I really can't believe that Halloween is here. I've known for awhile that the City of West Hollywood throws a big street party for Halloween, but what I didn't really know was how big it is for the mo crowd. (big and mo, like chocolate and peanut butter, seem to be two things that go hand and hand)
I have been looking forward to Halloween, but to be quite honest, I thought I would just attend and try and take it all in. That thought went out the window as soon as I learned a tad bit more about how much fun the night can be. I am now REALLY excited about tonight. So much so that I had a costume shipped next day, although UPS f'd it up yesterday and I now have to go pick it up at their customer service center. I will make some slight changes to the costume to make it a tad more revealing and sexy. ;) (PG of course but I will tell you this, I will look hot and for those with a naughty imagination.......)
Will Adam's Halloween be filled with fleeting tricks or scrumptious treats? (you'll find out after the election)
“Some men see things as they are and ask, ‘why?’ Others dream things that never were and ask, ‘why not?’” -Robert Kennedy
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”-Martin Luther King Jr.
After another half day of scouting polling places today I learned that here in LA County the No on 8 campaign has only scouted around 55 out of a total of 400 locations. (my buddy and I did 18 of them) This is insane and the campaign is inept. Despite that, I ask that anyone in California who has the time over the next few days to PLEASE get in touch with your local office and ask to help scout polling places. This NEEDS to be done in order for the campaign to send out the 5,000 volunteers throughout the state to market the NO message on Tuesday. They also need volunteers to package the kits that will be given to those election day volunteers. (scouting can be done in the day, the kits could be done at night)
This is VITAL!!!!!
During my scouting today two things of note happened:
1. We saw a car that had a license plate holder that said, "Give Life and Let Live, Donate an Organ." Below the plate on the bumper was a Yes on 8 sticker. You may make your own judgements.
2. We went to a church that we believed was a polling site. There were about 30 Yes lawn signs outside the office and no employees were present. I grabbed the signs and we took off. After about 15 minutes my conscience got the best of me and we drove back to return them. I'm sorry G-d I got carried away in the moment.
Then tonight on the way to my group's meeting I noticed that most of the signs that I placed in the public right of ways near my neighborhood were taken down. HMMMM
"Call anyone you know in Arizona, California, and Florida and let your voice be heard!"-Adam
My final Friday night, No on 8 tabling event has come and gone and I think it was the best night yet. I had the largest number of volunteers working with me, the founders of our grassroots organization came by to take pictures of our presence (this is history folks and we’ve been asked to chronicle our activities), I was accused by two of my friends, who volunteered with me on Friday, that I was discriminatory and had a propensity to initiate conversations only with the hotties that passed by (that is so untrue), rumors were spread that I was wearing our LHC No on 8 t-shirt in a size XS despite the fact that I made it very clear that I was wearing a S :), but MOST IMPORTANTLY we signed up a great number of volunteers to promote the No on 8 message at polling sites on Election day. :-) That was our sole goal on Friday.
The campaign still needs volunteers, so if you reside in California or will be visiting California on November 4th and would like to help promote our equality message at polling sites on Election day please sign up here. ELECTION DAY VOLUNTEER
After working the corner, I and two said friends went to grab a bite at Swingers. (cool late night grub place) I enjoyed our conversation and it was a nice end to a great night.
Since we finally received our order of yard signs from the No on 8 campaign, I spent a good part of Saturday making sign deliveries to people who requested signs from us at the different events that our organization has put on over the last few months. Along with those requested orders, we also planted about 30 signs in key right of way locations, within 2 weeks of an election I’m told it is legal, including Sunset Blvd., Sunset Plaza, Beverly Hills, Hancock Park, Melrose, etc... During this time we caught this old guy, who stopped his car in the middle of the street near Hancock Park, taking down a No on Prop 8 sign that was planted in a median. We pulled up next to him, honked, we both rolled down our windows and we said, “What the hell.” He said, “It was illegal to place these signs in public areas.” We said, “You are wrong,” and I then called him a bigot! He drove away and we made sure to place more signs on the same street.
I finally had the opportunity to visit dear friends of our family, who I grew up with and have known for many years, on Sunday. (mom and two daughters, one a year older than I and one a year younger) They now live in Escondido and I went to see them, along with older daughter’s husband, kids, and their family friends. It was another great day and they couldn’t have been more caring, loving, and happy for me. What I didn’t like was seeing about 8 Yes on prop 8 signs scattered throughout their neighborhood. I left them with 4 No on prop 8 signs and as I was leaving their neighborhood I thought about yanking the Yes signs. It was only a quick thought for two reasons. I’m better than that, and I want their neighbors to know exactly who supports civil discrimination and the removal of equal rights from their fellow Californians.
On Monday I scouted polling places with another friend of mine to determine how many No supporters we needed to send to each polling place to help convey our message and remind voters to Vote No on Prop 8.
Lastly I had the conversation with two other close friends of mine on Monday night whom I unfortunately did not have the opportunity to speak with when I was back in Phoenix in September. The conversation went great and I’ll once again convey how blessed I am to have such wonderful family and friends. I look forward to getting together with them when I return to Phoenix for Thanksgiving.
I lost my bet to Z and saw him for the first time at the gym on Monday. I approached him on Monday and told him that I owed him something for losing the bet. He smiled, took his right hand and briefly placed it on my left arm and said it was okay and not necessary for me to fulfill my obligation. It was this conversation that I had been planning for weeks, and I screwed it up. (I felt like such a loser) Hence, I did not ask him out on Monday. So yesterday, I saw Z at the gym again. We were both doing ab exercises, so we frequented some of the same equipment. Early on in my workout I waited on a piece of equipment that Z was on. So I waited about 10 feet from him, with my back towards him, and stood there patiently for him to finish. When he was done with the machine, he again grabbed my left arm and told me the machine was mine. I thanked him and moved on. When Z was done with his workout, a new experience occurred. He initiated some spoken words to me. He said something to the affect of, "goodbye and I’ll see you later." What struck me was that this was the first time that he spoke to me without I having initiated. Progress?
Afternoon
Who knew that my title for Monday’s post “Gone Hollywood” would foretell what I was to experience, in support of the No on 8 campaign, on Wednesday afternoon. All I can add at this point is ...............................................
Evening
I spent a few hours phone banking for the No on Prop 8 campaign. It was encouraging to see a huge turnout of volunteers show up to work the phones. That’s a change and I hope it’s indicative of a turning point in the campaign. Twelve days and counting..................................... After phone banking I met two of my friends out for dinner/drinks at a local bar that does tranny bingo. (One of them has been praising this bingo night, numbers called out by a tranny, for some time) Since it was my first time there, both of them wanted nothing more than to see me win a game. Why? So my uptight arse would be forced to go on up and see the tranny. I didn’t win any games but it was an experience nonetheless.
On Friday I went to a stylist, whom a friend recommended, and received my first haircut since moving to WeHo in July. Like many of the other changes in my life over the last few months, this grooming call was no exception. My last two haircuts I received on my visits back to Phoenix from the same guy who I've gone to since having arrived in Phoenix many years ago.
A friend of mine from Phoenix, who I’ve known for many years, used to call me “big wave Dave.” (because of my flowing front locks) I’m sorry to say that Dave has surfed his last wave. haha (at least for now) During my first visit I told my stylist, sounds so Hollywood compared to barber, what I was most conscious about and gave him permission to do whatever he wanted. (with the caveat that if he f’d up I wouldn’t be back) At first I wasn’t sure whether I liked it, but now I’m definitely sure. I love it! He cut off most of my hair and I’m okay with that. I look HOT!!!! (or so I’ve been told :-)) The best part about it was that he wasn’t too expensive. ($50 compared to what I used to pay in Phoenix, $27) He has his own salon in the expensive retail area of WeHo without any other stylists, so how he stays in business is beyond me.
On Saturday night I went to a friend’s movie release party where I met up with two friends. We ended up talking for most of the night where I had the chance to tell one of them my story. He was fascinated by it and I’m not quite sure why. Don’t guys normally change everything about their life in the span of a few months? haha We went our separate ways around 12:30am and I stopped by Suede, a dance club. By the time I got there the place was packed and I had a hard time getting into the groove having had the feeling that the party started and went on without me. :(
On Sunday night I went to see my friend’s movie, Saving Marriage at the Regent Showcase on La Brea. Saving Marriage is the true story of the fight in Massachusetts to save marriage equality. (it’s a documentary and the trailer is below) I thought it was a powerful film and I hope that the film’s distributors work to ensure that all Americans have the opportunity to see it. After the film I went out to dinner with a new friend of mine, and his friend. I had a good time and it was refreshing to hear that my views on the gays of WeHo, and the WeHo culture were not unique to me. They too were impressed by my story and admired how much I’ve done in the short time I’ve been here.
Over the last two weeks there has not been a whole lot going on from a personal standpoint. Most of my time has been spent doing stuff for the No on 8 campaign. Even when I did go out on Thursday with the intent on having a personal night, I got asked to help out with what some of my friends were doing. (I have a very hard time saying NO)
One thing that did happen on Thursday was that I was recognized. So my activities in "getting my face out there" seem to be paying off. haha
Despite being a firm believer in the Pareto Principle (the 80/20 rule), I was still shocked and saddened to read the following yesterday from an email I received from Equality California:
"What is also unfortunate is that only 30,000 people have donated to the No on 8 campaign compared to the 60,000 who have donated to the other side.
In a state with about two million LGBT people, in a country with millions more and tens of millions of straight allies, we have to get everyone to support the fight. If every LGBT person donates we can win!"
You got to be fucking kidding me! If California's LGBT citizens could care less about Prop 8, why should anyone else? If you are LGBT, living in California, reading Stand Straight, and you still haven't given........PLEASE MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY!
$10, $20, $100....... GIVE SOMETHING!
If every LGBT citizen in the state of California would have given $15, (that's FIFTEEN DOLLARS) the money raised and more importantly the message sent would have been a powerful statement to our state, and the country at large, that our CIVIL RIGHTS are not negotiable. Instead, less than 1.5% of the LGBT community here in California thought it was important enough to provide monetary support and hence we find ourselves behind in the polls. (the number is even smaller than 1.5% because many straight and out of state people have supported the No campaign)
To donate today, please click here..... DONATE NOW
Please help out! I don't want to wonder why it is the few who always seem to shoulder the burden for the many. Especially when so much is at stake for all of us on November 4th.
Last night the Gala that I first told you about in the "I'm Flattered" post took place. What a great night. The celebrity gala was held at the Skybar at the Mondrian hotel on the Sunset Strip. The event was a sell out! We had over 600 people in attendance, both straight and gay, who attended to have a good time and show their support for the “NO ON 8” campaign. I’m pleased to report that we raised a significant amount of money. :-)
I am pleased that I was able to contribute in a significant way to the success of the event, but at the same time I am selfishly a tiny bit disappointed that I wasn’t able to really enjoy the event. I led a group of about 35 volunteers whose role and responsibilities were vital to the number one reason why the event was held. The event went from 6:00PM until 10:00PM, and based on the initial schedule our job should have been done by 8:45PM. Unfortunately, the mayor of Los Angeles was late and screwed up the whole schedule. (to his credit the mayor did make up for his tardiness in a big way when he arrived) Subsequently, I had no time to really mix and mingle and I only got a chance to meet a few guys. (However, many of the young volunteers who worked for me were cute and I do have their phone numbers....hmmmm) One guy who I met on Friday, and then got a chance to speak with more in depth last night was Evan Wolfson . He is a prominent civil rights attorney who has been instrumental in the marriage equality issue for over 25 years. It was great to talk with a guy, who was called one of Time magazines most influential people in 2004, who has had such a profound and positive impact on so many people's lives throughout his career.
Here are some pictures from the event. The first is mine and the rest are from wire image.
General Gala Pictures Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa Eric McCormack and Loni Anderson (Will and Grace, Burt Reynolds) Dana Delany (Desperate Housewives) Heather Tom (Bold and the Beautiful) One final note to add is the song that was on my sat radio when I pushed the start button after receiving my keys from the valet at 11:00PM. The song is below and I thought it fit the fight for Prop 8 and the evening beautifully. Here in California that day is today, and I hope and pray that day continues on November 5th.
On Wednesday I received an email from an old friend of mine I’ll call Mr. Tigerliver. He had read some of Stand Straight since I made it available to my family and friends and had a suggestion. He suggested that,
“You might want to edit some of that if you still want to run for Congress! Some of it is fairly graphic, and not because of orientation... more based on detail, word choice, and that fact that your mom reads it.”
I posted the "Dear Family and Friends" post on a Thursday and I emailed my family and friends during that weekend, so I did give some final consideration to Mr. Tigerliver’s subsequent suggestion before I even emailed it out. (as well as even having second thoughts about opening it up at all) After a whole lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be true to myself, and my initial intent, and allow the blog to speak for my life in all it’s unedited rawness.
So on Wednesday I received Mr. Tigerliver’s email and on Wednesday night the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur began. Yom Kippur is our 25 hour period of atonement and from what I learned from the rabbi during our services, variations of the word go back to the root of the Hebrew letters k p r. (kaf/pey/resh) Our rabbi said that multiple meanings embedded with these letters include; to cover or to conceal. On Yom Kippur we are asked to afflict ourselves and to confront the wounds that we caused by our sins. Yom Kippur then offers us protection like a cover against the punishment of G-d on the day when the book of life and death is sealed for another year.
As I sat in the synagogue and listened to the rabbi’s discussion about the meanings of Yom Kippur I was drawn back to Mr. Tigerliver’s email and his suggestion of editing Stand Straight. I believe editing is a form of covering and concealing and I know I did that for far too long. So I emailed him back,
“So to your suggestion the answer is NO! When I run for congress I will be an open book. The honest truth. Voters will either like and respect that or they won’t. (with my new attitude I don’t give a shit)”
I hope that my life and blog will help all of us learn about each other and our collective futures. Coming out later in life gives me, so I believe, a different perspective on what it is like being gay in America today. (compared to many gays who I believe have been mentally and emotionally beaten down, and as such may believe they are second class, through the years by attitudes like those exposed in the article below from the Yes on 8 campaign here in California) I believe the only difference between a gay and straight person is whom G-d CREATED that individual to be SEXUALLY attracted to. As such, I’ll be damned if I am going to accept having any less rights or opportunities than all of my straight friends. (According to the U.S. GAO there are over 1,000 different rights at stake with the term Marriage)
SAN FRANCISCO, October 11 – In the same week that the No on 8 campaign launched an ad that labeled as “lies” claims that same-sex marriage would be taught in schools to young children, a first grade class took a school-sponsored trip to a gay wedding. Eighteen first graders traveled to San Francisco City Hall Friday for the wedding of their teacher and her lesbian partner, The San Francisco Chronicle reported. The school sponsored the trip for the students, ages 5 and 6, taking them away from their studies for the same-sex wedding. According to the Yes on 8 campaign, the public school field trip demonstrates that the California Supreme Court's decision to legal same-sex marriage has real consequences.
"Taking children out of school for a same-sex wedding is not customary education. This is promoting same-sex marriage and indoctrinating young kids," said Yes on 8—ProtectMarriage.com Campaign Co-Manager Frank Schubert. "I doubt the school has ever taken kids on a field trip to a traditional wedding," Schubert said.
When asked by the Yes on 8 campaign, The San Francisco Chronicle reporter said she did not know if the school had ever sponsored a field trip for students to a traditional wedding. Telling the Chronicle that the field trip was "a teachable moment," the school's principal believes it is perfectly appropriate for first graders to attend a same-sex wedding. Officials in other school districts disagree.
"Prop. 8 protects our children from being taught in public schools that 'same-sex marriage' is the same as traditional marriage," said Santa Ana Unified School District board member Rosemarie "Rosie" Avila. "We should not accept a court decision that results in public schools teaching our kids that gay marriage is okay. That is an issue for parents to discuss with their children according to their own values and beliefs. It shouldn't be forced on us against our will," Avila added.
The lesbian teacher's wedding was officiated by San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom. Newsom is featured in a Yes on 8 television ad, released last week, in which he arrogantly declares of same-sex marriage: "The door's wide open now. It's gonna happen, whether you like it or not.
" The Yes on 8 campaign's ads explain that if the voters do not overturn the California Supreme Court's same-sex marriage ruling, teachers will be required to teach young children that there is no difference between gay marriage and traditional marriage. “It's totally unreasonable that a first grade field trip would be to a same-sex wedding," said Chip White, Press Secretary for Yes on 8. "This is overt indoctrination of children who are too young to understand it.” The field trip underscores the Yes on 8 campaign’s message that unless Prop. 8 passes, children will be taught about same-sex marriage in public schools. “Not only can it happen, it has already happened,” White said.
I’m not going to argue or debate the merits of taking a first grade class trip to a gay wedding (it IS debatable even though we are at a historic CIVIL rights moment in our nation’s history), but I believe the undercurrent of ignorance, prejudice, discrimination, and hate is very apparent in many of the quotes throughout the Yes On 8 press release.
As for my further uncovering, I have taken what Mr. Tigerliver and others have expressed to heart. (because I know they care and are looking out for me) Will it influence my future postings? I don't know. What I do know is that exposure and education allows a society to advance. I hope through my writing, I have contributed to that in some small way.
Many months ago I mentioned that it was my goal to “show my face” in WeHo. Since my arrival I’ve spent some time attempting to do just that. However, when I made that comment I had another idea in mind. On Friday, that idea came to fruition.
What better way to show your face than to be parked on the corner of San Vicente and Santa Monica Blvd. involved in a bit of political activism on a Friday night. That street corner falls within the middle of many of the gay bars in WeHo and according to the City council member that I met, the corner has a bit of activism history. I came up with the idea, which really is no great idea but no one else was galvanizing the community like this, and led a team from our group to register people to vote, solicit volunteers to help defeat proposition 8 here in California, ask for donations to help defeat prop 8, advertise our upcoming celebrity fundraising event, and basically educating the bar and club hopping gay community about the virtues of VOTING. (and voting No on Prop. 8) You’d be surprised, or maybe some of you wouldn’t be, how indifferent so many people are to voting. It’s really sad and in my opinion SHAMEFUL! It baffles me how some people, whose own RIGHTS are at stake here in California, remain so indifferent to the importance of their vote. If they are not going to care about their OWN rights, why should we expect anyone else to?
Thankfully, there were many more people who we spoke with that were knowledgeable about the issues and extremely appreciative that we were there. There to be visible, there to send a message, and there to register people to vote. And for Adam’s sake there to show his face. :-)
I had all sorts of ideas on how I wanted to present our message when I suggested to the leadership team, of the group I have been volunteering with, the tabling idea. Unfortunately, local city and state pac rules presented a number of challenges which negatively impacted our ability to present and achieve some of what I would have liked. Nonetheless, the night turned out to be a success on all fronts.
Success on the political front and success on the personal front. It was a lot of fun going up to total strangers with a gift and a message. The gift was a sticker, and if you were out in WeHo last Friday and saw them on the bartenders and patrons, that was us. I wore our group’s t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I was a moron wearing just a t-shirt because it turned out to be a cold night, but hey I looked great. (and I paid for my stupidity by having caught another cold which has once again restricted my activities since) It was a hoot having a number of young guys, with Asian and Mexican backgrounds, coming up to me with interest. (I'm not quite sure why those particular backgrounds seem to be so interested in yours truly) One guy even offered me a rose. haha Another guy who I was flirting with, Caesar, was hot and he stayed behind a minute or two as his friends moved on. Unfortunately I let Caesar slip away. He wanted me to place the sticker on his crotch. Who asks another guy to do that? :) We went back and forth on that one and my lame excuse was that the Sheriff’s department was located across the street and my proper and legal arse didn’t want to get into any trouble in public. I ended up placing it on his left nipple and we then said our goodbyes. WeHo’s a small town so I hope to see Caesar again. :-)
It's great fun when your POAs come together, so please don't hold back!
Now you know I am what I am, and I have finally chosen to accept myself, love myself, and live my life as G-d created me to be!
Your love, affection, and friendship over the years has meant the world to me and words cannot express how I feel right now knowing that I am finally living a truly honest life with those most important to me knowing the real Adam.
Welcome To Stand Straight and Step Forward!
Stand Straight and Step Forward is my story. Over the last few months I have been blogging about my life and experiences. The primary reason for keeping an online journal was personal and therapeutic. I needed to change, and I was too cheap to pay for a therapist and too stubborn to ask for help. The secondary reason was my hope and desire to at some point be able to share my life again with you. From the outset, I wanted to provide you with a deeper meaning of who I am and what I’ve been going through these last few months. So it is with a great deal of respect and love that I share my journal with you today.
However, sharing Stand Straight with you has as much to do with me as it does with you. I look at it as part of my therapy in being completely open and honest with all those I truly know and care about. So please don’t feel an obligation or need to necessarily read it. It is certainly your choice. If you do choose to read it, I believe you will find posts that run the gamut from deeply personal to narratives of experiences. You will also find images of guys that I find extremely hot. This has been the most difficult thing I've had to deal with in my life and I’m extremely proud of how far I’ve come and I’m neither ashamed nor embarrassed by anything that you may view. I’m now an open book, make that blog, and I hope this demonstrates my sincerity when I told you that I wanted deeper and more meaningful relationships. I truly believe this is a start.
I also felt it was important to bridge my online world, which has been my anonymous gay world, with my real world. Both worlds have been extremely important to me in bringing me this far in my life but I will no longer live in two separate worlds. I will only live in one. It is that world, the real world, where I hope we will continue on our journeys together.
So with all of that said, here are some tips if you would like to read further.
My online name is Adam, clearly not the name you know me as. So if you ever choose to comment please keep that in mind.
I would recommend that you start from the beginning. To do that you need to go to the right side of the blog, scroll down to the archive, and start in May. The best way that I’m aware to do this is to click on the month heading and then scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page for the oldest post. Then scroll up as you read. (this way you don't have to click on each individual post)
When there is a You Tube video attached it is because, in mostly all cases, the song is very meaningful and extremely well written. (the meaning is the song, not the video itself) The words of the song convey a message which compliments and speaks to, in most cases, the message of my posts.
And one final note, Stand Straight may be a specific story about the changes I’ve made in my life based upon the uncontrollable aspect of my being gay, but when you think about it, the story is more than that. It’s really a story about all of us making positive changes in our lives with the goal of finding true happiness. (and I learned that important lesson from many of you through the years so thanks)
So here’s to leading our lives instead of life leading us. G-d willing, let our adventures continue!
Finally I went out extremely confident! :) Finally I felt like I belonged! :-) Finally I brought home my first cute guy! :-D
Friday
I arrived at Eleven around 10:30pm. I’m beginning to think there is a reason why they call it Eleven and that is there is no reason to arrive there before 11:00. One of these days I won’t be so excited to arrive early. (fwiw, this was my first night out since I arrived back in WeHo because I have been fighting a cold for the past two weeks.) The crowd was a bit sparse and there was plenty of room to move around. I once again went out alone, and this time it was my choice. As crazy as it now sounds, I actually enjoy going out to gay bars, not clubs, alone. (more on that later)
I’ve touched on this a little before but throughout most of my life I have never liked having pictures taken of me. In addition, I have never liked looking at pictures of myself. (you will not find any pictures of me displayed in open view throughout my apartment.) Like many people, the image I saw of myself in a photo, or the mirror for that matter, was different from what others saw of me. It was never because I didn’t think I was attractive, because I do think I’m around a 7.8 on a 10 scale, (haha) but I believe it was because I never really loved myself. (especially the last 8 years) With all of that said the last two weeks were amazing. Between all of the compliments that I received from my closest friends in how great I looked and how happy I appeared, to seeing what I actually looked liked with the photos I posted online, I just never really knew or maybe ever believed. That’s all changed!!!!!! (and fully coming out certainly played a HUGE part in it as well)
So on Friday night I looked damn good and knew it! I was mentally prepared, and it was my full intention to be the one to initiate conversations for the night. As luck would have it, I didn’t need to initiate any at all. (and for those keeping track, I wore a Lacoste slim fit polo shirt with 2 of the 3 top buttons buttoned and a pair of Diesel jeans.) I arrived and went straight to the bar to get a drink. I then proceeded to walk around a bit to see the clientele and subsequently settled on a spot to call home for the next 20 minutes. When I passed these three guys on my walk, I overheard one of them say, “he’s hot!” So when I stopped, I noticed that they were checking me out for quite some time. When it was time for me to replenish my drink I made sure to go to the bar a few feet in front of them. I got to the bar and overheard them talking about me. So I leaned over the bar and stuck out my arse to give them a good shot. haha I got my drink and went back to the area where I had been. To be honest, I was just waiting for them to make their move. After about 20 minutes one of them came over. He said, “Hi. One of my friends, the one who was interested in yours truly, wanted to know where you’re from.” So I responded, “Hi. That’s an odd question, does he believe he knows who I am.” He replied, “No. He was just curious.” Anyway, I answer his question and we spoke for about 10 minutes. Then his other two friends, including the one who was interested, approached. We all spoke for a little bit but I wasn’t interested. They invited me up to the second floor with them but I passed.
Then another guy approached. He came to the bar with his roommate who didn’t seem to be having a good time. I’ll call him Brazil. (he’s from Brazil via Boston) Brazil was a nice guy and we had decent conversations on two separate occasions. I was not physically attracted to Brazil but I thought there may be a possibility for us to become friends. So I actually gave him my number. (after speaking with a friend I think this may have been a bad idea since I may have led him to believe something different) Early Saturday morning I received a text message from Brazil that read,
“Nice meeting you tonight Adam. Thought u looked great btw. Remember don’t change your style!”
I have not responded to his text yet because I’m not sure what to say. Anyway.
Then two other guys approached. One of the guys opening line was, “You have nice hair.” So I replied, “Thanks. I’m just glad I still have some.” We spoke briefly and the guy thought I looked like Hugh Grant. haha Anyway when the opening line guy got caught up in another conversation I turned to his friend and said, “I thought that was an odd opening line what does he mean?” So he replied, “my friend likes you.” Once again I wasn’t interested, but I was intrigued by one of their friends who was introduced to me at the end of our conversation. Said friend had an Asian background and a great body. All these guys then moved on and Brazil came back. Throughout most of the time I was with Brazil I and Said Asian friend were looking each other up and down from a distance. It was great fun and part of me assumed and hoped that Brazil noticed that and took that as a sign that I wasn’t physically attracted to him.
Anyway, Brazil and his unhappy roommate left and I then made my way to the other side of the bar by the stairwell. No sooner did I stop, a girl walks by and tells me that I should unbutton the remaining two shirt buttons that I had buttoned. She thought I didn’t fit in. I looked at her with a scowl and should have slapped her silly. Then a really cute exotic looking guy approached from the bar. How does this sound; half Spanish, half Japanese, from Brazil, who now lives in London. (I’ll call him Brazlon)
Brazlon, you had me at hello. You had me at hello. (btw, I think I have a thing for guys with a little Asian in them) We talked and everything came so easy for me. It was a bit noisy where we were standing so he recommended that we go upstairs. I followed him to the back stairwell (I had no idea there was a back stairwell) and upstairs to the back room where we parked ourselves on some couches. We continued to flirt with one another when he tried to kiss. I pulled away and told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss another guy in public. We talked a little bit about each others experiences and then an acquaintance of mine walked past and we gave each other a hug and hello. I then sat back down and Brazlon and I continued to flirt and FINALLY my heart overpowered my mind and we started to kiss. I can’t recall what triggered my change in attitude nor who made the first move. All I can recall was how awesome it was. After kissing on the couch for sometime I then said to Brazlon, “let’s get out of here!” We walked downstairs where Brazlon tried to find his friend, but to no avail. We grabbed a cab and were heading home.
Brazlon spent the night and all I’m going to say is that I had an awesome time. It all just felt so right. Brazlon was great and it was so nice to wake up with him next to me.
Saturday
Due to the great night and morning I had, I was late meeting good friends of mine who live about 1.5 hours southeast of WeHo. (I was contemplating postponing the meeting with the excuse that “something came up” but our meeting was too important.) This was another coming out/update conversation and like all the others before them their reaction was wonderful. It was great to see them and their two beautiful little girls, great to bring them back into my life, and I really look forward to their future visits to WeHo.
For the first time in WeHo, I did not go out on a Saturday night.
Sunday
Ethan, a friend of mine, invited me out to dinner where we joined up with some of his friends. Had a nice meal, good conversation, and drank a bit too much wine. (first time I’ve drank wine out since I’ve arrived) After dinner we decided to go check out Area. (supposedly the club to be at on Sunday nights)
To be honest, my experience at Area was So-So. The negative So about my experience at Area was that I thought the music stunk and the place didn’t seem that crowded. The positive So were the conversations I had and the two guys I saw.
On the conversation front, I told Ethan about many of the tips that I’ve learned through my experience of navigating a gay bar by myself. When you’re by yourself, you learn to fine tune your senses of sight and sound. These senses are key as you make your way through the crowds of the hot and not so hot. I also conveyed to him how much of an impact I thought the last few weeks have had on my confidence and attitude. Without a doubt, I am a different person. How different? Ethan thought a guy was cute, so as any good friend would do I went up to said cute guy and started a conversation. Ethan soon joined in on the conversation and by the end of the night they were dancing. :) (fwiw, I also thought he was cute)
It was the guys I saw that made for a fitting end to a great weekend! First up, Brazlon. :-) It was nice to see him again and to hear that his visit to WeHo was going well. Brazlon was there with three of his friends, so I introduced Ethan to Brazlon and Brazlon introduced us to his friends. Brazlon and I spoke for a little bit but that was it. What stoked my ego was hearing what Ethan thought of Brazlon. :-D
After our conversation with Brazlon and his friends, Ethan and I decided to walk around. It was here where I noticed Z and Z noticed me. haha I went up to him again, played ignorant in not remembering his name, and reintroduced myself. I then introduced Z to Ethan. We all spoke for a bit and I thought more progress was made. (he definitely knows who I am) When we left Z, Ethan says to me, “I didn’t realize how cute he was. You have good taste.” haha
What an end, make that beginning to a wonderful new year. L'Shana Tova! Happy New Year!
Switchfoot-”Dare You to Move”
Welcome to the Planet Welcome to Existence Everyone’s Here Everyone’s Here Everybody is watching you now Everybody waits for you now What happens next What happens next I Dare you to Move I Dare you to Move I Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I have to post about this because it is just too darn funny.
So today at the gym I saw B again. I already had begun to work out when he arrived at the gym. He started his ab routine about six feet away from me, and at a 150 degree angle to where I was. He waved to me and I followed up with some small talk about his career and he proceeded to ask what I do. I told him that I just left a sales career and now I'm just spending some time working out and having fun. (I couldn't say that I was a writer because earlier in the conversation I told him that I knew nothing about the entertainment industry and jargon)
Anyway, my last exercise was hanging ab crunches. I notice that he comes over and was standing 10 feet in front of me and appeared to be waiting for me to finish. I did not look at him during my exercise. When I was done, he comes up to me and says; (and I'm paraphrasing)
I'm working on a script and would like to produce it into a movie and I'm looking for an investor to invest $30,000. I've already secured $50,000 but I need another $30,000. Would you be interested? I could sit down with you and go over the script.
Mind you this is on the gym floor! What the ----? Only in Hollywood, and only to Adam. Of all the things to ask another guy on a gym floor, $30,000?
So I responded, "sorry B but I know nothing about the movie business and would be uncomfortable investing in it. Thanks for asking though."
Now if it would have been Z who asked me for $30,000 my response would have been, "for you Z absolutely under these parameters. For the next 365 days I am to see you every night at my place where I will proceed to tie you to my bedposts, rip your clothes off, and ---- you until the housing market corrects itself."
Who knows, maybe that will happen next week.
And fwiw, it has been two straight days that as I'm walking to the gym a car passing by has slowed down and honked at me. Only in LA!!!!!
Not that I was ever in either of their minds but yesterday I saw both B and Z at the gym.
First off B. I called him by his first name and said hi to him as I was walking from the cardio area up to the weight area. He was walking in the opposite direction to the cardio area. I don't believe he remembered my name. So after a few minutes I was quite surprised to see B right next to me up in the weight area during the second set of my first exercise. We made eye contact but no words were said. Nor was he doing any exercises. He was just standing there and once again appeared to be either talking to someone on his phone or listening to music. After a minute or two he was gone and I didn’t see him on the gym floor the rest of my workout.
So B, what gives? You seem like a nice guy, although it appears your life at the gym revolves around your smart phone. I’ve come up to you twice now and I’ll continue to say hello and ask how you are. I certainly hope that you would do the same. I’m a nice guy and I promise you I won’t bite.
As for you Z, it was nice to briefly talk with you again. It has been three weeks so I’ll let your forgetting the details of our little wager slide. Lucky for you I’m a man of integrity and it will be I who will most likely have to pay up. Although after your teams performance last night who knows. :) (plus it is I with the ulterior motives...haha) I did not ask Z out yet but it's just a matter of time.
And I figured out what it is about Z. I received an email today from a reader of Stand Straight and he referenced Adam from my Repressed Thoughts of Youth post. After my workout I laid out by the pool to work on my tan. (I look good with a little coloring :) ) After about an hour in the sun I was thinking about that email and it came to me, Z resembles Adam. From his hair to his skin to his body. I don’t know what it all means but it is pretty surreal.
What is also surreal but a bit off topic is the financial mess that our nation, and for that matter the world, may be in. So it was a bit humorous to have seen AIG's, one of the companies that is at the center of this worldwide financial disaster, latest direct mail solicitation which was received the day the shit hit the proverbial fan here in America. Talk about being Out of Sight Out of Mind. And I hope they change that last line to "We Help Create them Altogether!"
A Yiddish word that can loosely be defined as something that is “destined” or “meant to be.” I learned about beschert during a wonderful conversation I had with a long time family friend of my parent’s generation last Wednesday. She has known me my whole life and a central component of our conversation was why. Why did I wait so long? Unfortunately it was too easy to answer that question. But the more we talked, the more I began to recognize and accept that my life, and the decisions that I’ve made were beschert.
If my life was “destined,” then I guess one could say my friends were “meant to be.” As nervous as I may have been for my initial coming out conversations in August, these conversations over the last few weeks were extremely fun. I was comfortable, I was confident, and most importantly I was proud that the truth was finally being told to so many people who have been important parts of my life. Although each conversation was as unique as the friend(s) who(m) I was speaking with, the results were all the same. Their friendship, affection, and affinity for me won’t change and they are all extremely happy that I’m happy. What I hope changes, and as I communicated to them, is that our relationships grow deeper and stronger. I do recognize that over the course of time friendships do wane for a multitude of different reasons. With the conversations I’ve had with all of my friends, most of whom I’ve known for well over 10 years, I am comforted with the belief that their statements expressed were genuine, and if a friendship does wane it certainly won’t be because I’m gay.
But who knew that my being gay would have such an immediate impact on other areas of mutual interest in our lives. Our University’s football team has played like crap the last few weeks and my friends were quick to point out to me late Saturday evening that the timing seems to parallel my visit and subsequent coming out to them. Coincidence? :-) It was also very nice and very meaningful, that while most of us were together late Saturday night some inquisitive questions were asked. That engagement meant so much to me, and although I couldn’t answer a number of questions their interest and desire to learn was genuine. I also mentioned to them my hope to soon go on my first date. So now the pressure is really on. (I hope to see you at the gym soon Z.)
So as I sit here having arrived back in WeHo all I can really add is that I’m a gay ‘ol happy fool! (see Runners, take your mark post) My plan worked and the “80” have been told. There are still a few more people that I would like to tell personally, but I now consider myself OUT!
I've mentioned before how overdressed I've felt when going out because t-shirts seem to be the attire of choice for guys in WeHo. Well, it was only a matter of time.
The first will be a nice keepsake for when my blogging days come to an end. (plus I really like my logo)
Sorry mom for this next one. This is the "gayest looking" item of clothing that I now own. (it will work great with my car and music down in Santa Monica) The picture doesn't do it justice because it is a very fine material and kind of see through.
Bob, thanks for the slogan on this last one. And yes I do got me some balls, small ones. haha
So if you see me out and about in WeHo wearing any of these, please say hello.
Last week when I got home from the club during the midnight hour of early Saturday morning here in Phoenix I was really upset. Needing to talk with someone I called one of my friends in WeHo. Thankfully, he was there to answer my call.
The conversation began with me discussing my disappointment in how the night went and how I didn’t have the opportunity to compare the boys of Phoenix to the boys of WeHo. That led us into a comparative discussion about our experiences in West Hollywood. To start, I go back to a line that was communicated to me back in the spring in regards to WeHo.
“One type of mo predominates here, but you don’t have to be like that. Just appreciate them for what they are (pretty and easy to get in bed) and don’t worry if you’re not one of them.”
That quote helped reinforce for me the image that I already had of WeHo and what I thought the opportunities a move there would present for both my personal and sexual growth. Obviously and quite honestly, what I was most excited about in the short term was my sexual growth. So I am most surprised that it is my personal growth in WeHo that has left me feeling so great. Each time I have come out to a new family member or friend I have cited a litany of positive emotions in the way I have felt since arriving in WeHo. Since I believe most of them have their own image of what WeHo represents, and many of them have commented about how happy and positively different I appear to be, I’m left to laugh because I reckon that many of them think that my needs are finally being serviced now that I’ve come out and that is why I’m so happy. Little do they know. haha
So as I told my friend, WeHo has given me life. The people that I’ve met in WeHo so far have provided me with hope, and they have renewed my spirit in the many opportunities that are still out there for me yet to achieve. I believe the quality of the guys that I’ve met in WeHo is high and as such I don’t believe they would fall under, “the type of mo that predominates here.” For me, WeHo remains a City of Wonder because I’m left to wonder if I will ever meet these pretty boys who are easy to get in bed. I really want to appreciate them. haha In all seriousness, I’m looking for balance in my life. I need to find it. I must find it.
My friend on the other hand, and as I understood it, was very frustrated with his experience in WeHo because most of the guys he has met do meet the pretty and easy to get in bed criterion. He wonders whether he will ever meet a quality guy, with substance, that wants a long term relationship and is willing to move at a measured pace to get there.
So what does this all mean?
I really don’t fully know yet. I’m left to wonder if our curses will be lifted and we will be able to find what each of us is looking for in my City of Wonder.
I received a call this afternoon from a colleague of mine in the group that I have been volunteering with in California to help defeat Proposition 8. We are planning a major gala in the middle of October and the founders of the group, along with this colleague who is in charge of the event, would like me to take the lead of the most important part of the event itself. The superlatives expressed by this colleague, on behalf of this colleague and the founders, were very humbling. They were all very impressed by my performance at the Nanny event. (see No Nanny, Thank You post)
It is very gratifying to hear that after only a few short weeks of living in West Hollywod and volunteering my time and skills, my contributions are having an impact and I'm beginning to make a difference for our community.
Well tonight for the very first time I'm going OUT to a gay bar in Arizona. More progress and I'm really excited. :-)
I know one thing, it will be great fun comparing the boys of WeHo to the boys of Phoenix.
And I came out to another two friends of mine today. Another two great conversations and I couldn't be happier!!! (well, I'm sure there is a way I could.....)
Searching for truth, honesty, happiness, and meaning in a world of labels and my own self repression. Coming out in my early thirties experiencing the freedom, fear, and fun that it brings; with the gift of a 12 year old, the experience of a 15 year old, the body of a 24 year old, the face of a 28 year old, the analytical mind of a 40 year old, and the humor of a member of the tribe!
