Just Another Day

On Wednesday I left a message for a friend that I came out to in August and asked if he, or he and his girlfriend wanted to join me for dinner before I head out to a club on Friday evening in their town. I have seen this friend once already since I arrived back in Phoenix and I genuinely believe that nothing has changed between us since our August conversation. So when I heard back from him today I was a bit surprised to hear that they would not be able to make it. He mentioned that his girlfriend was working so he said maybe the next time that I was in town we can make it work. I get that his girlfriend is working, but does that preclude him from joining me for dinner? I don’t want to make a big deal about it, and I understand it may take awhile for my friends to fully accept that I am gay but I am a bit disappointed. My friend enjoys going out and we were just talking about it last weekend. I did not ask him to go to a gay club with me, it was just dinner. Was I curious to see if he/they would have joined me out after dinner? You bet! So I’m now left to wonder if he thought, or felt obligated to join me at the club afterward if we did have dinner together. I didn’t really expect him to be ready now to hit up a gay bar or club, but I will say at some point I do expect my straight friends to be accepting enough to be able to have a drink at a gay bar or club. Is this wrong of me to assume or expect? Am I being selfish?

That leaves me wondering how to feel and what to expect 3/6/12 months from now. If everyone says they’re cool and accepting of me no matter what, should I leave it at that? What happens if my friends solely expect us to go out to straight bars when we go out together? (due to family obligations very few of them go out much anymore anyway) Since this is all new to me I don’t know how to feel and what to expect. I just don’t want to be slighted nor feel that the expectation is that if and when we go out drinking together it will alway be to straight bars or clubs. Because if that is the expectation, then I will begin to wonder just how accepting of me they really are. And then I will begin to answer, “No, I can’t make it!”



A major component of my trip back to Arizona is to continue on with the process of coming out to my friends. By the time I head back to WeHo, I hope to have come out to a majority of the people whom I wanted them to hear that I’m gay from me. So today my job began and I came out to another friend of mine, Steven, over lunch at Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe, AZ. (I highly recommend this place if you find yourself in Tempe. They have great food and brews.)

It wasn’t too busy so I don’t think anyone else heard our conversation. I had not seen Steven in some time so when he first asked, “so what’s new?” I jumped right in and said, “haha what’s new, I’m gay. Well I’m not newly gay, I’ve always been gay. I’m just now accepting of it.” We had a really nice conversation and like all the others I believe it was genuine. What was unique about this conversation was that he said that he had noticed over the last few years that I didn’t seem to be happy. Steven wondered if it was a job thing, a going back to school thing, he just didn’t know what it was. Now he knows. haha :-) Ultimately, Steven was happy for me and glad that I’m happy. He also said that he would be there for me if any of our collective friends have a problem with it, and if they do have a problem with it then they’re not worthy of being friends. Although I did not expect anything different, I’m once again pleased with another good friend’s reaction.

Then later in the evening I got a call from my mom. Apparently she ran into an old friend of hers who she used to work with and whom I got to know during my University years. So when she asked about me, my mom finally uttered those words. This was the first person to which she's told that I’m gay. (at this point in time my mom will only tell people who specifically ask how I am) My mom said that she was shocked and that her jaw dropped to the floor. She then told me that they got into a conversation about whether I was really gay or is it simply because I really couldn’t make it with girls. Apparently her friend had a family member or friend that came out in a similar way and that’s what she wondered. My mom told her that no, Adam knows who he is and it is not because I couldn’t make it with girls. (Although it kind of is. I couldn’t make it with girls because I can’t make it work with girls.) A part of me still believes that there is a very small part of my mom that either hopes or thinks that I’m trying this gay thing because I couldn’t make it work with girls. I guess that is natural though and will heal over time. So during our phone conversation I had to ask her how she felt. She said she felt fine and thought it was no big deal.

Mom, it was a big deal!

And then to top it off, they got a phone call at their home this evening from the Yes on Prop 102 supporters/haters here in the State of Arizona. So when they asked her for her support on passage of Prop 102, she was quick to respond, “I know what I’m voting on and NO you do not have my support!”

Mom, I’m proud of you and I love you!