3 Strikes You're Out!

You may recall that I used that line the first week we met when we were texting back and forth to each other. Well, congratulations Luke, you just struck out.

For the life of me I’ve wondered why you’ve turned into someone who as it turns out is the complete opposite of who you were those first five days, and more importantly someone who you communicated yourself not to be. Or maybe you were always that person and just pretended to be someone who you were not. Either way, I’m done. I’m done trying to make an effort to be your friend when you’ve been such an inconsiderate, discourteous, selfish, and dishonest ass to me. Your actions speak louder than your shallow texted words.

Strike 1: After a week of some very flirtatious dialogue and two dates you disappear and don’t even have the courtesy to be open, honest, and up front with me about what went on. (especially after I was completely open and honest with you) YOU LIED!

Strike 2: After running into you and engaging in a very pleasant conversation at Fiesta, I invite you to my game night with friends, you rsvp with a “thank u for the game night invite, I’d love to attend,” and then you don’t even show up. (and if you couldn’t make it, which you didn’t, you didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know beforehand) YOU LIED!

Strike 3: You convey to me twice that you wanted to get together. The first time, the open night that you communicated to me that you had suddenly was not open when I communicated back that it worked for me. Then on Sunday night I don’t hear anything when you arrived back in LA. This is once again after YOU communicated “sounds perfect,” and “looking forward to Sunday,” and “will do.” YOU LIED!

As you know Luke, I used to like the person who I thought you were, but now I find it all terribly ironic, and extremely funny. After all, it was you on your online profile, and then through spoken word to me in person, who described your very own tales of meeting cavemen. (forgive me for LMAO) I think someone needs to take a good look in the mirror and look around his place to see if he’s the one who actually lives in a cave.

Well best of luck to you Luke. I hope you find whatever it is you are looking for in life, and that your wish from 07/08/09 comes true.


The above I hope brings to a close my first "gay dramatic" piece of work since my arrival in Los Angeles. I emailed the above to Luke an hour ago and then defriended him from facebook. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to have the last word, but in this case I hope he takes something positive from this experience and grows the f up.

faceTHEbook II

Well, it was only a matter of time before I got with the program. I first wrote about joining facebook back in December and since that time I’ve been extremely measured in how I’ve used the site and with whom I’ve interacted. (the whom being all of those that know the real me) That’s changed a bit over the last few weeks as I’ve learned that most users define their facebook experience and their acceptance of “facebook friends” differently than I. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong way to use these sites, and although at times I may still mock or judge the whole social networking experience, I have received enough benefits in my experience with facebook over the last few weeks to have learned to become a little less rigid and a bit more open to the opportunity.

To start, this new attitude has allowed me to accept friend requests from fraternity brothers of mine, all of whom I was friendly with but none of whom I was particularly close with since college. Initially, I set up my profile to prohibit “add friend” requests because I didn’t want to deal with the whole “I’m Gay” component of my life. I’ve since realized I can’t really use facebook only half way, and more importantly, I don’t want to live my life half way. I’ve come too far, and although I continue to struggle with what the relationship part of my future holds and looks like, I’m proud of who I am and hopeful in who I could become. So in a sense, I’m going to use facebook for the reason why it was created. To connect and share my life with those who have and will become part of my life. (along with a whole host of acquaintances who reside along the edges) Novel idea, I know! That means facebook will become another tool I’ll use to express the truth and tell my story.

Last Thursday I ran into one of these fraternity brothers at a basketball game. I had just approved him on facebook as a friend two days prior, so when I approached to say hello, I was a bit unsure as to how our conversation would go. We spoke about a number of things but he never mentioned nor asked about the one thing that I was thinking of. Initially, I did not come out to him during our conversation. After our conversation I returned to my seat on the other side of the arena and for the next few minutes all I thought about was why I didn’t just confirm for him what I assumed he already knew. It might not have been awkward for him, but it certainly felt awkward to me. (I know I need to just get over it but I don’t know if I ever will) So, I returned to his section and was completely open this time. I don’t believe I was obligated to tell him, but I felt like a fool for not. He confirmed that he began to think something may have been different, but he didn’t know for sure. The conversation went well and that was that.

With these initial “let the truth be told” or “I’m hiding no more,” facebook friendships behind me, the time has come for me to tackle an even greater level of TRUTH. Reconnecting with all of my old friends that I grew up with. It’s been years since I’ve seen many or spoke with most of them, and they have no idea about my truth. (the results of living on the West coast having grown up on the East coast)

I’m excited to reconnect with them because I had some great friends and some awesome times, so let the feeling of anxiety and sense of wonderment continue as each new “in the dark” facebook friend sees my light!

“Reunited”-Peaches and Herb

The Time is Now

“Some men see things as they are and ask, ‘why?’ Others dream things that never were and ask, ‘why not?’” -Robert Kennedy

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”-Martin Luther King Jr.

After another half day of scouting polling places today I learned that here in LA County the No on 8 campaign has only scouted around 55 out of a total of 400 locations. (my buddy and I did 18 of them) This is insane and the campaign is inept. Despite that, I ask that anyone in California who has the time over the next few days to PLEASE get in touch with your local office and ask to help scout polling places. This NEEDS to be done in order for the campaign to send out the 5,000 volunteers throughout the state to market the NO message on Tuesday. They also need volunteers to package the kits that will be given to those election day volunteers. (scouting can be done in the day, the kits could be done at night)

This is VITAL!!!!!

During my scouting today two things of note happened:

1. We saw a car that had a license plate holder that said, "Give Life and Let Live, Donate an Organ." Below the plate on the bumper was a Yes on 8 sticker. You may make your own judgements.

2. We went to a church that we believed was a polling site. There were about 30 Yes lawn signs outside the office and no employees were present. I grabbed the signs and we took off. After about 15 minutes my conscience got the best of me and we drove back to return them. I'm sorry G-d I got carried away in the moment.

Then tonight on the way to my group's meeting I noticed that most of the signs that I placed in the public right of ways near my neighborhood were taken down. HMMMM

"Call anyone you know in Arizona, California, and Florida and let your voice be heard!"-Adam

For Information and to Support No on Arizona’s Prop 102 please visit: http://www.votenoprop102.com/Default.aspx

For Information and to Support No on California’s Prop 8 please visit: http://noonprop8.com/home

For Information and to Support No on Florida’s Prop 2 please visit: http://www.votenoflorida.org/

"IN THE END, WE WILL REMEMBER NOT THE WORDS OF OUR ENEMIES, BUT THE SILENCE OF OUR FRIENDS." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

My final Friday night, No on 8 tabling event has come and gone and I think it was the best night yet. I had the largest number of volunteers working with me, the founders of our grassroots organization came by to take pictures of our presence (this is history folks and we’ve been asked to chronicle our activities), I was accused by two of my friends, who volunteered with me on Friday, that I was discriminatory and had a propensity to initiate conversations only with the hotties that passed by (that is so untrue), rumors were spread that I was wearing our LHC No on 8 t-shirt in a size XS despite the fact that I made it very clear that I was wearing a S :), but MOST IMPORTANTLY we signed up a great number of volunteers to promote the No on 8 message at polling sites on Election day. :-) That was our sole goal on Friday.

The campaign still needs volunteers, so if you reside in California or will be visiting California on November 4th and would like to help promote our equality message at polling sites on Election day please sign up here. ELECTION DAY VOLUNTEER

After working the corner, I and two said friends went to grab a bite at Swingers. (cool late night grub place) I enjoyed our conversation and it was a nice end to a great night.

Since we finally received our order of yard signs from the No on 8 campaign, I spent a good part of Saturday making sign deliveries to people who requested signs from us at the different events that our organization has put on over the last few months. Along with those requested orders, we also planted about 30 signs in key right of way locations, within 2 weeks of an election I’m told it is legal, including Sunset Blvd., Sunset Plaza, Beverly Hills, Hancock Park, Melrose, etc... During this time we caught this old guy, who stopped his car in the middle of the street near Hancock Park, taking down a No on Prop 8 sign that was planted in a median. We pulled up next to him, honked, we both rolled down our windows and we said, “What the hell.” He said, “It was illegal to place these signs in public areas.” We said, “You are wrong,” and I then called him a bigot! He drove away and we made sure to place more signs on the same street.

I finally had the opportunity to visit dear friends of our family, who I grew up with and have known for many years, on Sunday. (mom and two daughters, one a year older than I and one a year younger) They now live in Escondido and I went to see them, along with older daughter’s husband, kids, and their family friends. It was another great day and they couldn’t have been more caring, loving, and happy for me. What I didn’t like was seeing about 8 Yes on prop 8 signs scattered throughout their neighborhood. I left them with 4 No on prop 8 signs and as I was leaving their neighborhood I thought about yanking the Yes signs. It was only a quick thought for two reasons. I’m better than that, and I want their neighbors to know exactly who supports civil discrimination and the removal of equal rights from their fellow Californians.

On Monday I scouted polling places with another friend of mine to determine how many No supporters we needed to send to each polling place to help convey our message and remind voters to Vote No on Prop 8.

Lastly I had the conversation with two other close friends of mine on Monday night whom I unfortunately did not have the opportunity to speak with when I was back in Phoenix in September. The conversation went great and I’ll once again convey how blessed I am to have such wonderful family and friends. I look forward to getting together with them when I return to Phoenix for Thanksgiving.

Uncovering K P R

On Wednesday I received an email from an old friend of mine I’ll call Mr. Tigerliver. He had read some of Stand Straight since I made it available to my family and friends and had a suggestion. He suggested that,

“You might want to edit some of that if you still want to run for Congress! Some of it is fairly graphic, and not because of orientation... more based on detail, word choice, and that fact that your mom reads it.”

I posted the "Dear Family and Friends" post on a Thursday and I emailed my family and friends during that weekend, so I did give some final consideration to Mr. Tigerliver’s subsequent suggestion before I even emailed it out. (as well as even having second thoughts about opening it up at all) After a whole lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be true to myself, and my initial intent, and allow the blog to speak for my life in all it’s unedited rawness.

So on Wednesday I received Mr. Tigerliver’s email and on Wednesday night the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur began. Yom Kippur is our 25 hour period of atonement and from what I learned from the rabbi during our services, variations of the word go back to the root of the Hebrew letters k p r. (kaf/pey/resh) Our rabbi said that multiple meanings embedded with these letters include; to cover or to conceal. On Yom Kippur we are asked to afflict ourselves and to confront the wounds that we caused by our sins. Yom Kippur then offers us protection like a cover against the punishment of G-d on the day when the book of life and death is sealed for another year.

As I sat in the synagogue and listened to the rabbi’s discussion about the meanings of Yom Kippur I was drawn back to Mr. Tigerliver’s email and his suggestion of editing Stand Straight. I believe editing is a form of covering and concealing and I know I did that for far too long. So I emailed him back,

“So to your suggestion the answer is NO! When I run for congress I will be an open book. The honest truth. Voters will either like and respect that or they won’t. (with my new attitude I don’t give a shit)”

I hope that my life and blog will help all of us learn about each other and our collective futures. Coming out later in life gives me, so I believe, a different perspective on what it is like being gay in America today. (compared to many gays who I believe have been mentally and emotionally beaten down, and as such may believe they are second class, through the years by attitudes like those exposed in the article below from the Yes on 8 campaign here in California) I believe the only difference between a gay and straight person is whom G-d CREATED that individual to be SEXUALLY attracted to. As such, I’ll be damned if I am going to accept having any less rights or opportunities than all of my straight friends. (According to the U.S. GAO there are over 1,000 different rights at stake with the term Marriage)

SAN FRANCISCO, October 11 – In the same week that the No on 8 campaign launched an ad that labeled as “lies” claims that same-sex marriage would be taught in schools to young children, a first grade class took a school-sponsored trip to a gay wedding.  Eighteen first graders traveled to San Francisco City Hall Friday for the wedding of their teacher and her lesbian partner, The San Francisco Chronicle reported.  The school sponsored the trip for the students, ages 5 and 6, taking them away from their studies for the same-sex wedding.  According to the Yes on 8 campaign, the public school field trip demonstrates that the California Supreme Court's decision to legal same-sex marriage has real consequences.  



"Taking children out of school for a same-sex wedding is not customary education.  This is promoting same-sex marriage and indoctrinating young kids," said Yes on 8—ProtectMarriage.com Campaign Co-Manager Frank Schubert.  "I doubt the school has ever taken kids on a field trip to a traditional wedding," Schubert said.  



When asked by the Yes on 8 campaign, The San Francisco Chronicle reporter said she did not know if the school had ever sponsored a field trip for students to a traditional wedding.  Telling the Chronicle that the field trip was "a teachable moment," the school's principal believes it is perfectly appropriate for first graders to attend a same-sex wedding.  Officials in other school districts disagree.  



"Prop. 8 protects our children from being taught in public schools that 'same-sex marriage' is the same as traditional marriage," said Santa Ana Unified School District board member Rosemarie "Rosie" Avila.  "We should not accept a court decision that results in public schools teaching our kids that gay marriage is okay.  That is an issue for parents to discuss with their children according to their own values and beliefs.  It shouldn't be forced on us against our will," Avila added.



The lesbian teacher's wedding was officiated by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom.  Newsom is featured in a Yes on 8 television ad, released last week, in which he arrogantly declares of same-sex marriage:  "The door's wide open now.  It's gonna happen, whether you like it or not.

"

The Yes on 8 campaign's ads explain that if the voters do not overturn the California Supreme Court's same-sex marriage ruling, teachers will be required to teach young children that there is no difference between gay marriage and traditional marriage.  “It's totally unreasonable that a first grade field trip would be to a same-sex wedding," said Chip White, Press Secretary for Yes on 8.  "This is overt indoctrination of children who are too young to understand it.”  The field trip underscores the Yes on 8 campaign’s message that unless Prop. 8 passes, children will be taught about same-sex marriage in public schools.  “Not only can it happen, it has already happened,” White said.

I’m not going to argue or debate the merits of taking a first grade class trip to a gay wedding (it IS debatable even though we are at a historic CIVIL rights moment in our nation’s history), but I believe the undercurrent of ignorance, prejudice, discrimination, and hate is very apparent in many of the quotes throughout the Yes On 8 press release.

As for my further uncovering, I have taken what Mr. Tigerliver and others have expressed to heart. (because I know they care and are looking out for me) Will it influence my future postings? I don't know. What I do know is that exposure and education allows a society to advance. I hope through my writing, I have contributed to that in some small way.

Just Another Day

On Wednesday I left a message for a friend that I came out to in August and asked if he, or he and his girlfriend wanted to join me for dinner before I head out to a club on Friday evening in their town. I have seen this friend once already since I arrived back in Phoenix and I genuinely believe that nothing has changed between us since our August conversation. So when I heard back from him today I was a bit surprised to hear that they would not be able to make it. He mentioned that his girlfriend was working so he said maybe the next time that I was in town we can make it work. I get that his girlfriend is working, but does that preclude him from joining me for dinner? I don’t want to make a big deal about it, and I understand it may take awhile for my friends to fully accept that I am gay but I am a bit disappointed. My friend enjoys going out and we were just talking about it last weekend. I did not ask him to go to a gay club with me, it was just dinner. Was I curious to see if he/they would have joined me out after dinner? You bet! So I’m now left to wonder if he thought, or felt obligated to join me at the club afterward if we did have dinner together. I didn’t really expect him to be ready now to hit up a gay bar or club, but I will say at some point I do expect my straight friends to be accepting enough to be able to have a drink at a gay bar or club. Is this wrong of me to assume or expect? Am I being selfish?

That leaves me wondering how to feel and what to expect 3/6/12 months from now. If everyone says they’re cool and accepting of me no matter what, should I leave it at that? What happens if my friends solely expect us to go out to straight bars when we go out together? (due to family obligations very few of them go out much anymore anyway) Since this is all new to me I don’t know how to feel and what to expect. I just don’t want to be slighted nor feel that the expectation is that if and when we go out drinking together it will alway be to straight bars or clubs. Because if that is the expectation, then I will begin to wonder just how accepting of me they really are. And then I will begin to answer, “No, I can’t make it!”



A major component of my trip back to Arizona is to continue on with the process of coming out to my friends. By the time I head back to WeHo, I hope to have come out to a majority of the people whom I wanted them to hear that I’m gay from me. So today my job began and I came out to another friend of mine, Steven, over lunch at Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe, AZ. (I highly recommend this place if you find yourself in Tempe. They have great food and brews.)

It wasn’t too busy so I don’t think anyone else heard our conversation. I had not seen Steven in some time so when he first asked, “so what’s new?” I jumped right in and said, “haha what’s new, I’m gay. Well I’m not newly gay, I’ve always been gay. I’m just now accepting of it.” We had a really nice conversation and like all the others I believe it was genuine. What was unique about this conversation was that he said that he had noticed over the last few years that I didn’t seem to be happy. Steven wondered if it was a job thing, a going back to school thing, he just didn’t know what it was. Now he knows. haha :-) Ultimately, Steven was happy for me and glad that I’m happy. He also said that he would be there for me if any of our collective friends have a problem with it, and if they do have a problem with it then they’re not worthy of being friends. Although I did not expect anything different, I’m once again pleased with another good friend’s reaction.

Then later in the evening I got a call from my mom. Apparently she ran into an old friend of hers who she used to work with and whom I got to know during my University years. So when she asked about me, my mom finally uttered those words. This was the first person to which she's told that I’m gay. (at this point in time my mom will only tell people who specifically ask how I am) My mom said that she was shocked and that her jaw dropped to the floor. She then told me that they got into a conversation about whether I was really gay or is it simply because I really couldn’t make it with girls. Apparently her friend had a family member or friend that came out in a similar way and that’s what she wondered. My mom told her that no, Adam knows who he is and it is not because I couldn’t make it with girls. (Although it kind of is. I couldn’t make it with girls because I can’t make it work with girls.) A part of me still believes that there is a very small part of my mom that either hopes or thinks that I’m trying this gay thing because I couldn’t make it work with girls. I guess that is natural though and will heal over time. So during our phone conversation I had to ask her how she felt. She said she felt fine and thought it was no big deal.

Mom, it was a big deal!

And then to top it off, they got a phone call at their home this evening from the Yes on Prop 102 supporters/haters here in the State of Arizona. So when they asked her for her support on passage of Prop 102, she was quick to respond, “I know what I’m voting on and NO you do not have my support!”

Mom, I’m proud of you and I love you!

What's your address?

Last night I had dinner with my parents. About 15 minutes after I arrived my mom asked me for the address to the new place. I told her that my address wasn’t changing as my mail from Phoenix would be forwarded. She then asked me what city I was going to live in, Hollywood or West Hollywood? (I told my sister about two weeks ago that I found a place in Hollywood) She said others were asking. Up until this point I have been kind of vague. I believed, although it may be my own perception of what West Hollywood means, that if I admitted from the beginning that I was moving to West Hollywood then that would certainly have given away my big secret.

(Backing up a second, the only people that know, or who I have told, that I am moving are my immediate family members and the four guys mentioned earlier in the Loose Ends post. All of my friends who received my email in the Runners, take your mark post simply know that I will be traveling.)

Early on I told my family that I was moving to LA. After my visit there a few weeks ago, the location was then narrowed down to the West LA, Hollywood, West Hollywood, Beverly Hills area. So for my mom to specifically ask and mention West Hollywood was quite interesting and a bit surprising. For a brief second there I was going to ask her who was asking, and who are you telling that I am moving, and then I said to myself I don’t care anymore. I told her that I was moving to West Hollywood and that was the end of it. She didn’t probe any further, but I have a sense that if she doesn’t know about West Hollywood or it’s demographic makeup now, she will most likely learn about it from whoever was asking.

Despite this unexpected surprise of a question, I believe this is how I ultimately wanted it to happen. For my family and friends to assume that I was gay before I had to tell them. With this thinking and the steps that I have taken in learning more about myself and changing my life, I am not sure if I should be ashamed or proud of my measured way of coming out.

Runners, take your mark!

You know sometimes I feel like such a fool! I recognize that there is no such blueprint for coming out, especially when I am at a non-traditional age to be doing so, but to think how structured and odd of a plan I have makes me laugh. Sometimes I feel as if I think too much and take myself too seriously. (if you haven't noticed by now I do on both counts) Today I sent the email below to my family and friends. I have led a very demonstrative, controlled, and measured life, and it is my hope that this email gets my family and friends to see me in a different light. (with the career change acting as a metaphor and the impetus for the change in my life) I believe in some ways this will happen because I haven't changed that much over time and this will come as a surprise to many. It is also my hope that this communication acts as a precursor for what is yet to come. Within the body of the email are subtle hints of what my next few months are going to be about. So if my family and friends ever questioned or thought that I was gay, which I'm sure by now some may have wondered, (because I haven't dated since my last girlfriend and I should be a catch) I hope this email will act as a signal to them that if I was ever going to come clean the time is approaching. And so you all know from a time standpoint, it is my goal to formally come out by my next birthday.

Change is never easy, but after 12 years of having an incredible run working full time for 2 Fortune 200 companies and watching many of you with great admiration from near and far take successful chances in your lives and find success, the time has come for me to finally take my chance and stop working for the man and work to become my own. I’ve officially resigned and will be spending the next few months taking some time off, living life, and hopefully enjoying it. I plan on doing a little personal travel, spend more time with Dog (he’s going to be 14 soon and is finally showing signs of age while suffering from cognitive canine dysfunction), continue to train for my next marathon or sprint tri, get back involved in the political process as our nation finds itself in a similar crossroads as it was the last time I got involved and went to Washington (so bring on the banter), and most importantly research some of the many business ideas that I’ve had in the past that some of us have spoken about as well as looking into some other things. It took me long enough, but the bottom line is I’m finally going to lead the life I want to lead and not live the life that has led me over the last few years. With this change out of sales, my existing email of -----@------ will be going away in the coming weeks. I have a new email address, and if you would like to update your address book and migrate over there it is -------@--------. (and no I am not running for Congress just yet, although I may need to establish my own PAC soon-haha) My new cell number is 000-000-0000. I look forward to updating you as things progress but in the meantime, I’m off to the beach. Consider the cycle broken!

L'Chiam!

I believe that some of my family and friends will take this communication literally while others will read more into it. (based on some of the responses so far it's going both ways) Either way, when I look back on this day in September, my gut tells me that I will feel like a fool all over again because this whole thing about being gay will be a non-issue. (since I'm older; time, long term relationships, and I'm a pretty good guy may be the reasons here) If it does turn out like that then I will gladly accept being a gay 'ol happy fool!



Update: The email response from my younger sister. "I just shed a tear reading your email! You have no idea how proud I am of you for all of your hard work and accomplishments. As you said, it is time to live the life you were meant to. I look up to you as a big brother and a role model! You inspire me to do greater things in life. Congrats. I will be out to LA to visit! (Maybe mid July if you are around). Love you lots!" Please pass the kleenex!