With or Without Plastic?

So I return to my apartment and one of the first things I did was went through my two weeks worth of mail. And what did I find? My first THEADVOCATE magazine was delivered! It came in a plastic covering so Mr./Mrs. Mailperson may not have known it was THEADVOCATE. (for reference please see Comings-and-Goings post) Anyway, of all of the magazines that I had waiting for me to peruse, THEADVOCATE was numero uno.

The issue that arrived was the one with Matthew Mitcham on the cover. I know, not another one of those Olympic posts, and you’re right. The column that fascinated me was Get Out of the Rabbit Hole-As the Internet continues to suck us into a virtual reality, gay culture in the real world is slipping away by Christopher Rice. (Coastal Disturbances column) My initial reaction was great, I’m a day late and a dollar short in moving to West Hollywood. For those who don’t subscribe to THEADVOCATE, in Christopher’s first paragraph he asks,

”AM I THE ONLY GAY MAN on the planet who doesn’t believe the Internet will provide a solution to all the problems in the LGBT community?”

He initially cites the demise of the gay bookstore, like those of other bookstores, to the rise of book shopping online. The difference being that the gay bookstore has been more of an integral part of the gay community than community bookstores have been to their community as a whole. He says,

“Gay bookstores are not just retailers. They are the secular temples for a community that is understandably averse to organized religion. They are places where knowledge and spiritual experience are exchanged in an environment that isn’t driven primarily by the pursuit of sex. “

So that parallel, cause/effect of the technology, then transcends into,

”Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with the technology. (I have over 400 Facebook friends, only 20 of whom I have actually dined with.) But I have a problem with the incredibly limited way in which most people use the resources they find online. While notorious hookup sites for gay men are often associated with drug-fueled, unsafe sex, the sad reality is that most of their members aren’t interested in meeting anyone at all. (Yes, I was once a member of one. My tenure was brief and unsuccessful.) Sure, users of these sites devote hours to taking strategically lit self-portraits, which range from suggestive to the explicit. But the majority of member profiles contain denunciations of flakes and time-wasters, suggesting the presence of a large group of men who are all talk and no play. Need proof? Take a look at the amount of time most of these men spend online. They never log off long enough to have sex with anyone. The real thrill for these men is engaging in a form of detached exhibitionism while carrying on prolonged Internet chats with people they’ll never meet, men they turn into a fantasy based solely on the superficial attributes each person has listed (and often lied about) in his profile.”

So what is a newly out, in a new community guy to do? I’m conflicted. For the most part I agree in theory with Christopher. However, I don’t know if he is correct in practice because I have never experienced the gay dating sites. In my old life, I never got too involved in the online dating/personal sites. I always preferred speed dating events. I did have experience with eHarmony and JDate and both those, well.........................On the social networking side of things, I never got involved or set up profiles on MySpace, Facebook, or whatever other sites may have come before them. Part of me thought that I was too old for them and the other part of me thought that it would be such a waste of time because I wouldn’t be able to trust what a profile contained. You see I’m a here and now type of guy. Having had a successful sales career, I have always preferred to meet people in person. Do business face to face. Take that extra flight or drive that extra mile because an email or phone call were just not good enough. Deep down, I am a people person and I want to get involved and participate in things where I believe I can meet other people in the flesh. I would prefer not to meet someone through a picture of their smooth, toned, and tanned chest no matter how exciting my little one got. That, and I’m an honest guy. I do what I say and say what I do. Honesty and integrity are two traits that are at the core of who I am. (yeah yeah I know, I wasn’t honest about who I was for all of those years. I get it. I was with every other part of my life and now that I’m out, I’m completely honest!) So it would seem that I don’t fit with the sites in how Christopher describes them. And that’s the dilemma. Over the last few days I was thinking about joining some gay dating/social networking sites. Now I’m not so sure. In your opinion and from your own experiences, does Christopher accurately describe what it is like on the gay dating/social networking sites or is he just grumpy from his own experiences?

More broadly speaking Christopher then adds,

“Gay people are first adopters, a demographic that is usually the first to consume and spread new technologies. As such, we’ve tended to overvalue the positive aspects of online communities. These are wonderful things when they inspire people to go out into the real world and do actual things--such as come out of the closet or campaign for a favorite candidate. But for the most part, the Internet is taking users down a rabbit hole where their behaviors are defined by a noxious blend of arrogance and self-deception bred by isolation.”

I can relate to what Christopher cites as the positive aspects, as the internet was invaluable in helping me change my life. If it weren’t for the internet, I would not have had the opportunity to learn from so many others that it was okay for me to be what I am. If it weren’t for the internet, I don’t know if I ever would have reached out to a community that I thought I never really fit into. If it weren’t for the internet, I would not be posting this post tonight. So for me, the internet inspired me to action. But I’ve also begun to wonder about this rabbit hole. I look back on my first 4 weeks in WeHo at some of the events and functions I’ve been to and wonder how few certain generations of people were at these events. So beyond the bars, the clubs, and the computer, where are these generations spending their time? I surely hope not in isolation in their rabbit hole because I for one would like the opportunity to meet them.

Overall, I thought Christopher Rice’s column was very thought provoking. I would definitely recommend that you check out the column at advocate.com. I certainly have a lot to learn about the community, and after reading Christopher’s column I surely hope that it is not too late to learn from real life, gay people in the flesh.

........and of course I did get in touch with THEADVOCATE and OUT and made sure that they save the plastic trees. I want my magazines delivered in their own flesh, naked for all the world to see!