Finally A Weekend of WeHo Firsts

Finally I went out extremely confident! :)
Finally I felt like I belonged! :-)
Finally I brought home my first cute guy! :-D

Friday

I arrived at Eleven around 10:30pm. I’m beginning to think there is a reason why they call it Eleven and that is there is no reason to arrive there before 11:00. One of these days I won’t be so excited to arrive early. (fwiw, this was my first night out since I arrived back in WeHo because I have been fighting a cold for the past two weeks.) The crowd was a bit sparse and there was plenty of room to move around. I once again went out alone, and this time it was my choice. As crazy as it now sounds, I actually enjoy going out to gay bars, not clubs, alone. (more on that later)

I’ve touched on this a little before but throughout most of my life I have never liked having pictures taken of me. In addition, I have never liked looking at pictures of myself. (you will not find any pictures of me displayed in open view throughout my apartment.) Like many people, the image I saw of myself in a photo, or the mirror for that matter, was different from what others saw of me. It was never because I didn’t think I was attractive, because I do think I’m around a 7.8 on a 10 scale, (haha) but I believe it was because I never really loved myself. (especially the last 8 years) With all of that said the last two weeks were amazing. Between all of the compliments that I received from my closest friends in how great I looked and how happy I appeared, to seeing what I actually looked liked with the photos I posted online, I just never really knew or maybe ever believed. That’s all changed!!!!!! (and fully coming out certainly played a HUGE part in it as well)

So on Friday night I looked damn good and knew it! I was mentally prepared, and it was my full intention to be the one to initiate conversations for the night. As luck would have it, I didn’t need to initiate any at all. (and for those keeping track, I wore a Lacoste slim fit polo shirt with 2 of the 3 top buttons buttoned and a pair of Diesel jeans.) I arrived and went straight to the bar to get a drink. I then proceeded to walk around a bit to see the clientele and subsequently settled on a spot to call home for the next 20 minutes. When I passed these three guys on my walk, I overheard one of them say, “he’s hot!” So when I stopped, I noticed that they were checking me out for quite some time. When it was time for me to replenish my drink I made sure to go to the bar a few feet in front of them. I got to the bar and overheard them talking about me. So I leaned over the bar and stuck out my arse to give them a good shot. haha I got my drink and went back to the area where I had been. To be honest, I was just waiting for them to make their move. After about 20 minutes one of them came over. He said, “Hi. One of my friends, the one who was interested in yours truly, wanted to know where you’re from.” So I responded, “Hi. That’s an odd question, does he believe he knows who I am.” He replied, “No. He was just curious.” Anyway, I answer his question and we spoke for about 10 minutes. Then his other two friends, including the one who was interested, approached. We all spoke for a little bit but I wasn’t interested. They invited me up to the second floor with them but I passed.

Then another guy approached. He came to the bar with his roommate who didn’t seem to be having a good time. I’ll call him Brazil. (he’s from Brazil via Boston) Brazil was a nice guy and we had decent conversations on two separate occasions. I was not physically attracted to Brazil but I thought there may be a possibility for us to become friends. So I actually gave him my number. (after speaking with a friend I think this may have been a bad idea since I may have led him to believe something different) Early Saturday morning I received a text message from Brazil that read,

“Nice meeting you tonight Adam. Thought u looked great btw. Remember don’t change your style!”

I have not responded to his text yet because I’m not sure what to say. Anyway.

Then two other guys approached. One of the guys opening line was, “You have nice hair.” So I replied, “Thanks. I’m just glad I still have some.” We spoke briefly and the guy thought I looked like Hugh Grant. haha Anyway when the opening line guy got caught up in another conversation I turned to his friend and said, “I thought that was an odd opening line what does he mean?” So he replied, “my friend likes you.” Once again I wasn’t interested, but I was intrigued by one of their friends who was introduced to me at the end of our conversation. Said friend had an Asian background and a great body. All these guys then moved on and Brazil came back. Throughout most of the time I was with Brazil I and Said Asian friend were looking each other up and down from a distance. It was great fun and part of me assumed and hoped that Brazil noticed that and took that as a sign that I wasn’t physically attracted to him.

Anyway, Brazil and his unhappy roommate left and I then made my way to the other side of the bar by the stairwell. No sooner did I stop, a girl walks by and tells me that I should unbutton the remaining two shirt buttons that I had buttoned. She thought I didn’t fit in. I looked at her with a scowl and should have slapped her silly. Then a really cute exotic looking guy approached from the bar. How does this sound; half Spanish, half Japanese, from Brazil, who now lives in London. (I’ll call him Brazlon)



Brazlon, you had me at hello. You had me at hello. (btw, I think I have a thing for guys with a little Asian in them) We talked and everything came so easy for me. It was a bit noisy where we were standing so he recommended that we go upstairs. I followed him to the back stairwell (I had no idea there was a back stairwell) and upstairs to the back room where we parked ourselves on some couches. We continued to flirt with one another when he tried to kiss. I pulled away and told him that I wasn’t ready to kiss another guy in public. We talked a little bit about each others experiences and then an acquaintance of mine walked past and we gave each other a hug and hello. I then sat back down and Brazlon and I continued to flirt and FINALLY my heart overpowered my mind and we started to kiss. I can’t recall what triggered my change in attitude nor who made the first move. All I can recall was how awesome it was. After kissing on the couch for sometime I then said to Brazlon, “let’s get out of here!” We walked downstairs where Brazlon tried to find his friend, but to no avail. We grabbed a cab and were heading home.

Brazlon spent the night and all I’m going to say is that I had an awesome time. It all just felt so right. Brazlon was great and it was so nice to wake up with him next to me.

Saturday

Due to the great night and morning I had, I was late meeting good friends of mine who live about 1.5 hours southeast of WeHo. (I was contemplating postponing the meeting with the excuse that “something came up” but our meeting was too important.) This was another coming out/update conversation and like all the others before them their reaction was wonderful. It was great to see them and their two beautiful little girls, great to bring them back into my life, and I really look forward to their future visits to WeHo.

For the first time in WeHo, I did not go out on a Saturday night.

Sunday

Ethan, a friend of mine, invited me out to dinner where we joined up with some of his friends. Had a nice meal, good conversation, and drank a bit too much wine. (first time I’ve drank wine out since I’ve arrived) After dinner we decided to go check out Area. (supposedly the club to be at on Sunday nights)

To be honest, my experience at Area was So-So. The negative So about my experience at Area was that I thought the music stunk and the place didn’t seem that crowded. The positive So were the conversations I had and the two guys I saw.

On the conversation front, I told Ethan about many of the tips that I’ve learned through my experience of navigating a gay bar by myself. When you’re by yourself, you learn to fine tune your senses of sight and sound. These senses are key as you make your way through the crowds of the hot and not so hot. I also conveyed to him how much of an impact I thought the last few weeks have had on my confidence and attitude. Without a doubt, I am a different person. How different? Ethan thought a guy was cute, so as any good friend would do I went up to said cute guy and started a conversation. Ethan soon joined in on the conversation and by the end of the night they were dancing. :) (fwiw, I also thought he was cute)

It was the guys I saw that made for a fitting end to a great weekend! First up, Brazlon. :-) It was nice to see him again and to hear that his visit to WeHo was going well. Brazlon was there with three of his friends, so I introduced Ethan to Brazlon and Brazlon introduced us to his friends. Brazlon and I spoke for a little bit but that was it. What stoked my ego was hearing what Ethan thought of Brazlon. :-D

After our conversation with Brazlon and his friends, Ethan and I decided to walk around. It was here where I noticed Z and Z noticed me. haha I went up to him again, played ignorant in not remembering his name, and reintroduced myself. I then introduced Z to Ethan. We all spoke for a bit and I thought more progress was made. (he definitely knows who I am) When we left Z, Ethan says to me, “I didn’t realize how cute he was. You have good taste.” haha

What an end, make that beginning to a wonderful new year. L'Shana Tova! Happy New Year!


Switchfoot-”Dare You to Move”

Welcome to the Planet
Welcome to Existence
Everyone’s Here
Everyone’s Here
Everybody is watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next
What happens next
I Dare you to Move
I Dare you to Move
I Dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

Ask and You Shall Receive

I have to post about this because it is just too darn funny.

So today at the gym I saw B again. I already had begun to work out when he arrived at the gym. He started his ab routine about six feet away from me, and at a 150 degree angle to where I was. He waved to me and I followed up with some small talk about his career and he proceeded to ask what I do. I told him that I just left a sales career and now I'm just spending some time working out and having fun. (I couldn't say that I was a writer because earlier in the conversation I told him that I knew nothing about the entertainment industry and jargon)

Anyway, my last exercise was hanging ab crunches. I notice that he comes over and was standing 10 feet in front of me and appeared to be waiting for me to finish. I did not look at him during my exercise. When I was done, he comes up to me and says; (and I'm paraphrasing)

I'm working on a script and would like to produce it into a movie and I'm looking for an investor to invest $30,000. I've already secured $50,000 but I need another $30,000. Would you be interested? I could sit down with you and go over the script.

Mind you this is on the gym floor! What the ----? Only in Hollywood, and only to Adam. Of all the things to ask another guy on a gym floor, $30,000?

So I responded, "sorry B but I know nothing about the movie business and would be uncomfortable investing in it. Thanks for asking though."

Now if it would have been Z who asked me for $30,000 my response would have been, "for you Z absolutely under these parameters. For the next 365 days I am to see you every night at my place where I will proceed to tie you to my bedposts, rip your clothes off, and ---- you until the housing market corrects itself."

Who knows, maybe that will happen next week.

And fwiw, it has been two straight days that as I'm walking to the gym a car passing by has slowed down and honked at me. Only in LA!!!!!

Out of Sight Out of Mind

Not that I was ever in either of their minds but yesterday I saw both B and Z at the gym.

First off B. I called him by his first name and said hi to him as I was walking from the cardio area up to the weight area. He was walking in the opposite direction to the cardio area. I don't believe he remembered my name. So after a few minutes I was quite surprised to see B right next to me up in the weight area during the second set of my first exercise. We made eye contact but no words were said. Nor was he doing any exercises. He was just standing there and once again appeared to be either talking to someone on his phone or listening to music. After a minute or two he was gone and I didn’t see him on the gym floor the rest of my workout.

So B, what gives? You seem like a nice guy, although it appears your life at the gym revolves around your smart phone. I’ve come up to you twice now and I’ll continue to say hello and ask how you are. I certainly hope that you would do the same. I’m a nice guy and I promise you I won’t bite.

As for you Z, it was nice to briefly talk with you again. It has been three weeks so I’ll let your forgetting the details of our little wager slide. Lucky for you I’m a man of integrity and it will be I who will most likely have to pay up. Although after your teams performance last night who knows. :) (plus it is I with the ulterior motives...haha) I did not ask Z out yet but it's just a matter of time.

And I figured out what it is about Z. I received an email today from a reader of Stand Straight and he referenced Adam from my Repressed Thoughts of Youth post. After my workout I laid out by the pool to work on my tan. (I look good with a little coloring :) ) After about an hour in the sun I was thinking about that email and it came to me, Z resembles Adam. From his hair to his skin to his body. I don’t know what it all means but it is pretty surreal.

What is also surreal but a bit off topic is the financial mess that our nation, and for that matter the world, may be in. So it was a bit humorous to have seen AIG's, one of the companies that is at the center of this worldwide financial disaster, latest direct mail solicitation which was received the day the shit hit the proverbial fan here in America. Talk about being Out of Sight Out of Mind. And I hope they change that last line to "We Help Create them Altogether!"

Beschert

A Yiddish word that can loosely be defined as something that is “destined” or “meant to be.” I learned about beschert during a wonderful conversation I had with a long time family friend of my parent’s generation last Wednesday. She has known me my whole life and a central component of our conversation was why. Why did I wait so long? Unfortunately it was too easy to answer that question. But the more we talked, the more I began to recognize and accept that my life, and the decisions that I’ve made were beschert.

If my life was “destined,” then I guess one could say my friends were “meant to be.” As nervous as I may have been for my initial coming out conversations in August, these conversations over the last few weeks were extremely fun. I was comfortable, I was confident, and most importantly I was proud that the truth was finally being told to so many people who have been important parts of my life. Although each conversation was as unique as the friend(s) who(m) I was speaking with, the results were all the same. Their friendship, affection, and affinity for me won’t change and they are all extremely happy that I’m happy. What I hope changes, and as I communicated to them, is that our relationships grow deeper and stronger. I do recognize that over the course of time friendships do wane for a multitude of different reasons. With the conversations I’ve had with all of my friends, most of whom I’ve known for well over 10 years, I am comforted with the belief that their statements expressed were genuine, and if a friendship does wane it certainly won’t be because I’m gay.

But who knew that my being gay would have such an immediate impact on other areas of mutual interest in our lives. Our University’s football team has played like crap the last few weeks and my friends were quick to point out to me late Saturday evening that the timing seems to parallel my visit and subsequent coming out to them. Coincidence? :-) It was also very nice and very meaningful, that while most of us were together late Saturday night some inquisitive questions were asked. That engagement meant so much to me, and although I couldn’t answer a number of questions their interest and desire to learn was genuine. I also mentioned to them my hope to soon go on my first date. So now the pressure is really on. (I hope to see you at the gym soon Z.)

So as I sit here having arrived back in WeHo all I can really add is that I’m a gay ‘ol happy fool! (see Runners, take your mark post) My plan worked and the “80” have been told. There are still a few more people that I would like to tell personally, but I now consider myself OUT!

Adam has now left the closet and it was beschert!

got me some t-shirts

I've mentioned before how overdressed I've felt when going out because t-shirts seem to be the attire of choice for guys in WeHo. Well, it was only a matter of time.

The first will be a nice keepsake for when my blogging days come to an end. (plus I really like my logo)





Sorry mom for this next one. This is the "gayest looking" item of clothing that I now own. (it will work great with my car and music down in Santa Monica) The picture doesn't do it justice because it is a very fine material and kind of see through.





Bob, thanks for the slogan on this last one. And yes I do got me some balls, small ones. haha



So if you see me out and about in WeHo wearing any of these, please say hello.

City of Wonder

Last week when I got home from the club during the midnight hour of early Saturday morning here in Phoenix I was really upset. Needing to talk with someone I called one of my friends in WeHo. Thankfully, he was there to answer my call.

The conversation began with me discussing my disappointment in how the night went and how I didn’t have the opportunity to compare the boys of Phoenix to the boys of WeHo. That led us into a comparative discussion about our experiences in West Hollywood. To start, I go back to a line that was communicated to me back in the spring in regards to WeHo.

“One type of mo predominates here, but you don’t have to be like that. Just appreciate them for what they are (pretty and easy to get in bed) and don’t worry if you’re not one of them.”

That quote helped reinforce for me the image that I already had of WeHo and what I thought the opportunities a move there would present for both my personal and sexual growth. Obviously and quite honestly, what I was most excited about in the short term was my sexual growth. So I am most surprised that it is my personal growth in WeHo that has left me feeling so great. Each time I have come out to a new family member or friend I have cited a litany of positive emotions in the way I have felt since arriving in WeHo. Since I believe most of them have their own image of what WeHo represents, and many of them have commented about how happy and positively different I appear to be, I’m left to laugh because I reckon that many of them think that my needs are finally being serviced now that I’ve come out and that is why I’m so happy. Little do they know. haha

So as I told my friend, WeHo has given me life. The people that I’ve met in WeHo so far have provided me with hope, and they have renewed my spirit in the many opportunities that are still out there for me yet to achieve. I believe the quality of the guys that I’ve met in WeHo is high and as such I don’t believe they would fall under, “the type of mo that predominates here.” For me, WeHo remains a City of Wonder because I’m left to wonder if I will ever meet these pretty boys who are easy to get in bed. I really want to appreciate them. haha In all seriousness, I’m looking for balance in my life. I need to find it. I must find it.

My friend on the other hand, and as I understood it, was very frustrated with his experience in WeHo because most of the guys he has met do meet the pretty and easy to get in bed criterion. He wonders whether he will ever meet a quality guy, with substance, that wants a long term relationship and is willing to move at a measured pace to get there.

So what does this all mean?

I really don’t fully know yet. I’m left to wonder if our curses will be lifted and we will be able to find what each of us is looking for in my City of Wonder.

Rihanna-”Disturbia”

I'm Flattered

I received a call this afternoon from a colleague of mine in the group that I have been volunteering with in California to help defeat Proposition 8. We are planning a major gala in the middle of October and the founders of the group, along with this colleague who is in charge of the event, would like me to take the lead of the most important part of the event itself. The superlatives expressed by this colleague, on behalf of this colleague and the founders, were very humbling. They were all very impressed by my performance at the Nanny event. (see No Nanny, Thank You post)

It is very gratifying to hear that after only a few short weeks of living in West Hollywod and volunteering my time and skills, my contributions are having an impact and I'm beginning to make a difference for our community.

And of course I said yes!

If It Weren't So Funny I'd Cry

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Adam, Tear Down that Wall!

Well tonight for the very first time I'm going OUT to a gay bar in Arizona. More progress and I'm really excited. :-)

I know one thing, it will be great fun comparing the boys of WeHo to the boys of Phoenix.

And I came out to another two friends of mine today. Another two great conversations and I couldn't be happier!!! (well, I'm sure there is a way I could.....)

Cyndi Lauper-"Into the Nightlife"

Just Another Day

On Wednesday I left a message for a friend that I came out to in August and asked if he, or he and his girlfriend wanted to join me for dinner before I head out to a club on Friday evening in their town. I have seen this friend once already since I arrived back in Phoenix and I genuinely believe that nothing has changed between us since our August conversation. So when I heard back from him today I was a bit surprised to hear that they would not be able to make it. He mentioned that his girlfriend was working so he said maybe the next time that I was in town we can make it work. I get that his girlfriend is working, but does that preclude him from joining me for dinner? I don’t want to make a big deal about it, and I understand it may take awhile for my friends to fully accept that I am gay but I am a bit disappointed. My friend enjoys going out and we were just talking about it last weekend. I did not ask him to go to a gay club with me, it was just dinner. Was I curious to see if he/they would have joined me out after dinner? You bet! So I’m now left to wonder if he thought, or felt obligated to join me at the club afterward if we did have dinner together. I didn’t really expect him to be ready now to hit up a gay bar or club, but I will say at some point I do expect my straight friends to be accepting enough to be able to have a drink at a gay bar or club. Is this wrong of me to assume or expect? Am I being selfish?

That leaves me wondering how to feel and what to expect 3/6/12 months from now. If everyone says they’re cool and accepting of me no matter what, should I leave it at that? What happens if my friends solely expect us to go out to straight bars when we go out together? (due to family obligations very few of them go out much anymore anyway) Since this is all new to me I don’t know how to feel and what to expect. I just don’t want to be slighted nor feel that the expectation is that if and when we go out drinking together it will alway be to straight bars or clubs. Because if that is the expectation, then I will begin to wonder just how accepting of me they really are. And then I will begin to answer, “No, I can’t make it!”



A major component of my trip back to Arizona is to continue on with the process of coming out to my friends. By the time I head back to WeHo, I hope to have come out to a majority of the people whom I wanted them to hear that I’m gay from me. So today my job began and I came out to another friend of mine, Steven, over lunch at Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe, AZ. (I highly recommend this place if you find yourself in Tempe. They have great food and brews.)

It wasn’t too busy so I don’t think anyone else heard our conversation. I had not seen Steven in some time so when he first asked, “so what’s new?” I jumped right in and said, “haha what’s new, I’m gay. Well I’m not newly gay, I’ve always been gay. I’m just now accepting of it.” We had a really nice conversation and like all the others I believe it was genuine. What was unique about this conversation was that he said that he had noticed over the last few years that I didn’t seem to be happy. Steven wondered if it was a job thing, a going back to school thing, he just didn’t know what it was. Now he knows. haha :-) Ultimately, Steven was happy for me and glad that I’m happy. He also said that he would be there for me if any of our collective friends have a problem with it, and if they do have a problem with it then they’re not worthy of being friends. Although I did not expect anything different, I’m once again pleased with another good friend’s reaction.

Then later in the evening I got a call from my mom. Apparently she ran into an old friend of hers who she used to work with and whom I got to know during my University years. So when she asked about me, my mom finally uttered those words. This was the first person to which she's told that I’m gay. (at this point in time my mom will only tell people who specifically ask how I am) My mom said that she was shocked and that her jaw dropped to the floor. She then told me that they got into a conversation about whether I was really gay or is it simply because I really couldn’t make it with girls. Apparently her friend had a family member or friend that came out in a similar way and that’s what she wondered. My mom told her that no, Adam knows who he is and it is not because I couldn’t make it with girls. (Although it kind of is. I couldn’t make it with girls because I can’t make it work with girls.) A part of me still believes that there is a very small part of my mom that either hopes or thinks that I’m trying this gay thing because I couldn’t make it work with girls. I guess that is natural though and will heal over time. So during our phone conversation I had to ask her how she felt. She said she felt fine and thought it was no big deal.

Mom, it was a big deal!

And then to top it off, they got a phone call at their home this evening from the Yes on Prop 102 supporters/haters here in the State of Arizona. So when they asked her for her support on passage of Prop 102, she was quick to respond, “I know what I’m voting on and NO you do not have my support!”

Mom, I’m proud of you and I love you!

Adam Exposed

Well kind of.

I’ve thought long and hard, really from the start of my blogging experience, on whether I would ever post a picture of myself in any form on Stand Straight. One of the two guys who knew that I was blogging from the start recommended that I do. To which I vehemently opposed for a number of reasons. Stand Straight is not, and will never be about pictures of beautiful guys. (although you will occasionally see some) There are already a number of great sites and blogs that cater to that sort of thing. What Stand Straight has been and will always be about is me and my own personal growth in coming out, from a repressed state, as a gay man in 2008 America. As as I outlined in my very first post, Break it Down, one of the three goals in writing Stand Straight was for it to provide me with the opportunity to evaluate my own personal growth as my journey progressed.

Now that I’m back in Phoenix, I’ve had the opportunity to look back at my experiences over the last few months and reflect on how far I’ve come. I believe I have made some tremendous strides on a number of fronts but one of the two areas where I still struggle with is my body and having other guys look at it. I still find it very awkward and in some respects I remain a basket case when they do. I had one experience at the Abbey about a week ago where a guy, who was by himself, looked me up and down and then began to chuckle. I immediately began to wonder what the hell was he chuckling at. Was I excited? Did I spill ketchup on myself? Did my pee miss the urinal? Did a bird shit on me? Was cum dripping down my mouth? (no it couldn’t have been that) It freaked me out and I became totally self conscious. My night was ruined after that because every time from then on that someone would look at me, they reinforced that guy’s chuckle in my mind. When I finally arrived home I did a thorough inspection and everything appeared normal. (thankfully I couldn’t see inside my brain)

So in an effort to grow and become more comfortable with other guys looking at me, I now expose Adam.

Well kind of.








The two body parts that need the most work are ones that unfortunately I will not be sharing. (my two heads) Ironically, both of them may need professional help.

And if anybody who happens to read this thinks they know who I am, I ask that you please respect my identity and the therapeutic intent on why I chose to post these pictures. I sincerely appreciate it and thanks!

What are the Odds?

I don’t recall if I posted anything on this, but there is this really cute guy at the gym who I've had a crush on since I first saw him back in July. (and it’s not the same guy that I recently introduced myself to in the Hello It's Nice to Meet You post) My crush is smaller (body frame), cuter, and younger. (which means I’m probably too old :( ) Nonetheless, I briefly commented to him, in the middle of August when I saw him at the gym wearing a competing University’s colors, in reference to the upcoming football season. Because I was so smitten, I contacted GB from Gay Banker to get some advice on how I should proceed. Here is part of the email I wrote to GB:

Now to my question.  (and I apologize in advance if you may have covered this in years past)  First off I am nowhere near 15, but I feel like it as I learn the ropes in the gay scene.  I have read many of your posts on the gym scene, and more specifically the lockers and sauna, but my question is relative to the gym floor.  (Due to a lack of overall experience, I haven't mustered the courage or confidence yet to step into the locker room/sauna scene at my gym)  So there is this really cute guy, although he appears to be a number of years younger, that works out the same time I do.  One of these days, with an emphasis on one of these, I would like to ask him out.  On Monday, I said something to him because we were both wearing our competing University's colors.  He responded back but a conversation didn't develop.  (we both had our ear buds on and were in the middle of our exercises)  I don't know if he is gay, but I would sure like to find out.  I already understand that I need to maintain more eye contact, as it being a key sign, but is flirting normal and okay ON the gym floor?  Would it be completely awkward, then and certainly afterward being that we both train at the same time, if I came right out and asked him out?  Is it more appropriate to try and continue to make light conversation and see what happens?

Well the not so funny thing was that I had not seen Cutie at the gym since I emailed GB a few weeks ago. Because of this I have not been able to use the advice that GB so quickly provided.

So on Thursday night, and after packing the car for my trip back to Phoenix, I joined up with my friend Ethan at a local bar around 11:15. Ethan was out with Kevin who he had just met earlier in the week and they were celebrating Kevin’s birthday with his friends. And what are the odds? Apparently Kevin is friends with the guy I have a crush on at the gym.

Cutie showed up at the bar. :-) I felt like a 10 year old school girl when I saw Cutie embrace Kevin. I went up to Ethan and told him the story and began to devise a plan to learn more. When Ethan’s date rejoined us I began to question him about Cutie. After that I made my move.

Cutie was near the bar and I went straight towards him. I mentioned that we’ve seen each other at the gym, spoke two lines together, and I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself. He did recognize me and remembered that we spoke. :) We spoke for a little bit near the bar and made a nice wager on the upcoming football game between our two schools. Nothing materialized on Thursday and the odds of anything really happening are very slim, but at least it’s another start. I know his name, we have a nice bet which should provide the means for further conversation, and I certainly look forward to seeing him at the gym when I return.

And Ethan, you know what would make a great birthday gift. Please HELP me get a date with Z. :-) I didn’t get to sleep on Friday morning until 2:30 because I was thinking about what had just transpired having just met my gym crush. (and the meaning of him showing up on that night in particular, hmm) To harden my resolve and strengthen my conviction, on the drive back to Phoenix I got hard twice just thinking about Z. lol

I am going to ask him out when I return to WeHo! So if anyone has any suggestions or ideas on how or where to ask him, this 15 year old would certainly appreciate learning from your experience? Thanks!

and Z, this one’s for you so get ready.

Kevin Lyttle-"Turn Me On"

No Nanny, Thank You

On Wednesday night I volunteered/attended/mingled at a cocktail reception that the organization I’m participating with cosponsored with Equality California to benefit the No on Proposition 8 campaign. It was a great event where we raised some nice money and it seemed like most who attended had a great time. The event took place at The Nanny's ex-husband’s house. It was a beautiful home up in the hills. Here are two pictures, although they are of lousy quality, that I took of the view.


My one regret was that I didn’t introduce myself and get a picture with the Nanny. I adore her, even though truth be told I never watched her TV sitcom, and her laugh. (more a tribal thing than a gay thing) Nonetheless, I’ve grown to respect her through the years due to her continued activism on a number of issues.


On a personal level, last night was the type of event that I typically like to participate in. I met a number of new guys, including one of the local council members-which was fortuitous for something I’m planning. I also met a guy who I thought was pretty cute and I’m now trying to determine if he is taken. We had two really nice eye contact/smile episodes but I don’t know if it was anything more than that. He did come with another guy, so I sent an email out and I look forward to the response. (edit-he lives with the guy he came with and I was told that he is a live-in boyfriend. I will take that literally and that he is off the market. So much for my nice eye contact/smile episodes) The guys for the most part tended to skew a bit older. Which was great for the confidence because I felt like the fresh piece of meat. One of the guys I knew was even introducing me as the new guy in town and oh look at his stomach. (all in good fun but I am so not comfortable with that) And here’s one funny end to a conversation I had with a nice guy who was a bit older and whom I had no intimate interest in.

During our conversation he told me that he wasn’t drinking a stiff drink. So I said to him, “ You need to go have some fun. So go get another drink and make sure the bartender gives you a stiff one this time!” So he then commented on my use of the word stiff and then asked, “so why aren’t you drinking?” I replied, “because I’m working.” To which he ended with, “yeah, and I can’t afford you.” :-)

As an aside, I met the Nanny’s ex-husband on Wednesday night and what do you know I saw him again on Thursday at the corner of La Cienega and Santa Monica. I left such an impression that he remembered who I was. haha

And fwiw allow me to humor myself, I looked damn good at this event. :)

Hello, it's nice to meet you

Yesterday I had a first. I don’t know if it will lead to anything, but I approached my first guy at the gym and introduced myself. It wasn’t in the lockers or the sauna, but out on the gym floor. Anyway, the guy works out around the same time as I on most days so I've seen him there a lot. I also have seen him out at least once at the clubs.

So he was sitting on an ab bench and appeared to be listening to his ipod. I was walking all over the gym yesterday because I was doing an ab and arm workout that comprised 12 different exercises alternating between an ab and an arm. You do one set of each for all twelve and then repeat it four times. Fun stuff!

Anyway, as I approached him I noticed that he appeared to be talking. So at that point I wasn’t sure if he was just singing along to his music or talking to someone on the phone. So I said, “are you on the phone?” He nodded in the affirmative and that was that. For the next 30 minutes I would pass by him as I moved to my different exercise stations, occasionally making eye contact, as he remained on the phone.

He finally got off his call and came right over to me. :) (I knew that because I was 20 feet behind him to the right) So I said to him, “Attending to business?” He responded, “Yes, that was my agent and we were going over a script.” So I then responded, “Cool. I just wanted to introduce myself because I’ve seen you quite a bit since I moved here, primarily here at the gym but I believe I’ve also seen you one or two times out at the clubs. I think it is foolish to be strangers.” We exchanged names, shook hands, and carried the conversation for another few lines. (we did have to get back to working out)

And that was that. For me it’s a start and I am anxious to see if, and how the conversation will proceed on subsequent interactions.

So B, it was nice to meet you! :-)

"Homo,

what did you do to deserve that?”

And so I was asked in Santa Monica on Sunday. I spent a good part of the day down there checking out the beach, the pier, and the 3rd St. promenade. I get back to my car, turn east on Santa Monica Blvd and start to drive back to WeHo. Santa Monica Blvd. is packed with cars going in both directions and as I’m waiting to go east three cars back at the 3rd St. intersection, a blue minivan pulls up next to me going west. My windows were down, I was by myself, and Rihanna’s Take a Bow was playing through my B&O speakers. As the minivan pulls up, the kid who was driving it says, “Homo, what did you do to deserve that?”

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume homo was in reference to me and the rest to my car. Who the hell is he to call me a homo? Then his full comment infers that I, a homo, do not deserve a nice car. So if I don’t deserve a material object, I begin to wonder what else don’t I deserve?

I looked over at him in complete astonishment. The kid couldn’t have been more than 22 and he was driving around with his buddies in what I’m assuming was his mom’s minivan.

Homo! You got to be fucking kidding me.

Homo! I haven’t even kissed another guy since I got here.

Homo! I haven’t even sucked another guy’s dick since I got here.

Homo! I haven’t even fucked another guy since I got here.

Clearly I’m very emotional and have been hypersensitive these last few months, but this IS insane. I thought I was living in California. If you would have told me when I first moved out here that I would have received more action as a way of name calling then actual experience with another guy by the time September and my trip back to Phoenix rolled around, I would have called YOU insane. But here we are, seven weeks in and the tally is 4 to 0! Hey I get it, I need to make up for all those years of not being called names or picked on, but G-d don’t I also deserve for the positive and pleasurable experiences to occur now that I'm finally being honest and real?

On Saturday I went to a viewing party for my alma mater’s football game at a local bar where I met this girl. Let me step back a second and first mention that my alma mater is known for having beautiful women. Well little did I realize that we also have beautiful men. Beyond watching the game, I found myself checking out many, and I repeat many of the guys that were in attendance. I kept wondering throughout most of the evening whether any of the guys were gay? During the night I kept thinking how ironic it would be if I met a gay guy, from my University, in LA, at a football viewing party. Anyway, I just need to stop thinking.

Midway through the game this girl approaches me as I was sitting at the bar. She was a cute blond girl. We talked for quite awhile. I got her number, met her roommate, and she even came out to wait with me as the valet was retrieving my car. She was SO into me and I didn’t know what to do. And don’t think the irony wasn’t lost on me. I went out 1 night to a straight bar and was hit on by a cute girl. I’ve gone out 12 or so nights to the gay bars or clubs of WeHo, and what I would have given to have been approached by a cute guy.

So G-d, since I haven’t quite been able to figure out your message, can you be a little clearer. As a homo, what do I deserve?

Matisyahu-”King Without a Crown”