikes due to the high winds. We left the beach area and decided to have lunch and walk around and window shop the Shops on 3rd St. Promenade. During our late lunch we learned that my friends family was on the pier. As the sun set on the chilly afternoon, we bought some Hot Chocolate from Leonidas and walked back down to the pier. I met my friend’s family and they bought us all tickets to ride the relatively new Ferris wheel on the pier. It was dark, cold, and windy up at the top, but the views were great and it was a fun experience.



And Life Moves Onward & Upward!

Bob Sinclar-"Love Generation"

"Why must the children play in the street, broken hearts and faded dreams.
Peace and love to everyone that you meet. Don't you worry it could be so sweet.
Just look to the rainbow, you will see, the sun will shine to eternity.
I've got so much love in my heart, no one can tear it apart.
Be the love generation!"

ADDITION & APOLOGY: BITTERsweet

I wanted to pass on some additional information that I have uncovered, exit polling from L.A., and share it with you in regards to something I posted last week. I never blamed certain ethnic groups but I did question them by writing the following:

“So why? Why Blacks, why Hispanics, why Jews? For people who have experienced so much discrimination and unequal rights through the years, why were you so quick to deny others of theirs?”

NEW DATA :

How did you vote on the following: Prop. 8, Eliminates Right of
Same-Sex Couples to Marry. Initiative Constitutional Amendment?

Region Ethnicity
All Non-valley Valley White Hispanic Black Asian

N = 1200(100%) (62%) (38%) (55%) (24%) (15%) (6%)

Yes 30% 32% 27% 18% 50% 47% 36%
No 57% 54% 62% 75% 39% 40% 50%
Didn't vote 1% 2% 0% 0% 3% 3% 1%
No response 11% 12% 10% 7% 8% 10% 14%
Total 99% 100% 99% 100% 100% 100% 100%

(C) 2008 Leavey Center for the Study of Los Angeles Presidential
General Election Exit Poll in the City of Los Angeles. Preliminary results as of November 4, 2008 at 6:00 p.m. Margin of error is +/-
2.8% for All category.

In addition, the Leavey Center reports that while many religious organizations supported Proposition 8, there was one major exception in Los Angeles, according to exit polling by the Leavey Center for the Study of Los Angeles at Loyola Marymount University . The center's data found that 78% of Jewish voters in L.A. opposed the ban on gay marriage and just 8% supported Prop. 8. More on the polling and the methodology here. (By the way, Leavey found that "Los Angeles Jewish voters gave Obama 78% to 20% for Republican John McCain. Among all voters in L.A., 72% voted for Obama and 24% for McCain.")

This information is just another data point, but I would like to apologize to my fellow tribesmen and women, at least here in L.A., for questioning their commitment to equality!

As Promised

To answer the question that I posed, Halloween turned out to be full of fleeting tricks.

The costume that I ordered was that of a "Well Hung Man."


The adjustments that I made were to rip off the sleeves, unbutton the shirt down to my abs, and walk around with my arms tied behind my back.


Overall, I had a good time. But like so many other experiences that I've had over the last few months, my reality did not measure up to my hopes or expectations. That is my fault because at times I have a hard time seeing the forest through the trees. (although I've been told by many friends that they thought this year's party was very sterile, bland, and straight)

By the end of the night I lost my noose, so if you happened to have found it please let me know.

BITTERsweet

On Saturday August 9, 2008 I felt for the first time second class. (see A Mile High and Equally Distant post) On Tuesday, November 4, 2008 I became second class as my civil rights and the afforded equal opportunities here in the state of California were taken away, and discrimination was codified in the constitutions of both the State of California and the State of Arizona.

Who would have thought that on a day where America would elect it’s first African American candidate to the office of President of the United States, it would be the African American community, more than any other voting group, who would vote resoundingly here in California for the discrimination of others. According to Associated Press exit polls, 7 in 10 black voters backed proposition 8. According to the LA Times, blacks represented 10% of the voters. So of the 10,157,038 voters (# will change as the last of the ballots are counted) who cast a ballot, roughly 1,015,703 were black. Of those, 710,992 voted for discrimination while 304,711 voted for equality. A difference of 406,281 votes. (the difference in Prop 8 was around 500,000 votes)

"Today was an affirmation that this is a new world, a new day," said Danny Bakewell, publisher of the Los Angeles Sentinel, the city's oldest black newspaper. "America has risen to the reality that the old days are dead, people are truly created equally and what you do in this world depends on your ability to overcome your personal challenges." (LA Times online-11/5/08)

I researched Mr. Bakewell’s paper and I came away surprised. On the issue of Prop 8 the Los Angeles Sentinel editorialized:

"Proposition 8- Would amend the California constitution to state that only a marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

The Sentinel does not support this proposition. Courts have established that marriage is a right for all couples. The California constitution should guarantee the same freedoms and rights to everyone; no group should be treated differently. California statutes identify nine real differences between marriage and domestic partnerships. Only marriage provides the security that spouses provide one another."

So why? Why Blacks, why Latinos, why orthodox, conservative, and Persian Jews? For people who have experienced so much discrimination and unequal rights through the years, why did so many of you vote to deny others of theirs?

I’m angry! But, contrary to what you might think, I’m not angry at the above ethnic groups or even the Mormons. (as twisted as it sounds I admire the Mormons in how galvanized they became on this issue.) Who I’m angry with are the Gays, Equality California, and the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign.

I attended the rally yesterday evening in West Hollywood and was quite pleased with the turnout and passion demonstrated. A few protest marches even ensued after the rally. But my question is this, where were most of the Gays when they were needed before the vote? While I understand and appreciate the spontaneity and disgust that fueled the passions of last night, I find it disgraceful that so many Gays in attendance and throughout the state did either nothing, or very little, to ensure that their rights would not be taken away.

As for Equality California and the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign, PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR LETTERS OF RESIGNATION NOW! In life one must be held accountable for their actions and those results, and throughout this campaign the leadership team of the No on 8 campaign failed miserably. Their failed leadership is as clear as these two emails that many of us received throughout the campaign:

Received on October 14th

Dear Adam,

The latest tracking polls show that if the election were held today among voters who have seen both our ads and the other side’s ads that we would WIN!
Unfortunately, we don’t have sufficient funds to get our ads seen by all the voters who’ve seen the other side’s ads.  So it’s that simple…without more funds we’ll lose. 
But we will win if we have enough money to reach voters. So DONATE NOW!
A powerful array of motivated groups have organized against us. Yesterday’s Sacramento Bee reported that:
“Mormons…have emerged as the leading financial contributors to the controversial Nov. 4 ballot measure. Church members have donated about 40 percent of the $22.8 million raised to pass the initiative since July.”
What is also unfortunate is that only 30,000 people have donated to the No on 8 campaign compared to the 60,000 who have donated to the other side.  
In a state with about two million LGBT people, in a country with millions more and tens of millions of straight allies, we have to get everyone to support this fight. If every LGBT person donates we can win!
Yesterday’s Sacramento Bee also reported on the sacrifices being made by members of the Yes on 8 campaign:
"That's why Auburn resident David Nielson, 55, is giving…He and his wife, Susan, live on a budget. The couple donated $35,000, he said, "because some things are worth fighting for."  The couple will forgo a vacation for the next two years and make other sacrifices to pay for their donation, he said.”
So, what is your equality worth to you? What is your equality worth to your friends and family? How much will you sacrifice for your own freedom?
We are running out of time.  We need your support now.  We need the support of your friends and family now.  DONATE NOW! FORWARD THIS EMAIL TO ALL OF YOUR CONTACTS!

In solidarity,

Executive Director

Equality California


Received on 11/4/2008

Dear Adam,

The polls are now closed. And whatever the outcome, history has already been made. 

Before the results are in, I wanted to thank each of you for all you have done to get us to this moment. 

No matter what happens, we should all be proud of what we have accomplished in this campaign. 

We have built the largest grassroots campaign in California history, with close to 100,000 donors. We have created the largest and most diverse coalition in history to advance the cause of equality. We have worked with incredible partner organizations who have stood with us each step of the way. And for the first time in any anti-gay ballot measure fight, we were not outspent.

EQCA was expected to raise $1 million from our members to defeat Prop 8, an amount close to our entire 2007 budget. But as you have always done, you have shattered all expectations. Together EQCA members have donated close to $14 million, more than a third of the entire amount raised to defeat Prop 8, making us the largest donor to the campaign by far! 

The EQCA staff has been all in, working around the clock on fundraising, field, media, web communications and so much more. And you, our members, have volunteered and served in leadership positions in every corner of our great state. 

Whatever the outcome – and I do believe we will win – we have moved Californians a remarkable amount from 2000 when Prop 22 was passed by a margin of 61% to 39%. 

And together, we have moved California from a state where LGBT people had no rights, to the state with the most rights in the nation. We have passed an unprecedented 50 pieces of legislation to advance our rights over the past decade. We have moved the country from a place where domestic partnership and civil union seemed like a goal that was generations away to a country where marriage equality is gaining support in every state. 

Each of you is part of the most successful state LGBT organization and advancement of our rights that our nation has ever witnessed. It is truly remarkable.

Together, we have done amazing things.



I am forever grateful.

Executive Director

Equality California

It’s extremely disheartening to look back and read the above emails. Our leadership failed us and it was evident in their strategy, their preparation, their message, their organizational structure, and most importantly their ability to galvanize the community for whose rights they have always worked so hard to advance. By the time they got their act together in mid to late October, failure was virtually assured. It was reported in the LA Times that 18% of Los Angeles County and 29% of Orange County voters voted early. The Yes side carried both those counties and overall their campaign kicked our ass. I could cite a litany of additional issues I’ve had with the campaign but at this point it would do no good. The only question that I’d like to pose publicly is this;

Why were there no Gay people or Gay couples in any of the official No on 8 ads?

I take little comfort in the claims that we have advanced the movement since 2000 when the vote was 61% to 39%. (52% to 48% this year) How could you claim advancement when our own campaign did not offer a single ad featuring a Gay, married couple demonstrating what our equal relationships look like? Regardless, the bottom-line is this, WE LOST RIGHTS THAT WE LEGALLY HAD! PERIOD! Time may be the answer, but tomorrow is never a guarantee.

As for me, I’m saddened, angry, but otherwise good. Life for me will progress and I will continue to step forward in my personal, professional, and philanthropic life. As I’ve said before, I feel blessed to have had this opportunity to come out at this time and in this place. I am a better man for having done so and I am pleased that I was able to contribute to a cause that is much greater than I.

I wanted to say thanks to my family, friends, and readers who responded to my emails, calls, and posts over the last few months and made a positive difference during this campaign. Equality is for all, and my fight for it has just begun. (Literrally, I'm off to go run the 5 miles down to the Mormon temple from WeHo for the 2:00PM press conference to go punch someone in the face. I just don't know if it will be a Gay or a Mormon. Equality for all! lol)

The VOTE 11/4/08

A few hours ago I completed my last pre-election LHC event, a small visibility rally at the corner of Santa Monica Blvd. and Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills during the evening commute.

A few hours from now I will rise (edit-it's 3:30 AM and I've been up since 1:30 AM. I can't sleep!) to captain a team of volunteers, at a polling location in Santa Monica, as we open with the polls at 7:00 AM.

I’m excited, I’m nervous, I’m relieved, I’m scared, I’m hopeful.

VOTE NO on Prop 102 in Arizona

VOTE NO on Prop 8 in California

VOTE NO on Prop 2 in Florida

Citizen Message


Celebrity Message


Comedic Message

A Sign?

This afternoon there was a small rally in West Hollywood for No on Prop 8 supporters. I decided to take the balloons that we used on our tabling nights because they added a presence and have been part of our efforts over the last few weeks. The balloons spell out NO ON 8.



I had the balloons filled earlier in the day after I attended a training session for my election day duties. (and fwiw, I will be working the polls in Santa Monica. The city from my Homo post.) However, by the time we got to the park the 8 was completely deflated and wouldn't rise. I hope, G-d willing, that it's a sign from above of things to come!

The rally lasted about 20 minutes. At the conclusion of the rally, many supporters then went on to become visible at a number of intersections throughout town. I participated at the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica.



This was a neat experience to take part in, and to be honest I came close to shedding a tear on two occasions. During this mobilization I got chills listening to the constant sound of car horns, demonstrating their support for voting No on 8.