Week that Was

It’s been an emotionally exhausting last seven days. (for a reason I intend to write about in the future)

I’m home in Phoenix and have been so since the 24th. I’ve enjoyed spending time during the Thanksgiving holiday with family and close friends, some of whom I haven’t seen in many months. I have a lot to be thankful for this year, and I’ve enjoyed spending time with those who have been, and still are important people in my life.

A few of the highlights with Stand Straight relevance include:

A dinner with one of my younger cousins, who lives out here in Arizona, and her boyfriend, my sister, my brother, and sister-in-law. This had been the first time that I’ve seen my cousin since I came out and it was great getting together. She was really happy for me and noticed how relaxed and free I appeared to be. After dinner, I along with my sister, brother, and sister-in-law all went to a gay bar for a few drinks. While I enjoyed going to a gay bar with them, it was a Monday and the place was empty. As they say it’s the thought that counts. haha

A luncheon with a close friend where the topic of Prop 8 and 102, the recent amendments in Arizona, Arkansas, California and Florida, the Mormons, civil rights, adoption, and discrimination came up. We are both very optimistic about life and genuinely believe in the inherent goodness of people. I believe that he believes all Americans should have equal rights. Where we differ is in the question of whether that inherent goodness in people has translated into full equality, both in opportunities and rights, for all Americans. He asked me this question, “Have you ever been discriminated against?” I answered, “No.” I haven’t in the past, but as I told him many other people have. Since August, and especially more so now since the election I FEEL, and more importantly I legally AM, less equal. An OPPORTUNITY is no longer there for me to strive towards the achievement of a goal. And when an opportunity is no longer there for someone, what’s the incentive for that someone to work towards achieving that goal. Throughout my life I’ve always had goals. Goals which have pointed me in a focused direction towards the achievement of a higher level of success. Whether it was running marathons, attaining professional success and recognition, or even writing this blog. (to name just a few) So the question I have for the heterosexual and majority community is this:

In the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave; what love, relationship, and familial goals should I, a man who happens to be gay, work to achieve?

I believe all these equality issues are really as simple as that, and the answers to it will certainly expose the discrimination that’s espoused and supported by those I respectfully disagree with on these societal issues. (and btw, my friend and I may disagree on how we go about achieving full equality, but he does not fall into the category of espousing discrimination)

Although an emotionally difficult day, Thanksgiving with the family was an enjoyable one. I do have a lot to be thankful for and being blessed with such a loving and wonderful family is just one of those things. Since it has been a few months since I’ve come out to them, it was an interesting day to gauge their comfort level with things that I could share and talk to them about. My mom is clearly ahead of my dad. I separately spoke with both of them about my first date the prior week. My mom asked a number of questions, whereas my dad made a comment that he was happy for me but quickly changed the subject. It has, and still is taking me time, so I can certainly understand, and quite frankly expect that this will continue to be a coming out process for him as well.

On Saturday night I went back to the one club that I had ventured to on my last trip home in September. (please see If It Weren't So Funny I'd Cry post) First off, I believe I saw Luis again and it appears he has been working out. Second, I conducted some intense research in preparation for this visit and was told that on Saturday nights this was supposedly the place to be. I arrived at 10:20PM and my sister-n-law (SNL) joined me shortly thereafter. I found it to be a bit sparse throughout most of the night. One room was pretty crowded while the other was not so much. I can only assume that the light crowd was attributable to Saturday falling on a holiday weekend. Nonetheless there were a number of hotties, and I pointed out mine about 20 minutes into the night. Like all of my other not so fulfilling bar/club excursions, here’s this week’s version.

So my hottie came with another guy who was average looking. I believe he was the hottest guy in the bar. He was about my height, had blondish-brown short hair, smooth skin, a great body, and appeared to be a bit more muscular than I. As I told my SNL, I’m typically not into guys bigger than me, but I thought he was hot. So for the next hour or so, my SNL and I had some drinks, talked, and walked between the two rooms looking for guys and listening to the music. As an aside, my SNL was even looked up and down by a very attractive girl who was seated at the bar. From what I could remember during this period Hottie and I did not make any significant eye contact. I also observed that Hottie and Average displayed no PDA throughout the night, so based on my prior experience I was preparing an approach. The two of them had been dancing for a number of songs when Disturbia, by Rihanna, came on. (please see City of Wonder post on the meaning I place on this song) My SNL and I hit the dance floor and positioned ourselves right next to Hottie and Average. When Disturbia ended, a crappy song followed and about a quarter of those dancing left the floor. At the time, Hottie and Average did not. Since the song sucked I walked to the DJ to put in a few requests. Apparently when I walked by Hottie, my SNL heard him tell his friend, “He’s smokin!” Upon hearing this shocking news my SNL then went up to Hottie and asked, “Do you think my friend is cute?” Hottie replied, “Yes, I think your friend is cute.” So I returned from the DJ to my SNL and she tells me the story. The problem at this point was that Hottie and Average had already left the dance floor before I returned. My SNL and I then left the dance floor and after a few minutes went looking for the two of them but they were nowhere to be found. They must have left the club, and this was before midnight. Once again I left a club disappointed, and this time around with a whole new set of questions to ponder and one final comment for my SNL, “Tonight has been the story of my gay life.”

I met up with the Sugarwaters (Pop and Fizz) whom I hadn’t seen in some time and who I’ve know for years. Unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to meet up with them during my September visit, so I came out to them over the phone in October. It was wonderful to get together with them and to see their two cute and extremely social kids. We had a great conversation where I learned that Fizz was a huge fan of Stand Straight. :-) It was very flattering, but more so rewarding, to hear some of their comments because it meant that my second goal for writing Stand Straight has been achieved. (please see Break It Down post for my three goals of Stand Straight) And Fizz, sorry, but I have no plans for taking any blog tours around the country with the cast of characters from Stand Straight. As a consolation, maybe I’ll have the cast sign a pair of Stand Straight boxer/briefs that you can have Pop wear. (Wow that just gave me a business idea!)