Why Stop Now

So on Tuesday evening at 7:00pm I called Runner, from A Mile High & Equally Distant post, to see if he was home. He was, so I told him that there was something that I wanted to talk to him about so I would be over in about 20 minutes.

I arrived around 7:30pm and Runner, Runner’s Wife (who is the real runner in the family and who got Runner and I started running many, many years ago), and Baby Runner (who is an adorable soon to be 2 year old with an infectious smile) were all home. I walk in the door and I had a big smile on my face. The first few minutes were spent with the greetings and some playful time with Baby Runner. As I played with Baby Runner, Runner’s Wife tried to instill in Baby Runner that Uncle Adam was here. (from what I could remember, she has done that each time I’ve been with Baby Runner) Although I haven’t seen Baby Runner that often, I have seen him enough over the last few months where I do believe he does recognize who I am. (or at least I am going to humor myself and think that he does) So we were standing up by the kitchen island and I ask that we go sit down in their living room. Runner’s Wife stayed in the kitchen, so when Runner and I sat down I began:

"Remember on Friday at the bar we were talking about the underwear run that I had just ran in LA and you asked, Is there anything else you want to tell us? Well as a matter fact there is. I am gay. In addition, I got an apartment in West Hollywood and I have been living there since early July.”

We then talked for about an hour and it was a very healthy and therapeutic conversation. A lot of what I said was what I have told the others that I have come out to so I won’t repeat it all here. But I did emphasize to them:

that I have never been happier or more proud of myself as I have been over the last few weeks.

I have recently accepted myself, as it is not a choice, and I have not been living a secret or hidden gay life all of these years. I have been gay but I only started to live and be real this past spring.

this past weekend was extremely difficult for me as I finally saw for the first time that because my attraction is different than most and certainly all of you guys, I may not have all of the same opportunities as you. Hence you might have noticed that I withdrew a little bit periodically throughout the weekend.

being gay is just a part of me just as being right handed is.

I’m still the same person that I’ve always been and now you know the complete and honest me.

I believe I have the right to the same love, affection, companionship, and relationships that you guys have. So in accepting who G-d created me to be, I am going to finally obey his wish and try and achieve what each of us as have the right to.

Ultimately, both Runner and Runner’s wife were happy for me and made a point to say that they were happy that I was happy.

Now with all of that being said I had to ask him about the question he asked me on Friday. “Is there anything else you want to tell us?” From what I was told, and I believe him, he did not ask it thinking that I was gay. He asked it relative to whether I had found a job or anything else that may have been going on in my externally apparent, leisurely life. (which in many respects I believe has been anything but leisurely) Like everyone else they were surprised that I was gay.

So here you have another case where we, forget we, I have seen/believed/imagined what I wanted to see/believe/imagine where others have seen/believed/imagined something totally different.

As I was leaving, Runner’s Wife made sure Baby Runner blew kisses to Uncle Adam and said his goodbye. He did it twice and I believe that said a lot.

So as the sun fell in Phoenix on Tuesday, I left the Runners a very happy and grateful man.

So as the sun fell in Phoenix on Thursday, the ominous clouds of an Arizona monsoon storm rolled in. The wind, the dust, the lightening, the rain, what was the night to bring? The active environment actually made me a bit nervous. I called Scottsdale at 6:30pm to see if he would be home around 8:00pm because there was something I wanted to talk to him about. He would be, and things were set. Out of all of my friends, Scottsdale is one of the three or four that I was most unsure of in how he would take my coming out. Anyway, I get to his condo, we say our greetings, and once again I ask that we sit down. I immediately jump in and said;

"The reason that I wanted to stop by tonight was because there was something that I wanted to talk to you about. I am gay."

Like my other seven coming out experiences, this was no different. Scottsdale was understanding, happy, and most of all sincere. We spoke for about an hour where I discussed most of the things that I have written about before on the “gay” topic. The only other two topics that I can recall that I added were:

I didn't like the person that I had become and I know my relationships with my closest friends and family have suffered for it. I want to change that and I hope with my honesty, and in sharing this part of my life with you and the others, our relationships will become deeper and more meaningful.

That when I tell the rest of our core group of friends, (in September when I return to Phoenix) other fraternity brothers from college, a giggle or laugh may take place. I told him that there may be some initial humor or chuckle by the surprise and I for one could certainly laugh at myself and understand it. But after that, my being gay is not going to be a laughing matter nor will I accept the use of jokes or derogatory statements about my sexuality in the future. I told him that our friends will either grow, learn, and accept or unfortunately they will no longer be friends of mine.

We also spoke about me living out in West Hollywood, why I am living out there and the opportunity that it has provided to me, along with some other “non-gay,” everyday topics of mutual interest.

I guess all you really need is a few good friends. So far so good, and I believe time will confirm that.

The Format-"The First Single"