"Homo,

what did you do to deserve that?”

And so I was asked in Santa Monica on Sunday. I spent a good part of the day down there checking out the beach, the pier, and the 3rd St. promenade. I get back to my car, turn east on Santa Monica Blvd and start to drive back to WeHo. Santa Monica Blvd. is packed with cars going in both directions and as I’m waiting to go east three cars back at the 3rd St. intersection, a blue minivan pulls up next to me going west. My windows were down, I was by myself, and Rihanna’s Take a Bow was playing through my B&O speakers. As the minivan pulls up, the kid who was driving it says, “Homo, what did you do to deserve that?”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume homo was in reference to me and the rest to my car. Who the hell is he to call me a homo? Then his full comment infers that I, a homo, do not deserve a nice car. So if I don’t deserve a material object, I begin to wonder what else don’t I deserve?

I looked over at him in complete astonishment. The kid couldn’t have been more than 22 and he was driving around with his buddies in what I’m assuming was his mom’s minivan.

Homo! You got to be fucking kidding me.

Homo! I haven’t even kissed another guy since I got here.

Homo! I haven’t even sucked another guy’s dick since I got here.

Homo! I haven’t even fucked another guy since I got here.

Clearly I’m very emotional and have been hypersensitive these last few months, but this IS insane. I thought I was living in California. If you would have told me when I first moved out here that I would have received more action as a way of name calling then actual experience with another guy by the time September and my trip back to Phoenix rolled around, I would have called YOU insane. But here we are, seven weeks in and the tally is 4 to 0! Hey I get it, I need to make up for all those years of not being called names or picked on, but G-d don’t I also deserve for the positive and pleasurable experiences to occur now that I'm finally being honest and real?

On Saturday I went to a viewing party for my alma mater’s football game at a local bar where I met this girl. Let me step back a second and first mention that my alma mater is known for having beautiful women. Well little did I realize that we also have beautiful men. Beyond watching the game, I found myself checking out many, and I repeat many of the guys that were in attendance. I kept wondering throughout most of the evening whether any of the guys were gay? During the night I kept thinking how ironic it would be if I met a gay guy, from my University, in LA, at a football viewing party. Anyway, I just need to stop thinking.

Midway through the game this girl approaches me as I was sitting at the bar. She was a cute blond girl. We talked for quite awhile. I got her number, met her roommate, and she even came out to wait with me as the valet was retrieving my car. She was SO into me and I didn’t know what to do. And don’t think the irony wasn’t lost on me. I went out 1 night to a straight bar and was hit on by a cute girl. I’ve gone out 12 or so nights to the gay bars or clubs of WeHo, and what I would have given to have been approached by a cute guy.

So G-d, since I haven’t quite been able to figure out your message, can you be a little clearer. As a homo, what do I deserve?

Matisyahu-”King Without a Crown”