Boy Mitzvah!

What a whirlwind of a weekend! For those that have been reading since the start, it should come as no surprise to see that I take meanings and messages from all sorts of different things and events that happen in my life. In a sense, that is my faith and how I connect with my G-d up above. Not only that, but my mind is just too active and goes in all different directions. (Remember, I’m a Type A Virgo) So with that as the preface, here goes in narrative form:

I left Phoenix for San Diego midday on Friday. The weather was lousy in Phoenix, light rain, and I guess the system extended all the way into Southern California. I was bumped up to first, which was nice, but the flight was turbulent for half of the time in the air, we were 1.5 hours late taking off, and no special songs came on in my ipod. We land in San Diego, and what do you know, light rain. Before heading out to San Diego, I did some research online trying to find the gay hot spots to check out. I must have gone to at least five different sites and none of them had any reviews worth their salt. Based on the events they had listed on their website for the weekend, I planned out each night on where I would hit. I read that Hillcrest was pretty casual, so I opted for a pair of Luckys, a long sleeve knit, and a grungy long sleeve button down. This along with leaving my hair as is without any product, was as casual as you will probably see me. I left the Westin at around 8:15 because I also needed to eat.

First mind wandering adventure was asking the bellhop to get me a cab and telling him where I needed to go. Clearly I’m playing over and over in my head that I told him 5th Ave. and Robinson and that is in Hillcrest? What is the bellhop going to think of me by going to Hillcrest? And then the cabbie? I’m not saying these thoughts are right or wrong to have, but the honest truth is that I still have them. The taxi dropped me off where I had asked, and then the rain started to intensify. I had to walk a few blocks to get to Mo's so I thoroughly enjoyed the rain, that’s a lie, dodging it by scurrying from awning to awning. I arrived at Mo’s and to my great surprise the place was packed. I also had no idea what I looked like. As mentioned earlier, my plan was to go out a bit earlier to eat and make a low key entrance. Well so much for the low key entrance. I walked around a bit and that’s where I find it so intimidating to be a lone wolf in a gay bar. Nonetheless, I needed some meat, so a small table opened up by the bar inside and I grabbed it. The waiter was pretty cool and I began to order some Patron Margaritas, (awesome stuff, but too much of a good thing?????) a burger and fries. A little bit after I sat down, another guy by himself sat down at the table next to me. He seemed to be a regular, because a number of people would stop by and say hello as he was seated. Midway through his meal, he broke the ice with, “What’s a straight guy like you doing at a gay bar like Mo’s?” I started to laugh and followed it with, “it’s funny you should say that. Is it that obvious how uncomfortable I look here?” He moved over to my table and we got into talking for quite awhile and he seemed to be a nice guy who was intrigued by my story. I even mentioned the blog as his first line fit beautifully with my life and experiences. We come from a different set of experiences in that he came out when he was 16 and I clearly did not. He thought I was 27 and believed that he was much older than I. I told him that I was older than that but I certainly appreciated the comments. He also said that he liked my smile and that I should smile more. (deep down I hate to smile) We talked for quite awhile, had some good conversation, laughed a bit, swapped phone numbers, and then he left for the night. Before he left, he did make an offer that if there was anything that I wanted to do, hint hint, while I was in town for the weekend, he would be open to it. I was obviously flattered, he was a decent looking guy, and did not know how to answer him so I simply said thanks. I got a text from him a little later, I responded to it, and that was that.

I talked with a few other guys from Tucson and then I met this guy from Sacramento. If I remember correctly, with him I broke the ice. However, I don’t remember what I said. He too thought that I was in my late 20s and I think he was in his early to mid 20s. Although he joked throughout the night that he was only 14. As you can see, age is a big hangup for me. The three times now that I’ve gone out to gay bars I’ve been told that I appear younger than I am, which makes me feel pretty good. However, now I’m beginning to wonder if that is just a flattering pickup line. But I digress. Oh Sac! Sac certainly knew what he wanted on Friday, and what he wanted was me. We talked for a few hours, I had too many drinks, and we left Mo’s a little after midnight. Looking back on it now, the second mind wandering adventure then occurred. I was leaving a gay bar with a cute guy and I did not look over my shoulder or have a care in the world. Now the two too many margaritas might have had something to do with it, but I believe it was more than that. We walked the streets a little bit looking for a cab, as he kept hitting me with a beach ball he took from Mo’s. We got back to the Westin and as they advertise, the bed was Heavenly! (haha) What I remember is this, we got in bed around 12:40 and he left at 4:56. I remember we kissed, he sucked, we canoodled, we spooned, we touched, and through mutual passion we created heat. As you recall, my one goal for this trip was to experience kissing another guy. So I’m pleased that I met my goal! It’s what I don’t remember that scares the hell out of me. I don’t remember dozing off during our time together, but I also don’t remember all that we did for those four hours. I also noticed in the middle of our romp when I went to the bathroom that I had four ovals on my shoulders and traps in various shades of cranberry. (thankfully none were on my neck) When I saw those my mind just went silly and I began to think the worst. (my first time, and what did I catch, etc….) My last girlfriend never exuded that much suction so it’s clearly been some time since I had one, and I don’t remember him being in one place for that long. Well except this other place. But that’s what has me so frightened. What other things could have happened that I don’t remember? And a side question, are hickeys big in the gay world?

Sac left just before five because he was in town with his family to attend his brother’s graduation. I’ve read other people's stories, so before he left, I checked for my wallet, phone, and other key things. I couldn’t find them, so I had Sac call my cell. When I found the cell I found everything else. I then remembered that I hid them in my luggage when we first got back to the hotel when he was in the bathroom. So I have Sac’s cell phone number and his fingerprints on the beach ball. I’m thinking of running a reverse phone search to get all of his data just in case. Am I crazy in fearing the worst in a situation where I simply just lost control and can't remember everything? I'm sure he's just a young, innocent, good guy. Right?

Saturday was a day of recuperation and reflection. I had lunch at the Yardhouse, they have a great spicy chicken sandwich, had a hangover till 3, and spent most of the day walking around the marina district. When I got back from walking I caught the tail end of History of the Joke with Lewis Black. I have to watch this in full, but I mention it because over these last few months I have begun to smile and laugh again. This show just brought that front and center and reminded me why laughter is so important. Once again the timing of it being on was funny. My friend Bob was in town for his granddaughter’s graduation so we met up at the The Palm for dinner. Since Bob is one of the four people who know what’s going on in my life, it was nice to let him know what happened a few hours earlier. I even joked that he was probably sitting next to the guy I was with. Where I felt my age was on Saturday night. Having achieved my goal, not wanting to drink again, and wanting to continue to reflect, I walked around the Gaslamp and then went back to the Westin.

The first thing that I noticed when I woke up on Sunday was that Sac called late on Saturday. He didn’t leave a message but the phone shows he called. Hmm, did he want a repeat or did he want to warn me about something?

Another reason for my visit to San Diego will become evident in the coming weeks. In preparation for that, I wanted to discover and see what San Diego was about. On Sunday, I spent most of the day doing just that. I walked from the hotel to Hillcrest, looked around the neighborhoods, walked through Cortez Hill, Balboa, Little Italy, and down by Pantoja Park. I walked a lot! I thought Little Italy had a much more vibrant and active street scene than Hillcrest had. That surprised me. Since I have a sweet tooth, for lunch I ate at Extraordinary Desserts . They have AWESOME desserts and if you love chocolate as much as I do I highly recommend it. (and since I walked a lot, the calories didn’t bother me) On Sunday night I went out to Universal . Universal is a new, more swanky restaurant and club in Hillcrest. Their goal is to be a mixed club that caters to both hetero and homo customers, albeit with the homos being the larger proportion. I left the hotel and got to Universal just before 8. Suprisingly, it wasn’t too crowded. That fit me fine. I got a great table out on the patio with a view that allowed me to see everyone as they entered. Before I sat down, I was also told by the hostess, a pretty blond chick, that the club side will be opening up at 9. Perfect! I’ll eat and have a few drinks for an hour and then go next door. Well, I ate and had a few drinks but at 9:15 I was told that the club wasn’t opening up tonight. How the f-ck does the club not open up on a Sunday of a holiday weekend, and more importantly why didn’t you tell your staff? I let it go and tried to just enjoy myself. Since the club wasn’t open, the patio area was filling up and it wasn’t a particularly large space. Unlike on Friday, I felt like I stood out more here. From when I was eating alone at my table to when I was standing up, I just felt more awkward. When in reality, I shouldn’t have because I fit their mixed theme, is he straight or is he gay? Which coincidentally is what I heard these two guys behind me asking. I didn’t see any other guys by themselves. Everyone was in groups so I had another two beers and left. I passed by Rich’s, which was another club a few buildings down, but they didn’t seem to be going off either so I headed back to the hotel.

So there you have it. I left San Diego this morning hoping and praying that the only thing that came back with me were the positive memories, feelings, and excitement of my first “experience” with another guy, a beach ball, and the above advertisement of a cool looking hotel on the beach I plan on staying at the next time I’m in town. (you gotta love airbrushed HOT guys with a chest like that!) I also hope that G-d's one lesson for me, which I have definitely learned, from the fear and aftermath of my first experience was that I can not allow myself to lose control like I did on Friday night. My health and life are too important to me for me too jeopardize everything by drinking one too many drinks and not knowing nor remembering what I did. I am also very proud of the fact that I am actually doing this and starting to really step forward.



Jimmy Eat World-"Praise To Chorus"